A/N: This story is based on a challenge. If you would like to try it out,
it's available at the end of this chapter. Also, there is an illustration
with this picture, available at http://snidgetworld.com/potions.jpg.
Chapter 1
Severus just knew it would be a bad day; he could tell from the moment he woke up.
It wasn't that it looked like a bad day. The sun was shining and he had awoken to a songbird piping outside his window at 6 AM sharp. (Of course, he had only enjoyed it for about 2 seconds before setting it on fire and going back to sleep.) It also wasn't that the house elves had run out of pumpkin juice and were forced to resort to mixing the leftover pulp with water. (He didn't drink pumpkin juice, anyway.)
No, Severus knew it would be a bad day because it was Friday.
Friday meant he had to spend the entire afternoon with the 3rd year Gryffindors and Slytherins. Third year Gryffindors and Slytherins meant Longbottom. Longbottom meant disaster. Therefore, Fridays meant disaster.
It wasn't even the usual disaster he could look forward to. Today wouldn't be as simple as an eye-colour changing potion or a wit-sharpening potion. Today was the day he would have to teach the class how to properly brew a Cicurm Draught. It was a highly complex potion used to tame wild animals and it was known to cause unsought effects if made incorrectly. Severus wouldn't have even bothered teaching them, but Dumbledore had insisted, due to Ministry expectations.
'Damn curriculum,' Severus thought bitterly as he made his way to the dungeons to prepare for the day's lessons. The morning went smoothly enough. Minor burns to a 5 th-year Hufflepuff, but Severus was sure her eyebrows would uncurl eventually.
The end of lunch came entirely too soon for Severus. Though he tried his best to ignore the ominous glances and head shaking from Trelawney, he seriously considered poisoning himself and going up to Madame Pomfrey. However, she had a quick-fix antidote for just about everything, and she'd probably know he was trying to get out of teaching that afternoon.
Severus could sense the inevitable, impending doom as he reached for a jar of Kitsune tail hairs from a high shelf. He leered at the jar, knowing that these were the reason the class would most go likely go horribly, horribly wrong. Kitsune tail hair were one of the most highly reactive ingredients in the world. Extremely sensitive to magic, it would combust if within half- a-meter of a concentrated spell. It was hard enough to use with all the magic floating around Hogwarts, even with the charm he had placed upon the dungeons to repel wild magic. Mentally preparing himself, Severus watched as the students gloomily filed their way into the classroom.
Severus wrote the instructions on the chalkboard, trying to formulate an escape route from the classroom that wouldn't involve passing Longbottom. 'Maybe,' Severus thought to himself, 'if I just stay at my desk, try not to be threatening, and let Granger whisper instructions... Just maybe, nobody will end up hospitalized...'
Severus wrote out very clearly on the board 'NO MAGIC - Ingredients are highly reactive.' He considered adding 'caustic' to the warning, but he didn't want to lie to the students, even if it did cost him his sanity. Severus was beginning to get a little paranoid, and found himself keeping a log of class events, in case they needed evidence when investigating his death.
1:10: Ten minutes in. No casualties. Longbottom wisely chose to sit next to Granger. Thank god. This decreases danger by 20% at least.
1:40: Had to separate Weasley and Potter from Granger and Longbottom. They were distracting them. Must remove all distractions for increased chance of survival. Took 15 points for talking.
2:11: Potter and Malfoy quietly exchanged insults. Took another 15 points from Gryffindor. Started to absentmindedly draw a little cartoon of myself chopping off students' heads on corner of desk. Note to self: Clean off later.
2:30: Thirty minutes left. Feeling more confident. Maybe nothing will go wrong.
Severus looked up upon hearing and urgent hiss from Granger. 'Neville! Put your wand away, you're not supposed to do magic!' 'It'll be okay, I'm only going to-' 'Longbottom! What do you think you are doing?' Severus snarled, seeing Longbottom's wand in hand and swooping over. Longbottom froze. 'I-I was just...' 'Are you so thick as to totally ignore the clear and obvious warning about magic?' Severus hissed, 'Weren't you listening when I explained why magic was forbidden this lesson?' Longbottom was quivering, still holding his wand. Backing his stool away from the livid Potions Master, he began to stammer out an explanation when a sudden burst of orange sparks came shooting out the tip of his wand. Right next to the bubbling, violet potion.
