The Fonnies
Chapter 1
By MaceEcam and Ran Hakubi
It was late November in the Fannieverse, and the Kimmunity was fretting. It was nearing the end of the year and all knew Zaratan to be swamped with work. Would the Fannies be late again this year, like they were last? The very mention of the Fannie Panic of 07 was enough to send grown men to weeks of therapy, and no one wanted a repeat of that infamous historical event.
One writer in particular dwelled on this thought with a hint of apprehension. King in Yellow knew that at the smallest sign of a delay he would be expected to once again relieve the tension with the Fonnies. Unfortunately, he didn't want to.
"There's no way I'm doing that again" he said pacing in his throne room within the Fannieverse. The walls were covered with a decadent yellow of various shades, and the crown that he wore on his head made him literally a king in yellow.
"I was mad to do it the first time. I'm lucky there weren't any lawsuits." He stopped and scratched his chin, then glanced at the forum. He could just see the complaints that would most likely come soon. "But the people want it. There'll be riots if I don't hold them again! Oh what am I to do…"
Sighing, he decided to watch some TV. Turning it to Fox he found a rerun of the Simpsons; it was the episode were Homer was elected City Manager. His campaign slogan, "Can't Somebody Else Do It", was plastered across the screen.
"That's it!" King shouted standing up all of a sudden. "Can't somebody else do it! I'll get someone else to do the Fonnies for me, no two some ones! That way they can blame each other when things go wrong instead of me." He turned back to his TV. "I should have known the Simpsons would have the answer."
Turning it off he sat back at his computer and pulled up the FFN page. His fingers paused over the keyboard. "But where will I get two people dump enough, crazy enough, and expendable enough to take on such a task? They'd have to be complete morons!" It was then that he knew who he had to ask. Finding the first one's account, he began typing a PM.
A few minutes later, somewhere in Owasso, Oklahoma
Ran Hakubi finished typing the sentence he was on and did a once over on the Word file he was on. Satisfied with his work, he saved the file and emailed it to David. Then he leaned back in his chair and popped a cigar in his mouth.
"Another expert Top Ten list Ran," he told himself. "Give yourself s pat on the back. That ought to keep those guys off my back for a few weeks." He was about to turn off his computer and play some X-box when his MSN dinged, signifying he had an email. Clicking on the little icon, he opened it and started reading.
A couple of minutes later he was done. "Wow, King wants me to do the Fonnies? I can't believe it, that's awesome!" Pulling out a notepad, he started scribbling down ideas for this year. For one thing that theater would have to go, it's too dangerous. What else now…" Going back to the email he read it again. This time however a part caught his eye that he had skipped over when reading it the first time. "Oh King wants me to co-write it with someone? Well I have no problem with that who does he want me to…no. Oh no. Not him. Anyone but-"
MaceCo Towers, somewhere in Oklahoma
MaceEcam shifted through another financial report and sighed. Profits were done again; in fact illegal activity (fighting Neb's Angel's) included they were non-existent; the company was losing money.
Ratings for K/RvsKigo had gone up, but the cost of feeding the extra clones had overwhelmed the increase of income. No one was buying MaceCo brand soda, except for the grape flavor, and that wasn't nearly enough to offset that loss. Add in the lawsuits and the costs of repairing IT's car…he had finally had the vehicle rebuilt using Project Hephaestus, so that he wouldn't have to repair it again, but that wasn't cheap either.
"What I need is something big, something to get MaceCo's name out there again. Preferably something cheap. But where can I find such a large source of free advertisement?"
As he was pondering this, his email beeped. Opening it up, he began reading. "This" he said when he was finished, "will do nicely."
Rules for Attendance:
Because of contractual reasons (or intelligence) none of the cast members from Kim Possible will attend. If you want to bring an OC that's okay, but not expected. MaceEcam's OC's are full game to anyone who wants them as well. Really. I mean, he has so many of the damn things.
It is come as you are, but the theatre is cool enough you should avoid shorts and flip-flops. And the party is BYOB.
Please BYOB, we may toast Zaratan at the end. [Serious Note: Anyone want to write the toast?]
We will also be toasting King in Yellow for writing last year's Fonnies [Serious Note: Anyone want to write the toast?]
We will NOT be throwing toast at people. This is the Fonnies, not the Rocky Horror Picture Show. For one thing, the Rocky Horror Picture show was funny.
