[Author's Foreword: This is a series of short stories based off the Touhou PC games. This series is focused on humor. Do be aware that there is some personal fanon of mine in this. Otherwise, if you know anything about Touhou, this just might make you laugh.

And also, parts 1, 2, and 3 take place after Subterranean Animisim, but before Undefined Fantastic Object. With that, let's get started.]

Within the Pacific Ocean, there is a chain of islands. This chain of islands is known as Nippon. Consisting of roughly 3000 or so islands, Nippon has become a united country. However, there is one region of Nippon that has become separated from the outside world.

The region is named Gensokyo. Ever since 1884, a boundary has separated Gensokyo from the rest of the world. Actually, not separate, but rather, establish Gensokyo as its own world; it exists in a separate plane of reality. Few born within Gensokyo have ever left, and few born outside the Boundary have gained access. It is a time capsule of a land, a land mostly untainted by any technological advances made since 1884. Many creatures that can't be found outside Gensokyo thrive within the Boundary: ghosts, youkai, oni, tengu, fairies, kappa, the works. Even the "ordinary" humans in Gensokyo are capable of learning powerful magics.

But enough about that, and back to the Boundary. The Boundary is maintained at a Shinto shrine in the eastern region of Gensokyo. This place is the Hakurei shrine. The Hakurei shrine is what maintains the Boundary that keeps Gensokyo the isolated world that it is. The Shrine is the only place that exists both outside the Boundary, and inside the Boundary, functioning as the one (and supposedly only, but don't tell the Lunarians that) gateway between the world of Earth and the world of Gensokyo. The Shrine has existed for at least thirteen generations, and has been destroyed, rebuilt, destroyed again, and rebuilt again many times. The Hakurei family of shrine maidens is the guardian of the Shrine, and to a greater extent, the Boundary. As of now, only one Hakurei is guarding it; Reimu Hakurei. She appears to be in her early teen years, with a thin, somewhat petite frame, and with a skin tone that is light, maybe very slightly tanned. Her eyes and hair were both dark brown, with her hair held by a red ribbon. She wore a unique shrine maiden uniform, unique as in it resembled a dress, with the dress portion red, and the sleeves white. The sleeves were detached, leaving her shoulders (and her armpits) exposed. It is a shrine maiden uniform only in the fact that it is red and white. (It is rumored that a long, long time ago, Reimu did wear a real shrine maiden uniform. Some people don't believe it, others say she got tired of it and wears her unique uniform today just because she can.) Many incidents in Gensokyo have been resolved by Reimu in one way or another. Some believe she is a true heroine of the people. Others claim she only acts out of selfish desire. Some say she's very friendly. Others say she is mean-spirited. What is Reimu really like? Let's find out.

In the morning of a typical summer day in Gensokyo, Reimu was doing what any shrine maiden would do; sweep the walkway of the shrine. She was sweeping away dirt that had accumulated on the shrine path, when suddenly a blur shot past through the sky. She looked up, and saw the blur shoot by again. The blur came crashing down on the ground near here. It turns out the "blur" was none other than Marisa Kirisame, the witch of the Forest of Magic, who had crash landed near Reimu. Marisa, who appeared to have been unperturbed by her crash, got up, smiled at Reimu, and greeted, "Hiya Reimu ze!"

"Broomstick still faulty, Marisa?" Reimu asked. The witch nodded. Marisa was in her typical witch garb: a black button-up dress over a short-sleeved white shirt with poofy shoulders, as well as a white petticoat over her dress. She was wearing her black pointy hat with purple ribbon attached to it. She had one braid of blonde hair going over the right side of her face, and the rest of her hair coming down to the middle of her back. Her broomstick made of bamboo was in hand, although broken and hastily repaired in places.

"I've been meaning to make me another broom, but I just haven't found the necessary materials yet," she said, her light brown eyes focused on Reimu.

