I Want You To Want Me BY JESSA
RATING/GENRE: T/General
FANDOM/CHARACTERS: Glee/Rachel and Santana semi-friendship, Finchel
SUMMARY: Having decided that she's ready to go all the way with Finn, Rachel seeks help from the resident expert on all things sexy.
DISCLAIMER: Rachel, Finn, Santana and all things Glee are the property of Fox. Sadly I do not own them. If I did, Rachel and Finn would make-out ALL THE DAMN TIME.
The first time she and Finn had legitimately gone out, Rachel had been adamant about taking the physical aspect of their relationship slowly. Like glacial pace slowly. It wasn't because she didn't want to be more intimate with him. In fact, sometimes he made her completely forget all the insecurities that stopped her from letting him go as far as they both wanted to. There were little moments, like when he'd pause during their feverish make-out sessions to brush a lock of hair out of her face or kiss the tip of her nose, that made her feel beautiful and loved in a way that she knew wouldn't happen with anyone else. Those moments reaffirmed her belief that Finn was the one.
She had dreamed about what it would be like to give herself to him completely and in her mind, it was always perfect. Thinking about it and actually doing it however, were two entirely different things. As long as it only happened in her mind, her first time with Finn could stay perfect and wonderful. There were no awkward moments or fumbling; just love. She was terrified that when the moment actually came, she wouldn't know how to make him feel good or that he'd take one look at her without any clothes on and decide that she wasn't worth his time and then their whole relationship would come to a screeching halt. What if instead of bringing them closer together, having sex ended up tearing them apart?
She had never said any of this to him of course, because she knew he would tell her she was being crazy (even if she was, she couldn't just stop herself from thinking all these things) but people had been telling her how ugly and freakish she was since middle school. One boy, no matter how lovely he was, couldn't simply erase a lifetime's worth of ridicule with a kiss and an 'I love you'.
Maybe if she had told him the real reason she was reluctant to give it up, so to speak, things would have gone more smoothly. But then again, in a weird way, Rachel was almost glad that they had broken up. She wasn't happy about all the nights she'd cried herself to sleep or all the time spent missing him so badly her heart physically hurt, but the time apart had given them a chance to grow as people. Now that Finn really had closure with Quinn and Rachel had forged some real friendships with other Glee kids, they could move past everything as a more secure and united couple.
Now when he told her he loved her, Rachel believed him wholeheartedly.
When they started that second summer together, the physical aspect of their relationship forged ahead like a speeding train. All the barriers that had stood in the way before didn't seem to matter anymore. Rachel trusted Finn beyond a shadow of a doubt and had never been more attracted to him before. She'd always thought he was cute (she hadn't been lying when she told him he was the hottest guy in school) but now that he was more attentive and open about his feelings for her, he was totally irresistible.
She really just wanted him in a passionate, all-consuming fashion.
But there was a big problem – she had no idea how to go about it. Sexy was definitely not her forte and she would be the first to admit it. Rachel blushed just walking by Victoria's Secret (never mind going inside) and while she knew the basic mechanics of intercourse, she had no idea how to really please a man. She had accepted the fact that her first time would most likely be painful and uncomfortable, at least in the physical sense, but she wanted it to at least be satisfying for Finn.
So Rachel Berry sought help from an unlikely source. Not only was Santana Lopez the self-proclaimed expert in all things hot and heavy, but she was also the only person who had ever slept with Finn. Rachel figured (although it might be slightly awkward asking another girl for such personal information about her boyfriend) that she could kill two birds with one stone.
One Thursday afternoon near the end of summer, the Glee club decided to go bowling together. About an hour in, Santana slipped away to use the ladies' room and Rachel jogged after her as she clacked along in her three inch heels.
"Excuse me, Santana? I know this is going to seem strange, but can I talk to you for a moment?" she requested, putting on her politest tone of voice.
The taller girl seemed taken aback (and a little disgusted) but also curious.
"Sure, midget," she replied after a few seconds. "It's not like I could stop you from talking, even if I wanted to."
Rachel ignored her comment and the rude nickname and glanced around to make sure that everyone else was out of earshot before speaking.
"You know about… sex and stuff, right?"
She had expected Santana to shoot off about how gross it was to even contemplate her ever getting it on, but to her surprise, a sly smile blossomed on the other girl's face.
"Well, well, well. Thinking about giving it up to your giant Care Bear, are you?" she drawled, clearly amused. "And you're asking me for advice? Oh, the irony."
"You're sort of the only person I can ask," Rachel rationalized. "Given your experience, with both Finn and sexual relations in general. Will you help me?"
Santana stared her up and down, piercing the petite chanteuse with her gaze as only she could.
"Why should I?"
"Look, Santana. I know you've never liked me and I know you find me irritating a great deal of the time, but I'm asking you, as your teammate, for your help. You should be flattered that I came to you, in spite of our history," she responded sincerely.
