Hey guys! So um, this story was written by an inspiration from a song. Um, not much to say besides please review! I appreciate the feedback. Please enjoy "Don't Die, My Darling..."
Warning: Might make you cry tears of joy and sadness.
A Really Big Thanks To My Beta Reader Who Helped Me Out Big Time-lizzzxx0
Don't Die, My Darling
"Tired of trying, Sick of crying, yeah I'm smiling, but inside I'm dying"
"Never fall in love with someone who isn't there to catch you"
CLARE'S PERSPECTIVE
No matter how many times he tells me I'm beautiful, there is a voice in my head that screams at me, telling me I am not.
I know I'm not pretty, I know I'm not as "breathtaking" as he tells me I am and I know that because of the voices in my head. They tell me the truth; they tell me what everyone is too afraid to tell me. Everyone around me doesn't want to hurt me, so they lie.
My whole life seems like a lie.
"Clare," he said my name, breaking me out of reality.
I blinked and asked, "What?"
"You haven't touched your food," he whispered inching the plate towards me.
I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Not really that hungry."
"But-," I cut him off and stood up, "I'm not hungry Eli."
I got up from the table and tossed the food into the garbage as quick as I could and I started to clean off the plate with the water from the sink. Eli walked over, wrapping his arms around me and whispered, "We can go out to eat if you want."
My eyes rolled unintentionally and I answered in frustration, "No Eli, I'm not hungry."
Lie.
I was starving.
"Alright, well, do you want to watch a movie before going to bed?" He asked with a hopeful smirk spread across his face.
Sometimes I feel he's the only reason why I live. This is why I live.
He is why I live.
"Okay," I whispered as he gripped my hand and we walked over to the couch. I gripped the remote in my right hand and plopped down in between his spread legs. I smiled at him when he placed tiny butterfly kisses on my neck.
This was one of the reasons why I always stayed with him, the reason why my heart lay's in his hands at all times. The reason, because the love he expresses towards me is so strong that not even the hulk could break it.
Eli started to rub lazy circles on my tummy as I breathed in and out slowly.
I love him, but I just wish he would notice.
Halfway through the movie, my stomach growled loudly. It was so loud, it echoed through my ears.
The voices in my head screamed, "Why are you hungry? You're so fat that you don't deserve to eat! Why don't you check out that scale, you know, the thing that's sitting in your bathroom collecting dust? Oh wait, don't do that, Eli might want to use that and you don't want to break it on him, now do you?"
When I looked up, I frowned.
He was already sleeping, he didn't hear it, he didn't hear the voices or my stomach growling uncontrollably.
I got up slowly, making sure not to wake him up.
When I dragged my feet to the kitchen, I glanced at the box of crackers.
"Don't do it!" they screamed.
I blinked a couple of times as my hand that was outstretched towards the box, but when I gripped it in my hand, they screamed at me and told me to drop it, but I didn't listen, this time I didn't.
I quickly ran into the bathroom and stood over the toilet. I glared at it, blaming it for having these thoughts in my head. I warily bent down onto my knees and held back my hair with my right hand while my left index finger was being shoved down my throat.
"Do it bitch" I heard.
It was like my hand had a mind of its own. Part of me knew it was wrong to do this and it could potentially hurt my baby, but on the other hand, I felt as if I HAD to do it. I was disgusting. Fat. I didn't have any other choice. As I felt something come up from my stomach, I heard someone behind me.
My heart skipped a beat when I saw Eli standing in the doorway of the bathroom with a shocked expression across his face.
He noticed
"Clare, what are you-," I cut him off and the voices in my head spoke for me, "I'm not hungry."
He wasn't going to give up!
Please don't.
"I never said that and will you stop interrupting me for one fucking second and let me speak?" He asked, completely outraged as he raised his arms in frustration.
I gulped and nodded, while stepping closer to him.
He sighed, "Clare, why are you doing this? I come home and I can't help but notice that you haven't been eating or sleeping. Don't ever try to do that again, please. You have a baby to take care of and I'm worried that what happened when you were 15 will happen-," I cut him off, slapping him across the face.
My chest heaved with shock and tears streamed down my face.
It can't be happening again
Eli held his right hand over his face and rubbed it gently. I wanted to say sorry and I wanted him to continue his investigation on me, but instead, he just stared at me.
