This OS is different of what I usually write but if you read it, read it to the end. I just want to help you, really ! :)
I sit at the kitchen table with my results in my hand, hidden in a simple enveloppe. I still debate whether I should open it or not. If I do, Tobias will be pissed because I didn't wait for him but on the other hand, I am excited to know.
My curiosity wins and I open it.
The words pass in front of my eyes and I read,
….Congratulations...we are happy ...you...a new member in our hospital...
I squeal and jump up and down. Oh my gosh, I can't believe. I have to tell Tobias.
We wanted to go on vacation together, but the condition was I had to pass. And I passed, and I am officialy done with my studies. We need to celebrate it. I quickly text Tobias to come back home immediately from the grocery store because I have good news.
I look for the champagne bottle we kept for occasions like this one.
I look at the clock, Tobias should have gotten home twenty minutes ago. Maybe there was a long queue at the checkout.
I keep waiting but he isn't coming. I become more worried as seconds pass but my phone rings and I let out a breath. His name appears on the screen and I pick it up.
"Tobias ? Oh my god, I was so worried."
"I am sorry miss. This is the doctor Miot from the Chicago hospital. We didn't know whom to call and we found you're number on his phone."
I can barely breath as I fight the tears.
"Mr Eaton was in a car accident. Everything will be explained when you'll be there."
"I...I'm coming." I stammer.
"Miss ? Be safe."
I nod, even though he can't see it. I hung up and sit for a minutes. I won't cry. He isn't dead, they would have told me. I take deep breaths then will myself to get up. I take my car keys and I am off toward the hospital.
When I arrive, I run to the office and ask for him.
"I am sorry. Only family." The nurse says without looking up.
"I am his girlfriend. Please, let me in." I plead and she looks up.
She sees my tears and tells me the number of his room. I rush to the room where the doctor is waiting on the outside.
"I believe you're Miss Prior."
"Yes I am. How is he ?"
He leads toward an office and he makes me sit.
"Mr Eaton was hit by another car on Dauntless street. The driver was a drunk man who was killed in the accident. Mr Eaton is in a very bad shape. His legs are broken, same for his left arm and 6 ribs. It's hard to say but there is only a small chance he'll make it"
I instantly break into sobs.
"Do you want to see him ?" I nod through my tears.
We go back to the room and he stops here.
"He's awake"
I push the door open and my breath catches in my throat when I see him. He turns his head and opens his eyes toward the noise and smiles weakly when he sees me.
I cry again when I see all this needles in his arms, all those patchs on his chest, all this casts on him and the tube in his nose. He pats the bed next to him and I sit.
"Hey honey" His voice is low and raspy.
"How are you ?" I manage to ask. He pulls me in a hug and I don't move.
"High. They drugged me so I don't feel anything. Did they tell you ?"
"Yeah.. don't worry. You can make it, the doctor said it. I will be there beside you."
His eyes fill with tears when he shakes his head.
"No Tris.. I won't make it"
"Of course you will. You have to. I can't let you go."
My cheeks are soaking wet and I can barely see through my tears. He motions to me to lay down next to him and I do.
"Tris. I love you more than anything, you know that. I asked the doctor to say that to you because I had to tell you myself. I will not make it."
"No Tobias, you're lying. Y-you will be fine"
"My rib broke a lung and blood fills it."
I can't let the sobs in and soon they rack my body. Tobias kisses my forehead and I know he is crying too.
"I am sorry, I said I would be there to protect you..."
"What happened ?"
"I was already driving home when I got your text. I read it and when I looked up, the other car was driving on my road."
This is my fault, if I hadn't send the text, nothing would have happened. As if he read my mind, Tobias speaks,
"None of this is your fault, I shouldn't have had read this text. It's my fault. Okay ?"
I nod in is chest but I know it's my fault. We stay silent and I just lay in the arms of the man I love during his last moments.
"What did you want to tell me ?" He eventually asked.
"I passed my exam, I'm officialy a nurse" he smiles at me and kisses me.
"I am so proud of you. Tris, I need you to promise me something. Promise me you will go on this trip we planned. I want you to live your life and move on. I want you to be happy. And most of all, I want you to be loved, so please Tris don't shut yourself from the worl and if you find another man, I want you to get married. I know you want children and I always thought you'd be an amazing mother. Please do that. All of that. For me"
I cry even harder as he speaks.
"Tobias... I can't do that. I can't let you go. I wanted to get married but to you. I wanted to have children but with you. You want me to be happy but how can I be happy again if you're not here ?"
"You'll have to find out, honey. You're a strong woman and you can do this."
"I love you so much"
He kisses me again and I kiss back.
"I love you too. Now, think of something else. Think of the first time we met. Do you remember ?"
"How could I forget ?" I answer with a small laugh.
