DISCLAIMER : I do not own Supernatural or its characters.

1. This is who I am

Dean's POV –

I had been posted the job of taking care of Sam since I was four. The day I carried him out of the burning house, he was too small, I was too young yet, I felt it was my responsibility, only mine to take care of him, to look after him, to see that he is smiling always. And, I've been that to him. I've been his father, his mother, his friend and his brother. Dad was always an angry man. He smiled rarely but, when he did, he is the best dad in the entire world. I was not afraid of the dark or the ghosts in my closet or anything else that actually scares the shit out of the normal people. I was, I am and I will always be afraid of my dad, I know that for sure. Because I was raised so. I was raised to be a tougher man to the world but in front of my father, I am a lot weaker than I actually am.

Sammy… he's my life. I've been taking care of him for a long time. I've been protecting him from the wrath of my dad because he ain't worth it. He's a smarter kid than me. He doesn't deserve that kind of harsh treatment. But, I do. Because I know I am worthless. I feel so because all the time my dad calls me 'stupid' or 'idiot' or 'worthless'. He is always disappointed in me. I'm sure Sam will one day be disappointed in me too. I'm broken in half due to my dad. The other half still lives because of Sammy. The day he feels disappointed in me, is the day it breaks into tiny pieces like glass. And, no one or nothing can ever fix it.

I'm sitting in the library with my twelve year old Sammy and watching him read. His eyes are so deeply engrossed in whatever he's reading. Of course, he's always a voracious reader. I don't read that much. I was sitting beside him and hoping that dad wouldn't come home too early. Because if he did, all the happiness I'm now seeing in Sam's face will be vanished into thin air.

"Hey, Dean!" Sam said excitedly. His voice broke my thoughts.

"What?" I ask.

"Why don't you pick up a book a read?" he asked me as he brooded over his book.

"Not interested, Sammy. Just finish your book and we'll head back home. We're allowed only one hour per day outside home when dad's out on a hunt," I said, fear seeping into my veins at the mere thought of dad.

"Yeah, I know. But rules are made to break, aren't they?" Sam asked with a grin.

"Not when they're made my dad. We've already crossed ten minutes of our given time, Sam. So, hurry, please," I said concerned.

I guess he saw through me. I could see that he felt the fear in my tone. He immediately closed his book.

"Well, then, we'll come here tomorrow. We'll go home for now. What do you say?"

"Okay, Sammy. As you wish. Let's go," I said ruffling his overly grown brown hair.

We returned the book and came out. I looked at my watch and saw that it was 7:15 in the night. We had to be home by 7. But, we were late. It's not that dad always came home at the told time but, we had to be cautious. We walked to creepy cheap motel that we were now staying at. Our gaze landed on the Impala that was parked in the parking lot and my heart started to thump hard.

"Dad's home," Sam said to me.

"Yes, Sam, I can see that," I said a bit harshly that made Sam shut up at once.

Without saying another word to each other, we opened our room door and walked in. Sam shut the door and held my hand tight due to the fear that was crawling inside of him because it wasn't my fault this time. He knew it was his fault and he had to face the consequences.

"Dean, I'm afraid," he whispered.

"Don't worry, Sam. Nothing's going to happen. I'm here for you," I said grinning which made him grin back.

Oh, God! He trusts me so much that I had to keep my word to him. And, that's only possible if I give away myself to dad instead of Sam. I've always done like that. I put myself in front of Sam and took the punishment. It never hurt me because I always felt contended that Sammy was on the safe side. For such adorable and smart kid, I could simply cut out my heart and give it away if it kept him safe. We walked in slowly and saw that dad was watching T.V with a beer bottle in his hands. I think he heard us. We were behind the couch he was sitting on.

"Why are you late?" the gruff and demanding voice questioned us.

Sam was about to say something and I shot a look to stop saying whatever he wanted to say and he shut his mouth.

"We were in the library, dad," I said.

"In the library? Why?" he asked, not moving an inch from his earlier position.

"We wanted to read books and I didn't know time passed this quick," I said, chuckling fearfully.

It was then the man got up and walked towards us. Sam gripped tightly onto my hand.

"I'm sorry, dad. It was my fault. I should've checked the time," I said as the figure that I always feared appeared close to me.

"It is your fault again?" he asked calmly.

"Yes, dad. I'm sorry," I said.

"That's what you always say. So, I'll do what I always do. I'll teach you to be punctual. And, I'll teach you so well this time that you'll never forget to check on the time in your future. What do you say?" he said with a cruel smirk upon his face.

"Okay, dad. I'm ready to be taught, once and for all," I replied.

"Sam, into your room, now!" he ordered Sam.

"But-,"

"I said now!" he yelled.