At that instant, a thought ran through Reimu's mind. Her eyes narrowed, and a scowl formed across her face, "you mean you haven't stolen the parts yet, don't you?"

Marisa closed her eyes and smiled, "Well, it's complicated, ze."

Reimu continued, "So, who do you plan on 'borrowing' from next: Alice? Patchouli? Rinnosuke?" She then gasped, "Wait, you've come to plunder me, haven't youǃ?"

"Uh, no, I haven't!" Marisa responded. "I know better than to pick a fight with you! Especially when you've got an oni for a houseguest!"

Almost as of on cue, a girl came stumbling out of the shrine. It was a rather short girl, who didn't look like she was past the age of eight. There were two horns coming out of her head, one of which was decorated with a blue ribbon. Her hair was orange, and was in a ponytail held by a red ribbon. She wore a white sleeveless blouse, with a long purple skirt attached to it. There were three chains on her; two attached to manacles on her wrists, and one attached at the end of her ponytail. Most important of all was the purple gourd in her hand, the legendary oni gourd that never ran out of sake. Her eyes were closed, she could barely maintain her balance, and she was smiling for no particular reason. She shouted, "What's up you guys!"

Reimu glanced back and said, "Good morning, Suika! Marisa dropped by not too long ago."

Marisa interjected, "Are you drunk already?"

Suika responded, "Uh, lemme check." She strained to open her brown eyes. When she did, she was unable to focus on any one object. She shouted, "Whoa! My eyes can't see anything!" She then said in a quieter tone, "Yep. I'm drunk."

Reimu told the oni, "You shouldn't drink so much. It's going to wreck your insides."

Suika, upon hearing this, stopped smiling. She looked quizzically in the direction of Reimu's voice. Then she let out a loud, boisterous laugh. She began boasting, "Me, wreck my insidesǃ? Need I remind you that the intestinal fortitude of an oni is far beyond that of mere humansǃ? Ha! I've been drinking for lots of years now, with no ill effects! Such is the pride of the oni!" Then she pointed her index finger toward the sky and began speaking melodramatically, "Ours is the horn that will pierce the heavens themselves!"

"What?" Marisa asked.

Reimu answered, "It's best just to ignore her when she's wasted like this. Anyways, what were we talking about?"

Marisa responded, "I need a new broom, I don't have enough money to buy a new one, and I want to make a new one, but I'll need some things first. I came here to ask you to see if you could lend me maybe a bamboo pole or some bristles for the new broom. I promise I'm not here to steal anything, ze."

Reimu said, "Ah yes, your broom. I would be remiss in my duties as shrine maiden to turn down your offer for help. Let's see if I have anything."

Reimu and Marisa began walking towards the shrine, but before they could enter, a voice called out. It was the voice of a woman saying, "Well well, if it isn't the three little ladies!"

The shrine maiden and the witch turned around to see who it was. Normally, Reimu does not feel bitterness towards people. True, she has exterminated countless youkai in the past, and has gotten into intense duels with many people, including Marisa, Suika, and many other people she would call her friends, but there were very, very few people in Gensokyo that she didn't like. The woman who spoke just now was someone that Reimu, well, she didn't outright hate her, but she does feel a tinge of disgruntlement toward the subject at hand; Yukari Yakumo. Reimu's eyes narrowed, she made a pout on her face and said, "Oh, it's you. What do you want?"

Yukari's response was, "Oh, come now, is that any way to greet me?" She was wearing her deep purple dress, her pink poofy hat, her long white gloves, and was carrying her pink parasol. Her eyes were the same shade of purple as her dress, her blonde hair was kind of short, only reaching to the top of her shoulders, but she had two strands of hair that ran longer, which were tied together by red ribbons, and (author's aside: I swear to you, the following description is not for fanservice) her breasts her rather large in contrast to the other girls at the shrine.

Reimu asked Yukari, "What are you even doing here? Aren't you normally asleep at this time of day?"