"You have a little girl inside you, that wants you and needs you to care of yourself," he whispered as tears fell from his eyes.
I closed my eyes tightly and Eli stepped closer towards me, placing both of his hands on either sides of my face.
He rubbed my temples, and whispered, "Are the voices coming back?"
"No," I quickly answered, too quickly at that and Eli smirked, knowing I was lying.
Thank God.
"Clare, you have to take care of your body for your baby, you can't let them take over your mind again," he whispered softly as he kept rubbing my temples in attempt to keep me calm.
We remained quiet as I gripped onto his forearms tightly while he rubbed my temples and the voices in my head had gotten lower. Eli was the only person that could try to make them go away. But, considering I was with child, I was scared that I could lose this baby.
This has been happening for the past two months, Eli never noticed
"Is it helping?" Eli whispered and I felt his warm, comforting breath against the skin on my face.
I breathed in, smiling slightly, and letting him try to heal me.
"He's so naive, no one can cure being fat," they screamed at me over and over again. I winced when the voices had successfully pierced my ears.
Help me Eli!
"Clare, Clare, open your eyes, look at me," I obeyed his orders by glaring into his eyes.
He smirked as tears streamed down his face, "I love you Clare. I love your eyes, your ears, your fingers, your nose, your neck and every inch of your gleaming body."
He kissed me on the neck as I spat out unintentionally, "I'm fat."
I feel like I'm crazy.
"No you're not Clare, you're pregnant, there is a difference," he spoke up, his voice getting higher and more assertive.
He was right, I knew he was, but the voices in my head were telling me otherwise. I felt as if I was cornered by flames with nowhere to escape to.
I was trapped.
PLEASE ELI, HELP ME!
Eli slowly moved his hands down to the sides of my stomach and whispered, "I love you Clare and I love her."
He kissed my belly, and stood up to glare at my eyes.
"He doesn't love you, he thinks you're fat and ugly!" I gasped because when I heard this particular voice, it wasn't so unfamiliar because, it was my own.
I blinked and Eli ordered, "Clare, Clare look at me. Look at me, the voices in your head are just voices, listen to your own voice. It's there, find it. You can do it Clare."
"I-It's my own voice that's screaming at me Eli," I whispered so fast that not even I could understand. Tears continued to stream down my face as I tried to force a smile.
Make the voices go away.
Eli glared at me, smirking, and my heart returned to its normal pace.
Thank you.
I gulped and he nodded slowly, keeping the smirk plastered in place.
"I love you Clare, and no one is going to change that," he whispered getting dangerously close to my face.
"He's using you for sex! He thinks it'd be funny to fuck a fat girl!" My own voice screamed at me over and over again while Eli inched closer to my face.
Please kiss me
When Eli got close to me, my head jerked back and he glared at me confusingly.
"What's wrong?" He whispered and he gripped my right arm lightly before bringing me closer to him.
He kissed me
"He's laughing inside his head! He thinks it's funny that a fat girl wants to be loved! Fat people can never be loved! There is no such thing!" The voices in my head were quickly silenced when his lips pressed up against mine, and he took my breath away. His kiss cleared my mind of all the clutter and in a matter of seconds he wrapped his arms around me.
The warmth from his tongue had distracted me from my negative thoughts. He rubbed small circles on my lower back and for once in a long time I felt happy, complete, loved.
No one was screaming at me anymore
I pulled away slowly, and smiled when I glanced into his puffy green eyes.
"I love you Eli, I don't know w-what I would do w-without you," I stuttered my words as I wrapped my arms around him which brought him closer to me.
I leaned on his right shoulder and cried.
Cried for him, for my soon-to-be baby and for myself.
I had been beating myself up for the past few months and it hurts to even think that I would do this to myself. It's not like I did it on purpose, it's not like I wanted my baby to suffer inside of me.
The pressure, the feeling of everyone staring at you and the feeling that you're not good enough had taken over my body.
I'm sorry I let this happen again
"It's alright Clare, just breathe in, I'm right here, by your side," he whispered in my ear and I gripped him tighter.
I love him
So, um Reviews?
I think this one-shot had potential, so I put it up :D I hope you guys liked it?
Please Review, it'll make my day!
Maybe I'll continue this, somehow, someway, someday (: (If you guys want me to)
Love you guys,
Cliffhanger girl
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