This is just a plot bunny that popped into my head the other day and refused to leave, no matter how many times I showed it the 'I'm-busy-doing-my-mountain-of-homework' exit. Oh well. Who says physics and trigonometry can't wait?
Disclaimer: I do not own psych. If I did, I would be having pineapple smoothies with James Roday and Dule Hill. I guarantee it.
Shawn Spencer: Wannabe TV Star1985
"I wanna be on TV when I grow up!"
Henry Spencer looked up in surprise as his eight-year-old son barged into the room. "What are you talking about, Shawn?"
Shawn was smiling excitedly. "I can be just like those cops on TV and get famous!"
Henry shook his head. "I don't think so, kid."
Shawn looked crestfallen, but he wasn't about to give up. "But why not?"
"Because those aren't real cops, Shawn. They're just actors who are paid to pretend to be cops, and the bad guys they're catching are just actors who are paid to pretend to be bad guys."
"But –"
"No 'buts', Shawn. You're going to be a real cop like me, not a fake one. You'll never be on TV."
Present Day
"Dude, I just got a great idea! It's totally dope!"
Shawn's entrances usually had all the subtlety of the smashing of a vial of nitroglycerin in a public library.
"And good morning to you, too, Shawn," Burton Guster answered with a practiced amount of sarcasm in his voice.
"Sorry, Dad," Shawn retorted with a grin and an equal amount of sarcasm.
Gus rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine, I'll bite. What's this 'totally dope' idea?"
Before answering, Shawn came over to stand next to Gus's desk, closed his laptop, put it on the floor, and, just for good measure, sat in the recently vacated space.
"Okay, get this…" Shawn paused dramatically. "We get our own TV show."
Gus stared at his friend for a minute and saw that he was being perfectly serious. At least, Gus was relatively sure he was being perfectly serious. With Shawn, it was usually hard to tell.
"What do you mean 'we get our own TV show'?"
This clearly wasn't the response that Shawn had been waiting for.
"What do you mean 'what do you mean'?"
Gus was barely able to restrain himself from rolling his eyes again. "A TV show about what, Shawn?"
"Us!" Shawn said, all but bouncing up and down with excitement. "A show about us! Psychic detective Shawn Spencer and his loyal friend and business partner Burton 'Gus' Guster!"
"You're kidding, right?"
"No. Come on, man, how can you possibly not think that would be cool?"
Gus just shook his head, laughing. "Who would watch that?"
"Seriously? That's what you're worried about? People watch way more dumber stuff than that all the time! Look at Jersey Shore, for crying out loud!"
"It's 'dumber', not 'more dumber', Shawn."
"I've heard it both ways!"
"No you have not."
"Come on dude, seriously!" Shawn tried again. "Our very own TV show! What do you say?"
"I say you're crazy."
"Now, Gus," Shawn chided him in a mock-serious voice, "you know it's not nice to call people crazy."
"Shut up, Shawn. We are not getting our own television show."
"Why not? I've got the merchandizing all figured out and everything!"
Gus looked skeptical. "What do you mean, 'merchandizing'?"
Shawn cracked a huge smile, one of those ones that's so big people could get uncomfortable just looking at it. "I thought you'd never ask, buddy." He jumped up and grabbed a folder off his desk. "Okay, check it out. I made some basic product mock-ups…"
"Those aren't mock-ups, Shawn. They're just pictures you drew on the back of some index cards."
Shawn opened his mouth to protest, but Gus cut him off. "And don't you dare say you've seen it both ways!"
"Fine," Shawn conceded. "And now, back to the products…" He flourished a card with the word 'psych' inscribed on it in yellow, in the middle of a vertical green rectangle. Gus stared at it for a second.
"What is it?"
"What is it!" Shawn exclaimed, inspecting his handiwork. "It's clearly a psych iPhone case."
"Clearly? It's not 'clearly' anything!"
Shawn frowned. "Okay, how about this one." He flipped to the next card. "I give you… the Burton Guster Central Coast Pharmaceuticals pen!"
Gus looked up from trying to retrieve his laptop off the floor, obviously intrigued. "You mean I'd get my own products?"
"Of course, dude!" Shawn exclaimed, grinning again and feeling rather like he was on the home stretch now. "Who wouldn't want this pen? The famous Burton Guster's pen?"
Gus looked excited for a minute, then his smile faded and he shook his head. "I still think you're nuts, Shawn. Lemme see that iPhone case again."
Shawn handed him the card, smirking. "I thought it looked nothing like an iPhone case."
"It doesn't. I'm humoring you," Gus answered, examining the drawing, which he now realized was done in crayon. "I'm not even going to ask where you got the crayons."
"I raided my dad's attic. Turns out he never gets rid of anything. Why that has to include my old school supplies –"
"I said I wasn't asking, Shawn."
"And yet, your tone of voice said otherwise."
Gus made a face, but ignored his friend, still staring at the drawing with a frown. "This case says 'psych' on it."
"Yes…"
"You want the show to be called 'psych'?"
"Well, yeah."
"You don't think that seems… I dunno, lame?"
"Lame?" Shawn exclaimed. "I think it's dope!"
"Yeah, you said that already," Gus said exasperatedly. Then he grinned. "Tell you what… why don't we get an outside opinion? Let's see what someone unbiased has to say." He pulled out his cell phone and started to dial.
"Who are you calling?" Shawn asked.
Gus was amused to hear the masked apprehension in his friend's voice. He had a feeling Shawn already knew, but he answered him anyway.
"Your dad."
"My dad?" Shawn yelped. "Since when is my dad unbiased?"
Gus didn't have time to answer because at that moment, Henry Spencer's voice emanated from the phone in his hand.
"Hello?"
Shawn shook his head emphatically, rapidly mouthing, "No! No, no, no, no!"
Gus ignored him. "Hello, Mr. Spencer, it's Gus."
"Hello, Gus. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Henry asked pleasantly.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Shawn repeated loudly. "Where did that come from?"
"I heard that, Shawn," Henry growled, suddenly sounding far less pleasant.
"Oh, sure," Shawn muttered, "you realize I'm here and suddenly you're a grumpypants."
"Anyway," Gus interrupted before things got any louder or angrier between father and son, "we were just calling to ask your opinion on something."
"I'm almost afraid to ask what about."
"Tell him, Shawn," Gus muttered, poking his friend in the ribs.
"Ow! Why me? I'm not telling him, you tell him! You're the one that called him!"
"It's 'who called him', not 'that called him'," Gus corrected.
"I've heard it both ways!"
Gus poked him in the ribs again.
Shawn rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine!" He took a moment to compose himself for the grand unveiling. "All right, here it is: Gus and I get our own TV show!"
"Wait for iiit…" Gus whispered gleefully.
"Dude, that's my line!" Shawn hissed.
They were interrupted by Henry again. "Shawn, that's got to be one of the dumbest ideas you've ever had."
"Why?"
"I told you twenty-five years ago, kid… You'll never be on TV."
There you have it. And now that you've read it, please review! Especially if you liked it ;)
And then when you're done with that, if you like Pirates of the Caribbean, you should check out my oneshot called "Walls". It's only got one review and it's lonely…