A/N: As my other fairly recent twoshot was such a lovely an unexpected success (Cannoli & Confession - please check it out if you haven't read it) I decided to write another little episode tag/what if scenario (or perhaps it should be better titled 'if only' scenario).
This one's for 4x20 that I rewatched recently. This was the one where they investigated the murder of a high school teacher and Jane managed to infiltrate himself into a play to catch the killer. At the end of the episode they received a text from Rigsby announcing the birth of his son Ben. It picks up just after Jane left the bullpen looking upset. Threeshot at most.
Shakespeare & Scrutiny
Chapter 1
Jane lay on his attic bed, his mind full of the first moments of Charlotte 's life. Rigsby was experiencing such minutes now and he envied him immensely. Pleased that his colleague and friend had the chance to have what he had once but still tinged with jealousy. And guilt that he felt that way. He had no right to make this joyous moment about his own pain and sighed heavily, closing his eyes.
He heard her footsteps behind the door, a brief hesitation before she knocked on it. He opened his eyes and sighed again. He didn't deserve her concern either (or her in his life at all come to that) but telling Teresa Lisbon not to worry was like telling an overeater not to have another piece of pie. Utterly pointless.
He plastered a smile on his face. 'Come in, Lisbon.'
She slid the door across and came to stand beside him. Though she tried to hide it with a smile he saw her anxiety for him. He had evidently not hidden his pained reaction quickly enough at seeing the photograph of Rigsby's child before he left the bullpen.
'Hey' she said brightly, 'We thought we'd go to O'Malleys to celebrate, you know, wet the baby's head.'
Jane nodded. 'A fine tradition indeed.' He closed his eyes, his fingers clasped together and resting on his stomach, 'Have fun but don't overdo it. You're cranky enough in the mornings without a hangover to boot.'
'Jane. Come on, the whole team's going. That means you too. Don't be such a killjoy.'
'Mmm. Tempting, but I think I'll pass. I'm a little tired after my stage performance earlier.'
She tutted and he could imagine her accompanying pout. 'You were on stage for less than five minutes.'
'Well it's not the length of the performance that matters, Lisbon, it's the quality of it.'
She huffed. 'Yeah, I think I heard that same excuse from a guy before under different circumstances' she muttered under her breath.
He opened his eyes immediately at her slightly suggestive comment, watched her chew her bottom lip as she looked off to the side following it, her mind now trying to come up with another reason for him to attend the gathering. 'Oh?' he grinned. 'Well that certainly sounds like an interesting story.'
She turned her head back towards him and blushed but stood her ground. 'Well if you come tonight I might tell you about it if you're so interested.'
He grinned again and she mirrored it although both knew that particular tale would remain a secret whether he came to the bar or not.
He sighed and sat up on his bed, his look turning serious. 'I'm okay, Teresa. Really.' He nodded to emphasise his statement.
'I never said you weren't' she immediately replied.
He looked out the open doorway to his right, shaking his head.
'Come' she continued softly. Then she went in for the kill. 'Please, Jane.'
He met her eyes and gave her a look that told her he knew she was playing dirty.
She raised her chin in response, challenging him.
He got off the bed and grabbed his jacket. He gestured for her to go in front of him with one arm outstretched silently. She smiled in victory as she looked over her shoulder at him as she left with his hand pressed to the small of her back.
As Lisbon told them she would fetch the first round Cho, Van Pelt and Jane settled in a booth in the bar, the evening revellers making them raise their voices as they talked and an overweight fifty year old clad in an AC/DC T-shirt murdered one of their songs on the karaoke at the far end of the room.
Cho quipped, 'Never mind Highway to Hell, think I'm already there listening to that monstrosity.'
Van Pelt laughed as Jane smiled, tilting his head to catch a glimpse of chestnut hair at the crowded bar. 'I'll go help Lisbon with the drinks' he said, standing up.
When he arrived there she was waiting on the drink orders, her money clutched tightly to her palm, her eyes concentrated on following the barman's movements. A man he recognised from the D.A.'s office was attempting to engage her in conversation and she nodded quickly and said an odd word as he talked, only sporadically looking in his direction. It took Jane a couple of seconds to realise he was attempting to pick her up and he felt a sudden feeling of possessiveness overcome him. He had to get a handle on that he told himself but pushed his way through the throng towards her anyway. He tapped her on the shoulder and saw her tense, intent on giving whoever this was a piece of her mind until she turned around and flashed a smile upon realising it was him. Jane almost childishly stuck his tongue out at the buffoon next to her but refrained himself, dazzling a grin in his direction instead. He saw the man's shoulders slump, recognising him instantly as the bane of the D.A.'s office and rolled his eyes, moving away from the bar. Jane shook his head slightly as Lisbon paid the barman. If the idiot wasn't willing to put up any kind of fight for her attention he didn't deserve her anyway. She passed him a couple bottles of beer and gestured for him to go ahead of her back to the table.
As they settled into the booth and toasted Rigsby's new son Ben talk turned to the case they'd just solved. Lisbon had relaxed after a couple of beers and she enjoyed goading Jane in front of the others. 'Of course I'm sure there would have been an easier way to get a confession but Mr Showman here had to get on stage and ham it up.'
