Deep space. Seven crew members. One cat.
At some point during the mission, Mother the computer picked up a distress signal from a unknown source, but something humanoid. The crew jumped into action. There were no moons, planets, or planetoids nearby. So, they switched on all the viewing monitors to see if they could spot anything.
On a monitor, Ellen Ripley watched the goingson outside and soon she saw it on the screen...a crudely-build little shuttle spinning out-of-control through the expanding darkness.
"Captain, I see it."
"There's a spaceman in there," Brett remarked. "And he's in trouble."
Dallas nodded, calling out to Mother. "We need to rescue it and bring the astronaut to safety."
Mother released a net-shaped force-field from a special section of the ship and caught the runaway shuttle inside. This held the vessel safely in place.
"Bring him aboard, Mother."
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Ripley asked, always a cautious one.
The male officers ignored her and went about their business. The doors opened and the visitor was brought inside.
Lambert joined the rest on the deck, and tried to get a glimpse of the rescued spaceman. But her male colleagues crowded around him and blocked her view.
"Who is he? What is he?" Lambert asked.
"It's a little green man," Parker told her.
"Don't give us that crap," Ripley retorted.
"No, really. I'm serious, we got a little green guy here." Parker stepped aside so the two women could see the tiny visitor.
The person stood just barely four feet tall, with skinny limbs and very long fingers. His spacesuit glistened with silver and his oversized helmet seemed to weigh down his slight body, a green face visible through the dark glass.
"I can't believe it...," Lambert breathed.
"We just saved an alien life form, you can believe it," Ash said, folding his arms.
"And what a cute little fellow," Kane quipped.
"Right," Brett mumbled.
"Who the heck are you?" Parker asked, bending lower to see the creature's face better.
The small humanoid stood motionless for a second, probably still reeling from his wild ride on the shuttle. The little guy needed a moment to get used to his new surroundings, not to mention those seven curious strangers looming over him.
Dallas got down on his knees to be at eye level with the alien, to help him feel more relaxed. "You're aboard the Nostomo. Nobody is going to hurt you. Can you speak? Have you got a name?"
The little alien reached up to unfasten his bulky helmet. Then, the helmet slid off and revealed his narrow, shiny, green head. The creature's facial features were very human-like. A yellow tongue strayed from his mouth and licked his dry, cracked lips.
"I apologize, my friends, for I must have misplaced my manners," said the green alien. "I thank you exceptionally well for rescuing me from such peril. I am unsure what went wrong, but I lost control of my vessel. I cannot imagine where I would be now if you kind souls had not saved me. My name is Garg A. Lesis. My home is Erutrot-Elkcit; that is a planet somewhat far from here. I am pleased and charmed to be your guest in this delightful Nostomo."
The crew couldn't believe their eyes and ears.
The alien spoke perfect English. He had a quirky voice and a friendly little smile.
"I must find a way to repay you lovely persons for rescuing me. We can start with breakfast. I will treat you to these doughnuts."
With that, the alien slid his boney hand into a pocket and, somehow, produced a white rectangular box.
"These doughnuts are from my very own private stock and there is none better in the galaxy. I realize this is not nearly enough to repay your great kindness but it is the very least I can do. Once you have finished breakfast, I will have found more ways to repay you. If there is one thing I pride myself on, that is showing the utmost gratitude."
Kane smirked in amusement. "Talkative little sucker, isn't he?"
Ripley wasn't buying any of this. She marched over to the alien and kicked the box out of his hands as if it were a rifle. The doughnuts scattered on the floor.
"I hate doughnuts! And if you think we're eating anything from you, then you're out of your puny green skull," Ripley said, after disarming the little man of his doughnuts.
The alien picked up all the pastries off the floor and refilled the box. "Madam, I wish you no harm. All I wish is to show my gratitude."
"Let's give him a chance, Ripley," Dallas said. "He seems harmless enough."
"What did you say your name was?" Lambert asked, timidly.
"I am Garg A. Lesis from Erutrot-Elkcit, a distance green and pink planet. It's such a lovely place to live, you should all visit there. That would be most charming. My species is known as Erutrotians. My friends call me...Spin."
"Why do they call you that?"
"Because I cannot fly a shuttle without whirling and twirling and spinning," answered the alien, merrily.
When all the doughnuts had been collected from the floor, Kane took the box and thanked him properly.
"Well, Spin...We accept your gracious offer of these delightful, slightly dirty doughnuts and we hope you will join us so we can enjoy your charming presence at our table," he said, mocking the alien's style of talking.
