Edarchy

Chapter 1: Where the whole thing began...

Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy. The title of this story is based on Anarchy, the first KMFDM song I listened to, which I also don't own.

A/N: I have written an apology for... something... which you can find on my main page. Also, this story (initially titled "Edco: Rise and Fall") was originally set in 2005 and featured the Eds restarting Ed Co, but I lost interest in it. I'll explain more in the closing Author's Notes.

Anyways, due to their inherent shitness, I've decided to retcon my original stories and write this story, which has its own continuity. If I do mention my previous stories, it's for a cheap joke. This story first takes place in 1998 - despite the obvious fact that, not only was it not set in a particular year, but also the show itself started in 1999 - where the main trio are in their early 20s. I don't know why I chose that year, then again, for some reason, I like the 1990s. In other words, you won't see them logging onto Facebook or Twitter on their iPad or whatever, nor will they talk about the latest Call of Duty game. Instead, they'll be discussing Doom WADs and checking out Usenet (if you don't know what either of these are, check the internet or ask any relatives who can remember the 90s).

It was 8:15am on March 23rd, 1998. The sun shone brightly into Eddy's room, illuminating it. It was almost the same as it was when he was younger, but there were some changes. In front of his Tom Jones poster was a beer can Taj Mahal, which, believe it or not, wasn't made using glue. There was a Reservoir Dogs poster on his bedroom door, despite the fact that it came out in 1992. Amongst his collection of disco hits from the 70s was, for some reason, a copy of Nevermind by Nirvana. And there was Eddy, asleep and half-naked on his bed, with a bottle of Jack Daniels – his favourite drink – and a porno magazine obscuring his face. He had grown his hair into a mullet in time for Senior Prom '94, but cut it off a couple of months later – Luckily, he was satisfied with the result and decided to make it his new hairstyle, replacing the three strands of hair he had for years.

However, the peacefulness and the serenity were shattered when Eddy's alarm clock went off. He dropped his bottle on the bed, rolled over to his front and eventually fell off the bed, hungover. He picked up the alarm clock and looked at the time, the second hand ticking loudly. He then stumbled over to his bathroom, trying not to step on his records.

He then looked in the mirror, where we first "see" his face. He had bags under his eyes, his hair was messy and tangled and he looked like he would vomit in the sink. After a few seconds, he stepped into the shower and turned it on, wondering why he had to get up so early.

20 minutes later, when he got out of the shower, he then realised why he had to get up: To carpool Ed - who works as a cashier at the comic book store. He entered his Closet of Dreams and picked up a suit (but no tie), a white shirt and a pair of trainers – size 6. He placed them on the bed and took out a clean pair of underwear, which he also added to the pile. He then put on some deodorant, some aftershave and got changed. Finally, he grabbed a pair of Aviator sunglasses and put them on, leaving his bedroom and then his house.

He then walked over to Ed's house and knocked on his door. Ed came rushing to the door and greeted Eddy. 'HIYA, EDDY!' Despite it being 9-10 years, Ed's voice hasn't changed one bit. Hell, he looked the same as he did all those years ago. Though Ed wore the same jacket, the same jeans and the same shoes, he wore a Monster Condo shirt, a band that he plays rhythm guitar for. As it was a Monday and thus a workday, he also wore a nametag over his jacket.

'You ready to go, Lumpy?' Eddy sighed. His voice also didn't change much, the only difference being that it was slightly lower in pitch than it was almost a decade ago.

Ed nodded and the duo walked over to Eddy's van, or the "Eddymobile" as he affectionately dubs it. During the summer of '96, the Eds, with the help of Edd's then-girlfriend Marie (yes, THAT Marie), fixed up the Retro Van, adding new wheels, a new engine, fixing up the paintjob. Inside, they added back seats, an air bed, curtains, cupholders and stereos; with a Doomguy bobblehead on the passenger side dashboard. They both got in and the 5'10" driver started his car, driving Ed downtown. Luckily, it's only a 23-minute drive, if Eddy can time the traffic right. As soon as they got out of the cul-de-sac, the 6'6" passenger asked 'Eddy, can I turn on the radio?'

'Why the hell you askin' me, Ed?' Eddy rolled his eyes. 'Do it.'

Ed squeed and turned on the radio. The first station that came up was a talk station, where they were discussing the upcoming mayoral election. He then turned the dial, selecting a rap station. He then tuned in to another station. 'Next up on Top 40...'

He then chose a different station, which was probably having technical difficulties as there was no noise coming out of the speakers. Eventually, he came across a metal station, with "Engel" by Rammstein playing. Ed was singing along to it, much to Eddy's chagrin. 'Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein...' Ed belted out, slightly out of tune.

