Okay, I couldn't resist this, especially after the kind reviews of A Winter's Tale (thanks, reading-rider and Ryalin!). You've made me feel brave enough to keep posting the gazillion things I have in the works.
I know others have done Conversion follow-ups, but it seemed to me that there was something missing in that episode, great as it was. Given how Kahlan reacts normally when she confesses people, it seemed that the blood rage should have had more impact on her, especially what Giller had already done to her. (I always thought the exhaustion wasn't from the power leaving her, it was from the energy she had to expend to keep the power under control.) So here's how I would have liked the episode to go. Once again, as with A Winter's Tale, I'm indulging in my urge to have more scenes where R&K end up in an IWTCH moment (IWTCH: I want to cuddle him/her). I promise, my next stories won't be quite so angsty.
This picks up right where Richard runs after Darken Rahl, leaving Kahlan breaking free of the leather straps holding her to the table.
They aren't mine—if they were, I'd have made Conversion run an extra half hour (and I'd know how to spell stuff like Kondahr and Shirkiya). Thanks for letting me take them out to play. I promise to clean them up before I put them back.
UPDATE: Gotcha. Con Dar and Shurkia. Thanks, everybody who reviewed! You made my week.
Summary: A follow-on to Conversion. My take on what should have happened, with some extra stuff thrown in for fun.
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Kahlan stalked around the room, looking for another threat, barely noticing the terrified looks that Emma and Laura gave her. In her mind, she was struggling to leash in the power that was still surging through her, trying desperately to keep it from taking anyone else. I am in control, she told herself--or it, she wasn't sure which--as the power licked towards Emma and Laura. No! She wrenched it back. No! No one else. That's enough. Enough! Somehow, she made herself stop, standing still, rigid, her back to the door, staring sightlessly at the wooden table she'd been strapped to moments earlier. I am in control. It's over. I will not let you do any more. For an instant, she felt as though she were gaining the upper hand, pushing back against the forces that threatened to toss away her sanity. No more. There was roaring in her ears, she could hear her pulse pounding. If I can hold on just a few more seconds, she thought, but she was so tired…
A hand grasped her shoulder. "Kahlan," she dimly heard Richard say, but before she could respond, she found herself holding him by the throat, pressing him back across a table. NO! she thought, feeling her control slipping away, and desperately pushed back with every ounce of energy she had left, terrified it wouldn't be enough. Please, she thought. Please. And something snapped, like a door slamming shut in her mind. She suddenly felt the pressure recede, and for an instant, she was aware of another presence, felt a wave of approval and pride from somewhere outside of her. Mother?
"Kahlan! It's me, Richard! It's me… "
Kahlan blinked, her eyes suddenly changing, the darkness receding, the eyes no longer that terrifying blood-red.
"Kahlan, it's me—Richard—" Please let her hear me, Richard thought.
She looked uncertainly at Richard, her hand still gripping his throat. Then she let go, her hand darting back as though she had been burned. For an instant, her look turned to one of horror, then her eyes rolled back as she collapsed bonelessly toward the floor.
Richard lunged forward to catch her as she fell. He lowered her carefully to the floor, shocked at how light she seemed, how small. "Kahlan!" he called urgently, one hand holding her head up, the other seeking a pulse. It was there, but only faintly. Richard held her close to him for a moment, uncertain what to do.
"Richard!" Emma called, her voice shaking. "Richard!"
Richard looked up, then back at Kahlan. He lowered her head gently to the floor, and her face turned limply to the side. Richard sprang to his feet and ran to where Emma and Laura were still chained to the wall. He searched for a key on one of the Mord Sith—Kahlan confessed two Mord Sith, he thought, pausing for an instant, suddenly realizing just what she'd been able to do. Without even touching them. That isn't possible. How--?
Richard shook off the thought. Later, he thought. When she's safe. He found the key, and then turned to release the two women. But as he did, his foot kicked something that rolled away, making a tinkling sound. He looked down to see one of the vials of silvery fluid, still intact. His eyes widened, and he bent to pick it up. He glanced back at Kahlan's still form for a moment, then tucked the vial away in his shirt. He unlocked the chains holding Emma and Laura, and the three of them ran back to Kahlan.