Flashback
I am walking in the grocery store, looking for some ice cream, cookies, pizza and tampons. I live alone and I forgot to ask Christina to buy me those things.
I already have the ice cream but I can't find the other things. I should maybe come here more often or ask Christina to come with me.
After a long time looking for them, I eventually spot the cookies on a shelf. But of course, they have to be on the top one and I can't reach it. I look around and try to find something I could climb on to reach it. I look around and the only thing I see is a man. A tall man.
"Excuse me" He lifts his head and I feel like I lost the ability to speak. He is those blue eyes, damn...
"Yes ?"
"I am sorry to disturb you but could you help me reach the cookies ? Seems like I am not tall enough" he chuckles but helps me.
He gives me the box and smiles.
"Here"
"Thank you so much. It was really embarassing"
"Don't worry, it's a pleasure to help a pretty lady"
He winks and leaves, I am sure I am as red as a tomato.
I continue my adventure to find my others items and next, I find the pizzas. Once again, my favorite is on the top shelf. I groan in annoyance. I look around and there nobody. I try to climb the shelf to reach it and when I am about to brush it, I hear laughter. I turn around to see blue-eyed boy laughing.
"Need help ?" I smile gratefully at him.
"Thank you".
He helps me again and gives me the pizza.
"Well, cookies, pizza, ice cream. Your boyfriend is very lucky."
"I don't have a boyfriend. I live alone"
"Oh well, I am sure you'll have a pretty good evening with all of this."
I smile back at him.
"I am Tobias"
"Tris" I shake his hand but he lifts mine to his mouth and kisses it.
"I am really happy to meet you, Tris" I blush madly at this.
"It's nice to meet you too."
"I have to go, but I am sure we'll meet again." he says with a wink.
"How do you know ?"
"I don't know. Fate ?" I smile at him then I walk off again to find my tampons.
When I spot the aisle, I look for them. When I get there, they are once again out of reach. I growl loudly.
"Really ?" Never mind, I'll ask Christina.
I turn around and I am face to face with Tobias. I blush madly and he raises an eyebrow.
"I heard you growl and I thought you needed some help again, so here am I"
"No, it's okay" I don't want him to know I need tampons. I know it's natural but it's still really embarassing.
"Are you sure ?"
"Yeah, don't worry"
"I could help you, you know. Why don't you want my help ?" he turns around to see what I was looking for and freezes. He looks back at me, his cheeks totally red.
"That's why..." I mutter. He smiles at me and I do the same. He turns around and grabs a pack for me. He puts it in my bag.
"Thanks"
"Told you we'd meet again" I blush again and he smiles.
"Are you finished ?" he asks while looking at my bag.
"Yeah, I am" He takes my bag and walks away. I run to catch him then try to keep his pace.
"Wait, where are you going ?"
"I am going to pay" I try to take my bag but he keeps it.
"Tobias, I can't let you do that"
"I can and I will. Just watch"
After five minutes during which we 'argue', I finally give up and he pays.
Once he paid, he takes my bag and we walk to our car together. He comes with me to my car and puts my bag in it.
"Thank you Tobias, you didn't have to"
"Of course I did, I would have felt like a jerk if I hadn't. As I said, it's a pleasure to help a pretty woman."
"Thank you" I reach for the handle but Tobias is faster and he opens the door for me. I get in and roll my window down. He leans on it, putting his elbows on it.
He quickly kisses my cheek then takes a step back. I pull out the parking space, red as a tomato. I look one more time at him and he shouts.
"I'll wait for your call"
I look at him confused and he winks. As I arrive home and put my things away, I notice a phone number written on the cookies box. There is a name under it. Tobias Eaton.
"I think I was already in love with you that day" he admits.
"I've fallen for you too that day. You were so nice. I thought you only wanted to get in my pants but you never stopped to act like a gentleman, even after our first time together."
"I love you too much to let you go" he says.
I kiss him again but I try not to touch him. I don't want to hurt him.
"Tris... I wanted to tell you something"
I take his hand and with the other caress his cheek.
"Tonigh, when we'd have gone to this restaurant I reserved in, I wanted to do something. I knew you would pass and I wanted to ask you to marry me."
He holds out a ring and my breath catches in my throat.
"You know, I love you so much. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you... And I did"
I sob at his words, it's too much.
"Please Tris. I need to know. What would you have said ?"
"I would have said yes, of course" he smiles through his tears and kisses me.
He takes my hand in his and slides the ring on my ring finger.
"This, Beatrice Prior, is my love. This is my last gift for you. Please keep it. I love you"
"I love you too Tobias."
I notice some blood begin to appears on the corner of his lips. I cry more as I wipe it away. I look at him and he is so hurt in the inside, I can see it in his eyes.
