A/N: So this was a bit rushed so pardon the grammar mistakes and any confusion you see here. Enjoy!(?)
A bouquet of roses in one hand and a bottle of brandy – the best he could afford on a war hero's salary – in the other. He had been sitting patiently in the main battery for a while, waiting for Joker to let everyone know they were about to reach Earth. He stared at the roses, checking them for wilts and spots of brown. A man's got to make a good impression, right?
Never having truly left the Normandy – at least not for too long – the ship's crew have been keeping up the good work, though they were hardly all together at the same time. Most of them were still trying to salvage and rebuild their homes and cities. Others – mostly Joker and Edi – provided supplies to the refugees wherever it was needed. The ship had been quiet aside from the crew members' small talks and banters and the Normandy's system humming. It felt right. Felt like home. Great things happened on this ship and achieved peace with it as well.
Garrus had spent quite a bit of time on Palaven taking care of his sister and father as well as contributing efforts to repairs and aiding the survivors of the reapers' attacks the last few years. Supplies and resources were often low, but they managed to scrape by with whatever supplies sent in by what was left of the Council. His people and their homeworld were recovering proficiently after a year of struggling.
The Turian left a short time after his people were making steady progress in rebuilding what was left of their homes and decided to tend to the other planets; Earth in particular. As soon as Joker and Edi came with a shipment of resources on the Normandy, he joined them – with permission granted by his father of course. Earth was not making as much progress in terms of rebuilding their cities and homes but who could after what the reapers left them with: concrete rubble, a body count of both humans and reapers, and scars. But they did what they can and so far re-established some residences and businesses to start things off.
The old girl docked at the Alliance base and of course it was time for shore leave. Most of the crew members had left already with Garrus, Joker, and EDI being the last to leave.
Garrus stalked down the bridge, head high and back straight. He tossed a look to Joker who eyed the things he carried in his talons. The pilot tipped his hat briefly and smiled. "Try not to have too much fun."
"Jeff, I do not believe that Mr. Vakarian would-"
"It's okay, EDI." Garrus interjected. He didn't want to hear where that sentence would go. He gave what could pass for a reassuring Turian smile. "I'm not as crazy as Shepard."
The day was bright, sun beaming down over the newly grown grass. They weren't long enough to have that pretty deep green Earth used to have. They grew in patches, but wherever they grew, they seemed to brighten up the remaining rubble. It gave him a bit of joy knowing that hope of rebuilding the city wasn't all lost.
Garrus was here for more than just to help with the efforts in repairing the Alliance's station and delivering supplies. No, he was here to visit their commander. His lover. After what felt like years – well two years to be precise – he finally got to see her again, his heart pounding and chest swelling with warmth and gentle nostalgia. The feeling spread through his chest like gentle gliding fingers. Like Shepard's soft and gentle hands. Spirits, he missed her so much. She's set herself in a nice patch of soft grass, waiting for him to join her. So he does and sat down with his legs out in front of him, his shoulders relaxing as he let out a much needed breath. Then he brought a knee a little closer to his chest and set the roses down on her. "Saw these on a human colony a while back. Soft and red like your hair. Though I can't say flowers have anything on you in terms of flexibility." He leaned back, his hands propping him up. They remained silent for a while, staring up at Earth's wide blue skies.
"A lot's happened, but we made it. Took us for a crazy ride, but well, I doubt it could've been any different with the war we fought." He said. He lied back on the grass, his stark blue eyes meeting Earth's soft blue skies. "It's been crazy the last few years. Pretty sure it still is." He took a deep breath. "It's been a while hasn't it? Would've visited sooner, but Palaven needed help. And Solana didn't like the idea of me leaving her sights again." He sighed and shook his head. "We've been through Hell and back so many times, Shepard. Dodged a crapload of bullets. And every bullet dodged, I felt closer to you." Pause. "It's… That might've sound weird coming from me, but I guess I can't take that back now." He chuckled under his breath, shaking his head at himself.
The memories came flooding back to his mind. From the day they met at the Citadel chasing Saren to the run towards the Conduit. All the memories in between threw the worries he felt, the concern for her and his family, the fear that he might've lost her again, and the guilt and helplessness of not being able to take that one final run with her. He remembered the progress Shepard made. How she was feisty and brilliant, but loyal and kind. She had a great smile and sense of humor, but that all slowly grayed away ever since their collaboration with Cerberus. Even by then he didn't know what to do with gray, but for her he tried.
He still holds admiration for her. Shepard was many things. She was crazy, sometimes reckless, protective, powerful, amiable, loyal, a great – the best commanding officer. In every mission, she fought fiercely yet tactfully and if there were innocents involved, she'd do everything in her power to save them all. She hardly put herself first; it was either her teammates or citizens, but never her. And the way she dealt with injustice was poetic, but justified. Death was mercy since it was brief, but for people like Sidonis she let them live with their consequences. Let the guilt eat them alive. She allowed and gave death to those who deserved it like Saren. He remembered that talk they had about that once. How convincing Saren that he was indoctrinated was the best thing rather than blowing his brains out personally. He couldn't go back, but if he could at least die as himself, then he can be at peace.
Shepard had taught him so much. She gave him so much over the last few years. He doesn't know how he could ever repay her.
He had poured himself a bit of the brandy and poured a bit in her glass as well. He looked at her with a warm smile, eliciting a quiet purr. By her side was where he wanted to be, but it could only happen when it was all over.
"My pay's gotten better so I can finally afford the hard stuff." He sighed contently as he took a sip. "Better than the stuff you had your place. No offense of course." Pause. "I miss you, Shepard. Everything… It just hasn't been the same. You were the one thing that had gone right in my life and I'm glad. I'm proud to have been your boyfriend." He took another sip and stared into his dark green swill. "I wish I could pay you back for putting up with me. For everything you've given me." He stroked her with a gentle talon. He could feel his heart beat faster and faster with the emotions he held back. The shaking in his voice was subtle, but he knew she could hear it. She always knew. "I love you, Shepard. And I should've told you that more during our time together."
He kneeled down, shuddering. Nothing hurt more than losing someone you loved. And it's like salt to the wounds when you realize, it was impossible to let them go completely. It's hard to let go once you've loved someone as deeply as he did. You begin to miss their warmth, their touches, their presence. Every minute detail would leave you with a gaping hole in your chest once they're gone. Garrus was empty and nothing could fill that Shepard-shaped hole, but her.
He touched his forehead to her headstone, a small tear leaking down his cheek past his visor. Spirits, this wasn't right. Not without her. He was ready to break as soon he felt cool, hard stone touch him. He yearned for her touch and gentle kiss. Her reassuring green eyes and sly but playful smiles.
He pulled away and set his glass next to her, leaving her with the rest of the brandy. Garrus's gaze remained fixated on her for so long, but he wasn't looking at her. His mind's had gone somewhere deep in the dark where those shitty thoughts lie. His hands balled into fists as he tried to bite back the bitter sensation of alcohol and heartache.
Get a hold of yourself. Shepard wouldn't want you to be like this.
He bit back the heartache once again and began to speak. "I won't be at that bar any time soon, Shepard." He grimaced. But then he looked her again and for a moment, he could feel her presence and smiled. His fists uncurled and she warmed at the sight of the Garrus she knew and still love. "But do me a favor and save me a seat? And say hi to Mordin and everyone for me."