Yukari said, "Well, I was asleep, but I woke up early, and I couldn't fall back asleep, so to ease my boredom, I came here." She began to smile, "Now then, do you feel up for an adventure?"

Marisa answered, "Uh, no ze. Unless if you can help me find a new broomstick."

Yukari snapped, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Reimu!"

Reimu groaned, "No, and I'm really not in the mood to do anything with you today."

Yukari feigned shock and replied, "My, why this grouchy attitude? I think someone needs to unwind!"

Reimu exclaimed, "Why meǃ? Why is it always meǃ? Can't you kill time with someone elseǃ? Suika isn't busy; take her instead!"

Yukari answered, "Why you, Reimu? Simple! Because you, my dear," she suddenly gapped near Reimu, held her by the shoulders, and whispered into her ear, "are special." Yukari pulled Reimu into the gap and disappeared.

"Bye guys!" Suika shouted. She then added, "Marisa, you still there?"

"Uh huh," Marisa replied.

"Cool! Can you do me a favor? Watch over the shrine for me. I feel like hunting fairies right now. Well, not hunting, per se, more like, find some fairies and see if they wanna party with me. Is that alright with you?"

"Sure, ze." Marisa said. Upon hearing that, Suika stumbled away from the shrine, laughing to herself. Realizing that she had the shrine to herself, Marisa formed a large, almost evil grin across her face. She murmured to herself, "Perfect."

"What's so special about me?" Reimu protested, as she was being held to Yukari's bosom.

At that particular moment in time, Yukari had gapped somewhere high above Gensokyo. Her parasol was in her right hand, and she was holding Reimu with her left arm. She said, "Why do you need to ask me? You understand you better than anyone else! You don't need to ask me that."

Yukari was indeed a most unusual youkai. She had the power to form gaps, which were essentially rips in the fabric of space. With these gaps, she could instantly relocate to anywhere. Not only that, her parasol enabled her to fly. And not only that, her magical powers were far beyond that of most other people in Gensokyo. Some even believe that she could take over all of Gensokyo through her powers alone. "Enigmatic" was a proper term to describe Yukari. It is true that Yukari had helped Reimu during the incident with the fake moon, but there were other times when the shrine maiden and the humanoid youkai settled their differences with a danmaku duel. After thinking about it for a few moments, Reimu told Yukari, "I may understand myself better than anyone else, but I just want to hear a second opinion."

Yukari started with, "Well, your magical prowess is incredible, you are the current guardian of the Hakurei Shrine, and the Hakurei Boundary, you are able to fight people without bearing a grudge against them," She then looked into Reimu's eyes, smiled, and continued, "And you're really pretty, too! Well, pretty for a human girl anyways."

"I'm almost flattered by that last comment," Reimu shot back. She then asked, "Is there some point in all of this? You wouldn't have kidnapped me just for fun."

Yukari snapped, "Kidnapping? Honestly, Reimu, you should be more positive!"

"I am positive!" Reimu snapped back. "Just not whenever something concerns you."

"Well, if I'm that much of a nuisance to you," Yukari continued, "then you should be grateful for the task I have in hand for you. I need you to retrieve something for me, a belonging of mine, and I know who has it. You know Nitori Kawashiro, the kappa girl, right? Well, she has my cell phone. I want you to get it back. I'm sure she'll lend it to you if you ask."

Reimu asked, "Why don't you get it yourself?"

Yukari said, "The kappa are deathly scared of me, Nitori included. They always run away at the sight of me. I figured you'd have better luck than me; you would look less intimidating. I know for sure Marisa has befriended Nitori."

Reimu then asked, "Well if that's the case, why didn't you take Marisa instead?"

Yukari answered, "You honestly think I would trust an anarchic, self-centered, power-crazed freak to an errandǃ?"

Reimu nodded, "I see your point."

Yukari continued, "And once you get there, I'll run off and you won't have to put up with me, for a little while anyways."