Spin was apparently blind to this joking around, and so he just smiled and accepted the invitation. "Why, it would be my pleasure to grace you with my charming presence while you enjoy breakfast!"
Everyone found this humorous, except for Ellen Ripley.
"Dallas, I have a bad feeling about this," she warned him, when the alien was out of ear-shot.
The bearded man assured her everything would be fine. "I wouldn't let him remain on Nostomo if I thought he posed a threat. The safety of my crew means everything to me, Ripley. You know that."
Ripley sighed. "I just...have a bad feeling about this guy, ya know?"
"He'll join us for breakfast, we'll eat his doughnuts, then we'll find a way to send him home. Okay?"
Ripley still wasn't thrilled with the whole idea, but she nodded in consent.
Soon everyone gathered around the table for breakfast. They munched on the doughnuts and drank hot coffee. Ripley, however, slipped away while the others were eating so she could do some research. She did a search for 'Erutrotians' on her computer.
A hazy picture of a planet showed up on the monitor, along with a picture of their suspicious guest. There was a list of facts and information available.
Ripley read quietly to herself:
"Erutrotians are a civilized race of alien from the planet Erutrot-Elkcit; they are fluent in over fifty languages and exhibit human-like characteristics. Erutrotians are religiously well-mannered and tend to be overly grateful when someone does them a favor. This race is mostly harmless and peaceful, if treated respectfully. While he may seem eccentric, the Erutrotian has been known to befriend other species, including humans. If you are visited by a Erutrotian and wish him to leave, he will do so. However, there is something you must be cautious of when dealing with a Erutrotian. They love to tickle, and they are devious, relentless ticklers. If you happen to be ticklish, then you must be very careful not to let the Erutrotian discover this. Or else, he will stay for weeks and months and perhaps even longer. Do not let him find out about your ticklishness for your own safety."
When Ripley finished reading, she breathed a sigh of relief. That's the worst he can do? Tickle? she thought, amused. She wasn't worried because she wasn't ticklish at all.
Meanwhile at the breakfast table, the crew continued eating the doughnuts. Even though there was only one box, the supply seemed endless. The doughnuts were baked perfectly, soft and moist on the inside, coated with sweet glaze. Each pastry oozed with a different kind of fruit jelly or cream.
"How did you make these out here in space?" Lambert asked, losing count of how many she had eaten.
Spin smiled. "All of the ingredients are from my home planet, Ms. Lambert."
Ripley entered the room, looking in disgust at her companions as they made pigs of themselves.
"Hello there, Ripley. Have a seat," Kane said.
"You can sit next to Spin there," Parker said, pointing to the empty place beside the alien.
"I don't wanna sit next to Spin," Ripley mumbled, but then remembered she had to be polite. "Oh. Oh, yes...I would love to sit next to Mr. Spin."
"Would you like a doughnut, Ripley?" Dallas asked. "There's plenty left."
"I told you guys, I don't like doughnuts. They're too sweet."
Then, Ripley remembered again to be as polite as possible. "Oh, alright...maybe just one."
With that, she picked up a doughnut and took a small bite. She winced as the sweet blackberry jelly gushed into her mouth.
"I am immensely pleased that you gracious people are enjoying the doughnuts I have prepared with my own little hands," Spin quipped.
"You're a pretty damn good cook," Brett commented.
"I never knew aliens cooked," Lambert said.
"You would be surprised at all the marvelous things we can do," Spin explained. "You refer to me as an alien, but keep in mind, aliens are people too."
"The little green guy has a point," Parker said.
"Right, he does," Brett added.
Ripley set down the remainder of her doughnut and drank some bitter coffee to wash away the sugary sweetness from her mouth.
"What's it like on Erutrot...Elkcit?" Lambert asked slowly to pronounce the name correctly.
"Oh, it is the most delightful planet to live on. No crimes, no cruelty, only delightful people like myself so there is no need for weapons or cages. Of course, being such a peaceful world there is always time for play."
"Do you have a hobby?" Ripley asked quietly, not wanting to seem rude by avoiding the conversation.
"Oh, yes indeed," Spin replied cheekily. "I have many hobbies: meditation, dancing, singing, baking, whistling, drawing, embroidery, star-gazing, wrestling, reading, hiking, calligraphy, tickling...to name just a few."
"Did you say 'tickling'?" Lambert asked, confused. "That's not a hobby."
