The familiar hustle and bustle of Kings Cross Station lay before me, a sea of people. The roar of trains thundering resonated through the cavernous space as thick smoke filled the air. To my left stood Larissa, with my luggage, to my right was the entrance to platform nine and three quarters. Larissa entered first then I followed slowly.

The platform was even more spectacular than I could remember. Larissa put my bags and owl onto the train then asked for permission to leave. I nodded, already absorbed in my memories of Hogwarts and my boyfriend Xander, he was a year older than I and we had been together for three years, I was starting my fifth year and he, his sixth. In my mind at least, we were a fairytale couple. I truly loved him with all my heart and believed he felt the same way about me. He would talk about when we would leave Hogwarts and be together, forever. How our love was eternal, but I couldn't help thinking that I was a bad girlfriend, I knew everything about his life, yet he knew nothing of mine, he didn't know who I really was, my biggest secret... I've kept from him. I have kept my secret for most of my life, how could I even begin to tell him something which I concealed from even myself; I repressed it like a long forgotten memory, sometimes I would even fool myself into believing it wasn't even real. Just a dream.

My thoughts were cut off abruptly by a high pitched squeal, which could only have been my closest friend who was more than a little excited to be returning to Hogwarts. I turned to see Arielle her wispy blonde hair flying wildly behind her as she raced across the space. As she approached he immediately started a stream of infectious chatter, her bubbly persona livening the mood considerably. She had journeyed to Egypt with her father over the summer and naturally everyone wanted to know about it, Ari is hardly ever without a gaggle of admirers or sheep as I like to call them; you see her family is incredibly rich, they've got a good name too, even if they weren't entirely good people. As we talked I scoured the platform, eagerly searching for Xander, catching my I Ari noticed this and pointed into the distance. There. He stood halfway up the platform, his head bent in conversation, for just a second he looked up. Our eyes met across the crowded platform and it was as though no one else existed, only the two of us in our own little world. Our perfect universe. In a blink of an eye he stood before me, handsome and kind as ever.

I melted into his arms and kissed him passionately on the lips, he smirked and murmured "I've missed you, baby"

"I've missed you more" I grinned, pulling back a little.

"Not possible" he laughed, stealing me into another kiss before I had time to argue. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the scarlet locomotive, "better hurry so we get an empty compartment" he winked, I rolled my eyes and looked back noticing that Arielle had already left to join the Slytherin carriage with her boyfriend Draco. He and Xander didn't get on, at all, which was naturally frustrating for Arielle and I, we couldn't do the normal things: double date, sit in the same carriage with them, even Quidditch was a chore. They never will get on, of that much I am sure. They are too different, Draco represents the purist side of Slytherin and Xander represents the noble heart of Gryffindor, and did I mention he's muggle born? So, naturally they are enemies. This puts me in rather an awkward position as Draco and I were extremely close in our first few years, our parents were... well acquainted. Draco believes Xander is bad for a pure blood like myself and Xander used to think I had a crush on Draco. Laughable. Draco was like a brother to me, I would never think of him like that.

Our obvious differences meant that it was odd when we first started dating, the glares and weird looks, which did, admittedly, come mostly from Slytherin, but soon they learnt that there was nothing they could do and Blaise Zabini certainly saw a lot of the hospital wing for his efforts. There's more than one reason I was placed in Slytherin but that's a story for another time.

Xander and I boarded the train and found a compartment together. I scooted into him and he put his hand around my waist, pulling me closer, I rested my head on his muscular shoulder, in this moment, my life was perfect. But I had to tell him, I couldn't lie anymore. "Xander, honey... I have something to tell you" I began.

" Hmm" he mumbled, in way of a response.

" Well, I..."

At this point the compartment door slid open to reveal Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville. My heart sank, there was no way I could tell him now; Hermione hated me convinced I was only bad news. Ron was the probably the worst, he was obsessed with me and the other two... I can't even consider telling my secret in front of them. I would be considered evil for certain, but, on the bright side, Ron might not fancy me anymore.

Xander sensed my reluctance to continue, and mouthed 'later'.

I turned away as he stood to greet his close friends. They were not my friends, more like acquaintances. Neville smiled shyly as he claimed the seat directly opposite me, I returned it and brightly, out of all of the Gryffindors, Neville was certainly more tolerable but even so, I felt guilty speaking with him so I returned to staring out the window, losing myself to my thoughts. I wondered how many people in this carriage would turn against me if they knew the truth. I imagined Neville, his face full of fury, shouting accusations. Shooting curses. Hermione, proclaiming that I was a traitor in an ' I told you so' voice. The look of shock that would inevitably plaster itself on Ron's face, Harry's realisation, accompanied by a good dose of the silent treatment and Xander... What would he think? Would he shout and call me a liar? Would he break up with me, and if he did, would he cry?

I was burying my secret deeper and deeper, not always through my own fault but I needed to face it: I've had hundreds of opportunities to tell him I just chose not to. Others knew, so why couldn't I tell Xander? When would I learn?

I was not worthy of his love.