PART 1: The Shadow Before
Prologue
Midworld...
Frodo the hobbit was having tea with Bilbo and Samwise.
"Ho ho!" Chortled Bilbo. Bilbo was a bastardly thief who stole a powerful ring from poor Gollum.
"This tea is magnificent!" Belched Samwise. Samwise was a cruel Hobbit, and was very mean to Gollum when he wanted his ring back.
"Why thank you!" Said Frodo. Frodo was a nice Hobbit, unlike the two assholes he was sipping tea with, and deserved the upcoming fate the least.
"My precious..." Moaned a voice behind Sam. Sam could feel hot breath on his neck.
"What the--?" He gasped when clammy hands snapped his neck. The tea spilled on his crotch, giving him excruciating pain before he died. His eyes bulged out. "GACK!" He tried crawling away, his neck at a strange angle. "Must...get....Gan...Gan...dalf..." He said, each word struggling from his mouth. Gollum kicked him in the head, separating the head from the neck inside his skin.
"Gollum!" Bilbo shrieked. "I'm sorry for stealing your ring! Please, forgive me for such a cowardly act!"
"Ssssuck me, bitch!" Gollum roared and punched Bilbo in the face, breaking his nose.
"My nobe!" Bilbo sobbed. "Pleabe, leave ub alone!"
"Did you leave ussss alone?" Gollum asked.
"No..."
"Ssssso why should we?"
Gollum kicked Bilbo in the neck, cutting off the blood pressure.
"Gggg..." Bilbo moaned. "Gaaaaagggg..."
He collapsed to the floor dead.
Frodo fell at Gollum's feet.
"Oh mighty Gollum, most divine creation of Tolkien, spare my life!"
"Well," Thought Gollum "You were nice to ussss. I'll let you live."
"Oh thank you." Sobbed Frodo. "You are most merciful."
Behind the two a small portal opened.
"What is that?" Frodo thought out loud.
A hand reached out and grabbed Frodo by the shirt collar.
"Ach!" Screamed Frodo. "Help me!!!!!"
"Frodo!!!!" Said Gollum. "Hang on!"
Gollum pulled at Frodo's feet, while the mysterious hand pulled the hobbit by the shirt. After a brief struggle, Frodo was pulled in.
New York City...
"This is a holdup!" Screamed the man with the ski mask. He pointed a gun at the banker. "Give me all your money or your brains will be all over the walls!"
THWIP!
"What fa--" He said as gray goo covered his face sticking him to the wall.
There was a flash of red and blue as the costumed hero known as Spider-Man swung away leaving the customers with a gooey mugger.
"Damn!" Said a big fat woman. "Dat spandex is TITE! I could see his twigs'n berries!"
"Shut yo mouth!"
"But I'm written by the Walrus!"
"Then we can dig it!"
Spider-Man swung across the building tops hanging gracefully by a thin strand of webbing.
Webbed to a building was a disposable camera. He had recorded it to snap pictures at this time. He was a photographer for the Daily Bugle, and was paid top dollar to get pictures of himself.
Behind him a vortex opened.
Spider-Man saw it but didn't really care. He had been part of several annoying crossovers and those vortexes were harmless.
He turned around to see a balding man with black hair come out.
Spider-Man was so surprised he lost his balance. He reached out blindly and was grabbed by the mysterious man.
"Gaaah!" Spidey cried. "Let go!"
The man's strength, plus the pull of the vortex, was too strong. Spider-Man was pulled in.
Midworld (again)...
In a hole in the ground, there once lived a hobbit before he was killed. It was not dry and dusty, nor was it full of useless furniture and other shit. It was filled with the ends of oozing worms and mud. It was a Gollum hole, and that meant comfort.
After Frodo was kidnapped, Gollum gave Bilbo's house a makeover. He lived there in peace for many nights, until the stench from Bilbo and Sam's corpses had become really disgusting.
Sighing, Gollum went outside and dragged their bodies into the river.
Bilbo was dead, but unbeknownst to Gollum, Sam was still alive. The cold river woke him up.
"Garrrrgleeeeee!" He screamed as he saw Bilbo's corpse. Green hands pulled him down, and he screamed all the way.
Gollum sighed and walked up to his home.
He heard the whirling of air and something grabbed him.
Gollum didn't even have time to scream.
Gollum woke up to find himself tied to a metal table. Two tables were next to him. Gollum noticed Frodo on one side and a man with red and blue spandex on the other.
"What happened?" Asked Frodo.
Two men walked in. The man who had kidnapped them spoke.
"Hello, gentlemen." He said with a grin. "It is a pleasure to meet all of you today. I am Mr. Manning, and this here is Jordan." The second man grinned.
"What do you want us here for?" Asked Spider-Man.
"Well, I will combine DNA samples from all of you to create a hybrid...the combination of Frodo's girly looks ("Hey!" Said Frodo), Gollum's unnaturally high voice and Spidey's photographing hobby, together they will be the son I never had...Craig Manning!"