Spin chuckled a bit. "My people very much enjoy tickling. Unfortunately, many of the humans we have encountered were not sensitive to the tickle sensation. Our attempts to tickle these people were unsuccessful. Quite odd, don't you think?"
"It would have worked on me," Kane said, with a sheepish smile.
Spin looked at him. "What do you mean, Mr. Kane?"
"I'm very ticklish on my feet," Kane admitted.
"Really? Me too!" Dallas said, grinning.
Ripley's eyes filled with terror. "You guys...shut up."
Spin gazed at the human crew with an odd little smile on his face. He casually picked up a cup of coffee and took a very long sip. Ripley glared at her colleagues and shook her head as a way to warn them but the guys didn't get it.
"Such a splendid breakfast," Spin sighed happily, patting his small mouth with a napkin. He then slid down from his chair and yawned, stretching his boney arms high over his head. "Good Heavens, I suddenly feel so tired..."
"Must have been that rough tumble you took out there, little guy," Dallas told him, "You should get some sleep. Ripley, you show him where he can rest."
Ripley rolled her eyes, pushing herself off the chair and taking hold of the green alien's little hand. "Come with me," she mumbled, yanking on the alien as she walked briskly down the corridors. She led him into a closet several yards away from the chamber where she and the crew slept. "You can stay in here, where you'll hopefully be far enough away from my crew…so you won't be disturbed if anyone snores." She added that last part to avoid sounding rude.
"I thank you for your generous hospitality, Ms. Ripley. May I also have a pillow and blanket?"
"Yes." Ripley went and brought him everything he needed and then watched as Spin prepared a little bed for himself inside the closet. He made himself very comfortable. Surprisingly, the closet space was just big enough for a cozy bedroom for the four-foot-tall humanoid. So Ripley left him there, leaving the door open.
Nobody heard anything from Spin the rest of the day. The green man just slept and slept until finally, it was bedtime for the crew as well.
Everybody ate dinner, brushed their teeth, and went about their usual nighty-time routine. They removed their uniforms, leaving themselves in nothing but white underclothes and bare feet. Ripley was very concerned about dozing off with a strange alien on their ship…especially since she knew exactly what Spin's intentions were. Since Kane and Dallas had foolishly admitted their little weaknesses…she knew something was going to happen. So, she told everyone exactly what she had learned and what Spin intended to do with them.
"Ripley, are you positive about this?" Dallas asked.
"I know it sounds bizarre but you heard Spin say it himself…he loves to tickle people."
"This is a very serious thing, Ripley," Lambert scolded.
"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Parker inquired.
"Because I didn't know any of you morons were going to blurt out that you're ticklish! That's why!" Ripley barked, glaring at Kane who looked down at the floor in shame.
"Well, what do you think we should do now?" Ash asked, calmly pushing a stick of chewing gum into his mouth.
"There are seven of us and only one of him," Dallas spoke, pacing nervously in front of his crew but trying to sound confident. "Plus he's a small guy…no way he could overpower any of us."
"Right," Brett responded.
"Got a good point there, Captain," Ash complimented him. "Now I say we all just forget about our jolly green midget and get some shut-eye."
Thump!
Everybody froze.
Thump thump!
"What was that?" Ripley asked, wide-eyed.
Thump thump thump!
Lambert gasped, throwing a hand against her mouth. "What the hell is that?!" she shouted in fear.
Whoosh! The door slid wide open and Spin poked his head into the room, smiling. The crew stared at him. "We have company," said the alien, "Some dear friends of mine decided to stop by for a visit."
"Um…what?" Parker said in shock.
Suddenly, another little green head popped into the room. Then came a third one…and then a fourth. Lots of green people who resembled Spin marched into the room single file, until the room was flooded with about thirty of the diminutive humanoids.
"I hope you don't mind, I invited them over to meet the heroes who rescued me from that perilous situation," Spin explained to the baffled crew.
"No, no parties…not on my ship," Dallas was having none of it. "Spin, this has gone far enough. I want you…all of you...to leave before things get out of hand."
"No thank you, Captain Dallas," Spin replied, as if being ordered to leave was merely a friendly offer. "My people have journeyed here to enjoy the spoils of human vulnerabilities." An eerie smile crossed Spin's face at that point.
"W-what do you mean?" Lambert asked in a frightened tone.
All of the Erutrotians started smiling like mad. They could tell these people knew…
"It is time for a joyous and marvelous time, my dear people!" Spin announced with glee.
And so it began.