Severus knew the doom he had predicted was finally coming to pass as the geyser of potion blasted him. In retrospect, he probably shouldn't have stood over the cauldron, especially while talking to Longbottom. Soaked to the bone and unable to see anybody through the thick, blue smoke that enveloped the classroom, Severus made a quick decision on how to control the situation without committing a felony.
"Class dismissed."
There was the sound of students quickly cleaning up and stools scraping the floor as most of the class beat a hasty retreat.
Longbottom, Granger, Potter and Weasley all remained in the room, either because they were paralysed with fear, or were curious as to what the potion had done.
The smoke lazily started to clear and the four students watched as the potions effect was revealed through the haze. Standing next to Longbottom's cauldron, stood a very wet, very tense, very irate-looking, black-furred, anthropomorphic fox. He narrowed his yellow eyes at Longbottom and growled.
"I loath you."
Potter and Weasley were shaking with silent laughter and Granger looked horrified. Longbottom opened his mouth to say something, but the words caught in his throat.
Severus bared his fangs threateningly. "Get out." was all he said, "Now." The four students gathered their supplies and bolted from the classroom, leaving the enraged, vulpine Potions Master alone.
Severus removed his cloak and squeezed the potion into the cauldron, muttering to himself about 'Damn Longbottom...' and 'Idiot Gryffindors...' before performing a quick drying spell. He stormed into his office and sat behind his desk carefully, as to not sit on his tail. He was still seething as he uncorked a vial of 'Borgin & Burkes Best Panacea - Guaranteed to cure 99% magic-related mishaps.'
Recoiling slightly at the terrible smell of the cure-all, Severus quickly swallowed it and grimaced at the taste. He hadn't remembered it tasting or smelling so putrid, but he supposed foxes had better senses of smell than humans did, so it would also taste worse. All the same, it would all be over with in a few minutes. He would be human again, have a stiff drink and sleep in until 10 the next morning. All in a few minutes...
Severus blinked. The potion should have worked by now; he had taken the entire bottle of it. It wasn't exactly safe to take that much unless it was an emergency. Any more could kill him. 'What a humiliating way to go,' Severus thought to himself, upon considering this. 'Furry, smelling like a wet dog, and only dressed in my pants.'
By now, at least ten minutes has passed since taking the antidote and there was no visible effect on his Vulpine condition. Scrunching his muzzle in annoyance, Severus scowled at the antidote's label. 'Guaranteed my furry arse...' He growled, turning to his bookshelf and selecting 'Wild and Weird Effects of Accidental Potions, 1993 Collection'
He dropped the heavy book onto his desk and flipped to the index pages. He ran a clawed finger (which also had a paw pad, he noticed) down the page, looking for 'Kitsune hair.' Page 785. Doing his best not to visualize the 'Blood-oozing eyes' effect, he looked up and down the page for anything that possibly resembled 'Humanoid animal transformations.'
Severus sighed. Nothing even close. It looked like he would have to swallow his pride and ask somebody for help.
Cutting a slit in the back of his robes for his tail, (it was extremely uncomfortable to have it tucked in) Severus fervently hoped there wouldn't be too many students wandering around. Lupin's Boggart had given him his share of embarrassment this year, and the fewer people who knew about this, the better. Gritting his teeth, the vulpecular professor slipped out of his office and down a dark, dungeon corridor, grateful that black fur provided added camouflage.
***
It had been quite difficult for Severus to dodge through the hallways of Hogwarts without being seen on his way to the Hospital wing. Silently cursing himself for not knowing more of the secret passages, Severus was forced to travel up the spider-infested stairs the House Elves used. Finally emerging from the dingy stairway, Severus found himself in the medicine room of the Wing. Trying his best to ignore the cleaning-detergent odour that lingered around the room, Severus quickly checked that the coast was clear before entering the main room.