She still hadn't moved, but her breathing seemed steadier than it had moments earlier. "Let's get her back to the camp, Richard," Emma said. "They may have found a healer for Chase. They can help her."
Richard nodded, not sure he could say anything with his fear and worry for Kahlan overwhelming him. He carefully lifted Kahlan in his arms, and they made their way out of the keep.
Halfway back to the camp, Richard's arms were burning. He didn't want to stop, but the strain was becoming difficult to ignore. Then he felt something, a faint stirring in Kahlan. He stopped, kneeling to lay her on the ground. He brushed the hair away from her face, and her head turned slightly. A faint sound, not quite a moan, slipped from her lips.
"Kahlan," he said, desperately hoping for some response. "Kahlan, please…"
Her eyelids fluttered for a moment, then blinked, then opened, though she seemed confused.
"Kahlan?" he whispered, his hand brushing her cheek.
Her eyes were almost black in the faint moonlight, and for a moment Richard felt a flutter of fear. Then they turned toward him, and he could see the luminous blue that made him feel as though he could take on Rahl's entire army singlehandedly. She blinked, looking as though she couldn't quite focus. "Richard?" she murmured, her forehead creased with fear and pain.
"Don't worry, Kahlan. You're safe," he said.
She seemed to relax slightly at that, then frowned again. "Rahl?" she whispered weakly.
Richard shook his head, his lips pressed tightly together. "Are you badly hurt?" he asked her.
She blinked again, fighting to keep her eyes open. "I…I don't think so… I'm just…tired…" Her eyes closed again, but there was still a strained look on her face.
"It's all right. Just rest, Kahlan." Richard looked around to find Emma and Laura hovering behind him. "Can you make it the rest of the way back to the others?" he asked quietly. "Bring the healer back here if you can. I don't want to move her any further."
"We'll be back as quick as we can, Richard. Don't you worry," Emma said, grabbing Laura's hand and taking off at a run.
Richard looked down at Kahlan. She seemed cold. He debated trying to build a fire, then decided against it, worried that there might be other D'haran soldiers close enough to see it. Instead, he settled himself down and gently lifted Kahlan to hold her in his arms, stroking her hair. Her strained look seemed to ease when he did that, so he continued.
Minutes later, he became aware that there was something digging into his chest, and he shifted slightly so he could reach into his shirt to pull out the vial. It glowed faintly in the moonlight. He felt Kahlan stir again.
"Richard, is that…?" Kahlan whispered almost inaudibly.
He looked down at her and found her blue eyes staring in wonder at the vial. "Yes. It was the only one left." He stopped, swallowing past the tightness in his throat. "You know what we could do with this, don't you?"
She looked into his eyes. "You know what we have to do, Richard."
Richard was surprised at the sudden strength in her voice, but as he looked close, he could see what it was costing her. He looked steadily back at her. "Just once I'd like to do what I wanted to do, not what was best for everyone else." He'd tried to keep the tone light, but he couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice.
"I know," she said, her eyes gleaming in the moonlight. A single tear spilled onto her cheek.
"Oh, Kahlan, don't cry," Richard said, brushing the tear away with his thumb. "We'll find a way. Someday. I promise."
Her eyes closed again, but she nodded slightly, with a faint smile. "Someday," she whispered.
* * *
The night passed slowly for Richard. Long minutes waiting for the others to get back, more waiting while the healer examined Kahlan and then said her injuries weren't serious, but she would need rest to recover. Then trudging back to the relative safety of the camp, Devlin and the others helping to carry Kahlan. And when they were finally settled again, he couldn't sleep. He lay next to Kahlan, watching over her as the constellations watched over them both.
When the sun finally rose, Richard gave Chase the vial, explaining what it could do. Emma grabbed Richard's hand, pulling him away. "Richard, does Kahlan know you have this?" she whispered, glancing back to where Kahlan still slept.
Richard squeezed her hand. "Yes, Emma. She knows. We both agreed this is the right thing to do. You and Chase belong together."
"But I heard what Darken Rahl said…" Emma said, faltering. "You and Kahlan deserve to be together, too."
