A/N: This is set before Red turns himself. A little one-shot looking in to Ressler's life after Audrey leaves him. No Keenler yet. Mention of Liz but that's it. Good possibility there could be another one-shot to follow up this as I have an idea for a series of them. I hope you all enjoy and thank you for reading!
A Ring And A Letter To End It All
"Audrey, babe?"
Donald Ressler entered the apartment he shared with his fiancé. He was exhausted. It had been another long night working at the office tracking down another dead end lead. This Task Force was going to be the end of him but he wasn't going to lie he loved it. The thrill of the chase. He was going to get him. They didn't just put someone as new and young as he was on a task force like this if they didn't think he could do it. He had proven himself to his bosses as well and they just promoted him to case agent to Raymond Reddington. Some of his coworkers weren't too happy but they hadn't dedicated their whole careers prior to the task force studying the man.
"Babe?" he called out once more. She should be home by now.
He reached the bedroom and caught his breath when he saw the glint of her engagement ring on his nightstand with a letter. He refused to move. He knew what this meant and he refused to move or recognize it. She was his life. She made his life. Without her he just had his job. He just had Reddington. And what kind of life was that? After what seemed like an eternity he finally moved and lifted the ring and opened the letter.
"Donnie, I'm sorry this is how I'm doing this. It's the coward's way I know. But if I did it any other way I wouldn't be able to. I love you so much but I can't be second to your job. And if I made you choose you'd pick your job. It's who you are. And it would break my heart to have you choose it over me. So, I'm making the decision. I love you but I'm leaving."
He let the letter fall to the ground while tears fell down his face. The ring was clenched in his fist that soon found its way through the wall. She left him. She LEFT him. No discussion. Just a note and ring left behind and she was gone. Donald looked at his hand that was now throbbing in pain. There was blood on his knuckles. It didn't matter. It felt better than the emotional pain he was feeling.
Don wasn't sure when he made the call. He had poured himself drink after drink after drink. Each one numbed the pain a little more than the drink prior. He had collected every picture, every memento of their time together and threw them in a box. He contemplated throwing them all out but instead he shoved them in the far reaches of his closet. When he returned to the living room he was standing there. His partner. His only friend.
"Jesus, Donnie. You look like shit." Sean O'Dell was in the midst of picking up a shattered snowglobe. "Did this make you feel better?" He inspected the base of it. "Ah, your New York trip with Audrey. Sure, hey let's destroy everything. Every memory of the two of you." He kicked the couch. "I'm sure you had plenty of moments here. Let's burn it."
"I'm not finding you amusing." Don dropped to the couch and reached over to grab his drink off the end table. "Why are you here?"
"You called me. Woke Janet up out of a deep sleep. I left her and Katie to come see your sorry ass."
He felt like a jerk. Sean's wife just had a baby a few weeks ago and here he was. With Don. Not at home with his wife and baby daughter. But, that was the kind of friend Sean was. He'd drop anything for anyone he cared about. He watched Sean head in to the kitchen and he heard the sound of the coffee maker brewing. No, he wasn't going to sober up.
"Bring a beer while you are in there, man." Don yelled.
"Here," he said setting a mug of coffee in front him a minute later. "No more drinking. I don't feel like explaining to the boss why you didn't come in. And we've already used our food poisoning excuse once."
"Remind me again why I choose to socialize with you outside of work?" Don grumbled as he drank the coffee.
"Because I'm the only who doesn't think you are dick." Sean took a seat in the recliner next to the couch. Don threw a pillow at him. "Ok, so not everyone thinks you are. But, I'm the only one that will put up with your moodiness. It rivals Janet's on a bad day."
Don rolled his eyes. If he called Sean it wasn't for a bad pep talk. Which he knew were this was headed. He wanted someone to help him wallow in his pain. To get trashed with him. Not sober him up so he could be an adult to go in to work. He never felt this kind of pain. How had it been so easy for Audrey to leave him?
"Was I that bad, Sean?"
"Ask Janet the toll this jobs put on her. What my chasing after Reddington does to her. Janet has the advantage of being from a law enforcement family though. She gets the life. Audrey, she just didn't. And I don't blame her for wanting more of you. You don't know how to leave work at work." Sean pulled out the recliner. "It wasn't easy for her. Don't think for a minute it was. She loves you."
"Funny way of showing it."
He didn't remember falling asleep on the couch. Or picking up his mess when he woke in the morning. His hand was bandaged which was odd. He would have remembered that. It became clear what had happened when his door opened and there was a blonde woman with a baby strapped to her. She had a bag in her hand that she dropped in front of him.
"Now, Katie. This is why we don't drink ourselves stupid. See how bad he looks?"
"Nice to see you too, Janet." He was looking for his phone to see the time. Don found it and tried not to curse in front of the baby. "I'm late. Why didn't the alarm go off?"
"Sean turned it off. He told me to come wake you up, bring you a greasy breakfast and make sure you looked presentable." She took the baby out of the carrier and bounced her on her knee. "He's covering for you for another hour or so. Don't make him regret it."
