WOOT! PEANUT BUTTER JELLO! EPIC POINTLESS CRACKNESS TYME! XD I haven't slept at all tonight, but a plot bunny bit me in the ass a few hours ago, so you can't blame me if this sucks. Really.
And this particular little mutant fanfic is dedicated to two people this time! :D One, as always with these lovely little Deidara Hidan Sapphira Amethystte stories, is my awersome friend, xXGoody Not-So-Great MeXx, and second is someone who's almost as equally important to me, but not as much (Nah, JK hon), my cousin Photoshopped Perfection! :D YAY! Round of applause for the 14 year old female pedophile with a major cousin complex! :D Yeah, that's her in a nutshell, for anyone that was wondering.
And by the way sweetie, I still want that hat back. You know the red and black plaid one? Yeah. BEST HAND IT OVER BY NEXT WEEK or I'mma gonna SMACK YOU WITH A FROZEN FISH! XP
I don't own Naruto, YouTube, Dude Looks Like A Lady, Sapphira, , and a secret surprise character who's gonna be guest starring for today. Oh, and I also don't own xXGoody Not-So-Great MeXx. For those of whom who are wondering why in the world I mentioned that part, just read to find out, cause I ain't tellin' . ;)
So yeah, here's some deformed little maybe-oneshot I decided to write for you all at 3 in the morning, so… enjoy I guess.
"I'm BOOOOOORED!" A nineteen year old girl with natural long blue hair named Sapphira whined.
"Then go find something to do and stop bitching to me about it, un." A blond boy about the same age snapped, molding a purple Play-Doh bird between his toes. His name was Deidara, and he was the pure essence of the song 'Dude Looks Like A Lady'.
"But I'm BOOOOOOORED!" She repeated herself.
"Screw off, un!" Deidara growled, accidentally decapitating the Play-Doh bird with his pinkie toe.
"But I'm BOOOOOOORED!"
~BAM~
"AMETHYSTTE!" Deidara shouted, a confused chibi Sapphira under his arm and the angriest scowl on his face you'd ever see on a girly-man such as him(/her).
A nineteen year old girl appeared through the arched doorway. She brushed her long auburn bangs out of her face and gave an annoyed grin. "You called sweetheart?" She asked, her voice venomously sweet and her eye twitching. Deidara had just interrupted her morning ritual, which consisted of eating half a box of sugar-loaded cereal plus the extra three cups of sugar she usually puts in and watching continuous yaoi on the internet until Deidara, Sapphira, or Hidan begged for her to make breakfast. She was the (Pervy) mommy of their adorable fucked up little house.
Deidara just glared, ignoring her irritated face. "Yeah. Congratulations, you just won a –insert gagging noise here- fabulous prize. Here you go, your very own bitchy little brat. Take good care of it, and don't let it near my room, or it'll die, un." He spat, dumping the girl into her arms and stomping off.
Amethystte blinked and looked down at the blue haired so-called 'fabulous prize'.
"Wait, what?"
Less than five minutes later, the girls were sitting on the island in the middle of the kitchen and watching yaoi on the slightly younger nineteen year old's laptop, drooling at all the wonderful gayness and fluffiness of it all. Then on , by some weird whim, Sapphira had the urge to type in something that both of them would later be scared as hell and shocked for life at.
The brunette's mouth fell open as Sapphira pressed the enter button on the Fanfiction search bar.
Amethystte
"Yeah right, like there'll be any—HOLY SHIT!" Amethystte let out a few more strings of swear words and clutched at her heart at the sight of several summaries bearing her own name. Then her eyes rolled back into her head and she fell backwards off the kitchen-island-thing, hitting her head hard on the ground. But, like the persistent little bitch she always is, she got right back up and stared at the computer screen. Sapphira's eye twitched, and she was gaping in somewhat confusion at the laptop. One of the stories particularly caught their eye.
"What the hell are you waiting for?! Click the damn thing!" Amethystte yelled in Sapphira's ear as the bluenette scrambled to tap the laptop mouse pad repeatedly in an attempt to make the internet run faster. Ten silent seconds passed, then they turned to each other, shocked looks in their eyes.
"This is exactly what happened last week…" Amethystte muttered.
Over in the living room, Deidara was lying on the couch, taking a 10 AM nap before he went to go eat. Hidan, a potty-mouthed, silver haired, majorly perverted jashinist was sitting on the other side of the same couch. Upside down, mind you.
"How the hell does Amethystte do this for three fucking hours a day?" He wondered quietly, blood rushing to his face.
A loud scream to his left made him jump and hit his head on the lavender carpet as Sapphira and Amethystte ran into the room.
"DAMMIT YOU TWO!" He yelled, jolting Deidara awake immediately.
"What'd they do this time?" He asked sleepily, yawning.
However, the girls weren't looking like their normal, goofy, overly-hyper selves. They were pale with fright and shaking slightly, and Sapphira was hanging onto Amethystte's arm like it'd protect her from whatever had actually scared her.
