Title: I Want To Believe

Author: Kyouryoku Senshi

Summary: Part of the Alethea and Another Chance Series. Takes place after I Want To Believe. Scully is pregnant again and didn't tell Mulder until after solving the Father Joe case, because she was afraid he would choose his search for the truth over their little family. Terrified after nearly losing him a second time, she breaks the news to him. Mulder finds out her refusal to chase him into the darkness wasn't just because she wanted to live a normal life, but that she was pregnant all along. Scully continues to struggle with where their relationship stands and if she will always blame herself for giving up her first child.

Scully lay awake in the bed she shared with Mulder as she often did, trying to entertain the idea of having another child. How would be able to protect another child if she couldn't protect William? It was true what Mulder said that things were different now. They were no longer in the FBI and no longer fugitives with something to run from. They could raise this baby…but the thought of not having William pained her more than anything. She wasn't sure if it was fair for her to have another baby and she did consider other options when she found out she was pregnant…but couldn't go through with them.

Although their lives had changed so much in 6 years, she was afraid she was going to be alone and pregnant again when Mulder had disappeared a few weeks ago. His last words to her were "like you said, it's why we can't be together". And only having just found out she was pregnant shortly before, those words stung. It was a like a knife was put through her heart. At that moment, she had a fleeting thought that termination would be the better route. She couldn't expect Mulder to give up his passion for the search for the truth, but because of that, this pregnancy wouldn't have been any different than the first and she didn't want to do it on her own or take a risk of giving up another child. She even went as far as booking the termination appointment.

She admitted that she went into panic mode when she couldn't reach Mulder, so just like before, there was only one other person she could turn to. Skinner. When she got that dreaded call that her car had been found in an accident, she feared the worst. And once again, Skinner was there to help her find Mulder, especially once she told him her secret like she had before. It was almost like some sort of de ja vu. Of course, Skinner tried to stop her from searching for her partner…but he knew her well enough that she wasn't having any of that. But she couldn't forget the anguish she felt of coming so close to losing Mulder again…she lost William, but she couldn't bear to have Mulder leave her again.

She had a hard time interpreting what Father Joe's words meant. "Don't give up." Did he know about the baby or about the issues she was having with Mulder or her struggle to save their relationship? Or was it just about Christian? She would never know, but maybe it was everything she was going through. All she knew was that she couldn't bear to hear those words or believe they were meant for her when she was considering the termination.

"Scully", she heard a whisper. "What's wrong?"

Scully fought back the sudden tears. She couldn't face him. "Mulder, I have been thinking…" she barely managed to squeak out. "What? Tell me what it is," he said soothingly as he tucked back a stray hair from her face.

She took a deep breath. "I sent you away, Mulder. When you were in danger because of us…because of William. I sent you away to protect you." He sighed as he waited for her to continue. "I can't help but believe that William would still be with us if I hadn't done that…if I hadn't…insisted."

"Scully," he started, making it clear this discussion wasn't up for debate.

"No, listen. Mulder, I was so afraid that I would lose you again, forever. I couldn't…." her voice broke. "I couldn't bear to lose you again, I sent you away to be safe…and because of that, I denied you a chance at fatherhood. I gave up our son…and every day, I hurt so much because of that…knowing it was an irreversible decision, but I can't accept that I will never see him again."

Despite the fact that it still DID bother Mulder that Scully had given William away, it was done and the choice was made. He had to accept it. They both did. They were given another chance to love the child Scully was carrying beneath her heart even though she had doubts about being a mother again. Their circumstances had changed in the last 6 years. They could protect this baby. He just had to convince her of that.

Mulder pulled Scully, who was now sobbing, closer to him. "It's going to be different this time, Scully. I promise. We've been given another chance. We can do this together. I'm never going to leave your sight again, okay?"

She managed a small laugh at his sincerity. Well, even though that part might not be 100% possible, she knew Mulder wasn't going anywhere. She had to believe things would be different this time, she had to believe she would be able to move on and that the emptiness William left in their hearts would make room for a chance for them to love and enjoy the child that came to be. She placed her hand on her belly and gently pressed on the child below her heart. She already felt an enormous amount of love for the life growing inside.

To be continued…

A/N: This is part of the Alethea and Another Chance series. Please do read those to understand what is going on in this little vignette.