He took no time in devouring his meal. Then he made his way in to his room to shower and dress. When he came out Janet was pouring coffee in his to travel mug. Katie was making little baby noises as he snagged her out Janet's arms. He smiled as she snuggled in to his neck then he pecked Janet on the top of the head. He didn't deserve the O'Dell's. Sean was like a brother and his family was his family. He didn't deserve them so he never took them for granted.
"Katie girl," he said softly. "You still love Uncle Donnie, don't you?"
"She will always love her Uncle Donnie. Even if he is an idiot." Janet took the baby back from him as she ushered him out the door. "Dinner at our house tonight, ok? I'll make my world famous spaghetti and meatballs."
He just laughed as he followed her out the door. Don made sure she and Katie got to their car alright before getting in his own and heading in to work. He could only wonder what excuse Sean made to cover for him. Work was good though. Work would take his mind of Audrey. And the diamond ring in his sock drawer.
IIIIIIII
Time went on for Don. His heart ached when he thought of Audrey and the life he imagined for them. He wondered what she would be doing every now and then but he eventually forced it all away. He threw himself more and more in to the job. In to hunting Raymond Reddington. Night after night of staying at the office until well past midnight. There were nights were even Sean and Janet could not talk him over. No promise of world famous spaghetti and meatballs and no promise of baby snuggles. It was work and nothing else. That was how he got through the day.
Then the day came when Sean told him he was transferring out of the unit. That Reddington was taking too much of a toll on his family. Don knew it only meant the end of their working relationship but that they'd always be close. Once Sean left the unit it was easier to get lost in the work without Sean interrupting him but it was also easier for the O'Dell's to bribe him over.
And one morning while sitting at his desk going over a file that was surprisingly unrelated to Reddington, he got a call. It was a call he never expected to get. Raymond Reddington had turned himself over to the F.B.I. willingly. Five years of chasing the man and he just turned himself in. And after all the examinations and interviewing it was determined he was in fact Reddington. As he sat in the box, Don couldn't help but feel relief that chasing this man was over. Then he said those words, "I only speak with Elizabeth Keen" and it changed everything.
He and a team rushed to her house. A rookie agent fresh out of Quantico. A profiler no less. And Reddington would only speak with her. Don walked up to Keen who was standing on her stoop with who he assumed was her husband. She was in awe at the man power at her house. They whisked her away to the Post Office and he watched as she interacted with Reddington. He didn't think much of her and found himself very suspicious of her.
It was a hell of a first couple of days for Keen he had to admit. She was in a car accident, almost shot, watched her husband get stabbed, stabbed Reddington in the neck with a pen, and saved a little girl. He was slightly impressed with her pen neck stabbing of Reddington.
And after that first Blacklister they took down it became apparent this new arrangement was going to be unpleasant to say the least. He didn't have a set partner and he liked having one. He trusted Meera Malik. She was more than competent but then he'd be sent with Keen on a task and he wasn't overly confident in her. And Reddington's smug remarks grated on him. Not to mention that he would only discuss cases with Keen.
"I don't know man," he said one night over the phone with Sean. "Malik is good. Keen…she's too green. Too emotional. She could get a lot of us killed."
"So, you have two female partners? Is that what you are telling me Donnie?" Sean chuckled.
"I'm trying to be serious." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the couch.
"I can only give so much advice. Besides, you aren't even authorized to tell me what your unit is even working on." Sean sighed. "Ok, my advice? Cut the rookie a break. Maybe teach her a few things? I can't have you tormenting my replacement."
He wanted to listen to Sean and cut Keen a break but she had to earn it. And all it took was the Lorca case to have it all come crashing down on him. For him to see she was human and deserved his respect. When she was taken and all evidence pointed to Lorca orchestrating it and he was hell bent on finding her. He went so far as to tag along with Reddington to a meet with Lorca. Undercover work was never his strong suit but he managed to fool Lorca.
The sight of Keen immobile in that wheelchair with Red standing next to her made his heart nearly stop. He had feared they'd be too late and the Stewmaker would have done what he was hired to do. Red had reached her first and it didn't take a genius to know he had done something with the Stewmaker. But, all that mattered was that Keen was alive. When she broke down in his arms he felt the ice melt. Keen had been through hell and needed someone to tell her it would be ok. He felt awkward at first but then it came natural. Just to hold her and whisper reassuring words in her ear.
That's when the dreams of Audrey halted. He was no longer tormented with visions of her in his sleep. Don wanted to credit the fact that time had gone by and he was moving on. But, if you asked Sean it was that there was another woman creeping in to his thoughts. That was a bunch of crap he told himself. He was beginning to like and respect her but that was it. She was married and could drive him up the wall.
Besides, there was no room in his life for anyone else. He ruined the one good thing he had with Audrey because he didn't know how to leave his work at work. He didn't know how to make someone more important than his work and his failure with Audrey proved that. He was left broken hearted while she moved on. Moved on from him and the future they planned. That was something he had to accept and maybe one day he wouldn't make the same mistake if given the chance to fall in love again.