Can I stay?

Disclaimer: I don't own Dr Who or any of its characters or trademarks etc. This work of fiction is written for entertainment. I do not intend to profit from this.

Warnings: anxiety, panic attack

Pairings: Rory/ Amy. Rory/ 11th Doctor friendship.

START:

Doctor POV:

He felt a knot of nervous energy. Begging to be released but he couldn't show such an emotion. He was in charge. He was in control. He had to be to keep his Ponds safe. To keep them happy.

He tried to breath. To focus his mind on thinking. His nervous feelings made it hard to think. He could feel the air enter his body but it seemed to do nothing for him. The nerves only seemed to constrict him.

He felt like he could barely move, breath or think.

As if they want you! They want the stars...a voice in his head taunted him.

Thats not true. I say, though I'm not sure I fully believe it myself.

You know its true the voice says.

I growl and try to shake the hurt. Of course it could be true. Why else would they be around him? He was an old vain fool. He wanted to be adored and Amelia Pond had done so. The wonder in her eyes was his drug. Human after human died for it. Yet like any addicted fool he didn't even admit his problem.

My hearts beat faster. My breaths feel constricted and I decide to leave before they see me in such a state. I reach my tardis before I hear footsteps behind me.

You think they want to say good bye? The voice taunts.

Again I feel hurt but I silently hope they do want to farewell me. That they will miss me like I miss them.

"You don't think we will let you just leave right?" a voice says loudly.

My chest feels tighter and I sink to the grass against my tardis. You CAN'T use her voice! YOU CAN'T! I think angry at the voice. You can't use her to hurt me.

I am barely aware of where I am but I can feel wet tears on my face and hands on my arms. A female panicked scream. A calm male voice.

A brief brush against my arm gets my focus. I strain to hear a males voice. It sounds fuzzy like an out of tune radio. I don't dare open my eyes. "Can't find" I mutter, not sure if I am speaking to myself or him. His tone seems to get gentler.

I focus on the voice. On the sounds. I only catch pieces but it sounds familiar now. "Rory" I affirm to myself.

He squeezes my wrist in encouragement.

The action seems to connect me to reality. I will have to trust him.

He removes his grip and I feel a sense of loss. I panic as my link to reality is broken. See now how much he really cares? the voice says cruelly.

The voice has to be wrong about this. I refuse to believe otherwise. My faith is rewarded when I feel one hand on my back and another gripping my wrist again. He mutters things that sounds comforting and I am pleased.

Rory. I smile at the name. Calmer now, I focus on what I can feel. His hand supporting me. His arm grips my my waist with his hand resting on my back. Warm and human. Once again I hear his voice, low and calm. Worried. "Breathe- better- can do it" It makes no sense but its enough.

His remaining hand grips my wrist. An ever present sensation of human warmth and urgency. I know I have to get back to him.

I find the tightness eases and I am rewarded with a squeeze of my wrist. I'm doing good.

I refocus on finding reality. When I hear his voice clearly, I just tiredly fall into his arms. "It okay. Your okay now. You did good. You did very good" Rory says comfortingly. I just smile at him

Rory easily picks me up and carries me into the house. I find myself in a soft bed. He turns to leave. "Wait, I have to ask something" I yell.

He frowns but returns looking worried.

"We are friends right? Amy, you and me?"I ask hesitantly.

"Of course! Why even ask?" he says surprised.

"I want to stay" I say quickly. Like ripping off a bandaid.

He looks confused.

"With Amy and you. For the cubes. And well..." I look away. I bite my tongue hard. I have said too much. Now he will reject me. I will be alone again.

He frowns and forces me to look at him. Upon seeing my emotions he seems to soften. "You can say it"

I still hesitate.

"I'm your friend. Nothing you say can change that." he insists.

I take the gamble "I miss you".

I wait for his angry yells. Maybe disgust. Maybe even quiet disdain.

"Of course" he says.

Instantly I feel relieved. And tired.

"Now you have had a panic attack so you need to recover. Sleep you silly alien. We can talk tomorrow." he says kindly.

I fall asleep with a smile.

I feel a ruffle of my hair and the blanket being pulled over me. Even so close to sleep I relax at his touch.

With the blankets tucked in, I fall asleep quickly.

Rory POV

I observe the timelord slumped against his ship. His breathing is rapid and he is looking pale. Panic attack.

His crying softly. Though I'm not sure he knows it. I lean down and start to comfort him. "Doctor, its okay. Your going to be okay. I need you to breath. I'll be right here for you." The slightest turn to me shows he can hear at least some part of what I'm saying.

Good. Thats a start. Not wanting to spook him, I only brush his arm lightly. He turns to the touch and seems less unfocused. I continue to mutter comforts and he relaxes slightly again. After a few minutes he whines in both frustration and loss.

"Can't find" he whispers.

He might seem nonsensical but it makes sense to me. He was looking for an anchor to real life. Touch is his strongest sense so he focussed on my touch. He can't find me. Thats my way in. Thats his way out.

I take his wrist a gentle yet firm hold and say as gentle as I can "I'm right here. Its okay. Rory is here".

He seems to relax more and focus again. "Rory" he says as if sure. I smile and squeeze his wrist in response. He seems to get the message and calms further. Good.

With worry I notice that he hasn't calmed his breathing yet. He coughs desperately and starts to slide down the Tardis wall. His still aware and that makes things worse. It means he cannot stop it on his own. Tears fall and he seems lost again. His breathing only gets more rapid and he tenses up again. Shit. Not good. Not good. He needs my touch again if he has any chance.

I don't hesitate to move him. With one arm I pick him up off the grass and hold him against me. A make sure to place a supporting hand on his back. I place my other hand back on his wrist. "I'm right here. Its okay now. You need to calm your breathing. I'm right here to help you" I say hoping its enough to bring him back to focus on me again.

I am relieved to see him calm down significantly. He makes no effort to support himself so I strengthen my grip on his waist as he leans on me. "Breath. Thats better. You can do it." I encourage softly. He seems to respond and calms further. His breathing is less worrying. He relaxes into my warmth, his head resting on my shoulder. I squeeze his wrist to let him know he is doing well.

After some worrying minutes pass, he returns his breathing to normal. He exhaustedly flops back into me, too tired to move. "It okay. Your okay now. You did good. You did very good" I say comfortingly. He whines softly and buries his head into my neck. He almost looks like a human child. It sweet. I pick him up and head for the guest bedroom. He will need rest now.

AN: as usual R and R.