"S-Sapphira? Ame-chan? You okay?" Hidan asked, actually forming a sentence that didn't have a single swear word in it for once.
The brunette spoke for the two of them. "We're fictional." She whispered just loud enough for them to hear.
"What do you fucking mean, fictional? We're real dumbass! Look!" Hidan pinched the blond next to him, who whimpered in pain in response.
"N-No… you don't get it… there are these two crazy-ass girls… they write about us… all of us… and put it on the internet…" She mumbled, voice quavering.
"No way. You're kidding, right, un?" Deidara said, hoping for it to be a joke.
The girls shook their heads slowly. "Come see for yourself…"
FOUR AND A HALF MINUTES LATER
Deidara and Hidan were running screaming from the kitchen in chibi form, mouths being basically nothing but large rectangles hanging off their faces and no color on them at all. They went and huddled in the corner of the living room in fear, a dark aura shrouding the area. The girls could hear soft sobs and sniveling.
Suddenly, the door flung open and two mysterious figures burst into the room. Okay, maybe they weren't so mysterious, but they were figures alright. One of them was immediately recognized as Kakashi Hatake, silver hair spiking up and leaning to the left, a small orange book in his hand.
The other person was actually a female, and had plain brown hair going down to her shoulders and dark brown eyes. She couldn't exactly win first prize in a beauty contest, but there was no way you could call her ugly. None of them could recall ever seeing the woman in their lives, though. Well, actually, Amethystte could.
"Oh hell no." The brunette whispered, eyes going wide as she hiding herself behind Sapphira, who merely blinked.
"You four are in serious trouble, for completely breaking down the fourth wall!" She started loudly, but stopped. "Ame-chan?" The woman tilted her head to the side, eyes growing wide with excitement. "Ame-chan!" She cried, somehow yanking the girl out from behind her blue haired friend and pulling her into a tight hug. "Oh I missed you so much! You've grown so much since I've seen you sweetheart! Oh my gosh, you grew out your bangs! You look so adorable!" She squealed, holding the girl so tightly that she thought her head was going to explode. (AN: For those of you who are wondering, I based this part off of personal experience…)
Hidan, Deidara, and Sapphira's jaws all dropped to the ground. "WHAT?" They yelled in unison, stopping the woman from cuddling Amethystte to death. Nobody noticed that Kakashi had left by now.
"Oh right." Amethystte sighed. "Er, can you let go yet?" She asked. The woman blushed and set her down, clasping her hands together and staring at the floor. "Thanks. This, dear friends, is my lovely cousin Onyx, the twenty-one year old female pedophile with a major cousin complex." (AN: Another AN? Oh well. For those of you who actually read the top, see what I did thar? Dur hur hur! X3)
Onyx waved at the three, then realized exactly what Amethystte had said. "Hey!" She protested.
The younger girl sighed. "Okay, fine. She's not a pedophile, but damn you should've seen her back when I was thirteen!" She said, her pride not letting Onyx get the last word in this.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
"Oh for the love of Jashin… I'll get the damn door…" Hidan said, opening it and getting glomped by two young squealing females, a plastic mask over each of their faces, on purple, and one blue. "What the fuck?!" He screamed.
Five minutes later after both the girls were peeled off of the poor Jashinist and stopped glomping everyone in sight, Deidara had gotten sick of the random interruptions and had screamed for everyone to just shut the hell up. "Thank you, un." He said calmly, then continued. "First of all, who the hell are you two, un?" He pointed at the masked girls, who looked to be about 13 to 14.
"Oh! Right! Forgot that part." The girl with the purple mask said. She put a hand up to take said plastic mask off, Deidara, Hidan, Sapphira, and Amethystte could feel their hearts pounding in anticipation. As she set it down at the side, everyone gaped, first looking at her, then looking over at Amethystte.
…
…
*ABRUPT COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!!!*
Welcome to the commercials! :D Okay, we really just needed a dramatic pause here. Bye!
*ABRUPT COMMERCIAL BREAK OVER!!!!!*
…
…
~As she set it down at the side, everyone gaped, first looking at her, then looking over at Amethystte.~
They looked exactly alike.
The girl smiled almost apologetically, tucking her long reddish brown bangs behind her ear and scratching the back of her head, laughing uneasily.
The other girl, with the blue mask, noticing the complete silence. "Awkward…" She sang.
Sapphira suddenly walked up to the Ame-chan-lookalike, leaning in close and squinting at her intently. She walked in a circle around her, inspecting her suspiciously. The girl just stood there, looking a tad bit creeped out. Sapphira stood in front of her again and blinked once. "Ame-kitty-chan was cloned!" She screeched, flinging herself into Hidan's arms, who was too shocked to think anything perverted or even drop her. But if Sapphira said that they were exactly alike, then they were, because Sapphira KNOWS ALL. (AN: She told me to do that. O.O)
"Actually, we need to tell you something." The girl started out slowly. "Well, all of you have not only completely shattered the fragile wall between fiction and real life, but you've made Goody and Icome down here to tell you that what you just did could destroy humanity. Though that part is Onyx's fault." She gave the older girl a stern look. "And by the way, Amethystte, I… well… I made you up. I'm the original Amethystte." She said.
