I'm in a weird mood... Amber says I really have to stop writing depressing HikaxHaru fics because it makes the hope dwindle for the fans of that couple. But in case you haven't noticed, I'm a die hard fan... So this depresses me just as much as it depresses the rest of you...

-.-

"I can't do it anymore." he had whispered to her under that bright starry night two months ago. "I can't go on like this. Not anymore." He couldn't do it. Hikaru couldn't carry on like this. Not when he knew his brother and Tono loved her too. He couldn't.

Haruhi's smile had been sad and forgiving as she had listened to his reasoning. That smile broke his heart. It broke his heart. How was he supposed to feel like he was making the correct choice when she freaking smiled like that? How?!?!

He had tears in his eyes when he told her that they had to break up. He was going to cry. The bitter taste in his mouth, the tears in his eyes, the sad smile on her face, the breaking of his heart... it was all a cruel soup he had asked for, and now he was being forced to drink it.

When the tears had started leaking out from his eyes, he was forced to stop talking, to stop rambling lame excuses. He could not longer speak past the lump in his throat.

She had reached up and gently wiped the tears trailing down his face. She had whispered, "It's ok, Hikaru. It's ok. I promise. I just want you to be happy. If we're not together, I don't care. As long as you can smile sincerely, and be happy, I'm ok. Please, don't cry. If we're not together, I don't want you to cry. I only want your happiness, Hikaru."

He had sniffed, feeling like a child for crying, but also feeling he had a good reason to cry. "Why?" he asked. "Why do you want me to be happy? What about you? Don't you want happiness?"

Her smile was so sad, it made his heart ache. "I don't care about me. I only want you to be happy. That's all that matters to me."

He cried for hours after she left. His heart hurt so badly.... he loved her, so much. He let her go because he didn't want to hurt Kaoru, and he didn't want to hurt Tono. But in the process, he hurt himself, and he hurt Haruhi.

He had hurt Haruhi. That was the worst part.

As soon as his brother had found out about what happened, he had come directly to Hikaru. But not out of compassion or sympathy. Kaoru was pissed.
"How could you do that??" he had demanded. "How could you break it off wit her when she obviously loves you so much??"

"I don't know." Hikaru had cried. "I don't know!"

"You had to have had some reason for this!! You can't possibly tell me that you broke up with her on a whim!"

There were many reasons, Hikaru later decided, after Kaoru had left him, slamming the door in his fury. There was that fact that he was undeserving of her love. It was so unconditional, it seemed. If he got angry at her and yelled, she would let him cool down then come to find him and tell him she had forgiven him.

When he was a complete and total jerk, she tell him that it was ok, she loved that side of him too. She loved every side of him, the good and the bad. She loved him just because he was him.

There was also the fact that his parents probably wouldn't let him marry her anyways, but that wasn't a proven statement.

He sought her out, a few days later, and told her that he still loved her. He swore this was only temporary, and pleaded that she forgive him for giving her no good reasons for breaking up.

This separation would be a good thing, he promised. They could grow closer by being apart for a while. He said that he needed to work some stuff out, and work on his attitude for a while. So that maybe, just maybe, he would be able to love her in the way she deserved.

When she asked how long this would take, he could only tell her that it wouldn't be very long.

Because he didn't know how long this would take. But he hoped it was only for a little while.

And she smiled. She smiled that beautiful forgiving smile that he loved, and told him that it was ok.

It would be ok. He knew that it would.