"Sammy, go to your room. I'll catch up with you in the night. Go do your home work and don't forget to lock the door," I said trying to keep the smile upon my face.

Sam went into the room we shared and bolted it as I told him to.

"Let's get started," dad said with a cruel smirk again.

And, I gulped the saliva down my throat in fear of what might happen to me. Whatever happens I will take it in and be a piece again for Sammy because that is who I am – a mother, a father, a guardian, a best friend and top of all the big brother to my little Sammy.

He wasn't very cruel in punishing me and Sammy (sometimes). He just remains angry for a short period of time and then he cuddles us again. But, even that short period of time appears like a hell lot many hours. The red in his eyes and his angry features scares the crap out of me.

Now, he's standing in front of me with those very features and I could feel some sort of weird feeling running through my spine. His knuckles were white because he was clenching the beer bottle tight.

"So, Dean," he said and stepped a step forward.

"Yes, dad," I replied with shaky voice.

"Did you not know to come home by seven, as you were told?"

"Sam was reading this book very seriously and I didn't want to disturb him."

"Hmm…. and?"

"And, nothing else, dad. I'm sorry, I really am."

"You are always sorry for everything, son. Tell me one thing; don't you get tired of saying 'sorry'? I just wonder sometimes how a person can be sorry for his whole life. You never do a thing as you are told. You mess it up one way or another and then you say that you're sorry. Sorry don't cut it always; you know that, don't you, Dean?"

I just couldn't reply. I stood like a statue with my head hung. He always chides me for petty things. Just one day we're late and he's making this a big issue. Though I didn't like his scolding me for no fault of mine, I could see the concern in his eyes and I know that it is entirely dedicated to Sam and me.

"Dean! Answer me!" he screamed at me because I wasn't answering him.

"Dad, please, forgive me this one time. I won't repeat the mistake. Please, don't…. hit me," I said, fear clearly audible in my low pitched tone.

He let out a deep breath.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna hit you because you are not a child anymore. You must understand why I force you to do some things. You must fulfill your responsibilities properly, Dean, make sure of that," he said in a rather calm and even tone that made me a bit relaxed.

"Yes, dad, I will," I said.

"Now, I know what you're thinking and I want you to know that you will be punished for your lack of responsibility today."

Oh, no! Again back to square one!

"I said that I won't hit you. That doesn't mean I won't punish you. So, you won't get your dinner and –"

"But, I haven't eaten anything since two days, dad!" I cut him off.

"I know. And, you will only eat after this night passes and you cannot deny it, boy. Understand?" he asked firmly.

"Yes, dad," I said in a feeble tone.

"Now, go into your room, wear some light weighted dress like sleeves and short pants and come back here. I need to have more talk. Okay?"

"Yes, dad."

"Good, go and come quick."

I walked towards my room and knocked the door. After a few seconds, I heard Sam unbolt the door and it opened. The first thing I saw on his face as soon as he opened the door was FRIGHT.

I walked in and shut the door. I opened my duffel bag and searched for my sleeves and short pants made of light cotton. Sam scuttled towards me.

"What is it, Dean? Did he do anything to you? Did he hurt you? Did he beat you?"

"One question at a time, Sammy," I said, chuckling.

"It's no fun, Dean. You don't know how bad I'll feel if you got hit by him because of me," he said which made me turn towards him at once.

His beautiful and childish eyes were filled with shiny water and a single tear ran down his pale cheek. I rubbed away the tears from his eyes that were about to fall and pulled him into a hug.

"Don't you worry, little brother. Dad didn't hit me. He just scolded me lightly. He told firmly that he wouldn't hit me because I'm not a child anymore. So, you needn't worry. Okay?"

I could feel his head nod against my chest in response. Then, we pulled away. But, I still held him by his shoulders and bent down to his level.

"That's my Sam!" I said to cheer him up and he smiled back.

"Go and study now. I have some work."

"Okay."

He went and sat on his bed with his books and once he gets into reading, he won't flinch, let the sky fall to the earth.

I picked up my dress and headed into the bathroom to change. After a few minutes I came out and I was feeling chilly. Sam looked up at me.

"Dean, you do realize it's cold out there, don't you?" he said to me, glancing at me from top to bottom.

I too looked at myself. I was wearing sleeves that left my entire hands bare and my pants were till my knees and cold breeze from outside is making me shiver.

"Yeah, I know. It's really so cold. But, dad asked me to wear this dress."

"Dad said that to you?"

"Yeah."

"But, why?"

"I don't know," I said and shrugged my shoulders.

Sam looked at me with a thoughtful look on his face. It was like he was trying to read dad's thoughts and I stared at his really funny odd face with all his bangs covering his entire fore head till his eyes.

Please review. Thanks to all those who read...

~ SD~