"Get the captain first."
Spin's people attacked Dallas and went for his exposed feet.
"No, don't," Lambert protested, shielding her eyes in horror.
Dallas howled with laughter when his bare feet got tickled. He doubled over and fell to the floor, at which point five aliens jumped on top of him. They pinned his legs to the floor so he wouldn't kick and so they could tickle him easier. Spin scratched all over the soles of his feet and was overjoyed by the man's beautiful reaction!
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STOP! PLEASE STOP!" Dallas laughed, writhing around and trying in vain to get away.
Spin laughed merrily. "My, what is so funny, Captain Dallas? Do tell me what amuses you so!"
"IT TICKLES! TIHIHICKLES!" Dallas screamed, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Spin laughed happily and continued tickling both his feet, never giving the poor captain a break.
"No, no, no! Not the feet!" Kane pleaded as they surrounded him also, about to give him the same treatment. One of the green people tripped him over backwards, causing Kane to fall right on his butt. Three aliens rushed over and began tickling his exposed soles. Kane exploded with laughter and threw his head back.
Lambert covered her ears. Everyone else watched the scene in shock.
"OH GOD! Don't tickle me…NO! STOP! HEEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kane shrieked, his face already turning red from laughter.
Spin wanted a crack at Kane too, so he lifted Kane's undershirt and poked his index finger right into Kane's bellybutton. As if having his feet tickled by three other aliens wasn't bad enough, now Spin's long-nailed finger was tickling in his bellybutton! This drove the man even wilder than before. His stomach quivered and tears started glistening his eyes. His arms would have lashed out to push away the ticklers had they not been restraining him so well. The Erutrotians worked very well as a team.
"Good Heavens!" Spin exclaimed with a huge grin. "Two human males who are both very, very ticklish! This is our lucky day, my people."
Ash leaned against the wall, calmly chewing his gum as he witnessed the chaos. Lambert sank to her knees in a corner, shielding her eyes from it all.
Kane and Dallas squealed like a couple of little girls when the aliens tickled between all their toes. The two men arched their backs and laughed so hard that they started to convulse. Tears of mirth streamed down their red faces. They writhed around, their legs and ankles reddening as they struggled to pull their feet away from the horrible tickling. Spin's team was too powerful however…there would be no escaping and no relief for their poor bare feet.
"Hey, stop it! That's enough!" Parker said, taking pity on his friends. He stormed over to confront the aliens.
The green people ignored him. Parker whirled around when he heard a scream of terror from Lambert – she was being chased around by a single alien, grabbing and poking at her sides. Parker abandoned the other two men and rushed to Lambert's aid.
"Hey, quit it! Stay away from her!" he yelled, but an alien tripped him before he could reach her. Parker screamed out as he flipped through the air and landed on his head…ending up sprawled out on the floor, unconscious.
"NO!" Lambert shouted.
Spin placed a pillow under Parker's head. "He will be perfectly fine, do not worry…but he will wake up with a bump on his head."
"This CAN'T be happening!" Lambert cried.
"Don't give up," Ripley told her, "We'll find a way to stop this."
Brett gasped when he noticed what had happened to his buddy Parker. He ran over and knelt beside the unconscious man. "What the shit happened to him?"
"It is nothing to be concerned about, Mr. Brett," Spin said, in his usual polite tone. "He simply tripped and fell down, but it was not our fault and I can assure you, I did not intend for him to get hurt."
"He'll sleep it off," Ash added, in his icy cool demeanor.
The little green boss stayed right next to Brett. The engineering technician didn't move away or say anything. He just took a drag of his cigarette while staring down at the alien with his dark brown eyes. Spin continued to gaze at him and started doing his odd little smile again.
"You don't scare me," Brett scoffed. "I'm not ticklish."
Spin's smile faded. "Aww, I am truly sorry to hear that, Mr. Brett."
Another Erutrotian crept up behind Brett and jumped onto his back. The alien attempted to straddle him, tickling his stomach in the process. Brett yelped, nearly jumping out of his skin! The cigarette flew from his mouth as he erupted in a fit of giggles.
Spin laughed. "Well, my word! It seems we have a tickly tummy, don't we, Mr. Brett?" With that, Spin started tickling his stomach as well.
Brett sank down to his knees, hugging himself in defense as they continued tickling. He tried to control himself but he couldn't stop giggling. "Okay! Ohohohakay! I lied! Heyehehehehehe! I admit it! I'm ticklish!"
