A/N: A drabble inspired by the posts of my sister wives about the perils of reading smut in public. My submission to Kakashiweek 2018 "Icha Icha" prompt.
I don't own these characters; I had a wonderful time manipulating them.
It was so bad; he couldn't leap from branch to branch.
His ANBU squad members were running and leaping circles around him, while Kakashi walked home to Konoha. "Just…go on ahead guys, I'll be fine. It's only a leg cramp. Must've slept on it funny or something." Kakashi was embarrassed to supply only partial truths to his subordinates, as it was kind of a leg cramp, and he hadn't slept at all. It was the "or something" part that landed him in this fix.
Jiraiya had outdone himself in his sequel to Icha Icha Violence. Kakashi couldn't have waited until he'd made it home from the mission to read it. The silver-haired captain had underestimated how vividly the Sannin could describe the "paradise" proclaimed in the new book's title, and Kakashi now bore the proof of his miscalculation.
The elite shinobi hadn't been able to steal any time away to himself since peeking between the tempting covers of the latest Icha Icha installment. So, as his squad prepared to make the last leg of the journey home, Kakashi prepared his leg cramp story to explain his careful movement. Needing to conceal more than his identity, he'd hooked his porcelain mask at the waistband of his tight, ANBU-issue trousers. While that solved one problem, it aggravated another. His swollen cock grazed it with every step. The empty features of the hound mask were laughing at him as he hobbled his way home.
Finally, his squad arrived at the village gate. He cursed the efficiency and helpfulness of the subordinate that suggested they get their report to the Hokage out of the way. Kakashi dismissed them quickly, "don't worry, I've got it covered." In more ways than one, he thought. "You all can head home." He needed his own private Icha Icha Paradise. In his shower. Now.
Kakashi threw himself through the door of his flat, dodging his traps because it was quicker than disarming them. He opted to employ the silly civilian locks on his door (because, again, quicker), before he stumbled and stripped his way to the bathroom.
After reaching to turn on the shower, he yanked his trousers down. He could hear his cock slap back against his abdomen, applauding its freedom from the too-tight confines of the ANBU uniform.
Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror as it steamed up, Kakashi was alarmed at the hue of his member. He didn't have the big box of crayons when he was a kid at the academy; he didn't know what to call that shade of violet.
At least he'd managed to avoid a challenge from Gai on his way home, he chuckled. Then he was horrified. 'Stop it stop it stop it;' this was no time to think of his eternal rival. He reigned in his wayward thoughts as he stepped under the spray.
It was finally time to indulge his mind with that scene, yes, that one, from pages one hundred and three to one hundred and six of Icha Icha Paradise. Kakashi lifted his foot onto the soap dish and groaned as the shower sprayed droplets on his sensitive, twitching length.
"Yesssssss," he moaned to his shower tiles, taking himself in hand. Recalling all the wonderful adjectives the author used to describe the scene, he frantically pumped his cock. He didn't know how a woman could bend that way, or even if a woman could bend that way, but his imagination had no trouble conjuring up the visual aide.
"Unh, ah, ah, oh fuuuuuuuuuuck," he came so hard and so fast he had to take an involuntary step backward. His eyes rolled back in his head while his hand was a blur of movement. He rested his head against the shower tiles as all evidence of the massive release was washed down the drain. His limbs were jelly-he barely had the strength to lather-rinse-repeat afterward.
Kakashi made his report to Lord Third (mission accomplished), and strolled home to enjoy an afternoon off. He was deciding between sleeping and rereading Jiraiya's masterpiece in the privacy of his bedroom when he came across one of his ANBU squad members.
"Your limp is gone! Did they drag you to the hospital for healing?" His subordinates always loved to laugh at the silver-haired man's stubbornness.
"It wasn't anything a shower couldn't soothe." Kakashi didn't break stride as he pulled out the brightly colored book, and sought paradise between the pages once more.
The End