Spock scooted closer to Luigi on the foam bench at the restaurant, The Spacey Meatball. This was their fourth date and things had really started to heat up. Boom.
Luigi looked over Spock with a sultry gleam in his Italian eyes. Spock cocked his head with his emotionless expression, yet with a gleam of interestedness in his Spocky eyes. Luigi put an arm around him, his gloves white and clean and shit.
The waiter came over to the table, and asked if they would like to order something because loitering is illegal.
Luigi said, "I'll have the bagel."
To which Spock said, "Yes, and I'll have the meatball." Luigi nodded in approval.
The waiter scribbled it down and said, "Alright is that it for you guys tonight?"
And Luigi said, "You can get me a piece of that Spocky butt latah," and quirked a brow seductively.
"Ok guys, any drinks?" "I'll have Spock."
"K," he said, walking towards the squirming room of waiters.
Spock said, "My captain is rather unflappable."
"I'll flap your captain," Luigi innuendoed.
Spock looked at him and there was an awkward silence and he said, "oh?" (with a question mark)
"Weeelllllll," Luigi saaaaiiiid, "dat ass is illogical."
"Oh captain I'm afraid that testosterone is swarming the brig or something," Spock said seductively.
After a few minutes of countering back and forth sexual innuendo, the waiter arrived, bringing their single bagel and single meatball. Luigi took Spock's meatball rapturously and put it through the hole of his bagel and said, "Oh."
Spock removed the meatball, which represented the meatball of his heart, holding it up to his heart and saying, "It only beats for you Luigi."
Luigi didn't seem to take mind to this. He aimed his bagel and threw it and rang it around Spock's ear like some circus thing. It made that noise of when you get points in Mario games. This surprised and alarmed Spock.
"I am surprised and alarmed." "Well I am arouseded," Luigi.
"Ooooohhhh hot damn." Spock.
Luigi wriggled his eyebrows like some French dude and that's it. Spock began to slowly eat the meatball, moving his tongue back and forth Spockily.
Luigi made a face like a hamster in trouble…a troubled hamster.
"Oh? Baby, what's wrong?" Spock inquired.
"Me gusta cantar." Luigi said in a sing song voice and licked his bagel hole.
"No me gusta Espan~ol, Sen~or. Pero me gusta tu pene."
Luigi quirked another eyebrow, bushy and brown like a karkat. "Me pene es grande, y fuerte."
"Ohhh. Mi pene es intergalactica y malo," Spock said, a tone of dismay in his voice.
"Oh, seems I have to punish you, Mr. Malo Pene." Luigi quirked an eyebrow.
"Indeed, I would be much inclined to that proposition."
"Mama Mia." Luigi exclaimed with a quirked brow.
Spock raised both eyebrows in that way that he does, ensnaring the bagel of Luigi's heart.
The waiter came back to this awkward situation and kind of just watched for a little it before walking away.
"Luigi, my lover, we should finish our food and go back to your place," Spock suggested suggestively.
"Oh yes, dessert in bed 'ay Spocky?" Oh… "We can take my pipe."
"I'll let you plunge my pipes Luigi."
… Oh … Luigi scarfed down the bagel as fast as his little Italian mouth would let him.
Spock swallowed the meatball in a single bite, demonstrating his Vulcan gag reflex.
Luigi eyed him precariously, and then the waiter came back sort of awkwardly. He gave them their check, which Spock insisted on paying for. Luigi didn't complain, in fact he was going to have him pay for it anyway, because he was broke, and all he could afford was a bagel.
Spock got up, offering Luigi his hand, which he happily took, and they walked outside of the restaurant and into Spock's Toyota Camry. Luigi said "Nice wheels." And got a boner-rific-boner. Although Spock could see it, he pretended not to notice.
Spock drove away at 1 mile bellow the speed limit, just to be safe. "Safety is the best way to go," he said aloud.
"Oh." He quirked an eyebrow. Luigi's eyebrows were now sore from all the quirking, hot damn. Spock massaged his eyebrows as he drove to make him feel better, and before they knew it they were back at the star ship enterprise. They got out of the Toyota Camry, and Spock hit the lock button, which made the Doctor Who theme song.
The license plate red "That is illogical." Somehow, even though they only hold like, 8 letters. As they walked up to Spock's room, Luigi, feeling super duper horny, smacked his ass and said, "Oh."
"Ah." Spock said in a unexpressionless voice like… Carl. "You ready to frickle frackle?"
"I'm gonna frickle sfrackle your clown hole so bad you won't see daylight because we're in space and light doesn't travel through time and space."
"That would certainly be…intergalactic." Luigi said, moving his eyebrows up and down.
"You're black hole is like a tight vacuum that space has to offer because they are voids created by explode planets of something."
"I can't wait to see your rocket ship."
"Well it's ready for lift off, captain."
As they walked through the halls of the ship, Kirk saw them, trying to disguise his hurt, betrayed feelings. Kirk, dismayed by these feelings, dismayedly did Sulu. Who made the face.
Spock put his Spocky hand into the live long and prosper sign and put it on the hand sensory thing, which did a green light and let him into his room.
"Oh." Luigi also did the finger thing and felt his crotch. He grabbed Spock by the hands and danced around the room, falling onto the bed, which had Star Wars sheets. Seeing the irony, Luigi gasped, saying, "Oh."
"Yes." Spock said, looking up at Luigi and his overalls and stupid green hat. In a fit of rapture, Luigi ripped off Spock's blue shirt, revealing his torso which had skin and stuff.
"I like your torso, it is very photogenic." He said, taking a picture with a click. He then threw the camera into Spock's closet—where Spock had previously resided—as the aforementioned Spocky Spock Spock Spock unbuttoned his overalls. "Oh yes, Luigi. Yes. This is. Fun. Yes." He said as he felt up his plump little body of goo.
Spock leaned in for a kiss which soon became makin' out and Luigi slid his hands down from the Vulcan's shoulders and nonexistent abs down to the crotchal zone. "Do you want some booty goo?" Luigi asked, looking in his eyes.
"That would certainly be the logical thing to do," but Spock couldn't even finish his sentence because Luigi flipped him over and got on top of him.
Booty goo… In the butt, and then zone out to Kirk.