Author's Note: I appreciate the comments and feedbacks. But please remember that I put there that the characters are OOC, if you don't know what it means, its Out Of Character, so, the characters that appeared in the fiction is not the same as their original character in the real anime. They are entirely different, it could be age, mannerism, behavior, way of talking, dressing, etc. And yes, the reason why it is also here its because it is "fan" made, so don't tell me to change my story to fit your standards or you're going to make some revisions, if you want to write one, by all means, be my guest. This is my story and I didn't ask you or force you to read it. Its there because I want to share it for anyone who wants to read it, if you want to give me constructive criticism it would be very much appreciated. But if you got nothing good to say, just move on and don't flame me. If you're trolling, you came to the wrong place.
Why did it have to hurt so much? To love someone. Why can't you be with the one you truly love the most? It hurts, and it's eating me alive inside. I wanted to lash out, curse and cry, pull my hair out, beat myself up. Anything. Something. So that I would feel something else instead of this excruciating pain.
You never called back. I never heard anything from you again. As if you never existed at all, like someone came overnight wiped the traces of you and erased you from everyone's memory. And there's nothing I can do but cry. Cry until my eyes hurt, cry until it's all red and puffy, until I could feel that there are no more tears that I can shed.
I want to feel empty. Wiped out. Instead of this unbearable pain weighing down on my chest. I want to close my eyes and hoped that it would be the last time I would open them again, since you won't be there for me to see you.
Where have you gone? Have you forgotten about me? Are you happy wherever you are now?
I miss hearing your voice. I miss hearing your rude remarks, taunts and side comments. I miss seeing your face, that face that I have loved for thousands of years, from one generation to another, to one era and the next, from this lifetime and all other lifetimes we had been together. I miss the touch of your skin. That familiar warmth and scent that could only be you and only you, no matter what form you posses. Please hurry back. I don't know how long I can remember you. A heart in pain sometimes forgets easily.
I crumpled to the floor, composure gone. "What have I done?" I croaked, tears falling down my face.
The servants rushed to the room when they heard the crash. They saw their undignified master crumpled on the floor, broken tea cup pieces on the floor, the table overturned, his shirt was soaked with the tea, and his face drenched with sweat and tears.
"Nobutsuna sama! Are you okay, sir?" the servant asked, they helped him to his feet, checking him if he was injured, their concern and questions were lost to the monk, all that came from his lips is Takaya. They helped him back to his room, changing his clothes, while a physician was called. He was given some sedatives to calm him down.
Chiaki was called, inquiring about Takaya and was told what happened to the holy man. When Chiaki went to Takaya's house, he wasn't there. His sister didn't know where he went. Chiaki called Ayako to help looked for the errant youth.
Night fall came. No sign of the boy. They went to all his classmates and friends, he wasn't there, even Yuzuru didn't know he was gone.
"This is not good. I can't even sense him." Ayako said, shaking her head.
Chiaki looked at his friend. "Let's go see Naoe." He said. They drove back to the temple.
The monk was still asleep. His face haggard, like he had been through a losing battle and still want to fight until the end. So unlike the poised and ever well-composed Nabutsuna Naoe, the eccentric monk of the Kougenji temple in Utsunomiya.
They found out that the boy was there three days ago, and the servants heard shouts and scuffle in the room, and Takaya rushed out in anger and never returned. Naoe locked himself in the room until they found him in this condition. He wasn't eating, but that is typical of him. For the former Yoshiaki Tachibana, the third son of the Tachibana family, Naoe had given up his pursuit of his unrequited love that had lasted for almost 400 hundred years.
"Stupid!" Takaya grunted under his breathe when he kicked an empty can of soda on the beach. He had camped out at an abandoned lifeguard shack; he had found canned food and decided to stay there until his anger disappears.
He had been with the monk for almost two weeks until the older man had said something to get him angry, they shouted at each other, well, he shouted, and Naoe tried to reason with him until he got more pissed off, started kicking and throwing stuff before he stormed out, and after punching the monk.
I woke up in the middle of the night, it was dark. "Takaya." I called, when I didn't hear an answer, and didn't feel a body next to me, I started crying.
I remember now, he had finally decided to open up himself to me. And I did something stupid to ruin everything. Got him angry. I have always known he is a bit uncomfortable with voicing out feelings. He is still a little hesitant to admit that we have undergone so much from master and servant, from friends…to lovers. But why is it saying you love someone so stupid? I had loved him for 400 years, no matter what form he took, I had loved him, followed him from generation to the next, from one era to another, always being so loyal and submissive to his whims.
I almost cried, when he finally started returning my feelings. Little bit at first, like touching my arm, or not jumping anymore when our bodies came inches in contact with each other. Until one time, I dared put an arm around him, he protested for a bit but didn't push me away or lash out at me, and then as we sat there in silence, I leaned down and kissed him lightly on the lips. No reaction. No anger, no pushing. I took the kiss deeper, teasing his lips open, and when he did, I explored the inside of his mouth. When I heard a moan, and arms snaked around my neck, I kissed deeper, more eagerly until we got drowned in the heat of the moment. I urged him to lie down on the couch, kiss for kiss; tongue for tongue, my heart was singing for joy, I could almost shout for joy. This is my Takaya…my Lord Kagetora is kissing me back, his tongue penetrating my mouth.
