I'm starting another story…..I know it's kinda bad that I'm now writing a 3rd fanfic, and am going to start writing a 4th but hay I can multitask!...sorta :\ Anyway let me know what ya'll think :) Lemme know if I should continue…it's kinda like a preview\first chapter :) Enjoy!

Chapter 1

I sat there alone in my room, a million thoughts going through my mind at once; I honestly don't know what to think anymore. I'm tired of living a lie, but yet, the lie has made my life what it is today, but yet, wouldn't I be happier? Wouldn't I be happy that I could finally be comfortable with myself and can finally stop worrying? Well it's never that perfect, nothing ever goes down well with me, everyone will probably be mad at me because I've been lying to them this entire time.

I'm gay, I've always hid it from everyone, ever since I realized I didn't like girls in 5th grade, I've just pretended and it kept me safe. Safe….what was I protecting myself from exactly? I'm not in school anymore….so I don't have to worry about being bullied. I'm 29 and living on my own, so I don't have to worry about my parents kicking me out, but I do have to worry about my mom disowning me or something, but that wouldn't even matter to me, we haven't spoken since my dad died, we were never close in the first place, she never supported me in any way, so we just didn't talk much when I lived with my parents, she wanted me to be perfect, but I couldn't, she hated me for it.

I sigh softly, what am I really afraid of? Maybe it's just the different lifestyle, it's not easy being gay, society spits on you, they take away your rights, you can't get married (in some states) It's just not the life for me, but it's not like I have a choice. I didn't choose to be gay, I was born with these damn feelings towards men, and I hate it! But even though everything about girls disgusted me (I don't mean that in a bad way, they're fun to be around and make great best friends, but the thought of having sex with them and getting married to one just….makes me sick) I still dated them. I had sex with them (even though it made me want to puke!) I pretended to be straight.

It's horrible and I'm tired of living a fucking lie! But I can't come out….I just can't do it, I'm too scared. I don't want to be hated by everyone, especially my friends because I've been lying to them, I've never told anyone I'm gay, never. People have assumed sure, because I'm so fucking feminine, and I have a very open mind. I've always told people I find men attractive, well I find them very attractive, but it's not like I'll tell anyone that. I kiss guys, but I also kiss girls, to my disgust, I wear make-up, I even talk like a gay man, it's so fucking obvious! I'm not very good at hiding it, but some people just see it as me being 'comfortable with my sexuality' so they just think I'm flirty around guys jokingly, I'm not even a good actor, but I guess I've been getting pretty good at it since I've been acting my entire life.

There have been so many times I've thought and even tried coming out, but I've failed every time. There were many different reasons that made me want to try, like maybe I found someone I wanted to be with, or I was just so tired of pretending, and then I get scared and yeah, doesn't turn out well. Lately I've been trying to come out, but it's kinda been involuntary, maybe my body and mind are just tired of hiding this secret I've kept for 29 years. I've tried hinting it to people all the time, but they're not picking up on it, well someone sort of is.

I hear a soft knock at my door, "Come in!" I say. As my door slightly opens the love of my life slowly slips in, Adam Lambert. We're on our second tour for his new album, we've been on the road for about a month, and the tour is probably going to be as long as the last one, six fucking months, I don't know how much longer I'm gonna last on a cramped bus with Adam without cracking. Lately Adam has sort of picked up on my hints, and he's noticed something's wrong, but he doesn't know what it is, and when Adam knows there's something wrong, we won't stop until he finds out what it is and has done all he can do to help you, one of the reasons why I love him.

"Hey Tommy," he says softly, he walks over to my bunk and sits down next to me, "You okay? You've been in here all day, I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine Adam; I just have a lot on my mind that's all." I say softly.

"What's on your mind?" He asks, "Is there anything I can help you with, you know I'm always here to listen." I smile a little, Adam always wants to help everyone he absolutely hates it when he can't, he also hates it when you won't let him help you. I remember the day I fell for him, it was a few weeks after I auditioned for his band, I was feeling really low about myself, and he helped me through it, he didn't stop until he made me smile, faster that day he just always made my heart beat, and never failed to put a smile on my face, but if he found out I'm gay, I don't know what he'll think, he'll probably be mad I've been lying to him about my entire life.

"Tommy?" He says slightly worried, his voice pulls me out of my thought; I smile a little and speak.

"Oh sorry, I spaced there for a minute, what were you saying?" I ask.

"I was asking you what's on your mind." He asks curious to know.

"Nothing you need to worry about," I say, "just some things about family and friends, nothing bad or anything I was just thinking how I don't communicate with them that much, that's all." I lie.

"Anything else?" He asks not buying my answer.

"Nope." I say with a smile.

"Well alright," he says, "if you need to talk or anything you know where to find me, oh and we'll be at the hotel in about an hour."

"Okay cool." I say, Adam walks towards my door to leave. I could just tell him now, tell him everything, I could come clean, and it would be off my chest, he could help me, he knows what it's like, he's gay too! He could help me tell everyone else, and maybe we could even be in a relationship…all I have to do is tell him, just two simple words 'I'm gay' Okay, okay I can do this. "Adam?" I say.

"Yeah, Tommy?" He turns around, I look into his eyes, they're so beautiful, bright blue, so full of care and love. I couldn't ask for a better friend, no matter what I say to him he'll still accept me, he'll always be there for me, I just have to tell him.

"Adam I….-" I can't finish my sentence, my voice fails me, my hearts beating faster in my chest, why can't I tell him?

"What is it Tommy?" He asks taking a step towards me, his eyes growing full of concern. I can't do it… I can't tell him….but I have to, I have to do it! I can't keep living this lie! I don't want to keep living this lie! I can't handle it anymore! "Tommy, are you okay?" he asks taking another step towards me.

"Y-yeah I'm fine," I say, barely audible, "I just wanted to say thank you….for everything."

"It's nothing Tommy," He says, "I'd do anything for you, you're my best friend." He hugs me tightly and my heart starts pounding in my chest, I hope to Satan he can't feel it, he lets me go and leaves the room.

There ya go Chapter 1 :) I hope you liked it, I came up with it last night, it's gonna be fun to write, and don't worry I'll still update my other stories, I won't put any of them on hold, accept for I Never told You, I'm not sure what to do with that one O.o Anyways, just saying I love reviews :)

~Sarah~