"I am so sorry Tris. It shouldn't have had ended like that. We would have gotten married, we would have had children, watched them grow up then leave their old parents behind them. I love you Beatrice Eaton" I smile at him and cup his cheeks.
"You may now kiss the bride" He laughs and kisses me.
He kisses me like anything else before, with passion and love. With regrets and longing.
He whispers 'I love you' between kisses over and over again.
That was the last time I kissed him and the last time he said 'I love you'. That happened two weeks ago.
Time passed and we could assume I moved on and acted as I was alright. But I wasn't and I am not. And that, everybody knows it.
I went to the restaurant Tobias talked about but I was alone. I ordered his favorite meal with his favorite bottle of wine. The chocolate cake reminded me the last time I ate a piece with him. His face was covered in chocolate and he tried to kiss me. It happened yesterday and it was the last time I laughed so loud. Everything could have been perfect if only he were here with me. As I closed my eyes, I remembered how life was perfect with him. He always was a gentleman and caring. When we went ice skating, I remember his fear when I fell. When I lost the dog I grew up with, he was here to rub my back and sing something until I fall asleep. He did everything for me...and my actions killed him. I killed him.
My family and Tobias's mother check on me everyday. My friends bring me food. But I stay here thinking over and over again.
"It's my fault"
He said be strong, move on, live your life. How can I live my life without him beside me ? I can't even work without torturing myself. My school found me a job in the maternity ward, but I never went. How could I ever go to the hospital where he died ? Taking care of children like those we could never had ?
The door opens and Evelyn comes in.
"Hey sweetie, how are you ?" I don't respond and break into sobs.
She sits next to me and hugs me.
"I am so sorry Evelyn. I killed him, it's my fault. He was your son." She lifts my chin up.
"Tris, look at me. Do you think Tobias would be happy if you were mourning and saying it's your fault. He wanted you to have a happy life. You have to do that for him"
"How can you be so strong when he is not here ?"
"It's hard, really hard. But you need more support than I do. I lost a son, a part of myself but you lost as much as me. I get to live 18 years with him. Memories fill my head, I can still see him play with his truck in our living room, cry when he fell in the garden, laugh when he watched his favorite TV show. I remember when he talked about you for the first time. He was so in love that I almost cried to see him so happy. That's what every mother want. You gave him all he needed and I need to thank you." I hug her, shaking like a leaf.
"Thank you Evelyn. Thank you so much"
"I have to go, I have flowers in my car which are for him. Do you want to come with me ?"
I nod and quickly get dressed. She drives to the cemetery and I watch through the window as houses pass. Children play with their dog in the garden, pregnant women lay in the sun while their husband get them something cold to drink. That is the life I wanted. But no...Me ? I have to see the love of my life in his final resting place.
She parks the car and I help with the flowers. There are a lot of flowers but mostly white lilies. They were his favorite. I take them and we walk toward his grave. As we walk in the central aisle, I can't think of anything else but him. It could be the same thing but I would have been dressed in a white dress and he would have been waiting for me at the end of the aisle. He would have been wearing his suit in which he looked so handsome and his perfect smile. We would have held hands until we'd have been presented as husband and wife. Then we would have a life together.. but we can't.
I collapse in the aisle, crying as I did the past two weeks. Evelyn tries to get me up but I can't. If I go at the end of this aisle, everything will be real.
We would have said "I promise to love, honor and cherish you until death do us part" but death found us too soon.
I don't know how I did to stand here but I did. I stand in front of Tobias. He was so young. Nobody should die as young as he was. He had his whole life in front of him. He was only 24 years old.
Was, no more is...That is death-shifting from is to was.
I fall on my knees, hugging the flowers in my chest. If I let them go, it means I let him go. I can't let him go. But then I stand and run with the flowers in hand. I run down the aisle, I run out of reality, I run to forget.
I reach the car, Evelyn is following me but I am faster. I turn it on and leave.
I am sorry Evelyn, I have to do this. I hope you'll understand and then you could explain to my parents. And maybe, you will all forgive me.
I drive toward the street where Tobias had is accident.
I stop the car and wait.
I sit in my car and wait.
I don't know what I am waiting for but I wait.
Then it feels like I do things without thinking. That's why I couldn't explain why I turned the motor on and why I waited for the traffic light to turn red to step on the accelerator.
Everything happened so fast and so slow at the same time. I watched the truck speeding toward me but it was too late. Nothing could have saved me.
It's only when I laid on the road, the car burning in the background, flowers scattered around me and surrounded by people, that I knew I would see Tobias again. I played with the ring, his last gift, until I wasn't able to move anymore. Everybody was moving around me. They tried to save me, but I didn't want to be saved. I only wanted to see the love of my life once again.
I am coming Tobias. Just wait for me a little bit. It won't be that long.