Yukari and Reimu were now over the place where the kappa lived. The kappa of Gensokyo live on the base of a mountain known to locals as "Youkai Mountain."Youkai Mountain was inhabited by kappa, youkai, as well as tengu. Yukari settled down on the base of Youkai Mountain and released Reimu. She concluded, "Remember, ask for my cell phone, nothing more. Bye bye!" Yukari formed a gap and disappeared with it.

Reimu had been to Youkai Mountain before. She knew it was a dangerous place, for it was crawling with feral youkai. Kappa, on the other hand, were much less likely to attack humans. If anything, kappa were scared of humans. The kappa of Gensokyo were not exactly like the kappa from outside the Boundary. True, Gensokyo kappa are child-sized creatures that are amphibious and can live underwater, as well as on land, and they are fond of cucumbers. That is where the similarities ended. Most kappa don't resemble humans, but Gensokyo kappa do. Not only that, the kappa of Gensokyo were probably the most technologically advanced people in all of Gensokyo, with the tengu being a close second. They love to tinker with technology from the outside world, as well as modify it for their own needs. This is what the kappa, as well as the tengu, of Gensokyo were best known for; only they were willing and/or crazy enough to experiment with gadgets from beyond the Hakurei Border. However, the kappa of Gensokyo, Nitori included, don't like to cause trouble, and will usually run away at the sight of a human or a youkai. With this in mind, Reimu thought to herself, "So then, how am I supposed to find Nitori?"

Before she could answer that, they appeared. Fairies. Small, multi-colored, mindless, ravenous fairies. They came in a throng, for a human had appeared. Reimu knew what was in store. She had to resort to danmaku. "Danmaku" is a catch-all phrase for the magical shots that the denizens of Gensokyo can fire. When translated into modern English, danmaku means, "Bullet Curtain." A person's danmaku varied, but it served the same purpose; as a form of attack. Reimu made a hand gesture, and two yin-yang orbs appeared next to her. The orbs began firing energy shots at the fairies, causing them to disappear into oblivion. As that was happening, she also shot out of her hands o-fuda cards at the fairies, which also reduced them into nothingness. At first, she was able to kill the fairies before they could get close to her. However, their numbers increased. Some of them began firing danmaku of their own. Reimu was doing her best to shoot back, as well as avoid the fairies. She had become accustomed to battling fairies over the years, getting graze by danmaku, as well as learning attack patterns, but there were times when she had to fall back on something else; spell cards. In Gensokyo, people can cast powerful spells by drawing a spell card and declaring it. Reimu always carried a number of spell cards on her. (Then again, she invented the Gensokyo-style spell card. As for the details surrounding how she came up with Genoskyo's version of spell cards . . . that's a story for another day.) She reached for one, held it out, and commanded, "Spirit Sign: Fantasy Orb!" Five bright orbs appeared around her, each in a primary colorful. The orbs then slammed into the hordes of fairies, killing them off with a force much greater than Reimu's danmaku was before.

The fairies, or rather, the ones still alive, finally realized that Reimu was too dangerous to be considered prey. They fled before she could send them to an early grave. The shrine maiden made another hand gesture, and in doing so, caused her yin-yang orbs to disappear. She paused to catch her breath. As she was thinking of what to do next, a splashing sound came from a nearby river. Reimu turned to see what the noise was. Something had come out of the water, and was coming towards her. As the thing came closer, she saw what it was; it was a girl. She was short, maybe the size of a ten year old girl. She wore a light blue dress filled with numerous pockets near the bottom of the dress. She wore an aquamarine backpack shaped like a turtle shell, and the backpack straps held a gold key on her chest. She wore boots that were the same color as her dress. Her eyes were a darker shade of blue than her clothes, as was her hair. Her hair was short, and in pigtails held together by red beads. Her body was drenched from the river, but her clothes were waterproof, so everything other than her hair dried off pretty quickly. She shouted, "I knew it was you! I could recognize the shot pattern even from below the surface of the water!" Reimu instantly knew that it was Nitori Kawashiro.

