My reflection gazed back at me with as much apathy and exhaustion as I stared into it with. I tightened my lips into a very gloomy looking smile that showed none of my teeth. This is just sad. All of it is sad and pathetic. How did my little town become like this? Where did it go wrong? Where did I go wrong?

I leaned into the reflective glass and jabbed a finger at it before growling out, "pull yourself together."

That sufficed well enough and I leaned back away from it. Life sucks and everything is out of whack, deal with it and keep living. I stepped down from the stool that allowed me to reach the sink and talk to myself like a loser. Trudging out of the bathroom, into the hallway, and down the staircase, my little socked feet made quiet thumps on the carpet. It was early on a weekend morning, so my parents were fast asleep. Good.

I sat at the bottom of the stairs and slipped my feet into some sneakers before tying them messily yet tightly. My bottom lip pouted out a bit in focus, an embarrassing habit that arose whenever I let myself slip into deep thought. With my shoes, coat, and hat on, I was ready to go out into the snow. I got up and left my home. The brisk hair stung my face for just a moment before I went numb.

My soft green gloves had a little trouble shutting the front door, but I managed to get it closed with some fiddling. I down the driveway as I shoved my hands into my pockets. Instinctively, my legs took me down the road to a bus stop not far away. Once I was there I stared up at the bright yellow sign that marked the pickup area and sighed. This dumb town looked so normal….for being not normal.

Stupid sign, stupid snow, stupid ol' redneck people in a dumb ol' redneck town. Filled with idiotic and ignorant people….

Like Eric Cartman.

An overweight, ugly, rude, manipulative CUNT.

He was a whiny and obsessive brat that kicked and screamed and fought for everything he wanted. Determined, yet lazy. Determined to be lazy. The very boy that went out of his way to make my life a living hell just to see me get upset.

I clenched and unclenched my fist at the thought of him.

I hated that he got to me so easily. That he was able to drag the absolute worst out of me. My tears, my screams, and my...passion.

Nothing got me going like seeing him say or do dumb shit. Most of the time I was a reasonable young boy. He always managed to fog my brain. Whenever Cartman tried to hatch up some nasty plan I just HAD to get involved. Emotion clouded my judgement to an unbelievable degree because of HIM. I grimaced grossly.

But.

My face fell.

Recently things were different. Cartman was still a whiny little lying brat but, his desperate attempts to please were not for himself. They were for his girlfriend. Heidi Turner. I should be relieved and even happy for him. He was not bothering me as much. I have not heard him call me a 'Jew' or a 'Dirty Ginger' for over a month.

Why was I so upset about this? Why did I care who he dated and whatever insults he hurled at me?

Why does my blood boil whenever I see them walking hand in hand?

Why. Why. WHY.

Then I see it. I see them, walking towards me. Giggling and whispering to each other without a single care in the world. I heard soft whispers and little 'babe!'s. They nearly bumped into me, but I stepped out of their way. Not that they even noticed.

I speak up, quietly mumbling out, "Cartman."

He stopped and acknowledged that I was there for the first time. Heidi gave me an odd and curious glance. I nervously rubbed my arm and glanced at my feet.

"Hey Kyle, what's up?" Cartman asked me, seeming legitimately interested and concerned.

Heidi let go of his hand and said, "Sounds important, sweetie. Catch up later? I have homework to do anyways."

She smiled and waved before leaving the two of us alone. I looked up at Cartman and fiddled with my gloved fingers. He crossed his arms and glared.

"What?" He spat in a hostile manner.

My nervous demeanor swiftly became defensive and I groaned, "Ugh, I didn't even say anything yet!"

"Kyle, KYLE. You are cutting into QUALITY TIME with my girlfriend. Please, just get this over with" Cartman retorted aggressively.

"That….That is what I wanted to talk to you about."

He crossed his arms and raised one of his brows.

I was silent, then I took a deep breath, then I blurted out something that went through absolutely NO filters of any sort in my mind.

"She doesn't love you."

Cartman scoffed and uncrossed his arms, "what the FUCK do you mean?!"

His eyes were full of anger, and reeled back like someone had just dropped a fat sack of dog shit on his lunch. I had only just begun to realize what I said. My own eyes went wide and I took a step back. Jealousy bubbled in my throat and spilled out of my mouth.

"Stop lying to yourself. You are performing mind acrobatics again to convince yourself she is just this smart and wonderful person. News flash, she ISN'T" I heard myself saying, my eyes narrowing in anger. Why was I doing this?

Cartman glanced around to see if anyone was around before grumbling out, "listen, JEW, I don't know what you are scheming. I won't have any of it, you better stop or I will make you stop."

I smiled slightly at the old insult, but stopped hoping he had not seen. My mouth opened to retort and he cut me off.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!? You ARE planning something!"

Whoops. He saw.

I leaned in and jabbed my finger into his chest. His chest that was covered by a 'Token's Life Matters' shirt. I hated that shirt so much. Disgusting, I wanted to see it off of him….

"THAT was the old you, the real you. The you that unforgivingly said terrible things and had no concern for other's feelings" I insisted, then continued.

"The you that was obsessed with me, that would go to the ends of the Earth just to prove a point or make me look stupid. That Cartman is the true Cartman. Not whatever…."

I pulled my hand away and motioned to his body.

"This is."

He was quiet for a few painstakingly long moments. His face was blank of any emotion. I realized that everything I had said put me in a good place to get the shit beat out of me. However, he did not raise his fist to punch me in the gut. Nor did he kick me in the nuts.

Instead, he calmly said, "so. You are jealous? You want my attention again?"

My face flushed a deep crimson red and I realized what this all was. All of the anger, confusion, sadness. He somehow knew me better than myself yet AGAIN. I clenched my gloved fists and looked down shamefully. The situations I put myself in because of my stupid uncontrolled temper.

I sniffled and wiped my tears and snot away with my sleeve.

Oh god, tears?!? Jesus christ, why don't I just go ahead and eat his fucking farts again. I guess today was 'make myself a fool for Cartman's amusement' day again.

I refused to look up when he said my name.

He said it again and I still stared down at the ground. Then something happened that I did not expect to.

Cartman wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. His pudgy body was extremely warm and welcoming. I let myself choke out a disgusting and wet sob as I buried my face into his bare neck. He flinched a bit, obviously disgusted by the snot and tears getting all over his skin.

I did not care, I just unfurled my fists and hugged him back. My hands gripped his shirt. Cartman rubbed my back and let me sputter to him unintelligibly. Man, I really hope he wasn't recording this or something. He pulled away and smirked at me. Oh joy.

"I knew you were a fag, but jeez dude!" Cartman chimed in a playful manner.

I smiled softly and gazed at him with puffy red eyes, "Whatever, fatass."

He smiled wide for a bit, then glanced around again carefully. He leaned in, planting a swift and gentle kiss on my cheek. My jaw slacked in surprise, but before I could say anything he was gone. Running away, probably back home or something.

I placed a hand on my cheek and smiled even wider.

"See you tomorrow…"