She Said Yes

Summary: He thought he asked a simple question…but he never imagined Tara Knowles would give him a simple answer. I always wondered what would of happened if Tara had said yes instead of not answering when Jax asked her during season 1 if she loved him. I wondered if Jax was relieved or sad that Tara responded with "it's not a simple answer". This is just one version of his possible response to her saying yes.

This is my very first time writing for fanfiction so I welcome all feedback, but please be respectful. I'm doing this for fun and hopefully at least one of you will enjoy it. Happy reading…

"Your mom says I have to end this, that whatever were doing here can't work."

"Do you believe her?"

"What is this? I mean is it just about the Kohn thing? What do you want?"

"I want you to stop listening to my crazy mom and get some sleep"

"We can't keep looking the other way, we need to think about this. What the hell are we doing?"

"Do you love me?" After a few moments of intense silence Jax adds "it's a simple question babe"

Tara's green eyes locked with Jax' blue ones and she took a deep breath, saying the answer she has known to be fact since she first said it at 16. "Yes I love you, more than you can imagine. I can't remember a time not loving you. The wind was knocked out of Jax, the words he had prayed for over 10 years to hear again from the only women he had ever loved had just come out of her beautiful mouth. But now he wasn't sure what to do with those words. He knew he loved her but his life was so fucked up at the moment. He wanted more than anything to reach out for her and kiss her deeply and profess his love too, but he was frozen. He and Tara knew each other so well he really thought she would know that right now was a confusing time and that they would both need time to process.

I stood there looking at Jax waiting on some reply or bodily response. I expected him to grab me up in his arms and tell me of his undying love for me, but sadly there was nothing. I thought maybe he didn't hear me or maybe he needed to hear more to believe my words. After all I had left him once, maybe he worried I would be able to easily leave this time. I know this is a confusing time for him but I want to believe with all my heart he still loves me the way he loved me all those years ago. The way I have never stopped loving him.

I continued to stare into his eyes, the eyes I have dreamt of looking at every night for the last 10 years. "Jax, yes I love you, I have never stopped. The relationship with Kohn was the only real one I ever tried to have. I realized that after more than 8 years I should try to forget you. I went for someone so opposite you in hopes that it would happen. I started thinking that even though I loved you with every breath I took and I never wanted anyone else, that you may have not felt the same way and maybe you had moved on. That realization tore me apart so I tried to move on too. That thought is what kept me away from Charming, from you, for so long."

"Imagine I got with a man who vowed to serve and protect and ended up being my worst nightmare. Yet the man who is feared for being an outlaw has protected me almost my whole life. You have to know Jax, I swear on everything I did not come back here for you to take care of Kohn. It's just Charming feels like home and when you feel threatened home is where you want to be. I did come back for you though, I have never stopped thinking about you and I needed to know if you felt the same. In the end it's not Kohn killing me that I feared it was the 'what if's?' that consumed my mind."

"I knew you moving on was a possibility, I just never allowed myself to believe you really would. Imagine the heartbreak I experienced coming back to find out not only were you married but you had a kid on the way. We were supposed to be married, he was supposed to be my child. Those were the promises we made to each other. I realized I had been living in a fantasy world as soon as Wendy and your son came through the hospital doors. Able looked so much like you I instantly fell in love and wanted with everything I have to help him, for you."

Thinking I may have said too much all at once and knowing I have so much more I want to, no, need to say I stopped myself. I bit on my bottom lip to try and resist the urge to continue, I needed to give him a chance to speak. I looked up at Jax with such hopeful eyes full of unshed tears. I wasn't sure what emotion he had in his eyes but I was hopeful that he would pull me into his arms and tell me how much he still loved me . He stood there completely still staring at me, no, through me. "Jax please say something." A few moments passed which felt like years and Jax finally spoke. "I have to go, I'll see you tomorrow and get some sleep. He gave me a chaste kiss on my forehead and headed out of the room and out of the house.