Poppy Pomfrey was seated by a window, absorbed in what looked like a muggle romance novel. She was sniffing loudly and dabbing her eyes with a tissue. She was obviously too absorbed with the melancholy book to hear Severus enter, as when he cleared his throat and she turned to see him, she screamed sharply and sent both the book and tissue box flying. She spent the next few minutes breathing heavily and holding her chest, as though she might collapse from shock.
Severus rolled his eyes. 'Are you quite done?'
Poppy took another deep breath and sighed.
'Well, you DID surprise me! I didn't-' She stopped short and looked closely at the odd, bipedal fox creature that stood before her.
'Severus, is that you? W-What happened?'
Severus scowled and slightly raised his hackles.
'Longbottom happened.'
Poppy nodded understandingly and tried to restrain from laughing. 'Ah, well. That does explain the reason you're walking about, looking like something out of a fairy tale.'
Severus narrowed his eyes. 'Indeed. Can you please fix this without the snide remarks?' 'Sorry, Severus.' Poppy chuckled 'Did you try a universal antidote?' Severus was getting impatient. 'No, I just came up here without thinking to try anything on my own.' he sneered, sarcastically, 'Of course I did! Do you think I'm a complete idiot?' Poppy chose not to answer that question as she withdrew her wand from her pocket. 'It looks like a simple transfiguration potion. It'll be easily undone, now sit. Stay.' Severus grumbled slightly at the order, recognizing it's double meaning, but ignoring it for the time being.
Poppy waved her wand, 'Abire Antecorpus!'
Nothing happened. Poppy bit her lip nervously and tried again. 'Abire Antecorpus!'
Still no effect. 'Well?' Severus growled. Poppy clucked her tongue, worriedly. 'Well, maybe wasn't as simple as I thought it would be. Maybe I should go get Albus.'
Severus sighed. This was turning out to be a much worse day than he had anticipated.
'A much worse day, indeed.' Severus thought to himself, as he listened to Poppy and Albus discuss possible solution to the problem at hand.
'Well, Severus,' Albus said, looking over his gold-framed glasses at him. 'It seems neither Poppy nor myself know quite what to do here. I'll be asking Madame Pince to look over some books, but in the meantime.'
'You're going to leave me like this?!' Severus snapped, both furious and staggered at the suggestion. 'How the bloody hell do you expect me to teach?'
'Relax, Severus. Don't get your tail in a knot. We'll find somebody to fill in.' A voice said from behind them .
Severus turned and snarled at the last two people he wanted to see right now. Lupin and McGonagall. Both had amused, smug looks on their faces, and had Poppy not been standing on Severus robes, he would have leapt forward and ripped them to pieces, his human side be damned.
Lupin smirked. 'Well, it's certainly an improvement over a green dress, Severus. You might not be able to pass as Mrs. Longbottom herself anymore, but you certainly could pass as her scarf.'
McGonagall shook her head. 'Now Remus, a scarf can't teach the students very much, other than that fur is out of fashion. Maybe Severus should be appointed as sports instructor. Perhaps the Slytherins would be more skilled at fox hunting then they are at Quidditch?'
'Excellent idea, Minerva.' Lupin replied, 'Release the hounds!'
Poppy and Albus both had to hold onto Severus's robes to keep him from mauling the other professors. 'Well, it's almost time for supper.' Albus said cheerily, after Severus had calmed. 'Come along then, you three.'
'I think I'll pass tonight.' Severus growled as he swept past Lupin and back to the House Elf's stairway. 'But Severus,' McGonagall called after him. 'Aren't the school chicken- coops in the other direction?'
Severus turned and growled once, before slamming the door and descending the stairs. This had been a much, much, much worse day then he had predicted...
The Challenge -
The Time: 3rd Year, anytime.
The stage: Potions Class
The Bunny: What happened preceding and prior to http://snidgetworld.com/potions.jpg
The requirements:
-Takes Severus a while to figure out how to reverse it. (A week or so.)
- Lupin and McGonagall have a field day with this
-Severus eventually gets his revenge on Lupin and McGonagall.
