Summary: Enter Uzumaki-Namikaze Naruto and Kyuubi into Middle Earth. Oh dear. One-shot. Humour, crack.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or LOTR.

They were losing.

Aragorn deflected a blow with his blade before ducking as a large mace attached to a silver chain whistled through where his head had been. Not pausing, he slammed his blade into the orc's waist, cutting through the torso cleanly. Ignoring the blood which flooded the ground, the ranger sliced off the head of the orc which had attempted to kill him with the mace.

He took a brief look at his companions, his lips tightening at the sight. Legolas was faring well, but he had received several light injuries which Aragorn knew would take their toll. Gimli seemed to be unharmed as he hacked and decimated each and every orc which met the blade of his axe. Boromir had a couple of shallow cuts, but his focus was still concentrated. The Hobbits looked to be alright as Gandalf had casted a protection barrier upon them as he fought an orc. Still, there were ten orcs left and Aragorn knew that they could not afford to last so long.

'Damn it…' The ranger thought as he evaded another blow. They had been at it for more than an hour, and he knew that all of them would be feeling the effects of fighting so long and so hard soon.

A scream pierced the air, catching Aragorn's attention. The ranger cursed under his breath.

The barrier upon the Hobbits had broken, and Sam's shoulder was bleeding profusely. Two orcs loomed over them, their expressions twisted menacingly and weapons raised.

Aragorn was about to dash over when something whistled through the air and he instinctively ducked, barely evading the strike.

'Damn it…I won't be able to reach them in time!' Legolas and the others – including Gandalf were also preoccupied. They too had seen the trouble the Hobbits were in, but they were either too far or too busy keeping their own circle of enemies away.

Suddenly, an immense pressure surfaced and crashed upon them all. It was dense, it was suffocating – Aragorn found himself struggling to breathe as the pressure engulfed him together with the others. The ache in his chest tightened, gradually approaching breaking point. He managed to stop his legs from collapsing, though just barely. His sword weighed heavily in his hands for the first time since he was young.

"Who dares to awaken me from my slumber?"

A richly feminine voice hissed icily, echoing throughout their surroundings as it bespoke of underlying menace and authority.

The ranger glanced about, scanning the foliage for the source of the voice. The orcs…they had actually froze in their tracks, which was a good thing but still... The hobbits had stumbled against a couple of trees, the fear on their faces evident. Grim expressions were upon Boromir and Gandalf's countenance, and Legolas remained in his position although wariness could be seen in his eyes.

"Show yourself!" Gimli roared.

Mocking laughter resounded throughout the forest. Lilting and melodious, yet with a tinge of velvet darkness.

"Now what do we have here?" The voice spoke again, each word laced with the intent to taunt, almost purring delightedly. "An elf…a dwarf….four hobbits…a ranger…a human…and a magic-user. How interesting."

"Surrounded by measly, insignificant orcs and still losing." The voice tsked. "What a pitiful fight… Let me show you how it should be done, hm?" Whatever, whoever it was, crooned in wicked delight.

It started with flickers of red. Soon after, swirls of crimson burst out from the ground beneath the orcs' feet. They whirled around the orcs, surrounding their bodies as they grew bigger and bigger – and engulfed them entirely. Heat blazed, intense and fierce – flickering briefly; once, twice - before fading together with the pressure.

The heat left nothing but ashes. Ashes that were gone with a swirl of air, a burst of wind.

"W-what power…" Legolas murmured in awe as a few beads of sweat dripped down his neck.

"What is your name?" Gandalf demanded.

"Foolish beings…" The voice purred with amusement – dripping in honey and laced in silk. "It seems that you have forgotten your legends..." A chuckle. "Very well. I shall reveal myself."

There was a flash of crimson, then – almost blinding the Fellowship who covered their eyes as fast as possible.

Aragorn opened his eyes and his eyes widened.

Deep, crimson hair spilled down slender shoulders like a waterfall of blood. Feline -shaped eyes in ruby red glimmered in the sunlight, the features more demonic than human with high cheek-bones, rose-petal lips with hints of fangs showing and a refined yet delicate chin. It…she…was dressed in an odd form of attire – something between a flowing sort of cloak and a dress which did not even reach her knees, showing off long, toned legs which seemed to be barely sun-kissed. The cloak-dress was a dark maroon.

But the most unusual features were two fox-like ears which were upon her head and the tails she had.

"Kyuubi…" Gandalf breathed out, a hint of – was that fear? – in his eyes.

A smirk curled upon the petal lips. "Well, well, well…. It seems that the wizard knows…"

She was stunning, Legolas admitted privately to himself. He regained his composure. "What…are you?"

Her crimson gaze settled upon him then. The elf kept his composure, meeting her crimson eyes directly.

