A/N: Hey fellow fanfictors! This is a fun one-shot I just thought of. Hope you enjoy it!
Okay, I admit it, I enjoy setting the table. Now, I know most kids hate doing this retched chore, but to me it was fun. Plate in the middle, fork on the left, and knife and spoon on the right. Napkin under fork, and glass to the left, a little in front of the plate and so on. It was sort of like a musical. Thud, tap, tap, clink, thud, tap, tap, clink. I shook my hips to the rhythm of the porcelain china.
My mind was brought back to reality when I heard a loud slam come from the living room. I turned around to see that my neighbor and friend had stopped by, but they were muttering to themselves, disgruntled, for whatever reason.
"Hey, watch it slammy! One of these days that door's going to fall off its hinges if you keep slamming it like that," I teased, grinning slightly.
He glared at me with his big brown eyes. I was a bit taken aback. He never glared, and especially not at me. I mean, it just wasn't part of the Freddie Benson Master Plan.
"Okay, what's up?" I asked a little miffed. I mean, he did glare at me, and that was something I didn't like. Not. One. Bit.
"You want to know what's up?! Shrimp is what's up! It's all anyone talks about, thinks about, or eats about!"
"Eats about?" I questioned with a raise of my perfectly waxed eyebrow.
"Yeah, new word, okay?! I'm just so ticked! It's these dead crustaceans," he spat as if they were the most horrible thing in the world, "that everyone at school keeps talking about! And I am sick of it!"
As I watched the brunette boy whose face was beet red, a visible vein pulsing just above his eyebrow I couldn't help but laugh. And as I started to comprehend what he had said it made me laugh harder, so much I had to lean against the counter to keep from falling over and rolling on the floor in a terrible fit. Happy tears fell freely down my aching cheeks and I hugged my side because I was starting to get cramps. It was just that funny.
"What's so funny?!" he growled as he stared at me disapprovingly. Clearly, he did not get the joke.
I had finally calmed down by then, only letting a few giggles escape from my lips. "It's just…" I paused so I could gasp for air, "Dead crustaceans are what you're all upset about?!"
"Well, yeah, I mean, it's all anyone's talking about at school. Haven't you heard?"
"No," I said slowly, shaking my head, wondering what the big deal was. "Why would I even care? It's just shrimp."
"Apparently, it's not just any shrimp. They say it's about the size of your fist and it's the most succulent shrimp anyone has ever tasted. I've never seen them, but that's what I hear."
"There is no way that's true, Freddie."
"Maybe not, but today two kids in the hall were fighting over a piece of this so-called shrimp. I didn't get close enough to see what it looked like though. But there is one thing I know and that is the biggest brouhaha I've seen in my life!"
I let out a giggle which made Freddie confused.
"What?!" he asked, angrily.
"You can't say brouhaha and expect people to take you seriously," I reminded him. "Remember?" I inquired, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder. "We talked about this."
"I don't care! All I care about is how to get my hands on some of this shrimp! I want to know it it's really that big of deal."
"Oh, come on, Freddie, its just seafood. It can't be as big as they're making it out to be," I assured him.
"I know," Freddie replied dejectedly, his shoulders slumping. "I just can't help it."
"Don't worry about it. Sit down on the couch and I'll make a nice, big cup of hot chocolate to take your mind off of it," I cooed motherly.
"Okay," he obliged, taking a seat on the sofa, "but can you put ten tiny marshmallows in it?" I smiled down at him. I felt like I was the mother duck comforting the ugly duckling.
"Sure, whatever you want, Fredikins," I teased, pinching his cheeks extra hard.
"Ow!" he retorted.
I chuckled and rolled my eyes as I strolled into the kitchen to make Baby Fredikins some hot cocoa. As I was stirring the hot cocoa mix in the mug I heard a soft knock sound on the apartment's door.
"Come in!" I called over my shoulder.
"What goes on Carls?!" my blonde, fiery best friend greeted, shutting the door behind her.
"Oh, Freddie's just upset. So, I'm making him some hot chocolate to cheer him up."
"Oh, great, what now? Get his anti-bacterial underwear in a bunch again?" she said smoothly, plopping down next to Freddie on the couch.
"I heard that!"
"You were supposed to!" Sam chanted, smirking. Freddie's eyebrows intertwined into an angry knot.
"You're evil."
"You're annoying."
"You're a demon."
"You're a nub."
"You're a disgrace to man-kind."
"Oh, dear, dear, Freddie," Sam said, shaking her head, almost as if she pitied him, "you're a disgrace to woman-kind, my dear boy."
Freddie shot daggers at her, but she just stared back at him with her signature smirk displayed on her face. Then Freddie made a snide remark about how no boy would ever like her which got him in a headlock by the one and only, Sam Puckett. I rolled my eyes at my two best friends. I don't think I will ever fully know how they tolerate each other, yet…don't.