Four more green people rushed over to help. They straddled Brett and forced him down flat on his stomach. His arms were pulled forcibly behind his back so he couldn't defend himself while all those long green fingers attacked his torso from all angles. They yanked his shirt all the way up and ruthlessly dug their fingers into his sides, stomach, and armpits.
"Aaaahahahahaha! Hehehehey! CUT IT OUT! Parker…PARKER! Help meeee!" Brett called out for Parker to save him, somehow forgetting that Parker had recently been knocked out cold.
Those alien hands moved to his ribcage, scratching and digging gently between each of his ribs. Spin tickled Brett's neck with both hands.
Brett let out a shrill girlish scream as he burst into louder, more hysterical laughter.
"GYAHAHAHAHAHA! DAMN YOU! HEEHEHEHEHEHEE! STOP TICKLING ME!" Brett screeched, his face pressed against the cold floor as he laughed. With his hands pinned behind his back, he could not protect himself or get up. His legs were free so he could kick but that didn't help him.
Spin's people were experts on finding the most ticklish spot on a person's body. Then they focused mainly on that particular spot. Kane and Dallas were most ticklish on the soles of their feet. For Brett, it was his ribs and neck.
"HOHOHOHOHOO! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I CAN'T STAND IT!" Kane shrieked, tears of laughter pouring down his face. His usually pale white skin had turned the most beet-like shade of red.
"S-SOMEBODY HELP US! HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PLEEEEASE!" Dallas screamed, tears and sweat soaking his entire face and beard.
Ripley knew she HAD to do something. She had to find a way to end this mess and get rid of those little bastards. Ripley then fled the room, sealing the door shut behind her to keep the Erutrotians contained in one place. It's not like any of her friends were going to be escaping anyway…
Lambert stood frozen in the corner. Her huge blue eyes rimmed red with tears as she fearfully awaited her turn.
Ash had disappeared from the room.
Ripley sprinted through the corridors, black hair bouncing as she ran. The screaming laughter and pleas for mercy from the male crew echoed throughout the ship, following her like a curse as she continued running.
Suddenly, Ripley heard feminine laughter. The aliens had started their tickling assault on Lambert. She was crying out things like 'STOP IT' and 'NOT THERE'. Whenever they were tickling her, it was obviously a pretty bad spot.
As Ripley turned a corner, she slammed right into Ash. "Oh!" she gasped, stumbling over backwards and falling on her butt.
"Ash!"
"Where are you going?" he inquired.
"What do you mean 'where am I going'?" Ripley said, standing up and staring at him in shock. "I'm going to find a way to get those green-assed bitches off the Nostromo. By the way, how did you escape from them?"
"There is no possible way for a ticklish person to escape the Erutrotians, but if you aren't ticklish then they won't bother keeping you around."
"So how did you manage to get away?" she asked.
Ash shrugged. "Not ticklish."
Ripley inwardly kicked herself for asking a stupid question. "Okay, but how are we going to save the others?" she asked hopefully, assuming Ash would have some valuable ideas or even a plan.
"Ripley, I honestly don't get what the big deal is," he complained.
"What?" Ripley said in surprise. "Ash, don't you realize what's going on back there?" She pointed her thumb at the direction she came from.
"They're only being tickled," Ash said, folding his arms. "What's the worst that could happen? They'll piss themselves."
"It's more than that!" Ripley shouted in fury. "I researched these guys and they can stay around for months or longer. Ash, for God's sake…we can't let these things live here as long as they want and tickle everyone to death. It will screw up everything we're working towards on this mission."
Ash stared at her coldly with his arms still firmly folded. "So…what do you suggest?"
Ripley bit her lower lip as she looked back at him, unsettled by how calm and uncaring he seemed about the whole thing. "I…I guess find more information about the Erutrotians…find out what their weaknesses are. We'll use weapons if we need to!"
"Don't make them angry, Ripley," Ash sighed, waving her off as he turned to walk away.
Just as Ripley was about to yell something insulting at him, Ash looked over his shoulder to tell her one last thing…
"Just be glad these alien life forms are enjoying themselves. Imagine the damage they might cause if they weren't having fun." He smirked just slightly.
Ripley soon found herself alone – with only her thoughts and the endless wails of ticklish agony pouring through the walls. There had to be a way to get rid of Spin and his tribe. She racked her brains, mind racing back to the facts on Erutrotians she had read earlier.
Then a thought occurred to her.
"Of course," Ripley said, aloud. "That's it…"