Castiel walked down the halls of "memorial james hospital", his trenchoat laying haphazardly across one shoulder. He looked a mess and he knew it, but he didn't care. He had heard Dean was hurt and came down straight from heaven to see him. This Dr. Perkins told him Dean was in room 213 in the ICU. He wasn't sure if Sam was going to be there. Probably. He heard the beeping of heart monitors and the chattering of worried family members. He suddenly felt a surge of anger. Who was going to be there for Dean? Sam is the only family member he had. The door to Deans room was closed. Castiel paused outside for a moment. Was he ready for this? He decided he was and pushed open the door. First thing he saw was Sam; laying his head across the chest of his older brother. When Castiel approached him, Sam looked up with tear filled eyes. "oh Cas, you're here. I didn't know you would come" Sam stood up, he loomed over Castiel. But, he didn't look like a man, he looked like a little boy who had been crushed when his father told him Santa Clause wasn't real. "of course, Sam. I heard the angels speaking, about Dean, and I left right away." He looked at Dean fleetingly, he didn't want his emotions to get the better of him, He was an angel and he had to be calm for Sam.
It was hard not to cry. Dean was hooked up to a multitude of different monitors, and both legs were in casts. His face was blossoming with deep purple bruises. Cas turned his back to Dean, he blinked hard "what have the doctors said?" Sam breathed in sharply "well, they don't know how bad it is until he wakes up, hes been in surgery for the past 4 hours" Castiel bit his cheek "the prognosis Is not good I assume?" Sam shook his head slowly. "they…..they don't think he will ever walk again" Cas faced Sam, he noticed one small tear drip off the end of his nose. "I know what you will ask me. And, I don't think it can be done." Sam sat back down in the chair beside Deans bed. "will you try?" he whispered. Castiel sighed. He looked at Sams frantic worried face, all Sam had was his brother. If Dean never could walk again, it would be the end of their hunting days. But, knowing Dean he would push through and be determined to get back up and try. And if Cas didn't do the same, he would be filled with regrets of this day. "of course, Sam. But, I'm not sure it will do any good. I am warning you not to put all your faith in me. There is only so much an angel can do. Dean has suffered irreparable damage and I'm not sure I can fix it." Sam nodded sadly "I know. Thanks Cas". Castiel walked slowly towards Dean. He placed his hands gently on Deans chest and thigh. A white glow began to form from under Castiels hands. He looked into Deans face and concentrated. He wanted this to work, he prayed to his father it would work. But, he was still filled with doubt. The glow disappeared and he sank to the floor. He could feel the tears flow hot from his eyes. Dean, he thought, please forgive me.
Sam hurried to Castiels side. He put his arms under Castiels and lifted him up. "Cas it wasn't your fault." Sam said, his face glowing. He put his hands on Castiels shoulders. "what happened to Dean…..you couldn't have helped him, Even if you were there." Castiels shoulders slumped and shook with every shuddering breath. "He was so foolish. How could this have happened?" Sam backed away from Cas and stood beside Dean "He went after a rogue vamp." Castiel looked up, his eyes shone with surprise "he didn't….get bit?" Sam shook his head and looked at his brother. "No. she was too strong for him, she threw him against a truck in Bobbys yard. Then she tried to run him over; a lady found him about a mile away from Bobbys, unconscious." Castiel stayed silent. He didn't know how to reply. He was shocked that Dean would be so stupid as to go after a vamp himself. If he had just called Sam, or if Cas knew that he needed help, neither one of them would be standing by Deans body in a hospital. Sam approached Castiel reassuringly "it wasn't your fault" he stressed "If anybody was to take blame it would be me. I knew he was going on a hunt and I should have went with him." Castiel didn't know how to feel at that point, he couldn't blame Sam, there was nothing either one of them could do. Sam and Cas listened to the soft beeping of Deans heart monitor in silence. Sam took a deep breath "I'm gonna go out for a bit, I need some fresh air." He didn't wait for Cas to say anything and Cas didn't make any acknowledgement that Sam had spoke. Cas heard the door thud closed again and jumped a little at the noise. He was alone with Dean.
There was nothing between them, no Sam, doctors or anybody. It was just them. Castiel listened to his own heart beating, it was thumping harder than he thought it would. He sat down in the chair beside Deans bed and scratched his arm uncomfortably. He leaned forward. "Dean?" He whispered. "Please, forgive me. I know I have not been the best friend to you…..we've never been as close as i….i wished we were." He swallowed thickly and continued. "We didn't part on good terms, and If you don't get out of this….state you're in. I will never forgive myself for not saying goodbye to you. I care about you Dean, more than I have ever felt for anybody. And, I'm only saying this now because I am afraid I will never have another chance." He wiped a tear dripping down the side of his face. "I can't tell you how important you are to me. You've taught me compassion, sympathy, love. Even how to drink" He chuckled ruefully at the old memories. A picture of Dean taking him to a bar flashed in his head, Dean was outside holding on to Cas, laughing along to a silent joke. No! cas thought. Too painful. He shook his head to rid himself of the memories. He stared at the ground. He saw his blue eyes stare back at him from his reflection in the slate floor. Please let him wake up; Cas pleaded with himself.
As if on cue, Cas heard the heart monitor beep frantically. He could tell something wasn't right, It was too fast and too close together. He heard the mismatched rhythms radiating from his chest. Cas stood stunned. He tried to scream for help but, no sound was coming. He heard the door swing open and he saw Sam rush to his brothers side. He yelled for help and immediately doctors poured into the tiny room. Sam moved out of the way for the doctors to work on Dean. Cas felt Sam pull him against the wall and pin his shoulder with his hand. "stay here" Sam commanded. Cas could tell his breathing was speeding up, he was hyperventilating. Great, he thought, at least the doctors are in here. After they work on Dean they can help *him*. Sam leaned against the wall. A look of shocked silence on his face. He didn't say anything, Cas could see Sam glancing at him from the corner of his eye. Sam grabbed Castiels arm and they ducked around the doctors and out of the room. The moment they were out and Deans door was closed. Sam rounded on Cas. "What happened in there?" Cas didn't want to tell Sam about the confession he made to Dean. He didn't know how he would react and he didn't want to sound more worried than he was. "I was sitting with him" Cas began "I knew something was wrong, I could hear his heart beating differently, I didn't know what to do. If you didn't show up, I don't think I could've helped him." Sam let go of Castiels arm and searched his face. Cas blushed and avoided his gaze. Sam sighed "Well, I wasn't going to come back. I was going to drive and keep on going. But, I knew Dean would've been there for me. So it was lucky I decided to come back." He put his hand on the door handle "Cas, just stay here. I'm going to find out whats happening" Cas watched him disappear behind the door. It felt like centuries before Sam came back, a look of relief washed over his face. "Its going to be ok. He had a minor heart attack but, he's stable and the doctors seem positive that he's going to recover" Sam smiled in spite of himself, he was still worried but, at least the doctors seem sure that Dean will wake up soon. "They've pumped him full of sedatives. But, it seems that the heart attack kickstarted his system, so it should be tomorrow when he wakes up" Cas smiled too. "I'll wait here then"