A/n: You Guys. I keep trying to FINISH "A New Chance" but I guess I have writers block. Or laziness. Or something. So, have some Moritz/Ilse-ish instead. The rating reflects the storyline, so don't read if you don't want to be ~spoiled~. Thanks to all the usual people, plus Something Corporate, song that inspired me is the title.
It was always hard to come back. It was harder still to stay where she was. She told herself she was happy and cherished but she knew that she was just an object. It didn't matter, she had been an object since she was a child. At least she was "home" then and some people loved her there. She knew that nobody loved her in Priapia.
She listened to the labored breathing of the man sleeping next to her. Her mind was racing, thinking of her friends at home. She had to get out. She hastily pulled on a shirt that Gustav painted with and ran out the door, escaping while the he was still asleep, a luxury she never had at her parents' house. Ilse gave little thought to where she was going.
He had likewise run outside. It was the only viable option now. He told his father about the failure of his lifetime. It went about as well as Moritz had expected. He was disowned from his father's house, quite a feat for a fifteen year old. Moritz could have run to the Lammermeier's barn, or better yet, the Gabor's hayloft but his father would surely find out by the time Mass was over. He ran to the clearing where they used to play pirates. Gone were the days where they played pretend with sticks, Moritz though wistfully. He was a real pirate now with a weapon and everything. He plopped himself down and sat cross-legged, his breath coming in gasps. He reached into his pocket, pulled out the gun, and stared at it. All he had to do was pull the trigger and it would be over. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
She found herself in the same clearing. Ilse sensed a dim figure kneeling in the grass. She remembered fondly the way Melchior would crouch in the grass, waiting to pounce on Wendla. As she aged, Ilse had come to realize that Moritz would never do that, however much she willed it. She sighed audibly and wondered what had become of her friends. It was then that she registered that her feet had stopped on a person.
"Who's there?" She called.
"I-Ilse? You frightened me," Moritz faltered. He would know that voice anywhere but it just couldn't be Ilse Neumann, of all people.
Oh dear Lord in heaven. Ilse crouched down in the grass next to him. She was sure he was searching for something no matter how he denied it. She was searching for something as well. Ilse talked and talked, like she did when she was nervous … an attempt to fill up the awkward and sad space that was now between them. She told him of her life now and reminisced about life when they were little. Ilse noted with sadness that Moritz did not share her enthusiasm for their childhood. She asked him to go away with her, and he politely refused, giving some excuse about homework. She knew he was lying. He was always such a horrid liar, even when they were children. She knew how to lie.
Ilse begged again, willing away the tears that were gathering in her eyes. He refused, a little more forcefully. She dropped the subject and ran off, determined that Moritz not know the reason for her tears.
Moritz stayed in the clearing. He wondered why he couldn't go with her, why he didn't seduce her and kiss her, like he had in so many of his dreams. He had failed yet again. It seemed like she were preoccupied and searching in the grass for something they once had. Moritz wondered why she had to look when she has already found him. They could have healed each other if he had only said yes.
Ilse stopped in her tracks. His voice had carried. She wondered if she should run back to him but she heard another sound that answered for her. It was then that Ilse knew she'd be back in town, she'd see Wendla and Melchior, and they'd say goodbye for a final time.