At 9:00am, Ed and Eddy had arrived at the comic book store. It was pretty much a carbon copy of the Android's Dungeon from The Simpsons, except there isn't a robot in the display window and there isn't a purple and white awning above the entrance. If anything, it was called the "Automaton's Lair". Ed got out of the van, went into the store and started getting to work on the stock. The exact moment Ed got out of the van, Eddy switched the station to some Tom Jones and drove off. He then drove home for some much needed sleep.

It was then midday. For some reason, he was fully awake and decided to scavenge the cupboards for something to eat. When he got to the kitchen to do just that, he couldn't find anything. The only things he could find were an empty box of Chunky Puffs and a bottle of gin. 'Fuck,' He muttered. 'Need to get something.'

Despite it being brighter than it was earlier, he took off his sunglasses. He then walked down to nearest convenience store, which was about 5 blocks away, a manageable trip for Eddy. A while later, he bought a loaf of bread; some butter; five cups of InstaRamen noodles; and a blue raspberry BrainFreezer, which he – naturally – added vodka to. When he got home, he had some noodles and then sat down to watch some TV.

When he was 16, his parents divorced. This was roughly a few days after Eddy came out as pansexual, which added a small amount of fuel to the fire. Naturally, they both wanted to sell the house and live elsewhere. Because of his strained relationships with both his father and his mother, he decided to take a [very risky] third option: He chose to live where he still is and both his parents move away. Although, at first, he was afraid that both of his parents would scold him for coming up with that solution, everyone was somewhat satisfied with this and his mother gave Eddy $5,000 she had hidden away somewhere to look after himself. Although the first few weeks were tough – even going as far as having Ed and Edd sleep over for the first three days – he got used to it and eventually did things that his parents never allowed him to do, like throw parties, access "certain channels" and put his feet up on the coffee table.

A couple of hours later, whilst he was watching a rerun of The Price is Right, he then thought to himself. Double D's at work, Lumpy's at work. Damn it, why can't I find a job? He then turned off the TV and went upstairs. Later on, I'm going to start that résumé that I've been meaning to do. He then entered his brother's old room, which he refurbished into a game room. After clearing everything out, he put in a computer; a futon; a PlayStation; a TV; and a cooler that looks like a Medikit. He was able to buy those things – as well as have wall sockets added, buy extension cables and knock down the brick wall that was covering the window – because his long-lost uncle (who BOUGHT him the PlayStation, making it the only Christmas present he received that wasn't clothes) left Eddy $250,000 in his will. He opened the door, turned on the computer and then waited for it to boot up. Where to work, though? Eddy continued thinking. So much choice... When the computer was ready, he opened the disc tray and put in Duke Nukem 3D.

It was now 4:35pm. After a completing an episode, Eddy thought it was now time to pick Ed up. He turned the computer off, grabbed his keys and got into his van. He managed to get there the EXACT moment the manager flipped round the sign to say it was closed. About 15 seconds later, Ed walked out the door with a copy of Evil Tim vs. Deadpool underneath his arm. 'Hi, Eddy!' Ed opened the door and got in.

'Hey, Ed.' Eddy rolled down his window just as Ed was putting his comic on the backseat and putting on his seatbelt.

He turned on the radio and tuned into the station he and Ed were listening to earlier. A generic heavy guitar riff was playing in the background whilst the voiceover announced 'You're listening to S-T-I-L FM, the all-metal station'.

There was a second or two of silence before Hangar 18 by Megadeth was playing on the radio. Ed wanted to turn it up but Eddy stopped him. 'So, Ed...'

'Yeah, Eddy?'

'Fancy a drink later?'

'Sure. Just lemme finish my comic first.'

'There's no rush, burrhead. I gotta get to work on my résumé first.'

'Your what?' Ed was confused.

Eddy sighed in exasperation. 'That piece of paper which helps you get a job. Remember?' Ed shook his head. 'Double D helped you with yours.'

'Oh, I remember.'

'Yes...' Afterward, they stopped talking for the rest of the trip and Ed just went back to headbanging.

A while later, they arrived back at the cul-de-sac. Just as they were pulling into Eddy's driveway, Ed turned off the radio, which was playing a gum commercial. Eddy turned off the van, took off his seatbelt and got out, Ed doing the same a second later. 'So I'll see ya 'round...' Eddy paused to come up with a time. '9? 9:30?'

'OK, Eddy!' Ed gave Eddy a thumbs up and then walked back to his house.

Eddy then walked to his house, went inside and called Edd, using a wall-mounted telephone. He then dialled Edd's number and waited for a response. 'Hello?' The voice on the other end of the line asked.

'Hey, Double D. It's Eddy.'

'Greetings, Eddy. I just finished a Deathmatch on Doom II: Hell on Earth.'

'Nice!' Eddy smiled. 'Who won?'

'I did. It was using the BFG in the last ten seconds that sealed my victory.'

'Congratulations.' Eddy snidely remarked. 'So you wanna go for a drink later?'

'Sure do. But a few questions.'

'I'm listenin'.' Eddy rolled his eyes.

'Do I meet you there?'

'If you want.'