-Contains the phrase: "Professor Floofypants"
Chapter 1
Severus just knew it would be a bad day; he could tell from the moment he woke up.
It wasn't that it looked like a bad day. The sun was shining and he had awoken to a songbird piping outside his window at 6 AM sharp. (Of course, he had only enjoyed it for about 2 seconds before setting it on fire and going back to sleep.) It also wasn't that the house elves had run out of pumpkin juice and were forced to resort to mixing the leftover pulp with water. (He didn't drink pumpkin juice, anyway.)
No, Severus knew it would be a bad day because it was Friday.
Friday meant he had to spend the entire afternoon with the 3rd year Gryffindors and Slytherins. Third year Gryffindors and Slytherins meant Longbottom. Longbottom meant disaster. Therefore, Fridays meant disaster.
It wasn't even the usual disaster he could look forward to. Today wouldn't be as simple as an eye-colour changing potion or a wit-sharpening potion. Today was the day he would have to teach the class how to properly brew a Cicurm Draught. It was a highly complex potion used to tame wild animals and it was known to cause unsought effects if made incorrectly. Severus wouldn't have even bothered teaching them, but Dumbledore had insisted, due to Ministry expectations.
'Damn curriculum,' Severus thought bitterly as he made his way to the dungeons to prepare for the day's lessons. The morning went smoothly enough. Minor burns to a 5 th-year Hufflepuff, but Severus was sure her eyebrows would uncurl eventually.
The end of lunch came entirely too soon for Severus. Though he tried his best to ignore the ominous glances and head shaking from Trelawney, he seriously considered poisoning himself and going up to Madame Pomfrey. However, she had a quick-fix antidote for just about everything, and she'd probably know he was trying to get out of teaching that afternoon.
Severus could sense the inevitable, impending doom as he reached for a jar of Kitsune tail hairs from a high shelf. He leered at the jar, knowing that these were the reason the class would most go likely go horribly, horribly wrong. Kitsune tail hair were one of the most highly reactive ingredients in the world. Extremely sensitive to magic, it would combust if within half- a-meter of a concentrated spell. It was hard enough to use with all the magic floating around Hogwarts, even with the charm he had placed upon the dungeons to repel wild magic. Mentally preparing himself, Severus watched as the students gloomily filed their way into the classroom.
Severus wrote the instructions on the chalkboard, trying to formulate an escape route from the classroom that wouldn't involve passing Longbottom. 'Maybe,' Severus thought to himself, 'if I just stay at my desk, try not to be threatening, and let Granger whisper instructions... Just maybe, nobody will end up hospitalized...'
Severus wrote out very clearly on the board 'NO MAGIC - Ingredients are highly reactive.' He considered adding 'caustic' to the warning, but he didn't want to lie to the students, even if it did cost him his sanity. Severus was beginning to get a little paranoid, and found himself keeping a log of class events, in case they needed evidence when investigating his death.
1:10: Ten minutes in. No casualties. Longbottom wisely chose to sit next to Granger. Thank god. This decreases danger by 20% at least.
1:40: Had to separate Weasley and Potter from Granger and Longbottom. They were distracting them. Must remove all distractions for increased chance of survival. Took 15 points for talking.
2:11: Potter and Malfoy quietly exchanged insults. Took another 15 points from Gryffindor. Started to absentmindedly draw a little cartoon of myself chopping off students' heads on corner of desk. Note to self: Clean off later.
2:30: Thirty minutes left. Feeling more confident. Maybe nothing will go wrong.
Severus looked up upon hearing and urgent hiss from Granger. 'Neville! Put your wand away, you're not supposed to do magic!' 'It'll be okay, I'm only going to-' 'Longbottom! What do you think you are doing?' Severus snarled, seeing Longbottom's wand in hand and swooping over. Longbottom froze. 'I-I was just...' 'Are you so thick as to totally ignore the clear and obvious warning about magic?' Severus hissed, 'Weren't you listening when I explained why magic was forbidden this lesson?' Longbottom was quivering, still holding his wand. Backing his stool away from the livid Potions Master, he began to stammer out an explanation when a sudden burst of orange sparks came shooting out the tip of his wand. Right next to the bubbling, violet potion.
