Letting Her Go
Disclaimer: Still don't own Harry Potter... Tragic, I know...
A/N: So, this is my first one-shot and I hope you like it. I've decided to edge off of my obsession with the Marudars a little and focus more on one of the most saddest love stories J.K. Rowling put in her outstanding world. Enjoy!
"Snape! Hey-Snape!" Severus sighed and stopped his trek through Knockturn Alley, allowing Avery to catch up to him. "Nearly lost you there, Snape." Avery said, catching his breath.
"Nearly." Snape sneered. Avery apparently either did not catch that he was not wanted or didn't care.
"Listen Snape," he continued. "The Dark Lord is getting stronger you know. And he's searching for more followers, some more witches and wizards that share his views. Now I know that you're only a half-blood, but that's plenty better than Mudblood or Muggle. And you were one of the best Slytherins I've seen by far, save for me. You were too of our year in Potions, very handy at wandwork. The Dark Lord is intrigued by your skill. He wants to meet you."
"Tell him no." Snape said simply, continuing on his way again.
"Tell him...no...Snape, wait!" Avery chased after him again. "Wait don't you know what you're passing up?"
"Tell the Dark Lord not to take it personally." Snape continued whilst walking quickly, making it difficult for Avery to catch up. "It's only that I don't find myself suitable for the job." Avery laughed mirthlessly.
"Snape, sure you spent time with that Gryffindor Mudblood back at school but you cut it off with her eventually. And as I said before, the Dark Lord is willing to overlook your filthy Muggle father-"
"Avery, have you contracted some horrible illness that weakens your ability to hear?" Snape asked sarcastically. "I've told you already no. I am not suited to be a Death Eater." Avery sighed.
"Just think about it." He said finally. He tapped his left forearm with his right hand. "Us Slytherins must stick together." Snape let out a breath in exasperation as he turned to Borgin and Burke's. Why did he have to bring up Lily Evans?
/
Snape spent a quiet evening in his dreary house as usual. He had definitely pondered Avery's offer very carefully. But had quickly decided against it. Lily and him had not been on the best ground together since fifth year when that awful word escaped from his lips. But before that, when they had been friends, Lily had never liked it when one of his invented spells would seem too much on the Dark side or if he would bully others because of their blood status. And so even though he and Lily were history, a small part of him had to stay loyal to her in some way. And until that part was gone, he could never join Lord Voldemort. While he sat beside the fire, regretting his past mistakes and sipping tea, an unexpected knock was at the door. Severus turned his head, curiously. He never got visitors. Never. Perhaps it was Avery, back for more pestering. Yes, that must be it. Severus set down his tea, got up and went to the door. He was fully prepared to yell at Avery to go away when he opened the door to none other than Lily Evans. She smiled shyly at him but her emerald eyes were beaming. Her firey red hair was pulled back, though a lock of it had fallen into her face. Snape stared, open-mouthed. "Sev." Lily said. "It's been a long time."
"It has." Severus finally found his voice. Lily looked at him inquisitively.
"May I come in?" She asked after a while.
"Oh, yes!" Severus said, stepping aside quickly and letting her through. "Sorry." He said. He had never meant 'sorry' that much in his life. "Sit down, sit down!" He ushered her into the sitting room and patted the chair he had just vacated. "I'll make you tea." He said, hurrying back to the kitchen. Once tea was made and they were both comfortably by the fire, watching the flames flicker and the shadows dance on the walls, Lily finally cleared her throat.
"I forgive you." She said.
"Excuse me?" Severus asked.
"I forgive you." She said again. "For calling me a Mudblood when we were at Hogwarts. You have apologized time after time and now I am saying that I forgive you." Severus smiled. At last. Lily Evans had forgiven him at last. Lily wasn't done however. "I'm getting married." She said, and the beaming look that was in her eyes finally reached the rest of her face. Severus nearly choked on his tea.
"M-married?" He gasped putting his cup down. "Not to- surely not to James Potter?" Severus had known that Lily and his nemesis from school had been going out in seventh year but he wouldn't imagine that it would last.
"I am. You sound displeased." Severus muttered something unintelligable. "He really is a great guy, once you get to know him." Lily said. She didn't understand. Didn't understand that it didn't matter who she was getting married to because no matter what Severus would be losing his one and only love. Lily suddenly looked very upset. Severus instantly regretted his behavior because he much preferred it when she was smiling. Lily turned to the fire.
"I hope the two of you will be very happy together." Severus said though it didn't sound like he wished that at all. It was a shame because he really was trying to see Lily smile again. But when he looked over at her he saw tears swimming in her eyes.
"My father died two months ago." She said. "And my emotions have just been all over the place. And Sev, I was so happy when James asked me to marry him, but then I started thinking about how my father will never get to see it, he'll never get to see his grandchildren or have us visit for Christmas. And then I was devastated when Petunia said she-she wasn't coming." Tears ran steadily down her cheeks now. "We just haven't been in a good place right now, especially since Dad died and she and her husband refuse to come! And, well, I was thinking about if only I could fix things with her and then I thought about you and got even more sad because I mean it was just a stupid word in stupid fifth year and it meant nothing because kids say stupid things all the time and I couldn't believe I had lost my best friend over a stupid word and-" she was close to hysterics now and had stopped speaking, just sobbing into her hands now. Severus scooted his chair closer and patted her on the back for comfort. She leaned into him and he only hesitated a moment before wrapping his arms around her. "Sev?" She said into his chest. "My father won't be able to give me away. So...will you do it? Will you walk me down the aisle?" Severus slowly let go of her as she looked back up at him.
"You want me to give you away?" He asked. How fitting, he thought. Lily nodded.
"You're like a brother to me, Sev." She said. "I want you to do it." Severus looked away. He wanted to be so much more for her than her brother.
"No." He said quietly.
"S-sorry?" Lily stuttered. He heard the tears coming again.
"No." He said louder. "I can't give you to James." He couldn't give her to anyone.
"He's changed, Sev! He really has! Please, just give him a chance and-"
"I said no!" Severus had surprised himself. Lily looked taken aback. Her emerald eyes no longer beamed. She looked defeated. "Lily..." He said more softly.
"You don't have to." She said. "I'm sure that R-Remus will do it. Or P-Peter..." Severus didn't want one of Potter's friends walking her down the aisle. But he still couldn't do it.
"I'm sorry, Lily." He said as she gathered her cloak and started to the door.
"Me too." She said. "I've missed you, Sev." If only she knew how much he missed her. But it was better this way. He wasn't giving her away because she was never his to give. He was simply letting her go. As Lily started out the door, she turned around again. "But, Sev..." She said. "We're still friends...aren't we?"
"Always." He answered.
/
The following morning Severus went and found Avery. They then met the Dark Lord. Severus knew that the Mark was filled with Dark Magic, it would forever be embedded into his skin, his heart, his soul. He wanted the Dark Lord to brand him with that, he wanted to feel it writh through his veins. He wanted the Dark Magic to take away his pain, take away his love, he wanted it to take away Lily. When the Dark Mark was placed upon his left forearm, he did feel that Dark Magic course through him, he felt it submerge and suffocate all remaining parts of him that may belong to the light. Except. There was one thing still there. And it was then that he realized that nothing, nothing could dowse his love for Lily Evans.
A/N: Did you cry your eyes out? I did. Hope you enjoyed this short exploration into Snape's unimaginable sadness. Please review, this is my first one-shot!