Rolling her eyes, Santana said, "Maybe if you got some, you'd loosen up a little bit, so in a way, I guess I'd be helping myself by helping you. What do you want to know exactly?"
Luckily Rachel had compiled a list of questions in hopes that an opportunity would arise for her to use them. She pulled the piece of paper out of her skirt pocket with a flourish as Santana gaped at her.
"I need you to tell me how to be sexy," she stated in her matter-of-fact way. "What sort of lingerie should I wear? What sorts of positions do boys seem to like better? Can you give me some tips on foreplay-?"
"Whoa whoa, slow it down there, Berry," Santana cut in. "You can't plan this the way you plan every single other thing in your life, not if you want it to be all romantic and sappy like I know you do."
Rachel cocked her head to the right and stared at Santana in confusion.
"But I want Finn to enjoy himself and I don't know anything about how to make that happen."
"I know you think that, but you're wrong," the ex-cheerleader replied. "Finn isn't going to care about whether your bra is black or pink; the only thing he'll be thinking about is you."
"But he's had sex with you of all people. Surely he'll be expecting something more mind-blowing than I can provide," Rachel said. "I'm sure your time together was very gratifying."
"Not so much actually. It lasted about thirty seconds and I didn't even come."
Rachel sputtered in astonishment before saying, "B-but… you have all kinds of moves and tricks… don't you?"
"Hey, I am hot shit in bed. I know my way around a guy's body like the back of my hand," Santana said, a tinge of defensiveness in her voice before it changed; turning quieter and more genuine. "But Finn was different. He wasn't having sex with me because he really wanted to. He was doing it because he was jealous and angry."
"That is a terrible reason to lose your virginity."
"No kidding," the taller girl replied. "He settled for me because he didn't think he could ever have you."
Rachel was speechless for a moment, guilt settling into her stomach.
"Wow…" she eventually murmured. "I wish he had explained that to me last year."
"The bottom line is- he said that he didn't feel anything when we did it because it didn't mean anything. I could have pulled out the move to top all moves and it wouldn't have mattered," Santana explained. "Deep down, he's into all that sentimental crap, just like you."
"So, are you suggesting that I just… be me?" Rachel asked.
"That's exactly what I'm suggesting. Trust me; for reasons I will never understand, that is all that Finn wants."
"I think… I think I can work with that," the tiny brunette responded.
"Good. Now can I go to the bathroom already?" Santana said, her tone returning to its usual iciness, indicating that their little bonding moment had come to an end.
Rachel stepped aside to let her teammate pass.
"Hey, Santana?" she called after her. When the Latina turned around, Rachel gave her a small smile and said, "Thank you."
"Don't mention it. Seriously. Ever. I wanna block any thoughts of you and Frankenteen doing the nasty out of my head permanently," she retorted. "And like I said, getting you laid will hopefully help me as much as it helps you."
Shaking her head as she watched Santana finally stalk off towards the restrooms, Rachel felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
"What was that about?" she heard a familiar voice inquire from behind her.
She spun around and came face-to-face (well, technically face-to-chest) with her adorable giant of a boyfriend. A beaming smile automatically spread across her face at the sight of him, the expression made that much brighter by the conversation she'd just had with Santana.
"I was just giving Santana a few bowling tips," Rachel replied, not missing a beat. "She has a lot of potential but her inferior aim is really holding her back. I figured since I've improved so much since the first time you took me, it was up to me to be of assistance."
Finn regarded her nervously and said, "That was a dangerous move, Rach. She coulda gone all 'Lima Heights' on you... whatever that means."
"It's fine, Finn. I think we've reached some sort of understanding."
He didn't really seem to know what she meant but he nodded and grinned her favorite lop-sided grin anyways.
"Awesome. Hopefully that means she's not in the bathroom coming up with ideas for gross things to put in your hair."
Rachel giggled softly at the way he wrinkled his nose as he spoke.
"I'll make sure I don't turn my back on her, just in case," Rachel assured him with a smile. "Hey, I wanted to ask you… would you like to come over on Saturday night? My Dads are going to be out of town and I was thinking I could make dinner for you."
Not seeming to notice the way Rachel cast her eyes shyly downwards as she made her request, Finn nodded eagerly.
"That sounds great! Should I bring anything?"
His thoughtfulness earned him a sweet kiss on the mouth from Rachel, who had to lean up against his chest on her tip toes to give it to him.
"Just yourself. You are an integral part of my plans for the evening," she responded, a mischievous smirk making its way onto her face. She was sure Finn's head would explode if he knew exactly what she had in mind.
Eyeing her with intrigue, Finn retaliated with a kiss of his own.
"I'm not quite sure what integral means, but I can't wait."
"Me neither," she whispered against his lips as she kissed him again.