No red carpet questions. We won't use the red carpet. There is a lot of parking available beside the theatre… Watch out for the broken glass. Park your vehicle and walk around to the front of the theatre. There will be a cardboard cutout of Zaratan with sticky notes on it. Take a sticky note - it contains a random question [Serious Note: If we do this we need someone to create random questions and send them to anyone who wants to 'attend'.] Try to make your entrance & answer two-hundred and fifty words or less, and certainly not more than five hundred words. You can mention what you've brought to drink.
No drugs, firearms, or knives with blades three inches or longer will be allowed inside the theatre, and no poisonous foods either, except the ones bought at the concession stand.
Award categories:
Any category will require at least three nominees. The presenter who writes the chapter can pick the nominees, or can post in this thread asking for nominees from the floor. If anyone nominates him/herself in a category s/he must be patient with anything the writer/presenter chooses to say. (You asked for it.)
Votes? We don' need no steenkin' votes. The person making the award has the final say in who receives the award. Of course it's not fair. What do you think this is, the Fannies?
Presenters can win. I suspect many will.
MaceEcam will not rig it so that he wins everything. That doesn't mean he won't win anything.
Some Suggested Categories:
No turkey categories will be allowed. (Stories with worst grammar, biggest continuity holes, most outrageous Mary Sue, or uninspired swipes.) Categories designed to embarrass nominees are NOT allowed.
On the other hand, if you want to write a category like, "Story a writer most regrets posting" you can - but this must be done with self nominations. I can nominate a story I wish I hadn't written. I can't nominate a story I wish the Pharaoh hadn't written.
Best Line
Best Unfinished Story not updated in six months or more
Writer over 45 most clearly showing his/her age
Sick/Wrong pairings
Worst story you've not pulled.
Most deserving person to not make it through to round 2 (Did not appear at all, in any category)
Best Summary
Best Plot twist
Best Cliffhanger
Best Reviewer
Weirdest Crossover
Best Parody
Welcome to the Dark Side Award - for luring young innocents into reading KiGo
Kim Possible art at DeviantArt
Best Use of Sympathy for the Bad Guy/Girl
Best Smuff Scene[s]
Best Self Promotion [Worst? Most Flagrant?]
These were only suggested categories. You can volunteer for one of them or create a new, different, and perhaps exciting category.
A category is awarded to first person to write in to this thread and claim it. This first post will be updated to reflect who will be presenting what.
Rules for Presenters:
You may volunteer to write one or two award presentations. You are not allowed to win both of them. (You are allowed to write one, and win in it.)
You are urged to post in this thread asking the public for nominees from the floor. Indeed, if the category is potentially embarrassing it is required.
Presenters provide their own envelopes, which can be produced from anywhere on their persons while presenting the award, but try and use some dignity, people.
Presenters may contact nominees other than themselves for acceptance speeches, but this is not required. Like Thucydides the presenters are allowed to place words into the mouths of the winners appropriate to the time and circumstances.
Presentations should be under two thousand words, nothing over three thousand allowed if this is going to be edited and posted by next Saturday.
Will This Happen?
It will take at least six presenters other than Ran and Mace for this to fly. I would also like someone to offer a toast to Zaratan and another to KiY and someone to generate random questions and PM them to anyone who posts here saying s/he will attend. (What is two plus two? Why is there air? Who won the Rose Bowl in 1913? What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything? etc.)
And Remember:
Show consideration towards the feelings of anyone who didn't nominate him/herself.
Deadlines:
Entrances are due by Wednesday, Febuary 25 if this goes forward and you wish to attend. PM your entrance to Ran. (If someone volunteers to write random questions he/she needs to be on top of this and send PMs with random questions to people who say they wish to attend - or the Random question could be posted here.) And the Wednesday time reference is to "it still needs to be Wednesday somewhere in the world" to make the deadline.
Presenters, if this goes forward, are urged to get their presentations in on Thursday, February 26. They will be accepted on Friday, February 27. When it ceases to be Friday anywhere in the world, it's over.
Finally:
The Golden Ruffie is an unregistered trademark of Zaratan, and as such cannot be handed out. I got a good deal on some small, gilded hedgehogs. You can award a Spiny Norman if you wish. If you think something else would be more appropriate (cane or denture cream for old writer award, for example) you can give out something different.
Ran Hukubi and MaceEcam