"Oh, what luck!" Reimu responded, "You're just the person I was looking for!"

"Really?" asked the kappa girl, "Why's that?"

"I'm running an errand for somebody," Reimu continued, "I came to pick up something that belongs to Yukari Yakumo. I think it was . . . what did she call it? A 'sell fown' or something?" Reimu was mostly unfamiliar with technology from outside the Boundary.

"Oh yes!" Nitori said, "I have it back at home! And I finally fixed it, too! Not only that, but I modified it to be even better!" She then instructed, "Wait here. I'll get it to you before anymore bad youkai come. I'd invite you to come with me, but humans can't swim like kappa. Don't go anywhere!" She then disappeared back into the river, just as fast as she was when she first arrived.

Reimu was apprehensive. She had found Nitori, or rather, Nitori found her, and it seemed she would get Yukari's possession back. What next? Should she wait for Yukari to gap in and take her away? Yeah, sure, considering how unreliable she was in the past. Maybe she could get back home, and wait for Yukari there? But the Hakurei Shrine was a long ways from Youkai Mountain. Wait, what if more fairies came before Nitori evens comes back? What then? "Then I'll just blast 'em again!" Reimu said to herself, as she summoned her yin-yang orbs again. She stood at the ready, anticipating an attack.

Luckily for her, nothing came by the time Nitori returned. As before, the kappa jumped out of the river soaking wet. When she approached Reimu, she took something out of her pocket. She said, "Alright, here it is! I modified it so not only does it work again, but now it's also water proof, fire proof, shock proof, and cold proof! Not only that, now it plays MP3s, and has Bluetooth Wireless support! She's gonna love it!"

Reimu had no idea what any of that was supposed to mean. She took the object she presumed was the cell phone and replied, "Thank you."

Right then, Nitori saw something Reimu didn't. The kappa saw a blur racing through the sky, heading towards the upper region of Youkai Mountain. She knew that blur from the past. Nitori panicked, shouting, "Oh no! She's back! Run for it!" She turned away and headed for the river.

Reimu asked, "Who's back? Yukari?"

Nitori corrected, "No! Aya Shameimaru just flew by! She may just be going back to her printing house, but you never know if she may come back and snap compromising photographs of you!"

Nitori ran back into the river, disappearing before she could say anything else. Reimu had encountered Aya before; she was one of the tengu people. She ran a newspaper called The Bunbunmaru Shimbun, the only newspaper in circulation in all of Gensokyo, or the only newspaper of note anyways. Few people read the Bunbunmaru, and fewer took its content seriously. After Nitori had run off, Reimu heard a voice from behind her, "Ah! So you got it back! Excellent work!"

The shrine maiden turned around to see Yukari poking her head out of a gap she had created. Reimu said, "Don't sneak up on me like that; I'll think you're trying to assault me." She then took out the cell phone and offered it to the youkai, "Nitori said it was broke, but that it works now. She also said she modified it, I don't know how, though."

Yukari took the phone and thanked Reimu, "Now I can talk to Ran again! Oh, you probably want to go back home, don't you?" Reimu nodded. "In that case, I suppose I owe you."

Reimu said, "By the way, what were you doing while you were gone?"

Inside an Asian-styled mansion, there was a young woman, or at least, she looked young. (In reality, she was about a thousand years of age.) She was wearing a sky blue kimono with white frills and dark blue trim. She had wavy pink hair that reached to her shoulders, as well as pink eyes. She wore a blue poofy hat with a red ghost insignia on the front. All of a sudden, a gap appeared. The woman looked surprised, "Oh! Yukari! I wasn't expecting you."

Yukari said, "Hi Yuyuko! I know I should be asleep right now, but I'm bored, and I've got a few minutes to spare."

Yuyuko said, "Did you cut your hair?"

Yukari said, "I didn't cut it; Ran did."

Yuyuko chuckled and said, "Of course! Whether long or short, your hair always looks so nice, Yukari!"