"Kahlan and I…" Richard stopped, and looked at Kahlan, her dark hair gleaming in the morning sun, then back at Emma. "We couldn't do what we have to do if we had the kind of happiness you and Chase have. It would be too easy to give up my quest. And I can't do that, Emma. When Rahl is dead, and the Midlands are free, then…"
Emma looked at him for a long moment, then nodded. "Thank you," she whispered. "And whatever you need from us to help you, you can have it. We owe you everything."
Richard smiled at her. "Now it's time for you to be reunited with your husband," he said, and led her back to where Chase waited. Chase looked at Emma uncertainly, not sure what had just happened, but she smiled at him reassuringly.
"Drink up, Chase," Richard said heartily to cover the ache he felt at what he was giving up, and clapped him on the shoulder. "You have a wife who needs kissing, and it isn't me she's interested in."
Chase grinned at him, unstoppered the vial, then raised it to his lips and drank it down. Then he rose unsteadily and stepped toward his wife, who tentatively raised her lips to him, as though she expected him to pull away. They kissed, once carefully, then again, more insistently.
Richard stepped away to give them privacy, his smile fading as he turned. He walked back over to Kahlan and knelt beside her, studying her as she slept. The healer had said she would recover, but she seemed so pale. She shifted slightly, almost as though she were aware he was watching her. She turned towards him and opened her eyes slowly, blinking at the bright morning sun.
"Good morning," he said. "How do you feel?"
She frowned slightly. "It was all real, wasn't it?" she said, her voice sounding rough, and Richard had an awful moment of remembering her screaming in pain as Giller...
"Yes," he said, pushing the memory away and focusing on Kahlan, and he hadn't thought it was possible for her to get more pale, but she did. "But it's all over now. The healer said you'd be well soon. We just need to let you rest. Is there anything I can get you? Some water, maybe?" He felt like he was babbling, but he couldn't stand to see her looking so…afraid.
"Yes…yes, water would be good," she said, clearly trying to regain control of herself.
Richard ran to get the water, and returned to find Kahlan struggling to sit up. "Wait, don't…let me help you," he said, grabbing her arm to lift her. She hissed in pain and pulled away, and he realized he'd grabbed her arm at one of the spots where Giller had driven his skewers. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" He reached his arm behind her back to support her, and offered her the cup of water.
"It's okay, Richard," she said, taking the water and sipping a little. "I'm fine."
Richard rolled his eyes, half-smiling at how quickly she slipped back into her habit of showing no weakness, to him or anyone else. As annoying as it was, he had to admit to himself that it was a relief, because it was a sign that she was beginning to recover from her ordeal. He took his arm from behind her, making sure she was steady as he turned to see Chase and Emma come up.
"I don't know how to thank you, Richard," Chase said, clasping Richard's hand warmly as he rose to meet them.
"You should know by now you don't have to," Richard said, smiling.
"Darken Rahl knows you're alive now. You're going to need me with you."
But Richard could see in his eyes where his heart lay. "Go with Devlin. The resistance could use your help. And this will give you a chance to be a husband and father again. When the time comes, I'll know where to find you."
Devlin came up, smiling. "It was an honor to fight alongside the seeker," he said.
"The honor was all mine," Richard said, clasping his arm.
"Before we go, some friends of ours passed me a message for you when I went to get the healer for Chase." He handed Richard a scroll, then grabbed up his pack and followed the others.
"Thanks to all of you," Richard called after them. "And safe travels!"
"Who is the message from, Richard?" Kahlan said.
"Ruben Rybnik," he read. "It's from Zedd!" He opened the scroll and read aloud to Kahlan: "'The weather has not improved. When it does, I'll seek the comfort of dear friends in the woods tomorrow.'" He frowned. "We can't get anywhere by tomorrow, even if we knew where we were going!"
"The weather… He hasn't been able to get clear of the tracer cloud," Kahlan said, and then shook her head. "I'm not sure… Wait! I don't think it means tomorrow the time. It's to morrow, the place."
"Huh?" Richard said, feeling like a particularly slow pupil at the moment.
"The Morrow Woods," Kahlan said.
"Where's that?" Richard said, hoping it wasn't far, but knowing that with their luck, it probably was.
"It's in D'Hara," Kahlan said, and she sounded resigned. "We have a long journey ahead of us."
"Not today, we don't," Richard said firmly. "You're in no condition to travel yet."