I took the risk and opened his shirt, no protest, so I attacked his body, kissing each part of the hot skin my lips can lap hungrily. He arched his back towards me which urged me on, taking his small buds in my lips, teasing, nipping, biting and sucking until it is hard and pink under my tongue. He was panting, his eyes closed, his mouth slightly open in a sexy way; he was letting out small moans in that wondrous voice of his that voice that had haunted me night after night in my sleep for almost 400 years. I was careful, taking my time, taking it real slow. I want to savor this; I want to etched this in my memory and forever re-live it for the rest of my life, and my other lives and other forms.
"Naoe." He called to me, with a moan, eyes still closed. His hands playing with my hair.
"Yes, Takaya?" I asked, took a moment before I start to call him Kagetora, he hated that name. He said that it was a different person and not him.
"Take me." He said. A simple command but it took awhile for me to move. This is so unreal. I could hardly believe that those words escaped his lips so easily. When his fingers buried deeper in my hair, I snapped back to reality. Yes, it is real; he did command me, his loyal dog to take him.
"By your command." I murmured on his skin, each kiss made my heart pound. I wanted this. I had dreamt of this moment for a long time. My heart is pounding, I had difficulty breathing. Every time his fingers move, it would wake me up from my reverie. I am making love to Takaya, my Takaya…my lord, my master Kagetora.
Like a breaking glass, a river dam, my feelings overflowed as I take him over and over again. My feelings taut like a wire twined too tight, any sudden movement it would snap and break me. If he rejects me in any form I would break. But no cold comeback or retorts escape those wondrous lips. His eyes close, mouth open slightly in a seductive pose, with moans of pleasure reverberating inside the cramp sitting room. This is really happening and I am with Takaya.
We lay there silently. I had done something so out of character. In the sitting room. With anyone visiting the temple could walk in and see us. My servants must have sensed that we shouldn't be disturbed for I heard them redirecting people discreetly and quietly to the other foyer and informing them that I'm engaged at the moment. Takaya came and was announced. So they all knew that we are occupying the receiving room and we haven't left. Surprisingly, no one came from the open area leading to the entry way were we are at the moment, nor someone opening the door and discovering our folly. Like there was guards at both sides, discreetly guiding others away so we could continue what we are doing, whatever it is they think we are doing.
I had sense the urgency on the boy's face when I met him by the sitting room. I had encouraged him that we should go to my office and talk. When I put a hand on his shoulder to guide him, he tugs me in a half embrace, and every sane reasoning and caution I had at the moment vanished in a flash. All I realized and recognized were his face, the way he was looking up to me, the way his lips were moving, like seducing me for a kiss. When I leaned down and did just that, there was no resistance, no anger. So we end up tangled in limbs and clothes hurriedly and clumsily discarded.
Two weeks of blissful heaven. We dined in my room and dined on each other when eating edible food was done. He had ravenous appetite and I teased him playfully. And like a child he would pout and get angry, and I completely fell. Hook, line and sinker. This is what makes the man, this young man right before my eyes. His cold and mean façade is just what makes him, his snide and curt remarks is what makes him so endearing. That he is tougher than he looks. He might look like a bully but whatever spouting out of his mouth is different from how gentle he touches you or how caring his action is despite the curses he says otherwise. I had feasted on his skin, and he devoured mine completely with an appetite of a hungry lion not so eager to take his time. I could die right now. Die happy.
Takaya was eating a fruit cup. He doesn't like sweet stuff that much, but he had no choice. He had no money and his gas is running low. He stayed in that shack for a couple of days more, dining on tuna in cans and fruit cups. Sweet. He licked his lips. He let out an involuntary moan when he remembered something. Naoe. He remembered Naoe. Naoe is like this fruit cup. It hits your senses and satisfies you, fills up your need and yes, indulges all your vices. He needed the monk. Like he needed sugar. His sugar fixes to control his craving. His addiction. After all the times they had spent together. Takaya had grown fond of that quiet, composed monk. He remembers Naoe's face. The way he smile, how gentle his touches were, his voice soothing and calm, washing over him like a blanket of silk. He feels so lost when the older man is not around, he got so used to him, like you get attached to a pair of old sneakers, or a ratty terry coat, or those childhood teddy bear that you have outgrown. He feels safe when he is with him. Like all those stuff, for him, Naoe is his security blanket.
Mortally wounded, the monk would still worry if he got hurt or if he is alright. The older man doesn't care if he only got minutes to live, or his blood is ebbing away from his body, just as long as he is sure that his master is safe, his Takaya is safe. Who despite of being in danger, he would stand in the line of fire and risk his life, all for Takaya. Despite his taunts, protests, rude remarks and grunts, the older man would always smile at him, calmly accepting whatever he throws at him. Whether its harsh words or punches, he won't fight back but accept it.