In the loud silence of the house the only noise I swear I hear after the closing of the door and the roaring of his bike was my heart literally breaking in a million pieces. I cried myself to sleep believing the last 4 nights was just Jax working me out of his system. In the morning I resigned myself to the belief that the last few days were just about visiting the past. That Jax must have realized he didn't still love me, all the 'what if's' have now been answered. Though my heart is shattered at least now I can try to move through my days the way I have the last 10 years. I know I need to stay to finish taking care of Able (a child who has already stolen my heart) but will move on to somewhere else after he is home with his actual family.

JPOV

Jesus Christ she said yes, she still loves me. Shit, why am I on my bike, why did I walk out? I've wanted to hear her say she loves me for 10 years and then I walked out? What the hell is wrong with me? I think when I asked if she loved me I expected to hear her to say she wasn't sure. My life is so messed up right now, it was screwed up and dangerous when she left all those years ago but it's much worse now. Shit, she said yes…

I haven't felt this good in all the time she was gone as I have this past week that she has been back with me. I haven't breathed as easy as I did the moment I saw her back. The minute I saw her my mind immediately went to everything I have been wanting to do with her. She has always been my ole lady in my mind, time nor distance has ever changed that. So why when she said yes did I get scared and walk away? Son of a bitch I fucked up. Tara probably thinks I used her or God forbid that I don't love her anymore. That couldn't be farther from the truth, I love her more now than I did then. My love for her has always been all consuming, she owns me mind, body and soul. Her coming back finding me married with a kid must have felt like such a betrayal to her yet she still loves me and wants to help my son.

This isn't how shit was supposed to happen, when Tara left I knew we both were crushed. I'm sure she felt devastated that I chose the club over her. That wasn't how I saw it though, I've always known even if she would never admit it that she was too good for me and my life. I was scared to leave Charming and have her figure it out then. What would I have done? My family here, the club would of felt betrayed if I had left. The club was my legacy, I couldn't turn my back on that. The club and my love for Tara are the only two things I have ever been sure of. So why when she said yes, telling me she loves me did I bail?

When she left I knew it was the right thing for her even if her leaving broke me. I wanted to leave so many times over the years and go to her. I wanted to tell her I loved her and needed her, hell I wanted to drag her back here. I had hoped and even prayed to whatever power was out there that she would miss me so much that she would come back. That way it would be her decision and I wouldn't have to feel self-centered. I know it was selfish thinking but I didn't want to force my life on her.

I realize now that I can be a very selfish man, why she would still love me is beyond me. Tara went away to better herself; to fulfill a dream I fully knew she had from early on in our relationship. Yet when she left we all treated her like she was a horrible person. I drowned myself in booze and pussy to try to forget her, to move on. I am so disgusted with myself at the thought of how many women I slept with. I knew by the time I had slept with more women in a few months then most guys would their whole lives that nothing would make me forget her, I only ever saw her face. That's when I should have went to her making the choice I should have made from the beginning.

Tara and I knew we were meant for each other, that we were one soul and one heart between two bodies. That shit doesn't happen every day or even for most people once in their lives. But I know it was and still is that way with us. Tara was already my ole lady and the love of my life, she was also supposed to be my wife. The only children I was ever going to have were going to be with her, I fucked that up too. I was so concerned with my own heartache, I stopped believing she may have been feeling the same.

Wendy was just a distraction, I knew that from the start so did Wendy. I never loved her, I just needed a break from all the nameless girls. I knew marrying her was a huge mistake, Jesus I needed major amounts of alcohol just to make it to and through the ceremony. When we went to my dorm room after the party at the club, I imagined Tara was who I was making love to. Wendy figured this out when I accidentally called her Tara during my orgasm. I should have felt bad and a part of me did the next day when she told me, so I tried for a while to give this marriage a go. It quickly dissolved though, Wendy was a junkie and even though she tried she couldn't stay clean. When Wendy got pregnant I hated her but hated me more for letting it happen. I didn't want a kid and I certainly didn't want one with Wendy.

My thoughts go back to Tara and how I just left her at her house after she told me she loved me. I think about all the shit she has been through. An abusive father, a psychotic ATF boyfriend, hell my overbearing mother. Then there is me, the man who loves her more than life itself, I have had my moments of treating her worst then anyone. Now I prove that point by walking out on her, Jesus I need to fix this. My head is so messed up right now I'm not sure how. But I'll fix this, I have to, I won't lose her again.