Story Notes: Episode addition to "Workforce."
FRATERNIZATION
Chakotay sat at his desk in his office, doggedly plowing through a mound of reports. The damage sustained from the repeated attacks by the Quarren ships, coupled with the recovery of the crew from the planet surface and the treatment to restore their memories, meant a great deal of work for Voyager's first officer. He'd been going at it without a break for several hours now. He paused only long enough to rub a weary hand across aching eyes, and then picked up another padd.
Even if he didn't have so much work--more than his share, until the captain and the rest of the senior staff were brought up to speed--he was none too eager to go back to his cabin. He'd been notified by the transporter room a little more than an hour ago that Jaffen had come on board. The last thing Chakotay wanted was to be seen loitering in the corridor, while the lovers' reunion took place in the captain's quarters next door.
Jaffen's appearance, and what it must signify, hadn't really come as a surprise. Chakotay knew that Jaffen and Kathryn had become very close during her time on the planet. He'd actually been present when the two of them had decided to move in together. He recalled the look on Kathryn's face when she was with the other man, her happiness and contentment readily apparent. Chakotay hadn't seen that look on her face for a very long time, nor had he failed to notice the softening of her expression every time Jaffen's name was mentioned.
No, Chakotay didn't begrudge them this moment. In a way, he was grateful to Jaffen, for looking out for her welfare on Quarra, and more importantly, for being able to give Kathryn the love and support she sorely needed. For reminding her that there was more to her existence than her role as captain. Something that he, Chakotay, wished he could give her, but knew he never could. Nor would Kathryn accept it, if he tried. The old barrier, Starfleet protocols, would always stand in their way.
He reached for yet another report, one that dealt with bypassing the fused plasma relays, and realized that the complementary data he needed was on another padd. One he'd been studying that morning, and in his haste to get to the Bridge, had left behind in his cabin. He swore softly, then decided he might as well go retrieve it. Given the lateness of the hour, chances were he wouldn't encounter anyone else on the way.
He exited the turbolift and moved stealthily down the corridor. Perhaps it was his imagination, but his footsteps sounded unnaturally loud. Carefully avoiding looking around him, he had just reached up to key in his entry code, when a door opened a short distance away. Jaffen stepped out, alone, and then halted in surprise.
"Commander Chakotay."
Chakotay schooled his features into a neutral expression before turning to face him. "Jaffen. I heard that you had come on board."
"I came to see Kath--Captain Janeway."
Chakotay held up a hand. "You don't have to explain. It's really none of my business."
"You're Voyager's first officer," Jaffen responded. "I'd imagine it's one of your responsibilities to keep track of comings and goings on board the ship."
"Among other things, yes. But I assumed the captain would notify me later, if it was necessary." Such as additions to the crew manifest, Chakotay added silently to himself.
"Yes, I'm sure she would." Jaffen shifted position. "Look, do you have a few moments?"
Chakotay tried not to show his surprise. "Sure. Come on in." He gestured to the other man to follow him inside his cabin.
Jaffen seemed to be in no hurry, instead spending a few minutes examining the sand paintings on the wall, the patterned fabric on the chairs. Chakotay waited patiently, till Jaffen finally said, "I'm glad I ran into you like this, Commander Chakotay."
"Why is that?"
"I wanted to apologize to you," Jaffen said quietly.
"For what?"
"For notifying the authorities where you were." Jaffen paused, and then went on earnestly, "Let me explain--you had been implicated in the disappearance of two other people at the plant."
"And you thought I was a danger to Kathryn." Chakotay didn't know whether to be angry or relieved.
"From the beginning you seemed unusually interested in her, and I thought--I mean--"
"You were looking out for her best interests." Chakotay sighed. "I probably would have done the same in your position."
Jaffen turned slightly away, and looked out the viewport at the planet below. "It seemed like such a far-fetched story. Forced abduction, memory wipes…"
"But true."