"Richard, we can't waste any time," Kahlan said.
Richard looked down at her for a moment. She was leaning heavily on one arm, and looked as though that might not hold up much longer. "All right," he said, much to her surprise. "I'll pack things up. You can go fill the water skins from the spring. It's a short walk that way," he pointed, and crossed his arms, waiting for her response, his expression unreadable.
Kahlan opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again, her lips tightened in frustration. She'd been able to stay sitting up on her own, and thought she might be able to make it to her feet, but she wasn't sure how much more she could manage at the moment.
"What's wrong, Kahlan?" Richard said evenly. "I thought you wanted to get moving."
She looked up at him, her temper flaring, then looked down at the ground, realizing this was an argument she wasn't going to win. As were most arguments with Richard. She sighed. "I can't," she said almost inaudibly.
"What was that?" Richard said, cupping his hand to his ear and leaning toward her.
"You've made your point, Richard," she said slowly, a dangerous tone in her voice.
Richard stood straight, smiling. "All right, then, would you like something to eat? I can offer you your favorite, rabbit stew, or…well, rabbit stew."
"I'll take the stew," she said dryly.
He grinned at her, then turned to the small pot hanging over the even smaller fire. He handed her a cup filled with a watery broth and a few feeble chunks of meat. It smelled wonderful, and Kahlan was suddenly ravenous. She tried briefly to remember the last time she'd eaten anything, and then shied away from the reminder of what had happened the day before. She ate in silence, trying to ignore the fact that Richard was watching her intently from where he sat.
She finished, and Richard took the cup from her, then turned back to her with a serious expression. Oh, no, she thought. Not now, I can't think…
"Kahlan, I think we need to talk. About last night. I need to know what happened," he said, concerned at the trapped expression on her face. "That wasn't just Giller's magic, was it? He called it something--"
Kahlan looked down for a moment, then decided she was too tired to think of a way to avoid the subject. She sighed and looked back up at him. He was waiting, showing surprising patience, but there was something else in his expression she couldn't identify. He must be really worried about me, she thought, or…or he's scared of me, and felt her tenuous hold on her emotions slipping again. "I'm not certain…but…there are legends of a great power, held only by the most powerful Confessors, called the Con Dar. The Blood Rage. It's an unstoppable force—well, you saw what I—what it did."
Richard nodded, trying to keep the fear he'd felt at the time out of his face. "I wasn't sure if you'd remember. It was like you became someone else."
"I think in a way I did," Kahlan said, realizing what a blessing it was that she only vaguely remembered the pain as Giller inserted the last needle, and her hand moved unconsciously to touch the small wound in her neck. She remembered much more clearly the feeling of utter helplessness as Giller began his incantation, her desperation at the thought of Richard being confessed by Rahl, and then the pain giving way to…something else, something dangerous. "I could feel the power, and it was like there was an ocean of energy behind it, pushing. I could channel it, just barely. It was like…" She stopped, searching for the words. "…Like holding an animal on a leash. And if I let go, even for a second, it would run wild, and I'd never be able to get it back under control." She swallowed, feeling nauseous at the memory. "I...I was barely able to keep from confessing Emma and Laura. And when you came back, when you touched me, and I grabbed you…I almost…" She took a ragged breath, and looked up at him, fear and self-loathing etched across her features. "Richard, I almost…"
He crossed the distance to her in an instant, wrapping his arms around her tightly. "But you didn't, Kahlan. You didn't," he said emphatically. "You were strong enough. You saved us all."
Kahlan didn't answer at first. It felt so good to just stay there, in his arms, feeling his strength. But the animal was still there, waiting for her to let her guard down… "Richard, no," she said, trying to push him away. He let go, pulled back, but he couldn't hide the hurt he felt. "Please," Kahlan said, half-reaching out to him, "don't…it's not… Oh, Richard, I want you so much, but I'm so tired, and it's so strong…I can't…" Her arm fell, and she swayed slightly.
"Then rest," he said gently, taking her by the shoulders and guiding her back down, knowing it was what she needed when she didn't resist. He pulled a blanket up over her. "Sleep now, and we'll figure out what to do later. It'll be better tomorrow."
And if not tomorrow, then the day after that, he thought, watching her sleep again. Or the day after that.