The two made small talk for a few minutes. At one point, Yukari ducked inside the gap she made, then came back and said, "Well, I must be going now. It was nice talking with you again, even if only for a few minutes." She smiled and told Yuyuko, "Bye!" She and the gap disappeared.

Yuyuko replied, "You're welcome back anytime!"

Yukari told Reimu, "This and that."

"I see." Reimu continued, "Hey wait, if Nitori is so scared of you, how did you manage to lend her your thing without scaring her away?"

"Oh, simple. I gapped the phone into her house. I'm sure she figured out it was mine once she glanced in the phone's address book. I didn't even have to show her my face, and now everything is back to normal for it!" She then held Reimu, "And now, to pay you back." Yukari formed another gap.

Marisa was standing on the pathway of the Hakurei Shrine. She looked like she had done something, something that was making her anxious. She was pacing back and forth, nervous about something, but what, though? She kept looking around, like she was expecting someone to come by. Finally, someone did return; Suika. Upon seeing her, Marisa let out a sigh of relief. When Suika got closer, Marisa could see there was something wrong with the oni; sure, she was still temporarily blind from drunkness, but she wasn't smiling, nor laughing. Suika was covered with bruises, scrapes, and her clothes were torn in places. Suika asked, "You still there, Marisa?"

"Uh huh," the witch answered, "It's just me. Whatever happened to you?"

Suika exclaimed angrily, "It was that other oni girl, Yugi! She challenged me to fisticuffs, and, well, look at what happened to me!" She was referring to Yugi Hoshiguma, another oni girl.

Marisa responded, "Well, uh, that sucks. Hope you get better." She then changed the subject, "By the way, I got my broom working again, ze! Turns out the bristles just needed straightening. Well, it's been an honor watching over the shrine in your place, but I have other things to take care of. See ya!" Marisa mounted her broom and took off. True to her word, the broom was working perfectly now. She disappeared into the distance.

Suika rested just outside the shrine. Her injuries weren't too severe: she had no broken bones, she wasn't bleeding profusely, nor did she have any ruptured organs, (she's an oni after all; much hardier than a human ever could be) but she was still in great pain, and needed to rest. She lied on her back, her arms spread, and her eyes closed, trying her best to sleep it off, even though she wasn't lying on a soft surface. Some time later, Yukari had dropped off Reimu at the shrine. Reimu was stunned to see Suika lying in pain. She yelled, "Suika, are you all rightǃ? What happened to youǃ?" She knelt down and gently held Suika's bloodied hand.

Suika didn't feel like talking. Even so, she managed to say, "Yugi, fight, hurt, need, recuperate."

Reimu got Suika inside the shrine and onto a bed. She told the oni, "You take it easy now, ya hear?" After helping and consoling Suika, Reimu decided to sweep the pathway again, only when she got to her broom, she noticed something, different. Her broom was full of holes, as well as places that were held together by tape, and the bristles were mangled. She tried picking it up, but she cut herself on a small splinter coming from the broom. Then she realized, "Wait, this isn't my broom! This is Marisa's broom! What's it doing hereǃ? And where's my broomǃ?"

Upon hearing this, Suika's eyes suddenly shot open, and she stood up. "Uh oh!" she shouted, forgetting the pain she was in.

"You know something?" Reimu asked.

Suika responded, "Oh, uh, when I went out, I had Marisa look after the place, and when I got back, she left!" She stumbled in Reimu's direction and held her by the shoulders. Her tone became apologetic, "I'm so sorry, Reimu! I was careless! I should've seen it coming a mile away!"

Reimu took Suika's hands and held them gently. She said in a soft voice, "It's okay, Suika. It's not your fault. I know Marisa. She would've found a way, even if you were still here." She then let go and stepped outside the shrine. Her hands were tightly clenched into fists, and her voice was no longer soft, "It's just that . . . that . . ." she looked upwards and shouted,

"THAT WITCH!"

End Part 1.