Chapter One

"Harry… Harry… Harry…" In a dank and lonely cell a skeletal man whispers the name. The only other sounds are the crashing of waves and the moans and wails from other personal hells. The name is whispered over and over, like a prayer, a mantra, a bright chord holding together the man's sanity. At last the man seems to gather his strength and with a quiet 'pop', in his place sits a skeletal black dog. It curls in on itself, huffs out a quiet breath and dozes off into a restless sleep.

Many miles away, another man wakes, grey eyes staring in the darkness, scarred body tense and the name 'Sirius' trembling on his lips.

Remus Lupin climbs out of bed, heart aching, and pads quietly to the window staring out at the night sky. It's a clear night. The stars are bright, the moon is waning. The dreams of Sirius are always more vivid after a change. The wolf inside never accepted Sirius's guilt and the dreams are its way of letting the man know. But all the evidence… how could he possibly be innocent?

Remus heaves a sigh and turns, walking out of the room to the cramped kitchen. Perhaps a cup of tea will help him sleep. He prepares it the muggle way… turning on the kettle, packing the tea leaves in a strainer, waiting for the water to boil. In the two years since the murders of James and Lily, and the revelation of Sirius's betrayal, sleep has been hard to come by. The quiet routine of preparing tea seems to soothe and calm and has proved to be an effective way of getting some semblance of a night's rest.

Remus stirs in a dollop of cream, a pinch of sugar and ponders the day ahead.

"It's time," he murmurs. "There's no more excuse. They would never forgive me for putting it off this long anyway. I have to go. I have to see. I have to know he is all right."

He sips and thinks of the last time he saw Harry. He had stopped by the Potter's home, exhausted from living undercover amongst the werewolves siding with Voldemort. He'd slipped away when his revulsion at the cruelty, the violence, the perversion of Fenrir Greyback and his followers had become too much. He needed a breath of life, of innocence, of hope, and baby Potter was all those things and more.

Harry had squealed with delight and held out his arms and called him Unca Moo, much to the hilarity of James. He hadn't stayed long. He'd simply sat and let Lily's stories of Harry's new accomplishments wash over him. He'd watched the baby crawl and play and simply be. Alive, precious, uncorrupted. Two weeks later, James and Lily were dead, Peter was dead, Sirius was a traitor, and Harry was spirited away by Dumbledore.

Remus didn't know how he had gotten through the next year and a half. It was grey and murky. A myriad of days and images. A funeral? Was there a funeral? Tears.. long empty nights… writing and research to make ends meet and hours and hours just staring at the wall. The full moon had been a blessed relief. The pain, a welcome distraction from the crater in his heart. The wounds he inflicted on himself, his penance for not having saved his friends.

But six months ago, in the dead of the night he could have sworn he heard a voice whisper just one word, "Harry." And it was as if an ember deep within ignited, slowly bringing him back to life.

Convincing Dumbledore to let him check in on the child had been an exercise in frustration. Albus refused, insisting it was too dangerous and that Harry's safety was more important than anything else. It was that statement which Remus clutched at and used to leverage Dumbledore into agreeing. If the child's safety was paramount than wouldn't it make sense for him to be checked on? And who better to ascertain that Harry was healthy and happy and safe then the last remaining best friend of the Potters. Dumbledore relented and gave his location with the warning to use extreme caution and make sure he wasn't followed.

Remus finished his tea and returned to his bed. His dozing thoughts drifted towards Sirius and in his exhaustion he failed to push them away and lock them out like he always did.

Remus lay in the hospital wing, bruised and bloody. Sirius sat on the floor beside him and for the first time in Remus's experience of him, Sirius wept.

"Sirius?" Remus croaked, his throat sore from the howls of last night's change. Sirius scrambled to his knees and clutched Remus's hand.

"Sirius," Remus tried again, voice a little stronger, "what happened?" But Sirius could only weep.

The door to the hospital wing opened and Dumbledore glided in, white hair and beard gleaming against robes of midnight blue patterned with silver stars.

"Sirius, kindly go to my office and wait for me to return. I like lemon drops." The usual twinkle in his eyes was somewhat dimmed. Sirius nodded and stood, attempting to stem the flow of tears. He looked down again at Remus, his eyes filled with remorse and tightened his grip on his hands. Then, he let them fall and quietly left.

Dumbledore drew near and used his wand to draw an overstuffed pink armchair by Remus's bed. "Good morning Remus. I trust Madame Pomfrey's taking good care of you?"

Remus merely nodded, dread, a hard knot in his belly. Dumbledore sighed. "You didn't bite anyone, child. It was a very near thing but thanks to the heroic actions of James all is well." Dumbledore paused, deep in thought. When the silence continued until it became almost painfully uncomfortable Remus asked, "Professor? What happened? Why is Sirius a wreck? Why are you here? Am I expelled? Do I have to leave?"

"No, no my boy. It seems Sirius told Severus Snape how to enter the passage below the Whomping Willow. He failed to tell him what he would find at the other side. James found out about it and went through as well, pulling Severus back to safety. But not before he caught a glimpse of you. He has given me his word that he will not tell a soul." Dumbledore continued speaking but Remus had stopped listening.

Betrayal, hurt, anger rose in his chest choking him and letting no words escape. Dumbledore had finished speaking, patted Remus on the head and left. Madame Pomfrey returned with a healing potion and Remus slipped into dreamless sleep.

When he woke, Sirius was back, looking down at Remus, eyes filled with an emotion Remus couldn't identify. They stared into each other's eyes and Remus whispered words that he had never meant less, "Go away. I hate you."

Sirius just shook his head and to Remus's amazement he kicked off his shoes and climbed into his bed. He pulled Remus close, legs tangling, noses almost touching, breath mingling. "Are you going to let me explain?" he whispered.

"What possible explanation could there be?" he asked.

"Just listen. Yesterday, I was in a hurry. Running late for class. I'd run into Reg and we got into it about the 'rents and I was in a bad mood. Snivellus chose then to try a new spell on me. Yanked me up by my ankle and had me dangling in the air…" A humorless laugh escaped Sirius. "It actually would have been pretty funny if I hadn't been in such a foul mood and if it had been anyone else but that jackass. He started in on you. Trying to find out where you went every month, calling you names and I just lost it. I told him why don't you go knock your head against the Whomping Willow and find out. I thought it would be funny to have him get beat up by that tree. I never thought he would be able to make it through. I would never put you at risk that way. I couldn't Moony. I wouldn't do it.. I don't know how he managed… I'd never put you in danger… Remus… I l.."

Sirius's voice caught and his eyes shimmered again with unshed tears. Remus looked into his eyes and Sirius seemed to take courage. His voice strengthened and he murmured it. "Remus, I love you." Remus saw the sincerity in his eyes and he forgave him instantly. He leaned in just an inch and their lips met for the first time.

Remus Lupin turned to face the wall and wept until he finally dozed off to sleep.