I always thought when I finally learned how it is how to love, it would be perfect. That finally I would have meaning to everything that I am. Why I smile, why I'm happy, why is it that I look forward to each day because finally I have my meaning. The reason why I exist. She is the air, the sun, the moon, the ground that I walked on. Every little thing about me is all because of her. I was born to love her. I move my world around her, the very axis in which I travel solely. I don't know any other paths but her road...her way. That if I lose her, I wouldn't know what would happen to me. That I let her in. I let her in the inner chambers of my heart, for her to dwell and named hers and hers alone. But I never realized that even good things has its end. That there would come a time things would change. She would change. She would look the other way, walk away and ignore me. She would last days without speaking to me, and me, like lacking air, would be gasping for life. Waiting so ever fervently for her return. Near to going mad if she doesn't come soon.
That day finally came. She left without even a single glance, a word or a wave. Her eyes are dry, not even a sign of remorse. As if I woke up one day and I no longer exist. Because the one person who is the sole meaning of my existence had forgotten about me. Had cast me aside and moved on without me. I never thought that love could end so suddenly, so abruptly. It hurts so much. Its like a steel blade cutting on my insides, carving away my heart away from my body. I felt cold, freezing like I went out on a snow with just a shirt on. My teeth chattering, my hands growing numb, my body shaking uncontrollably. So this is how it is, so extreme. From falling in love, to getting hurt. Like a hit and run, it came so sudden I never realized what it was. Everything was a blur. Still I try to hold on, hoping that one day she would come back and tell me she made a mistake. That she really did love me after all and was just so afraid of the growing need as we grow closer and closer...intimate to each other. Because that's how I felt. That I cannot exist without her. I will never survive without her. She is my air, I wouldn't be able to breathe when she's gone. She is my heart beat, my heart won't function without her. She is my sight, my light...I will never see anything again without her, all the beauty of the world would fade to gray. She is my music, my song, I would be deaf to any form of sound if I can never hear her voice again. She is my words, I can never make sense anymore without her, I would stutter, mute and unintelligible all because I had lost her.
But still, here I am before you. half the person that I am. I had grown colder...harder. I had lost everything. Including my world. My life. I don't know how long it's going to take for me to get it back again. For me to be whole again. But I will someday. Even without her. Even if she stopped loving me. Even if I no longer exist to her. My heart, my mind would only acknowledge her. She may not be the last. But deep inside me, I know there could never be another love I could love like her. There could never be another HER in all the worlds, in all the times I would come to live through my life. My heart is as hard as steel now, as cold as ice. I don't know if there would be someone out there who would bring me back to my old self. Give me back what I have lost. Regain for me the heart that I gave away. I know I would fall in love again. I know I would love. But I hope if I did, I hope this love will melt the steel, thaw away the snow that I have buried my heart in. I would be willing to risk it all again. But I hope this time, if I did, I hope it would be the last.