Jaffen swung around abruptly. "I want you to know that I think what they did was totally abhorrent."
Chakotay thought of all the lives disrupted, of families torn apart. Of how close Tom Paris had come to never knowing he had a wife and child or being a part of their lives. "Was that how you ended up on Quarra?"
Jaffen shook his head. "No, I'm one of the lucky ones who came there voluntarily, to have a chance to build a new life for myself. Which I thought I'd done, especially when…"
"When you met Kathryn," Chakotay finished softly.
"Yes." Jaffen sighed. "I know that the woman I fell in love with wasn't the real Kathryn Janeway, but she seemed so, so vibrant. Alive." He fell silent, as if lost in memory.
Chakotay closed his eyes as memories of his own surfaced. "A lot of what you saw is the real Kathryn," he said at last. "If she was unfettered by her responsibilities on Voyager." He looked at the other man. "She was happy with you. That much was real."
Jaffen gave a brief smile. "Thank you, but even I could tell that there was something missing, something not quite right." A look of sadness passed across his face. "She'd get awfully quiet sometimes, even during intimate moments. I'd catch her looking up at the stars, a puzzled expression on her face, almost as though she were trying to remember something. " He caught Chakotay's gaze in his own. "And then after you showed up, those times became more frequent. I didn't want to accept what you were saying, didn't want to believe that what I'd built with her was so tenuous, and founded on a lie."
"It wasn't a lie, Jaffen," Chakotay said. "I know that Kathryn's feelings for you were genuine."
"Then she's got a strange way of showing it." Jaffen shook his head once more. "No, I'm not going to delude myself any longer. The reason I came aboard Voyager, Commander, was to say goodbye."
Despite the conversation up to this point, Jaffen's last statement caught Chakotay by surprise. "You're not staying?"
"No. Even if Kathryn wanted me to, I'm not sure that I would." Jaffen paused, perhaps thinking about his life on the planet, perhaps reluctant to leave what was familiar to wander the stars. "And she doesn't want me to. She told me that if I were to become a member of her crew, she couldn't allow herself to be involved with me."
The corner of Chakotay's mouth went down. "Starfleet fraternization protocols."
Jaffen snorted. "It's ironic--the very first day we met, at the power plant, the efficiency supervisor cautioned us about fraternizing on the job. I didn't realize just how much resonance that statement had for Kathryn."
Suddenly angry, Chakotay said, "That's ridiculous, Jaffen. You don't have to join the crew, you could come on board as a civilian. If Kathryn wanted--"
"That's the point," Jaffen interrupted. "Kathryn doesn't want me. And better to spare her and myself and just end it, here and now." He bent to pick up his bag. Chakotay hadn't even noticed it lying on the floor. Jaffen held out his hand. "I want to wish you good luck. And ask you to take care of Kathryn for me."
Chakotay took the other man's hand, gripped it strongly in return. "I will."
"I know. You've been doing so all along." Jaffen strode to the door, then turned around. "Kathryn's words about fraternization--I'd almost be tempted to argue with her about it, if I hadn't realized that she'd already broken those protocols, allowed herself to get involved with someone serving under her, a long time ago."
Chakotay stood staring at the closed door for a long time after Jaffen left. Then, coming to a decision, he went next door.
He had no sooner signaled, than the door opened. Kathryn stood there, still in uniform. The familiar expression of sadness, the one he'd hoped had gone permanently, was back. "Yes?"
A thousand thoughts went through his mind. He held out his hand to her, smiled. "I just wanted to tell you again how good it is to have you back."
"It's good to be back, Chakotay," she said, but her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. She took a deep breath. "I was just about to head to the Bridge. We're due to leave orbit in another ten minutes." She hadn't let go of his hand. "Come with me?"
He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Of course I will."
She looked down at their clasped hands, then up at his face. A smile, genuine this time, lit her features. "From the very beginning, you've been right by my side."
"And I always will, Kathryn," he promised her. "I always will."
FINIS
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