Prologue
Midworld...
Frodo the hobbit was having tea with Bilbo and Samwise.
"Ho ho!" Chortled Bilbo. Bilbo was a bastardly thief who stole a powerful ring from poor Gollum.
"This tea is magnificent!" Belched Samwise. Samwise was a cruel Hobbit, and was very mean to Gollum when he wanted his ring back.
"Why thank you!" Said Frodo. Frodo was a nice Hobbit, unlike the two assholes he was sipping tea with, and deserved the upcoming fate the least.
"My precious..." Moaned a voice behind Sam. Sam could feel hot breath on his neck.
"What the--?" He gasped when clammy hands snapped his neck. The tea spilled on his crotch, giving him excruciating pain before he died. His eyes bulged out. "GACK!" He tried crawling away, his neck at a strange angle. "Must...get....Gan...Gan...dalf..." He said, each word struggling from his mouth. Gollum kicked him in the head, separating the head from the neck inside his skin.
"Gollum!" Bilbo shrieked. "I'm sorry for stealing your ring! Please, forgive me for such a cowardly act!"
"Ssssuck me, bitch!" Gollum roared and punched Bilbo in the face, breaking his nose.
"My nobe!" Bilbo sobbed. "Pleabe, leave ub alone!"
"Did you leave ussss alone?" Gollum asked.
"No..."
"Ssssso why should we?"
Gollum kicked Bilbo in the neck, cutting off the blood pressure.
"Gggg..." Bilbo moaned. "Gaaaaagggg..."
He collapsed to the floor dead.
Frodo fell at Gollum's feet.
"Oh mighty Gollum, most divine creation of Tolkien, spare my life!"
"Well," Thought Gollum "You were nice to ussss. I'll let you live."
"Oh thank you." Sobbed Frodo. "You are most merciful."
Behind the two a small portal opened.
"What is that?" Frodo thought out loud.
A hand reached out and grabbed Frodo by the shirt collar.
"Ach!" Screamed Frodo. "Help me!!!!!"
"Frodo!!!!" Said Gollum. "Hang on!"
Gollum pulled at Frodo's feet, while the mysterious hand pulled the hobbit by the shirt. After a brief struggle, Frodo was pulled in.
New York City...
"This is a holdup!" Screamed the man with the ski mask. He pointed a gun at the banker. "Give me all your money or your brains will be all over the walls!"
THWIP!
"What fa--" He said as gray goo covered his face sticking him to the wall.
There was a flash of red and blue as the costumed hero known as Spider-Man swung away leaving the customers with a gooey mugger.
"Damn!" Said a big fat woman. "Dat spandex is TITE! I could see his twigs'n berries!"
"Shut yo mouth!"
"But I'm written by the Walrus!"
"Then we can dig it!"
Spider-Man swung across the building tops hanging gracefully by a thin strand of webbing.
Webbed to a building was a disposable camera. He had recorded it to snap pictures at this time. He was a photographer for the Daily Bugle, and was paid top dollar to get pictures of himself.
Behind him a vortex opened.
Spider-Man saw it but didn't really care. He had been part of several annoying crossovers and those vortexes were harmless.
He turned around to see a balding man with black hair come out.
Spider-Man was so surprised he lost his balance. He reached out blindly and was grabbed by the mysterious man.
"Gaaah!" Spidey cried. "Let go!"
The man's strength, plus the pull of the vortex, was too strong. Spider-Man was pulled in.
Midworld (again)...
In a hole in the ground, there once lived a hobbit before he was killed. It was not dry and dusty, nor was it full of useless furniture and other shit. It was filled with the ends of oozing worms and mud. It was a Gollum hole, and that meant comfort.
After Frodo was kidnapped, Gollum gave Bilbo's house a makeover. He lived there in peace for many nights, until the stench from Bilbo and Sam's corpses had become really disgusting.
Sighing, Gollum went outside and dragged their bodies into the river.
Bilbo was dead, but unbeknownst to Gollum, Sam was still alive. The cold river woke him up.
"Garrrrgleeeeee!" He screamed as he saw Bilbo's corpse. Green hands pulled him down, and he screamed all the way.
Gollum sighed and walked up to his home.
He heard the whirling of air and something grabbed him.
Gollum didn't even have time to scream.
Gollum woke up to find himself tied to a metal table. Two tables were next to him. Gollum noticed Frodo on one side and a man with red and blue spandex on the other.
"What happened?" Asked Frodo.
Two men walked in. The man who had kidnapped them spoke.
"Hello, gentlemen." He said with a grin. "It is a pleasure to meet all of you today. I am Mr. Manning, and this here is Jordan." The second man grinned.
"What do you want us here for?" Asked Spider-Man.
"Well, I will combine DNA samples from all of you to create a hybrid...the combination of Frodo's girly looks ("Hey!" Said Frodo), Gollum's unnaturally high voice and Spidey's photographing hobby, together they will be the son I never had...Craig Manning!"