Numb
Alvin came home at midnight and slammed the bedroom door behind him, grumbling incoherently. He had been gone all week due to a tour concert Dave had put him and his little brothers, Simon and Theodore, in. Alvin was able to avoid the normal commotion of fans that followed them all the way to their house, but his brothers got caught up in it and had to attend to all the people while Alvin snuck away to his room. Dave always tried to make sure they didn't ditch their fans, not matter how late they actually got home, so Alvin knew he only had a few moments' rest before Dave would come up and tell him to go back downstairs to face the mob.
Dave.
Alvin clenched his small fists, frowning deeply. Just the thought of Dave made Alvin seethe even more. 'How could he?' Alvin thought angrily as he kicked off his shoes and hurled them across the room before throwing himself facedown into his red-and-white checkered bed. Alvin felt his exhausted body become limp after falling onto the bed. He was so tired. He was only a child; not even ten years of age. He couldn't keep up with all Dave was making him do. Regardless, here he was, performing concerts on tours that lasted weeks, signing hundreds of autographs, meeting millions of fans, going to all-night parties, staying up way past his-or anyone's- normal bedtime, and doing so much that other kids his age could only dream about ever doing in their life.
Through all this attention, popularity, concerts, tours, and parties, Alvin was miserable.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be,
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface.
Alvin lifted his head which was throbbing from the over-amplified music which was blasting his eardrums every day this week and hazy eyes looked ahead of him, at his award that hung amiably over his bed. It was his first place ribbon for the 10-meter sprint at his school. He had been so proud that day. Slowly turning his heavy head to the left, he looked over his brothers' beds and saw their awards as well. Simon had won first place in a science fair he was entered in that was against all ages and grades at his school and Theodore received first place in his cooking contest.
Sitting up, Alvin observed the rest of their room. They had award after award, trophy after trophy cluttering up their dressers, each one accompanied by a picture of the receiver of the award, smiling with genuine joy. He also looked over at some pictures of his brothers performing at a concert and saw them all smiling, but they were forced, staged smiles and none of them really meant it.
Alvin slipped off his bed and walked to his dresser where there was a Little League trophy. As he looked at the inscribed date he won it, he couldn't help but feel even more upset; he had won it a few years ago, before Dave started putting him and his brothers on tour. Thinking about this, Alvin looked at all his brothers' awards as well and saw the same thing. Not one of them had won anything for their school or after-school activities ever since they began putting on concerts on tour for Dave.
Speaking of school, Alvin couldn't remember the last time he went. He had been doing so much for Dave, he had nearly pulled Alvin and his brothers right out of school.
Don't know what you're expecting of me,
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Alvin walked up to the last award Theodore won for their school. Theodore looked so young in the picture. Looking back, all of them did. Alvin felt his pent-up anger start to consume him. How could Dave do this to his kids? They had been so happy at school, even though Alvin hated the process of going, because they got to see their friends and be treated like everyone else their age; not like some adult celebrity.
Alvin wanted nothing more than to go to school one more day, play one more game for Little League, have one more night where he went to bed before three a.m... One more day to be a normal kid again.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware.
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.
Opening his closet, Alvin carefully picked up his Little League baseball bat out of his "Special Box" and was deeply troubled to find dust had gathered on it. He swung it around a bit and noticed he was a bit rusty and didn't swing it as well as he used to.
Setting it down, he looked at Simon's "Special Box," which contained all his science equipment, including his favorite lab apron and microscope amongst other things Alvin couldn't even name. Dust nearly covered the whole thing and there was even a spiderweb connecting the box to the corner of the closet it had been set by. Thinking hard, Alvin couldn't remember the last invention Simon ever did nor the last time he ever saw Simon in his precious lab.
Theodore's treasured cooking materials had been moved to the kitchen and became regular utensils, making Theo's "Special Box" empty, save for a spider or dust bunny here or there.
Alvin was snapped out of his memories, quickly left and closed the closet, and looked towards the bedroom door as Dave walked in. "Alvin, what are you doing?" Dave stood with his hands on his hips, showing his oldest son he wasn't pleased with him. "Your fans are out here, and you're letting them down. Come on out." Dave took Alvin's hand and started leading him to the door.
Alvin glared at his father as he snatched his hand back defiantly. "No."
Can't you see that you're smothering me,
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control.
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Is falling apart right in front of you.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take.
Alvin turned and ran to his window and jumped from the sill onto the closest tree branch, Dave shouting right behind him. Luckily, Dave was too large to jump out the window, let alone land on the branch, so he resorted to bribing. "Alvin, please get back here! If you come back, I'll get you some ice cream when the fans leave," Dave stared desperately at his son, stretching his hands as far out the window as he could, trying to convince his son to jump to his arms. Alvin clutched the large trunk of the tree and frowned as he replied, "No. I can't take all the concerts and shows and people anymore. I want to be me!" Alvin felt his eyes prick with tears. That's all he wanted anymore: to be himself.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware.
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.
And I know I may end up failing too,
But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you.
Dave gave up eventually and went back inside, but not after putting a plank of wood from the window sill to the branch so Alvin could come back when he wanted to. Alvin just sat on the branch and pulled his knees up to his chin, remembering climbing trees, even this one, with his brothers when he was younger.
Alvin didn't know how long he just sat there, wishing his brothers were with him, away from the large crowds and just playing like the children they were. They missed re-enacting their beloved scenes from their favorite movies. Alvin sat on the tree limb so long, he watched the moon move slowly across the sky, illuminating the Earth with its eerie glow.
Their bedroom door creaked open again, and an exhausted Simon and Theodore trudged in. Alvin could see in their faces they were as sick of the fans and outrageous tour concerts as he was. Simon raised his eyes to Alvin, who just stared back. Aged blue eyes met exhausted grey ones. Simon walked heavily over and crawled along the plank of wood next to Alvin, and sat against the trunk with him. Leaning his head against Alvin's shoulder and sighing, Simon fell asleep almost instantly.
Theodore watched Simon walk to the window and had followed him. Now he stood there, a bit nervous about walking on the wood but also soon found himself on the other side of Alvin, his head resting against his shoulder as well. Alvin absently put his head against Theodore's as he remembered when he and his brothers climbed and slept in trees just like this for fun when they were kids. But they weren't having fun this time; they were trying to separate themselves from the exhaustion and pain of the real world Dave forced upon them.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware.
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.
Dave came in their room later and saw that his kids' beds were empty. Glancing at where he had seen Alvin last-in the tree-he was surprised to see Simon and Theodore asleep next to Alvin as well.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Tired of being what you want me to be.
Alvin cracked his eye open and saw Dave standing at the window, looking at them regretfully. It was then Alvin saw that Dave realized his mistake; they were just kids and didn't have the strength to do so much. They didn't have the physical nor mental experience to do what he had been forcing them to do for him.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Alvin weakly smiled as he watched Dave walk up to their dressers and remember all those times when he, Alvin, and his brothers were truly happy. Dave pulled out his pocket organizer after reminiscing through all his childrens' awards. As he flipped through his overly busy schedule, he frowned, pulled out his pencil, and angrily erased everything in it before throwing it away and smiling at his sons before heading out the door. Alvin closed his eyes contentedly. 'We're done for awhile,' he thought gratefully before falling into a peaceful slumber.
Tired of being what you want me to be.