He chuckled alongside her, downing the beer in his hand. 'Excuse me! I put in a very convincing performance. I'm expecting a call from the Royal Shakespeare Company any day now, Lisbon.'
'Yeah, I won't hold my breath' she laughed, her green eyes twinkling at his.
As he went to fetch more drinks he had to admit he was having fun and this was definitely a better way of spending an evening than wallowing in self pity in his attic. Perhaps he'd give his hunt for Red John the night off. He glanced at her from the bar, his mind telling him that was dangerous territory to explore, even for one night.
When he returned she was listening intently to Van Pelt tell her about the victim's former student turning her life around and looking very much like a proud parent herself at her mentoring of Grace over the years and turning her into a fine accomplished agent. His heart softened and wondered if she ever thought about having children of her own. Most women he'd met had considered it by her age. She was a little awkward but good with children and he suddenly pictured a dark haired cherub being soothed over her shoulder. He wondered if he'd be around to see that one day.
As Cho fished out his phone to show Van Pelt an update text from Rigsby he tapped her arm, putting another beer in front of them both.
'Oh, you're back, are you? I thought you must have gotten the call from your agent for your debut on Broadway.'
She really was amusing when a little buzzed by alcohol. 'You joke now, Lisbon. You'd be begging me to come back if I ever left you for a greater purpose.'
Instead of joking back he saw something in her eyes instead, some kind of acknowledgement that she knew he wouldn't always be by her side and a faint hint of delight that he'd used the word 'you' instead of 'the CBI' or 'the team'. He wished he could tell her she was wrong but if he killed Red John then chances were he wasn't coming back from that, one way or another. He would most likely never see the vision of her with a child of her own and it saddened him that was the case. So he met her gaze, smiling sadly at her, allowing his own ache at the thought of a life without her to show for an instant. It was by far the most intimate moment they'd ever shared and he fought the urge to put his hand on hers, afraid of where that one touch may lead them this evening.
A second later she smiled fully at him, taking a deep breath, pulling back slightly as she did so, turning the conversation to less sensitive issues. 'So, pleased you came out tonight?'
He raised an eyebrow. 'Did I have a choice in the matter?'
'Nope, not really' she grinned, taking a swig from her bottle.
'You're quite the emotional blackmailer when you want to be, you know that?'
She shrugged, looking at him sideways, her lips on the lip of the bottle. 'Learned from the best.'
Later on as the crowd thinned out and Cho and Van Pelt had said their goodbyes they sat alone together in the booth, beer bottles clasped to their hands. 'Thank you for making me come out tonight' he said softly, peeling the label from the bottle. 'I enjoyed it.'
'Me too' she replied. She turned to face him, studying the lines etched in his face, the faraway look in his eyes as he stared at the bottle in front of him. Encouraged by some dutch courage she added, 'I know seeing that photo of Ben must have brought back some memories.'
He nodded and blinked rapidly, his mouth pursed in a thin line.
'You know you can always talk to me, don't you?' she continued. 'I mean, if you wanted to. About them.'
'I know' he finally replied, his voice cracking slightly. He picked up the bottle and took a long drink from it.
Putting it back on the table he turned towards her, her emerald eyes drawing him in to continue his gaze, his eyes roving over her face, making sure he memorised it fully in this instant in the dim light of the bar. They settled on her lips, glistening from beer. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her pulse quicken in her throat, her mouth part slightly. It would be so easy to kiss her right now. He wanted to in this moment more than in many others before. And she would allow it, would welcome it as much as he would. They could laugh it off and blame the alcohol for a moment of madness despite both of them knowing they were hardly intoxicated. It would be awkward for a few days but they'd get over that and go back to how things were before. Or at least pretend to do so convincingly enough to get by. It wouldn't have to spoil their friendship or working relationship. He suddenly realised he felt no guilt attached to the thought of kissing her. Unlike when he had kissed Erica Flynn and succumbed to her seduction for a few seconds afterwards he was absolutely mortified, immediately feeling that he had cheated on his wife by doing so. He was sure he wouldn't feel the same if he gave into temptation this time. Instead he was certain he'd feel only comfort, warmth, softness, tenderness. All the things he'd denied himself for so long.
It would help fix him.
It was this thought that made him pull back.
He noticed her frown slightly at his reaction, confused by the sudden change in temperature and distance between them.
He couldn't be fixed. He'd told her that years before but she was attempting to do so every day anyway. Some days it worked and he'd feel lightness in his heart again for a few minutes or even sometimes a few hours. The truth was that he didn't want to be fixed. Not completely. He couldn't risk it. Someone who was whole again permanently could not be the man needed to catch Red John. He needed to be cold, calculating, determined, and alone. Perhaps even a single kiss from her might prove his ultimate undoing in his quest for vengeance.
But still he stared at her. He had never even kissed her cheek like he had with Hightower or some others. It was too close, too intimate with Lisbon. But he still wanted to in this moment despite his tremendous reservations; he still desperately wanted to know what her skin tasted like, what her lips tasted like, the inside of her mouth. He could feel his heart hammer in his chest at the thought. He needed to put more space between them before he gave in.
'I need to use the bathroom' he said, finally taking his eyes off her, quickly moving out of the booth.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I'm guessing another one/two at most will wrap this little story up.