3rd person POV:
The phone rang three times before Natalie Prior answered. The officer told her to sit and she did. Her husband and Evelyn watched her from behind, clearly confused and oblivious of what is happening. Natalie didn't react at first when the officer told her daughter had a car accident. She didn't react when he told her she was dead in it. She hung up and joined the other in the living room. It's only there she understood what he said. Her daughter died and she knew it wasn't an accident. Her daughter killed herself because she couldn't bear the loss.
Natalie cried as she explained to her husband and she cried even more when they did as well. Tris was like a daughter for Evelyn and Tobias was a son for the Prior. The three of them lost two children in two weeks.
Two days later, they invited all Tobias and Tris' closest friends to tell them the news. They also found a letter from Tris and they received the autopsy report.
Natalie wanted to read the letter in front of everyone.
Dear everyone,
Please don't cry. I hate seeing people crying, especially if I am the cause. You shouldn't be sad. You should be happy for me. I am with Tobias again. I am sure we are happy now. We are together maybe eating some pizza with cookies and ice cream.
It sounds crazy I know, but I love thinking there is something after this world. A better world.
I may not have been the smartest girl, the kindest friend, the most honest daughter, the most selfless sister but I know I was the bravest lover. I did everything for him even if I had to give up on my life with you.
What can I say ? I was a girl who was so in love, I couldn't see the lign between bravery and idiocy.
But I am proud of every choices I did. Except one. And you know which one.
Mom, dad, Evelyn. Please don't cry. Smile, your children found love again.
Christina, Will, Zeke, Shauna, Marlene, Lynn, Uriah ( I kept the best for the end). I ask you all a final favor. Don't cry.
I love you all so much.
Don't cry.
Beatrice 'Tris' Prior-Eaton.
Natalie wasn't able to read more if there were indeed more. This was the last piece of her daughter. Andrew took the Autopsy report and looked at it. He openned the file and read it aloud.
"Beatrice Prior
Born: 16th July 1992 in the Chicago's hospital
→ 4:45 pm
Dead: 20th June 2014 in a car accident
→ 2:34 pm
Eyes:gray
Hair: blond
Disease: none
Observations: Broken bones due to the accident.
….."
He kept reading until something made him stop. He tried to read it out loud but he couldn't. Evelyn took the paper from his hand and she was in the same state of shock. She eventually read it out loud.
"Pregnant: Yes"
The past two weeks, they didn't only loose a child, a sister or a friend. They also lost the only thing that could have saved her. The baby was the only thing Tobias left behind him but Tris didn't know it.
There were a lign between bravery and idiocy and she crossed it. Only for her, this lign was the one between pain and freedom.
Although, they listenned to Tris. They were happy because she was happy now. She didn't suffer anymore and with luck, she was with the man she loved, a tiny human being growing in her stomach.
Tears, that's what Natalie Prior felt on her cheeks as she openned her eyes. She tried to get used to the bright light and she eventually did. She was in her garden, surrounded by two people she recognized as Andrew and Evelyn. They helped her to sit up and she blinked a few times. She could feel the hole in her heart as she thought of her daughter. She took deep breaths to calm herself but nothing worked.
Suddenly, her breathing stopped as she heard a laugh. It was faint and high but it was there. She knew that laugh.
-Mom, are you alright ?
Within a second, she turned her head and there she was, her beautiful daughter. She felt tears fill her eyes as her eyes fell on the owner of the arm wrapped around Tris's waist. She finally let them go as she saw her daughter large stomach.
She stood up and hugged her harder than ever. She hugged Tobias too and couldn't realize this was happening.
-It's okay mom, we only put Tom in bed. He may already be 3, he still needs a nap.
Natalie look in her daughter's eyes, thankful that it was only a dream. It's only when she hugged her daughter that she remembered the reality.
Tobias did have the accident but he 'only' had a broken leg and two broken ribs. Tris was so scared, she thought he would die. Two weeks later, they went to this restaurant and he proposed. Tris told him about her pregnancy she discovered that morning, he spun her around only to be reminded of his healing leg.
The trip they wanted to do was in fact their honeymoon.
8 months later, Tom was born. Then two years later, Tris found out about her second pregnancy. They are expecting another boy in July.
Later, when she watched Tris laying on the grass with Tobias kissing and speaking to her stomach, she felt a single tear rolling down her cheek. If Tobias had died in this accident, Tris would have done what she did in her dream. Natalie knew her daughter better than anyone except Tobias and that's what scared her.
She could have died and the dream would have been a living nightmare.
I have to admit, I never wanted to do this 'she opens her eyes' part but when I read the first, I was so sad, I thought 'why did I write this ?' and I wanted my happy ending. So..that's the explaination.
I hope you liked it. :)