Yeah, I own EVERYTHING! The Other's are actually aliens that I brought to the Island from a distant planet called Disclaimer.
Hi. So cast your brain back to episode 310: Tricia Tanaka Is Dead. This was inspired by Hurley's Van of Near Death. Totally AU from that episode on.
Have FUN!!! Oh, I wrote this back when I still liked Roger. Now I think he was an ass.
Hurley came busting out of the jungle covered in sweat as always seemed to happen if he ran more than two steps. Seeing Charlie, Sawyer and Jin at the edge of the water he ran over to them. "Dudes," he panted, "I have," pant, "the most," pant, "killer," pant, "idea," pant.
"Spit it out Waffle House," Sawyer interrupted, using his current favorite Hurley insult. Not that he'd ever admit it, but Sawyer spent hours thinking up new insults for everyone.
Ignoring him Hurley looked around the group as he caught his breath. Sawyer's impatient scowl, Jin's slightly confused focus and Charlie's accepting interest. "ROAD TRIP!" All three men stared at Hurley with mouths hanging open.
"Uh, hate to burst your bubble here, pork chop, but you need a road for a road trip," Sawyer spit out trying hard not to show his interest.
"Where would we go?" this came from Charlie while Jin just looked on in interest, only understanding about half of what was being said.
"I don't know where we'd go. I say we just get in the van and drive. Go wherever we want. Just get away for a while." Looking around he tried a different tact. "Look, everything sucks around here right now. The Others have Jack. Kate, John and Sayid are gone. Everyone's all tense and anxious and I think we need to blow off some steam. Come on, it'll be fun," he finished with a smile across his big, broad face.
"I'm in," Charlie said with a grin, forgetting for a moment the death sentence hanging over his head.
"I. Am. In," Jin said in his careful, thoughtful way. He liked these three men. Besides, Sawyer might teach him more phrases in English. They all turned to watch Sawyer.
"What the hell," he said, throwing up his hands, "I got nothing better to do," he huffed out. "But this better not turn into some touchy- feely bonding crap!" With that they all went to pack.
LOSTLOSTLOSTLOST
A few hours later they met on the field at the van, each man carting a bag of what he considered 'road trip necessities'. After stowing them in the back of the van they started to climb in when Charlie spoke up, "Um, I have something," he said as he pulled a box from his bag and handing it to Hurley. "It just felt right that we bring it." Sawyer and Jin leaned towards Hurley to see what it was only to recoil in disgust when Hurley opened the box.
"What the crap, you little hobbit!?" Sawyer yelled as he jumped back, staring at the skull.
"Yeah man, Morbid much!"
"But it's Roger. He deserves one last ride, don't you think?" Silence filled the air until Jin stepped forward and took the box from Hurley.
"It is right. Roger should come," turning; he placed the box on the front seat of the van before climbing into the back.
"Well, now that that's settled," Hurley said, clapping his hands together, "let's get a move on!" With that, they piled in the van. Hurley took the wheel with Sawyer riding shotgun and Charlie joining Jin in the kid seats.
LOSTLOSTLOSTLOST
After an hour of driving through the jungle Sawyer began to get restless and fidgety. "Hey, twinkle toes! Toss me my bag would 'ya?"
Charlie struggled to pull the heavy duffel over the back of the seat. "What do you have in here, rocks?"
After finally getting the bag into the front seat Sawyer answered Charlie by opening the bag and pulling out a can of Dharma Initiative brand beer and tossing it to the diminutive Englishman.
"Beer. You packed a whole bag of beer?" Charlie asked.
"You gotta a problem with that, Bambi?" Sawyer asked around a swig of the disgusting beer as he tossed one to Jin.
"At the moment, no," Charlie answered with as much dignity as he could muster while grinning like a school boy and popping open the can.
Two hours and several (dozen) beers later, Sawyer started digging in his bag again only to pull out a roll of duct tape. No one questioned how Sawyer had procured the only role of duct tape they had seen since landing on the island. Sawyer had everything, that's why they tolerated him most of the time.
When Sawyer opened Roger's box no one noticed but when he started to tape Roger to the dash Hurley almost steered into a tree, causing Charlie to squeak and curl into a ball muttering "I'm not going to die, I'm not going to die."
"Dude, what are you doing?" Hurley yelled at Sawyer.
"Helping our little buddy see where we're going," Sawyer answered without the least little qualm over taping a human skull to the dashboard of a VW van.
You can't put him there! That's like seriously messed up!" By then the deed was done and Roger was one tiny body away from being a dancing Hula girl ornament.
"Woo!" came Charlie's weak, inebriated voice from the back.
"To Roger," Jin's slurred voice drifted forward as he toasted their long dead companion.
So, that was the first chapter. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. The Next chapter will be up as soon as I'm done beta-ing.
See that little Purple button? If you push and leave a review I'll give you a poptart!