Edd put down his mobile phone and went to get a piece of paper and a pen. He returned five seconds later. 'It's best that I do as I live closer to the bar than you do.'

'Fine.'

We then hear Edd writing something down. 'Next, what time should I be leaving?'

'9? 9:30?'

'Alright, I can ask Marie if she can drive me there. She's on duty, tonight.'

'Gee, thanks, Mr. Exposition.' Eddy sarcastically broke the fourth wall. 'Anything else?'

Edd stopped to think for a few seconds before saying. 'We could get a taxi home as my apartment's not too far away from yours.'

'Are you done explaining things to the readers?'

'Yes.'

'OK. So... Meet you there.'

'Will do. Bye, Eddy.'

'See ya.' Eddy put the phone back on the hook and headed to his personal bathroom for a shower.

A/N: So, there it is. I'm sorry that it's short, but there wasn't much else I can add. Next chapter, we get to fully meet Edd (where we explore his relationship with Marie, for example) and, in Chapter 3, we then move onto Ed (and find out how Monster Condo was formed and how he got a job at Automaton's Lair). Chapter 4 is basically the Eds at the bar, explaining what they did between Big Picture Show and this story. I also apologise for the end of this chapter and will apologise in advance for the several centillion Doom (and other classic FPS games) references over the course of the story.

And now, I'm going to pad this out by explaining things a bit more in detail, unless it's been explained in the story:

I don't know why I made Eddy a pansexual. Luckily, Eddy does have standards (in other words, he won't go after EVERYTHING that moves) and he's a somewhat OK guy.

I also have no idea why Eddy drinks. Feel free to make up your own theories, however.

Going back to "ERaF"; I originally had Eddy's long lost uncle as a multi-millionaire who worked as a CEO for a company that does... something. I didn't even know. The plot for that story would've kicked off when Eddy inherited $5,000,000 to start a company with. However, due to lack of interest (and the fact that said uncle seems to be a bit of a Stu), I stopped writing that story. I never got past one and a half chapters (one of which had been on my Document Uploader thingy), none of which had been published. This leads me onto...

For Christmas '97, that uncle (whose name will be revealed in chapter 4. Hopefully I'll go through with it) gave Eddy a PlayStation (note that the PlayStation 2 wouldn't be released for nearly 3 years). Back in March of that year, Eddy found at him when he checked some family photos that were in the attic and asked his parents (which he did over the phone). After driving down to Florida, the two bonded and contacted each other when possible. After all the shit he went through during his childhood, it's clearly obvious Eddy needed an awesome relative.

When he originally received it, Eddy had Doom; Final Doom; Twisted Metal; and Crash Bandicoot for PlayStation. Those weren't bundled with it, they were bought separately. Later on, he bought both Mortal Kombat II and 3; Twisted Metal 2; Castlevania: Symphony of the Night; Test Drive 4; and Rayman.

Eddy's computer runs DOS, as opposed to Windows 95 (which Edd has). He also own Doom, Doom II: Hell on Earth; Final Doom; Blood; Duke Nukem 3D (as "shown" in fic); Wolfenstein 3D; Quake; Lemmings; SimCity 2000; and Alone in the Dark. So, as you can see, he's quite a gamer, despite the fact that most of the games I've listed are violent to some degree.

Yes, mobile phones did exist back then. They were initially big and bulky back in the 80s (play Vice City and you'll see what I mean), but as time went on, they became lighter and more portable, but still expensive (if anything, the phone Edd has cost $1000 on release).

I will add an OC that will pop up from time to time, but that won't happen until Chapter 5 or Chapter 6, I'm unsure which. Again, this was initially planned for ERaF, where he was a reformed hacker who was active from 1997-2001, and he played a bigger part (he was going to be the CIO for Edco). No, really. This wasn't me shoehorning my way in to the story because, although we share a few things in common – such as a liking for industrial music, Doom and hacking – we were mostly different, for example he spends more time off the computer than I do. I might reintroduce him, but with a few changes.

The reason why Edd needed a piece of paper and a pen is that he doesn't forget what Eddy told him. Though Edd was clearly one of the most intelligent characters in the show, he has shown a few signs of stupidity (i.e. putting batteries in the wrong way in "Hands Across Ed"; or making it look like a fake Ed was reading a book in "Three Squares and an Ed"). So forgetting what Eddy told him would JUST be out of character. Also, Edd taught Eddy the word "résumé" which explains why Eddy says it a few times throughout the first few chapters.

An explanation for explanations 5 and 6 (mainly why does Eddy have multiple copies of the same game) can be found on the internet. I have also tried to mention games released around or before March '98 (which is when this part of the story is set. This "deadline" will be moved as the story goes on, as it IS set over many years), by doing some research (READ: Spent a couple of minutes on Wikipedia). Alright, I'm going to upload this and then I'll start work on Chapter 2, uploading it when I've finished and I'm completely satisfied with it.