Amusement flitted through her eyes briefly. "Perhaps I shall answer, perhaps I shall not. Though, I am not the one whom you should be paying to attention since most of you are injured, hm? Especially him," She said nonchalantly, tilting her head in the direction of the hobbits as she examined her long nails with disinterest.

Aragorn swiftly recovered his wits as he exchanged a glance with Gandalf before quickly making his way towards the four confused and frightened hobbits.

"What are your intentions?" Gandalf's eyes narrowed as he shifted his stance slightly, seeming to have regained his composure for the moment.

Kyuubi's eyes narrowed into slits, her ears twitching dangerously as the suffocating pressure returned. "Be careful of how you speak to me, magic-user. You do not want me as your enemy. I did not even use a quarter of my power upon the orcs, do you understand?"

Silence reigned.

"For your question, I shall be generous today and answer." She spoke as her tails swished. "I have no wish to be involved with your matters. My involvement today was simply due to his disturbance of my sleep." Crimson eyes narrowed into slits as she glared dangerously at Sam who had been the cause of the scream, causing him to let out a slight whimper.

"That is all," Kyuubi said with finality as she disappeared in a whirl of flames, leaving a bewildered and silent Fellowship.

The Fellowship was unusually quiet as they set up their camp for the night. Sam, Merry, Pippin and Frodo seemed subdued as Aragorn tended to their injuries. Legolas had dressed his cuts himself after reassuring Aragorn and Gandalf that he would be fine since elves had regenerative abilities. Boromir had a contemplative frown on his face as he went over the day's happenings. Gimli was muttering under his breath, grumbling about what had happened.

Gandalf had, with Aragorn's help – set up a fire in such a way that it was not noticeable and thus providing them with a little light. A frown was on his face as he contemplated the possible happenings.

Frodo broke the silence.

"Gandalf, who was she?"

The 'she' who Frodo was talking about was undoubtedly the Kyuubi.

Feeling all attention on him, Gandalf sighed as he turned to face them.

"Have any of you heard of the tale about the Hidden Continents?" Judging from their expressions, they hadn't.

"It is said that there is a hidden world apart from here." Gandalf said softly. "A world of unparalleled chaos and strife, where abilities beyond our greatest imaginations and capabilities reign…. Ninjutsu – the art of moulding their energy which is 'chakra' into various techniques, taijutsu – the art of fighting and genjutsu – the art of illusions are the main three. Of course, there are other arts as well – such as kenjutsu - the art of blades and tessenjutsu – the art of fighting with war fans. It is a world where ninjas - shinobi and kunoichi reign."

"Fans?" Merry said in surprise. "But how do you even…"

"Let Gandalf finish the story." Aragorn cut in lightly, sending a look to Gandalf who nodded.

"The world is divided into four major countries – Lightning, Sand, Fire and Mist. It is in Fire Country in which our tale takes place."

"It is said that Kyuubi – "Sharp inhalations of breath. "Who had been roaming the world for more a thousand years – suddenly attacked one of the villages in the Fire Country. Why, we do not know. However, the village's leader sacrificed himself, sealing the Kyuubi into his child, as it was the only way to save the village."

"Sacrifice one for the price of many…" Legolas breathed out. He didn't know whether to be sickened, relieved or concerned.

"For Kami's sake, you just had to make them curious…" An unfamiliar voice grumbling interrupted.

"Shut up, brat. They woke me up. I deserved the right for revenge." A haughty sniff.

Everyone froze as they slowly looked up to see the Kyuubi which had been the topic of conversation sitting with a blonde-haired male atop a tree branch.

The blonde noticed their looks. "Eh, don't mind us. We won't kill you."

"Not yet, you mean," Kyuubi smirked.

"Shut up, you stupid fox," he retorted.

"You need to get laid."

He gaped at Kyuubi, sputtering out his words. "W-why – I do not!"

"The bastard gets laid more than you."

"…..Shut up, Kyuubi-nee-chan."

Kyuubi's smirk remained as she messed up his hair.

"You're too easy, kit," She snickered.

The blonde glared at her as he sulked promptly, crossing his arms.

"You. Suck."

"You know you love me."

"For the love of – I can't win, can't I?" He threw up his hands in exasperation.

"Of course." She nodded sagely.

"Rot in Hell."

"Already have." The kitsune examined her fingers with a careless air, knowing that it would annoy him more.

The blond twitched.

"If I may…." Aragorn cut into their conversation. "Who are you?"

"He's no one of consequence." Kyuubi said dismissively with a wave.

"No one of consequence, my ass." The blonde muttered under his breath before gesturing to himself. "The name's Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto. Though, in your world, my name would be Naruto Uzumaki." He nodded.

