I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM BLUE BLOODS I HAVE JUST BORROWED DANNY AND WILL GIVE HIM BACK UNHARMED AT THE END OF THE STORY. THIS IS JUST MAY TAKE ON HOW I THINK HE WOULD HAVE REACTED AFTER THE DEATH OF HIS MOM. PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU LIKE IT AS REVIEWS MAKE ME WANT TO WRITE MORE.
Danny walked out of the back door and slumped onto the steps. His shoulders were hunched and his hands cupped the glass of whiskey to his chest. His eyes burnt from the sting of tears he had refused to let fall in front of his Dad and family, but now alone his body betrayed him. He shook from head to toe as the emotion of the past week finally took its toll on him and he sobbed like a baby.
Only twenty minutes earlier he had sat by his mother's bedside and said goodbye to her. He couldn't believe she was really gone. For two years she had fought so hard against the cancer, thought she had beaten it. When it had come back it was with a vengeance. Only a couple of months ago she was fine, within the space of six weeks she had been diagnosed with secondary cancer and now she was gone.
Danny sat watching the sun rise and remembered how when he came back from Iraq he and his mother had sat up all night talking and in the morning, before the rest of the family had woken, they had sat on the back porch and watched the sunrise together. His mom told him that she had done this many times while he had been away. She told him how she wondered if he was watching the sun rise where ever he was and how she felt closer to him thinking they may be watching the sun rise together.
Danny wondered if she could see him now. If she knew how much he would miss her, if she knew he loved her more than anyone in the world and how he could not imagine going on without her. Linda was his rock, yes that was true. But his mom was his mom. The most amazing person he knew. Totally committed to her family just like Linda. When it seemed like the whole world was against him, it was to his mom he could always go, she only had to look at him and she seemed to know what was wrong. She would say just the right thing to make everything seem better and he felt stronger just being in her presence.
Now she was gone and Danny didn't know what to do. He felt lost, like someone had cut off his life supply. He knew she was going, she had told him days before. He was sitting in the lounge at the family home. Linda was upstairs with Erin and the night nurse that was looking after Mary. Danny was trying to keep out of the way, he thought if he didn't see his mom he could pretend this wasn't happening. So he hid in the lounge with the TV on hoping to make it all go away.
Linda came downstairs and went into the kitchen. She came back with Sean on her hip and a glass of water in her hand. "Danny can you take this drink up to your mom, I need to see to Sean." Danny met her eyes as he stood up. "Hey babe give me Sean, I will see to him," he said, gesturing to take Sean from Linda's arms. Linda drew Sean to her and frowned. "Please Danny can you take it up. I just need a bit of time with the kids to recharge my batteries…" Linda pleaded with Danny. "Sure honey."
Danny kissed Linda on the forehead and ruffled Sean's hair. "This cant be easy for you babe you sure you are ok?" Danny asked, as he took the glass of water from Linda. She smiled as he walked towards the hallway, her plan to get Danny to see his mom had worked.
Danny could feel his heart beating as he walked up the stairs. The nurse was just leaving the room and Erin was already in the kitchen giving Nicky supper.
"Hey mom, here's your water," Danny said, placing a kiss on his mother's forehead. "Can I get you anything else?" He asked hoping the nurse would come back in soon, so he could make his excuses to leave. "Sit down Danny, I need to talk to you." His mom told him in the voice she used when he was in high school. Danny sat in the chair next to her bed and she took his hand in hers.
"You know that I am not going to beat it this time don't you sweetheart?" Mary said, her grip on his hand tightening. "Come on ma, don't talk like that…" Danny tried to stop the conversation before it even started but Mary was one step ahead of him. "Look Danny, I need to get things sorted. I'm your mom, I need to make sure you are going to be ok when I am not here to take care of things myself. I have spoken to Joe, Erin and Jamie but I need to know I can count on you to keep yourself out of trouble." Danny laughed. "Why ma, what to you think I am going to do?" Mary kissed his hand. "I think you will go out, get drunk and end up busting the first persons head open that happens to look at you the wrong way. I can't have that Danny, you must promise me that when the time comes I can rely on you to stay in control. I need you to promise me son." Danny couldn't stop the tears that fell down his face. "Ma, please…" he begged but Mary carried on. "Baby I love you so much and I am so proud of you. But Danny I'm scared, not of dying but leaving you and what you will do." Tears now filled Mary's eyes, she knew she was more worried about Danny than any of her other children and she needed to know he wouldn't get hurt or hurt anyone else when she wasn't there.
"I'm tired Danny. I know it's not long so promise me I can depend on you and I promise you I will always let you know I am not far away. Even when you can't see me I promise you, I will be looking out for you, just like when you were in Iraq, just watch the sunrise ok?" Danny tried to smile at her but he couldn't. He buried his head in her shoulder and hugged her tight never wanting to let her go.
"You have a good wife Danny and two wonderful boys. You cherish them the way me and your pop cherished you. Linda is a wonderful wife and mother, we have talked already, she knows what I want her to do for me. She will keep the family together and keep an eye on Frank, Henry and the boys. God knows she loves you Danny. I know she will keep you safe for me, but don't give her a hard time and take things out on her will you?"
Danny was shaking as he tried to control his sobbing as Mary held him in her arms. "You cry it all out Danny Boy." Danny smiled. "You used to call me that when I couldn't sleep when I was Jack's age." Mary smiled and stroked his head. "Danny Boy, you will always be Jack's age to me, you are still my little boy."
Danny wiped his face and took a sip of his mother's water. "Is this why Linda sent me up, you two have it all planned did you?" Mary smiled. "Never underestimate a woman Danny, you should know that by now!"
"I won't let you down ma," Danny said softly. "I promise, ok?" He held her hand and kissed her cheek as he heard the footsteps of Erin or the nurse get near to the door. "I love you ma, thanks for everything," Danny told her, while they were still alone.
Danny heard the porch door open and without even having to look around he knew it would be Linda. She sat beside him on the step and he put his arm around her as she moved into his side. They sat like that in silence till the sun was up.
Danny lifted Linda's head so she was looking at him. Her eyes were red and swollen from the tears and her body shook slightly. "Look babe, I know I won't be the easiest person to be around over the next few weeks but I don't want you to worry I will be ok. I'm not going to get wasted and pick a fight with the first person I see. I know everyone is just waiting for me to hit the bottle but I don't want you to worry ok because I won't."
Linda held Danny's face in her hands "I know you won't babe. One of the things I love about you is that you are a man of your word, but promise me like you promised your mom, that in the months ahead, when everyone gets back to their own lives, that when times get hard you will come to me. Don't think because you are Danny Reagan you can't cry ok?"
Danny smiled. "She trained you well didn't she?" Linda gave a weak smile. "Danny, she loved you so much I don't think you knew how proud you made her. I know you will put a front on for the family, but when it's just you and I, leave the mask at the doorstep that's all I am saying ok?"
Danny held Linda in his arms, almost afraid to let her go. "I just can't believe she won't be here to take care of things anymore Linda. I've never been as scared in my whole life as I am thinking about living the rest of my life not seeing her again."
"The sun is up Danny and you are still breathing, that's all you can do. Wake up each day and keep breathing through the pain, till one day the pain doesn't crush you and when you think of her you can smile. Then one day the sun will rise and you will watch it and just be glad you had your amazing mom for the time you did."
Danny held Linda to him. "God, I hope you are right babe, because this is killing me already…" Linda wiped her face. "Me too babe, but together we will get through this, I promise."