"And Sapphira, I made you up." The girl in the blue mask said. They couldn't tell what her expression was, since she still hadn't taken the mask off.
Deidara spoke up again. "Er, who are you exactly, un?" He asked.
They could see her blink through the eye-holes. "Oh right. I'd take the mask off, but funny story about that…" She started nervously. "The string kinda broke before we got here and this Amethystte had a bottle of superglue in her pocket, so… you get it." She hung her head in shame, but then snapped it back up again, continuing cheerfully and extremely loudly. "But if you must know who I am, I'm Amethystte's best friend xXGoody Not-So-Great MeXx, and I'll be your conductor on this WAFFLE FLIPPIN' Crazy Subway Bus-Train, an―"
"You're rambling again Goody." The 13 year old claiming to be Amethystte stage whispered and nudged her lightly in the ribs.
"WAIT A MINUTE!" The older Amethystte shouted, realizing that she'd hardly said anything that whole time. "Back up! What was that earlier about 'destroying all humanity'?"
Everyone suddenly remembered that and went into panic, save Authoress-Amethystte and Goody, who sighed.
"Yes, that's what… HEY! SHUT UP FOR A SEC! Thanks. Anyway, yeah. Humanity will be destroyed as long as the four of you know that you're fictional. The fourth wall is really here between this story and reality, and since you broke it, we're all gonna die. Unless, of course, you all suddenly lose all memory of it." She said.
Sapphira jumped out of Hidan's arms and kicked him in the head, her foot connecting squarely with his right temple, causing him to slam into the wall next to him. He collapsed to the ground in a dead faint, but stirred a few awkward silent moments later. "Augh… where the hell am I?" He asked groggily.
"It worked!" The bluenette yelled happily with a slightly sadistic tone in her voice and turned to Deidara, a hammer in her hands.
"No no no no no no no no!" Amethystte grabbed her wrists as she lifted up her arms to swing the hammer at the blonde's head. "Relax hon! Seriously! Don't kill anyone!" She said, gently taking it away from her and setting it down on a nearby desk.
"Aaaaanywaaaay…" Authoress-Amethystte said apprehensively, raising her eyebrows.
"We have this memory-loss device-thing that makes people forget stuff. Kinda like that one thing in Men In Black." Goody piped up, taking it out of her pocket.
"Watch this!" She turned toward the reader. "My real name is——―" ~*Click*~
You suddenly forget what she just said, only remembering a bright red light right after she said her name. "What the helicopter" You mutter under your breath, confused as to how you got in the story before Goody suddenly pushed you back out.
"Anyway, that's how it works." She smiled at them.
"So, you just make us forget this and humanity is saved, un?" Deidara asked, ignoring the fact that Sapphira was grinning at him like she wanted to smash his skull into the wall anyway, even if it didn't help at all.
"Yeah, basically." Authoress-Amethystte shrugged.
"Alright then." He agreed for everyone.
~*Click*~
Amethystte, Goody, and Onyx walked out of the house arm in arm before the four teenagers woke up. A rainbow colored portal opened up and they went through it.
They were now inside of , which basically looked like an extremely colorful endless hallway with kajillions of words littering the floor, walls, and ceiling. There were thousands of doors, and the three closest each had a name engraved on a golden plaque on it.
Amethystte stopped in front of the door that said Amethystte, Goody at xXGoody Not-So-Great MeXx, and Onyx at Photoshopped Perfection. Each girl waved goodbye to the others and opened up their individual doors, disappearing inside and reappearing in front of their computers.
~Back with Ame-chan, Sapphira-chan, Dei-Dei-kun, and Hida-chan~
"Ugh… what's going on?" Deidara asked, sitting up and holding his head, looking around at the other half-unconscious 19 year olds.
"I can't remember…" Amethystte mumbled, rubbing her eyes.
"Shut the fuck up, I'm trying to sleep here." Hidan grumbled, Sapphira snoring softly and using his stomach as a pillow.
Amethystte shrugged and rested her head back down on the carpet. "Eh, who even cares. I'm sure it wasn't something important, like humanity being in risk of getting destroyed because of us or something." She decided.
Deidara sighed and agreed, closing his eyes again and falling back asleep.
So, how many people actually liked it? Anybody think it was utterly pointless and that I need to give up writing for the rest of my life? Anybody hate me now? Anybody for some deluded reason think it was 'funny' anyway? If so, thank you, lotsa loves to y'all. ^-^
Did Goody like how I put her into the story? Or is she mad at me for not asking? Sorry about that…
And to Photoshopped Perfection, sorry about the pedophile part. It's kinda hard not to add that in though… Eh heh heh… sorry… -_-" It's 12:36 AM on a boring Wednesday morning as I'm finishing this up and I'm gonna go to sleep now. Bye! Review please! Pretty please! *You can't resist the puppy eyes*