"What is your relationship with…her?" Gandalf inquired cautiously, albeit curious.

"Nothing like what you are thinking, magic-user." The contempt and disdain for him was apparent as a flicker of annoyance appeared in her eyes.

"Meh, it's complicated. Anyway, I heard that one of you woke her up?" Curious and inquisitive blue eyes swept across the fellowship. "As all of you should know, she doesn't like her sleep interrupted."

"T-that was me," Sam said hesitantly, warily as he eyed the two.

"He screamed," Merry added unhelpfully.

An amused snort escaped the blonde. "So I heard. She told me." Naruto grinned. "I heard you were surrounded by orcs and everything was going to hell until he - " He pointed at Sam. "Screamed and woke her up. Don't know if it's a blessing or a curse though – ow!" The spiky-haired blonde yelped as he received a whack on the head.

"What was that for?" Naruto demanded to Kyuubi who shrugged.

"You were being annoying."

Naruto stared at Kyuubi. "You did realize that didn't make any sense, right?"

She shrugged.

"What is your purpose here?" Aragorn asked.

"Sorry, but if I tell you I'd have to kill you," said Naruto with an apologetic but serious tone. "For one, none of you are shinobi and two, even if any of you were, you don't have the clearance."

The Fellowship twitched.

'I'm getting too old for this…' Gandalf thought as he sighed. "At least the general details, then."

"Research," cheerfully replied Naruto.

They really, really wanted to facepalm.

"Anyway, what's this about a ring that can only be destroyed at…what was it again? Oh yeah, Mount Doom," Naruto mused, not noticing them tensing. "May we have a look at it?"

"Don't worry," added the blonde as he jerked a finger towards the amused kitsune besides him. "She won't let me do anything stupid."

"And you better not, otouto," spoke the vixen with a sweet smile that made him gulp. "Or I will triple your training. And tell her."

The blonde's face paled as he nodded his head rapidly.

"Yes, nee-san."

"Ex…excuse us for a moment," Frodo spoke up bravely. "We need to discuss this."

And so for twenty minutes the Fellowship debated, talked, argued and discussed the implications of letting them see the Ring, not knowing that the pair could hear everything with their sharp senses.

Finally, it was with much reluctance that Frodo approached the two. Naruto hopped off the branch they had been sitting on, landing neatly on his feet and stretched out his hand.

Frodo dropped it onto his palm.

I can give you power…power beyond your wildest imaginations….

Your deepest wishes…

To see your family, alive..

"No."

His voice rang out the clearing with pure and utter conviction as he glared at the Ring in his palm.

"I, Uzumaki-Namikaze Naruto, reject you. You are a worthless piece of junk, despite being sentient, are completely idiotic," the blonde sneered uncharacteristically, eyes narrowed. "Power does not come from strength alone, but from who and what we care about. What we fight for."

"So… fuck you."

"Ruto."

Naruto calmed down as he felt the familiar touch of his nee-san's tails and voice. For a moment, he had had flashbacks about Sarutobi Jii-san and the others.

"Sorry, nee-san," he mumbled, ignoring the looks from the Fellowship. "Here." Spoke the blonde as he handed it to her.

Kyuubi eyed the Ring with a hint of distaste, and scoffed at its so-called temptations.

"This is absolutely pathetic," she spoke in a bored tone before turning the Ring in her hands, peering at it closely.

"You're quite ugly, too," added Kyuubi, turning it over again. Sam and Merry choked; Pippin snorted in amusement while Frodo struggled not to laugh and the others were torn between amusement, horror and shock.

"I don't like you," announced the crimson-haired kitsune, a hint of a mischievous smirk curling about her lips.

"Goodbye."

And then, she promptly incinerated the Ring.

Completely.

"Well then, shall we go? It's almost time," she commented to her companion.

"Yeah. Hold on," Naruto turned to the Fellowship. "Before I forget, Monkey, - er, Saruman or whatever his name is dead, so you don't need to worry about his spies. Bye!"

As the two of them left the Fellowship, Naruto couldn't help but wonder.

Who, in Kami's name, would name their child Saru? It meant 'monkey', for Inari's sake! From Sakura's lessons, 'man' meant 'a male' in English.

So did it mean that Saruman had been obsessed with monkeys or something?

The people of Middle Earth, were indeed, very strange.

Author's Note: Nope. No joke. 'Saru' really means 'monkey' in Japanese. I looked it up and laughed like heck when I found out. Hope you enjoyed this piece.

I'm also quite aware that it's been awhile since I updated 'The Scent of Jasmine', but I'm stuck in the middle of writing the chapter as of the moment. That's not even mentioning that I've exams at the moment. Sorry. Hopefully the writer's block goes away and all. Cheers!