"Stupid." He grunted again, draining the cup and the syrup in one gulp and then retching from too much sweet. He tossed the cup in the waste basket, grabbed the tepid bottled water to wash out the syrupy taste in his mouth.
He got up and like a lion, paced around the small room. Reaching for the post, he punched on it several times. "I hate you!" he cried, pretending that the post was the older man. Then he crumpled to the floor and cried. "I hate you." He uttered once more, but this time there's no anger or spirit in it.
Takaya got up and decided he had enough of the shack and drove home. When he got there Miya rushed to him and told him that Chiaki and Ayako were looking for him. His sister looked worried. He was still pissed, he hadn't slept in days, and he thought that they were only looking for him because of some mission again.
"Its Naoe kun. They said he had a breakdown." Miya said, her fingers worrying the edge of her shirt.
Takaya didn't wait for her to continue. He rushed out again and drove to the monk's temple home. The servants let him in without any questions why he was there at an odd hour of the night. He had to ring the door bell a number of times before someone let him in. He was left to rush to the monk's room.
Takaya saw him lying there. Pale as ghost. His face gaunt and with a touch of gray. He did this to him, he knew it. He wondered why a grown man would do this to himself. A monk who can have everything he ever wanted but ends up like this just because of a boy. Just because of him.
"Naoe." He called. Expecting the monk would answer to him without fail. Like he always do, like a slave, with one snap of his master's finger would jump at his command. He had a vivid flashback of a different Naoe doing just that when his master, Kagetora had called on him. But there is no reaction from the monk. No movement, no reaction of acknowledgement from the older man.
He then closed the door, locking it. He walked to the bed. He touched the man's shoulder. "Naoe." He called again, more firm and louder than before. He heard a slight moan from those dry and pale lips. Naoe moved in his sleep but that's all he did.
Takaya sighed. He was tired, hungry and beat. He climbed in next to the man. And kissed him. He had always had someone important to him taken away. Every last person he had ever loved either died or leave him. He was afraid. That's why he went to the monk that day; he wanted to define all those things he had been feeling. He needed to confirm them. But when Naoe put them into words, he got angry. He got angry because now that the unspoken is out in the open, he would lose the older man. Like he did then some eras back. He doesn't know what is happening to him. He knew he had another life; it comes in his dreams, flashbacks and forgotten memories of his other life that he had locked away inside of himself. He didn't want to lose Naoe. He didn't want to wait for him to find him again. Now that Naoe is here, he didn't want to wait for another life to be him again. He wanted this set up to be permanent.
He fell asleep, holding on to him. So afraid that if he let go of the monk, time would spin again and take him away.
Naoe woke up with a weight on his shoulder. He dreamt that Takaya came back. He dreamt that the boy was talking to his sleeping form, telling him things that he never thought that the boy could ever say to him when he is awake. Takaya said he was afraid that he would lose him. He was afraid that they would be separated again. That they would spend their whole lives chasing each other and never meet, like the sun chasing after the moon, always meeting but never be together.
Naoe let out a whimper when he saw that the weight on his shoulder was really Takaya and he wasn't really dreaming. He came. He came for him. Takaya woke up with something wet brushing his face. He stirred and opened his eyes; it was Naoe, kissing him with tears running down his face. Takaya climbed on top of the monk, pinned him on the bed, and devoured his lips with an urgent need. Naoe was too weak, he let Takaya take him. His heart swelling he thought it would explode.
Naoe couldn't remember how many times they had taken each other, after catching their breathe for a few minutes they would be all over each other all over again. Time flew by and it was night time again. Surprisingly, no one knocked on the door. No one dared interrupt them. He knew his servants would have let the boy in.
Takaya got up the bed, Naoe thought he was leaving, he grabbed his arm. "What? I can't go to the bathroom now?" he snapped. Naoe chuckled, shaking his head, as he brought the hand to his lips.
"Yeah, yeah. Me, too." He whined. Naoe let out a gasped, Takaya might not have said the exact words but he confirmed it.
Takaya all flustered, "Don't, okay? Stop there. I'm here now so feed me." He said, before walking briskly to the bathroom.
Naoe chuckled, he got up a little weak and began to dress. He went to the kitchen and got something to eat for his boy. Takaya may not have said it but he knew what the boy meant.
When Takaya got out of the bathroom after his shower, he looked at the food, and glanced at Naoe, "Do you have any fruit cups?" he asked.
Naoe looked at him oddly, not understanding. "Fruit cups?" he asked.
Takaya blushed, remembering why he had a sudden urge to eat fruit cups. "Never mind." He said.
"I'll see if we have some, if you like." Naoe said, about to go.
Takaya grabbed his shirt. "I said never mind." He said again, unbuttoning the monk's shirt with eager fingers.
"Wha- We might have some." Naoe said, blushing, seeing how eager Takaya was.
"I have you, you're better than the fruit cup." Takaya said in reply, as he pushed the monk on the bed and straddled him. Naoe smiled up to him happily.
Owari