"Sam, Freddie, stop fighting," I pleaded softly, trying to stop the endless banter. "You guys…" I said a bit more harshly. No luck. "Children!" I screamed. Sam shot her head around and Freddie stopped his pleas for mercy, both of them acknowledging me for the first time. Well, that did the trick.
"Sam, leave Freddie alone. He's had, uh, hard, er, day as it is," I stammered, not quite sure how to say it.
"Aw," she cooed, poking out her bottom lip, making her face level to his, "did Fredums get rejected by Carly Shay again?"
"Carly!" the brunette whined.
"Benson!" the blonde mocked.
"Shut up, the both of you or so help me I will get that spray bottle out again and squirt you two until you're both shriveled up like prunes," I threatened, narrowing my eyes at them.
Sam immediately let go of Freddie who scrambled as far away from the blonde- headed-demon as possible.
"Sorry," Freddie mumbled, rubbing his sore neck.
"Yeah, Carls, there's no need to get your girly panties in a bunch," Sam muttered, avoiding eye contact with me. She did not like getting scolded by someone who had authority over her, or at least from someone she felt had authority over her and I was one of them…actually, come to think of it, I think I was the only one who had that much authority over her.
"Sorry I went off like that," I apologized, feeling slightly guilty, "it's just you guys are a pain in the butt."
"Nah, it's okay, I understand that Freddie irritates you and quite frankly he irritates me too," she directed towards me and then turned to Freddie quickly stating, "Thanks a lot, dork, this was all your fault."
"Huh?! What did I do?!"
"You didn't have to do anything. You were just here and that's enough for everything and everyone to hate you," Sam quipped.
"Carly!" he screeched, looking up at me with a pout on his face.
"Well…" I said slowly, "it is kind of true."
"What?!" they both said in shocked unison.
"Well, yeah, I mean, you come to my apartment, whining about big shrimp, and then you and Sam get in a fight, and, well, I think Sam's got a point."
"Wait...he was upset over big shrimp?" Sam asked, staring up at me.
I nodded in response which got a loud guffaw out of her. It seemed like forever before she finally got up to gasp for air, tears trailing down her cheeks, and her unruly locks hanging over her face.
"You…are…such a….nub….Benson!" she stated in between chuckles.
"Hey! You wouldn't be calling me a nub if you knew how popular they were. They're the talk of the entire school!"
Before Sam could make a witty remark, Spencer came bursting though the door, carrying two large grocery bags.
"Um, what's that you got there, Spencer?" I asked, curiously, as I watched him haul them into the kitchen to set them on the counter, heaving and huffing under the weight. He really needed to work out.
"Oh my God, you would not believe what I got at the grocery store today!" he gasped, his eyes bugged out. "Okay, so you know that check-out girl who I dated, but only dated me for my tux and then we broke up?"
"Wait, I thought you two got back together," Freddie inquired.
"We did, but then she said how she didn't appreciate my spaghetti tacos and then I said something about me not liking her bleach-blonde hair. And then that's when Marvin came in and started chasing her around the kitchen which was not good at all…"
"Just get on with the frikin' story!" Sam said impatiently.
"Oh yeah, well, she said she felt bad about what had happened and I said the same so she was like, 'I really want to make it up to you' and I was like 'You don't have to do that' and she was like 'Oh, but I do' and I was like 'It's because I'm wearing the tux right now, isn't it?' and then she laughed. God, does she have a nice laugh. So smooth, just like a lullaby…" he trailed off, a dazed look taking over his face.
"Off topic!" I reminded him.
"Oh, right, well, anyway, long story short…hee, long story short, funny saying, isn't it? Because you really can't make a long story short, but I guess that's the funny thing about it…."
"Spencer!!!"
"Okay, geeze, no need to yell…" he said, his eyes darting back and forth between us impatient teenagers. "I was just going to say I got these awesome shrimp, okay? Happy now?!" he said, becoming all hurt.
"Wait a minute…"
"Do you mean…"
"The ones Frederly has been complaining about all day?" Sam finished for all of us, well, me particularly.
"If you mean those HUMUNGEOUS shrimp then yes!" Spencer said delighted, his eyes brightening up once again.
"Let me see!" Freddie squealed excitedly like a child on Christmas morning, speeding over to the counter and peeking into the brown papered bags as if they were as good as presents under a Christmas tree.
"Oh my God," he stated, lifting his head from the bag.
"Get of the way, Fredweird," Sam demanded, Freddie obeying her order. She stuck her blonde head deep into the bag, coming up with a mesmerized expression etched on her face. "Oh my God, those are huge," she finally managed to choke out.
I rolled my eyes for the billionth time that day, striding over to the brown bag which held these so-called unbelievably humungo shrimp. "Oh come on, they can't be that…" but as my eyes met the crustacean my breath caught in my throat. They were huge, and not jumbo shrimp huge, but almost-as-big-as-your-fist huge like Freddie had said before.