Severus knew the doom he had predicted was finally coming to pass as the geyser of potion blasted him. In retrospect, he probably shouldn't have stood over the cauldron, especially while talking to Longbottom. Soaked to the bone and unable to see anybody through the thick, blue smoke that enveloped the classroom, Severus made a quick decision on how to control the situation without committing a felony.
"Class dismissed."
There was the sound of students quickly cleaning up and stools scraping the floor as most of the class beat a hasty retreat.
Longbottom, Granger, Potter and Weasley all remained in the room, either because they were paralysed with fear, or were curious as to what the potion had done.
The smoke lazily started to clear and the four students watched as the potions effect was revealed through the haze. Standing next to Longbottom's cauldron, stood a very wet, very tense, very irate-looking, black-furred, anthropomorphic fox. He narrowed his yellow eyes at Longbottom and growled.
"I loath you."
Potter and Weasley were shaking with silent laughter and Granger looked horrified. Longbottom opened his mouth to say something, but the words caught in his throat.
Severus bared his fangs threateningly. "Get out." was all he said, "Now." The four students gathered their supplies and bolted from the classroom, leaving the enraged, vulpine Potions Master alone.
Severus removed his cloak and squeezed the potion into the cauldron, muttering to himself about 'Damn Longbottom...' and 'Idiot Gryffindors...' before performing a quick drying spell. He stormed into his office and sat behind his desk carefully, as to not sit on his tail. He was still seething as he uncorked a vial of 'Borgin & Burkes Best Panacea - Guaranteed to cure 99% magic-related mishaps.'
Recoiling slightly at the terrible smell of the cure-all, Severus quickly swallowed it and grimaced at the taste. He hadn't remembered it tasting or smelling so putrid, but he supposed foxes had better senses of smell than humans did, so it would also taste worse. All the same, it would all be over with in a few minutes. He would be human again, have a stiff drink and sleep in until 10 the next morning. All in a few minutes...
Severus blinked. The potion should have worked by now; he had taken the entire bottle of it. It wasn't exactly safe to take that much unless it was an emergency. Any more could kill him. 'What a humiliating way to go,' Severus thought to himself, upon considering this. 'Furry, smelling like a wet dog, and only dressed in my pants.'
By now, at least ten minutes has passed since taking the antidote and there was no visible effect on his Vulpine condition. Scrunching his muzzle in annoyance, Severus scowled at the antidote's label. 'Guaranteed my furry arse...' He growled, turning to his bookshelf and selecting 'Wild and Weird Effects of Accidental Potions, 1993 Collection'
He dropped the heavy book onto his desk and flipped to the index pages. He ran a clawed finger (which also had a paw pad, he noticed) down the page, looking for 'Kitsune hair.' Page 785. Doing his best not to visualize the 'Blood-oozing eyes' effect, he looked up and down the page for anything that possibly resembled 'Humanoid animal transformations.'
Severus sighed. Nothing even close. It looked like he would have to swallow his pride and ask somebody for help.
Cutting a slit in the back of his robes for his tail, (it was extremely uncomfortable to have it tucked in) Severus fervently hoped there wouldn't be too many students wandering around. Lupin's Boggart had given him his share of embarrassment this year, and the fewer people who knew about this, the better. Gritting his teeth, the vulpecular professor slipped out of his office and down a dark, dungeon corridor, grateful that black fur provided added camouflage.
***
It had been quite difficult for Severus to dodge through the hallways of Hogwarts without being seen on his way to the Hospital wing. Silently cursing himself for not knowing more of the secret passages, Severus was forced to travel up the spider-infested stairs the House Elves used. Finally emerging from the dingy stairway, Severus found himself in the medicine room of the Wing. Trying his best to ignore the cleaning-detergent odour that lingered around the room, Severus quickly checked that the coast was clear before entering the main room.
