Short crack-fic. Don't own anything except for my imagination

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Harry and Hermione were sitting outside studying. Actually, Harry was periodically watching Ron train with the quidditch team. He wished he could join them.

"Hey Harry." Hermione said, but her tone sounded kind of strange. It sounded really... girly.

Harry turned to look at her. She was blushing and curling her hair around one of her fingers.

"Yeah, Hermione?" Harry asked, shutting his book for now. He didn't feel like studying.

"So er... I wanna ask you something."

Harry stopped shuffling his papers and gave Hermione an odd look.

"All... right..." He said, looking apprehensive.

"So what do you... er... really think of Voldemort?"

Harry hadn't been expecting that.

"I think he's an egotistical, arseholical, maniacle, mentally deficient crazy with a daddy complex."

Hermione... she actually POUTED.

"Oh... but don't you think he's you know... just a little bit handsome. Maybe just a bit." She said, her cheeks colouring.

"Hermione, I think you've been studying under the sun for far too long. " Harry said, standing.

"NO HARRY! DON'T LEAVE! I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME!!!!" Hermione yelled, but her voice sounded funny.

Harry turned, wand raised, just in time to see the polyjuice wear off. But the thing about polyjuice is it doesn't include clothes, and Hermione had been wearing a pink shirt and blue jeans with a pink belt.

The clothes didn't fit very well on Voldemort.

"Voldemort!" Harry yelled out, seeming to need to point out the obvious.

"Harry, I love you, why don't you realize that!" Voldemort yelled, throwing himself at Harry's feet.

Harry screamed like a little girl and stepped back.

"You again! I told you to stop contacting me unless you were sending me a death threat or if you had captured one of my friends and were trying to lure me to my death or something!" Harry said, quite annoyed with Voldemort.

Voldemort had enough presence to transfigure himself into robes, but unfortunately they were still pink.

"I said I was sorry about that whole killing your parents thing." He huffed crossing his arms.

Harry conjoured a vase out of thin air and threw it at Voldemort.

Voldemort squeaked and fended it off with his hands. "Hey! You ought to be happy I haven't gotten your godfather killed off, like he was SUPPOSED to be at the end of the fifth book!"

"YOU WERE GOING TO KILL OFF SIRIUS?" Harry yelled, fuming.

"Awww.. calm down sweetie pie. Here, have some sugar." Voldemort said, pulling some candy from his pocket.

"YAY! CANDY FROM STRANGERS!" Harry yelled, launching himself at Voldemort and snatching all the candy. "BETTER YET, CANDY FROM STRANGE EVIL DARK LORDS!"

He started stuffing all the sugary food into his mouth, and consequentally sort of kinda forgot when Voldemort handed him a sugar quill and got him to sign himself over to marriage to Voldemort in exchange for all the candy Harry could ever want.

Of course, later, Voldemort came to regret that. Because when Harry demanded Voldemort transfigure himself into chocolate, he had no choice magically except to comply.

Harry did have something nice to say about him afterwards though.

Because while he may have made a lousy human being, he made a damn good bar of chocolate.