I lifted my head from the bag, gazing up at Spencer with my big, brown eyes. "Can we…" but before I could finish my sentence my brother and two friends had already stuck their hands in the bags, coming up with three, unbelievably large, unbelievably beautiful, unbelievably succulent shrimp. I followed suit, wanting to get a hold of such a beautiful sea creature…er, well, now…sea food.
"How do you think they got this big?" Freddie asked, studying them in sheer amazement.
"They must have put those little critters on steroids or something because there is no way one could ever be this big," Sam stated knowledgably.
"You really think so?" I asked, staring at the juicy, oh, so juicy shrimp.
"I know so," she replied wisely.
We were silent for a few more seconds, hypnotized by their largeness.
"Can we eat 'em now?" Spencer asked hopefully, speaking for the first time since we had gotten them out.
"I don't know….I'm scared to…I mean, it's impossible for them to be this big," I admitted.
"Aw, who cares if it was put on steroids or what not?! I've eaten worse things!" And with that Sam ripped into her piece of shrimp, juice squirting out from the impact of her canine teeth. Freddie and Spencer mimicked her, their teeth crashing into the delicious meat. I hesitated, but my mouth finally met the shrimp and that's when reality was no longer with me, but far away, like in some other world. I chewed, I savored, I swallowed, and I lived. It was the best thing I had ever tasted.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I let Drake Bell's song fill my ears and the succulent crustacean fill my mouth. I glanced to my right where my best friend since I was seven was sprawled out on the couch, her limbs hanging over the edge, almost as if she had died from being so full. My eyes traveled to the left of me where Freddie was grumbling, rubbing his belly. Then my eyes finally landed on my brother who was laying on the floor, half a shrimp hanging from his mouth. I giggled at the sight, but then groaned because even the slightest giggle made me feel like I needed to throw up.
"I can't believe we ate them all," I said in disbelief, placing my hands on my bulging belly.
"Well, not all of them," Spencer mumbled from where he lay on the ground.
"What do you mean?" I questioned.
"There's one left, right there, on the coffee table," he stated feebly, willing his hand to lift from the floor and point to the table right in front of Sam, Freddie, and I. My eyes followed to where he pointed and saw that in fact there was one, last seafood on steroids, laying right there. I glanced to my left, then to my right, gulping, and knowing from their now starved expressions that it was going to get fighty, real fast. Their hands both reached for the food at the same time, Freddie's hand placed on top of Sam's.
"This shrimp is mine, Fredison, so back off."
"Who says you get to have the last one?"
"I did so that means if you try so much as look at it I will rip your head off your body."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah, it is." They glared at each other for the longest time, but then something amazing happened. Freddie Benson snatched that seafood out right from under Sam Puckett's palm. She gaped at her hand in disbelief, but then quickly shut her mouth, her eyes traveling up to meet Freddie's. They shot daggers, daggers that could seep through your body and into your soul and rip it right out. She did not like what Freddie had just did. Not. One. Single. Bit.
"If you were really smart you wouldn't have done that, Benson," she growled.
She jumped up from the couch, glaring at him menacingly. Freddie got the message loud and clear, but still didn't want to let go of the beloved shrimp. So, he ran into the kitchen, clutching the seafood in his right hand. Sam chased him around the table and the counter, Freddie screaming like a prissy girl watching a horror film…well, better put it sounded more like me, okay?! I watched them, too full and tired to stop the mess happening before me. Freddie made an escape fooling Sam by going one way and then going the other. But that didn't stop her from stalking after him. Freddie kindly acknowledged Spencer's lying form, leaping over it graciously, but as Sam came into the living room, following Dork with Some Sort Of a Death Wish, she wasn't so gracious, stepping roughly on his bulging stomach. He let out a loud moan, rolling over to his side, coughing and spluttering in response.
I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling, the screaming Freddie, the disgruntled Spencer, and the "I'm gonna murder you, Benson!" drowning out the music slithering through the speakers. I let out a grunt as I tried to listen to the words to "Makes Me Happy" by Drake Bell. Oddly enough, all these familiar sounds around me, making their way into my head and filling me with old memories did make me happy. It reminded me that not matter what; I had the two most awesome friends in the world who stuck by my side and a brother who loved me dearly. It seems that I had forgotten this. And what was the most bizarre thing was the fact that it took two whole bags of humungous shrimp and Drake Bell to remind me this. I smiled to myself and to the noises around me. Silently, I thanked the last shrimp that was being pulled between two famished teens. I mean, it was the least I could do for the little guy…right? Oh well, I was too lazy to get up and save the crustacean anyway.
A/N: Okay, so I just thought of this cute one-shot when I was watching Drake&Josh's "Big Shrimp". I thought it would make a perfect one-shot between the iCarly crew. Leave a review and tell me what you think!