Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. Pretty please?
Got to Try
Don reflects about his feelings toward his brother. He's not sure if he loves or hates Charlie.
To be honest, Charlie, I don't like you. I try not to let you know this, most of the time, but I can tell that you do sometimes, when I'm angry. I've said things to you, things that I regret later. Some of the things I never wanted you to know. The things I've thought about you. I just don't get you. The way your mind works, it scares me. It's just so different, different from anyone I've ever met. I just don't understand you, but at the same time, a small part of my mind does, it connects with you, understands what you're saying. But I don't want to, don't want to understand your math, the strange way your mind works. You just- just irritate me, Charlie. Just the way you are, your very presence, you just- I don't understand you! What you're trying to say, I don't get it, just don't understand it, Charlie! Nothing you say makes sense to me. I don't get it! Just leave me alone, Charlie, just go! You've always been the one that our parents babied, they always liked you better. The logical part of me knows that's ridiculous, that they loved us both equally, but at the same time, I want to just blame you for everything. It's all your fault, everything, that ever goes wrong, I want to trace back to you. I hate you, Charlie, all your math and your intelligence. I always have resented you, all the opportunities you got, all the attention that everyone lavished upon you. They said you needed it, all the extra attention. But at the same time, they left me alone, to fend for myself, while my genius baby brother stole the attention. Sure, they tried to treat me the same, but even so, they let you overshadow me, the brilliant baby brother with his amazing intelligence and all that attention. I resent you, Charlie. I can't help it. Even now, all these years later, I still can't get past it, I still can't help but resent you. And at the same time, I want to like you, want to be a good big brother, to take care of you. I want to love you like normal brothers should. But you make it so hard, Charlie. Still, though, I have to try. I need to get along with you, but better than that. I need to love you. It's not easy, to like you, Charlie, with all of our history. I wish I could find it in myself to get along with you. I hope I can. I want to love you. It's going to be hard, but I'm going to try. I've got to try…