Poppy Pomfrey was seated by a window, absorbed in what looked like a muggle romance novel. She was sniffing loudly and dabbing her eyes with a tissue. She was obviously too absorbed with the melancholy book to hear Severus enter, as when he cleared his throat and she turned to see him, she screamed sharply and sent both the book and tissue box flying. She spent the next few minutes breathing heavily and holding her chest, as though she might collapse from shock.
Severus rolled his eyes. 'Are you quite done?'
Poppy took another deep breath and sighed.
'Well, you DID surprise me! I didn't-' She stopped short and looked closely at the odd, bipedal fox creature that stood before her.
'Severus, is that you? W-What happened?'
Severus scowled and slightly raised his hackles.
'Longbottom happened.'
Poppy nodded understandingly and tried to restrain from laughing. 'Ah, well. That does explain the reason you're walking about, looking like something out of a fairy tale.'
Severus narrowed his eyes. 'Indeed. Can you please fix this without the snide remarks?' 'Sorry, Severus.' Poppy chuckled 'Did you try a universal antidote?' Severus was getting impatient. 'No, I just came up here without thinking to try anything on my own.' he sneered, sarcastically, 'Of course I did! Do you think I'm a complete idiot?' Poppy chose not to answer that question as she withdrew her wand from her pocket. 'It looks like a simple transfiguration potion. It'll be easily undone, now sit. Stay.' Severus grumbled slightly at the order, recognizing it's double meaning, but ignoring it for the time being.
Poppy waved her wand, 'Abire Antecorpus!'
Nothing happened. Poppy bit her lip nervously and tried again. 'Abire Antecorpus!'
Still no effect. 'Well?' Severus growled. Poppy clucked her tongue, worriedly. 'Well, maybe wasn't as simple as I thought it would be. Maybe I should go get Albus.'
Severus sighed. This was turning out to be a much worse day than he had anticipated.
'A much worse day, indeed.' Severus thought to himself, as he listened to Poppy and Albus discuss possible solution to the problem at hand.
'Well, Severus,' Albus said, looking over his gold-framed glasses at him. 'It seems neither Poppy nor myself know quite what to do here. I'll be asking Madame Pince to look over some books, but in the meantime.'
'You're going to leave me like this?!' Severus snapped, both furious and staggered at the suggestion. 'How the bloody hell do you expect me to teach?'
'Relax, Severus. Don't get your tail in a knot. We'll find somebody to fill in.' A voice said from behind them .
Severus turned and snarled at the last two people he wanted to see right now. Lupin and McGonagall. Both had amused, smug looks on their faces, and had Poppy not been standing on Severus robes, he would have leapt forward and ripped them to pieces, his human side be damned.
Lupin smirked. 'Well, it's certainly an improvement over a green dress, Severus. You might not be able to pass as Mrs. Longbottom herself anymore, but you certainly could pass as her scarf.'
McGonagall shook her head. 'Now Remus, a scarf can't teach the students very much, other than that fur is out of fashion. Maybe Severus should be appointed as sports instructor. Perhaps the Slytherins would be more skilled at fox hunting then they are at Quidditch?'
'Excellent idea, Minerva.' Lupin replied, 'Release the hounds!'
Poppy and Albus both had to hold onto Severus's robes to keep him from mauling the other professors. 'Well, it's almost time for supper.' Albus said cheerily, after Severus had calmed. 'Come along then, you three.'
'I think I'll pass tonight.' Severus growled as he swept past Lupin and back to the House Elf's stairway. 'But Severus,' McGonagall called after him. 'Aren't the school chicken- coops in the other direction?'
Severus turned and growled once, before slamming the door and descending the stairs. This had been a much, much, much worse day then he had predicted...
The Challenge -
The Time: 3rd Year, anytime.
The stage: Potions Class
The Bunny: What happened preceding and prior to http://snidgetworld.com/potions.jpg
The requirements:
-Takes Severus a while to figure out how to reverse it. (A week or so.)
- Lupin and McGonagall have a field day with this
-Severus eventually gets his revenge on Lupin and McGonagall.
-Contains the phrase: "Professor Floofypants"