Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They rightfully belong to the BBC. The song is copyrighted to Whitney Houston. Please do not sue me.
"No!" It was nearly midnight when Diane awoke with a start, and yet she had no idea why, she felt the hot tears still burning down her cheeks, but still had no recollection why. She looked out of the window, the moon shining down on her, illuminating her tears in the silvery glow. The one thing that got to her every day, haunted her by night was the loneliness that grew inside of her. She missed him, no matter how much she tried to convince herself she didn't and yet she knew there was no chance in getting him back, she had blew her chance so many years before. She has told herself that she didn't need him, that she would only end up getting hurt by him, that she would just end up another of his ex wives, but maybe she had been wrong. She asked herself why, at that moment, was she bringing it all back up, why when everything else seemed to be going wrong around her. If the baby had been Ric's and Ric had died, would she have kept it? Would she have been ready for his baby? The answer seemed to resound in her head, yes, yes she would have kept his baby, because he had been the only man she had loved. The only man she had allowed herself to love.
She sat down on the sofa, watching the images on the television flicker before her, paying no attention to it, maybe if she had she might have known sooner. Maybe she would have done things differently and truly admitted to herself that she loved him. Three words caught her attention on the television, three words that made her want to cry, want to run away again.
"Surgeon Ric Griffin" As she looked up she saw the news presenter with a picture of a train crash behind her and her heart leapt, something's wrong. She could only think that he could be seriously hurt and she would never be able to tell him how she really felt, even if he couldn't return it.
Just as she got up to go to the door, a thought hit her, she didn't love him, and if she had then why did she run away all those years before? Why? Because she had been afraid, because she didn't know what else to do and despite loving him, she had been even more afraid of being hurt. She knew that maybe she couldn't get back with him, mainly because of the fear of being hurt again, but truly it was him who had been hurt. Because she had hurt him so much, maybe he didn't love her any more, how else could he go around seeing her every day without wanting to be with her?
She knew that's all she wanted, to be back in his arms and yet all that flew through her head was images of his hurt face on that fateful day when she left him, the day she made the biggest mistake of her life. She knew she was still constantly paying for that mistake, the one thing she lost more than anything was his love. His love had meant so much to her back then and it still did, and yet she knew she no longer had his heart, not to throw away again and not to keep close to her own. She left the room, slamming the door behind her.
She sat inside the car, thoughts rushing through her mind, most of them reminding her of how much she cared for him. He had cared for her, why else would he have stood by her constantly, but maybe she had pushed him away slowly, and maybe there was no turning back now. It was about time that she accepted that she loved him and that nothing would stop her love.
They hadn't talked about old times in so long; maybe it was because they both regretted it, even if she always told him that it was 'for the best' and that she was 'over him'. She couldn't even convince herself she was over him, and she was sure others had begun to notice, but no one had, not even Ric.
He had grown lonely too, and he also thought of her, dreamt about them being together but- just like her- he believed that they would never get a second chance in life. Not many get a second chance, and what made either of them special enough to be given one, if they had been foolish enough to throw it all away in the first place? That was what made her not want to march right up there and tell him, but maybe if he's hurt its not what he needs to be hearing. Maybe he had known all along and not wanted it to be real, so he ignored it, and yet she knew she kept it so secret that no one could tell, not even him- the one who knew her the best out of all of them- the one she loved.
She turned the music on to try and clear her head, to get things straight before she went to talk to him, maybe just to think it all through. The song came onto the radio and instantly she thought of him, since it was the song that reminded her so much of the way they were together, run to you.
I know that when you look at me
There's so much that you just don't seeBut if you would only take the time
I know in my heart you'll find
Oh, a girl who's scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong, can't you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone
It was so true to herself, he didn't know how much she loved him, simply because she was too afraid to tell him, and too afraid to accept his proposal back then. If he would have produced a ring for her that very day that she sat in that car with tears running down her face, then she would have accepted in a heart beat but she knew, just knew it would never happen. So long she had denied to herself that she loved him, had been with others to mask the truth and it was too late, too late to go back on it all, or was it? Just that thread of hope, the unknown of his reaction kept her going, pushed her on to turn the key in the ignition and get going on into the night.
I wanna run to you,
I wanna run to you,
won't you hold me in your arms
and keep me safe from harm?
I wanna run to you,
but if I come to you,
tell me will you stay or will you run away?
It was that question that stuck in her mind, would he stay by her as he always had, or would he run away just like she had before? She knew she made a mistake when she ran away that day, but at the time it seemed the only right thing to do, but she regretted it every day after. What she did she knew was wrong immediately after- just throwing away something so good like that- they both knew it was but neither ever did anything about it, neither admitted they wanted to try it again. The only shred of doubt still left inside of her was 'would it work again?', once the flame has gone out can it ever be rekindled? She wasn't ever sure it could work out, but it was all she ever dreamed of, to be back in his arms smiling again, something she hadn't done for so long.
Run away no
I need you here
I need you here to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears
If you only knew, how much I wanna run to you
As she pulled up to the accident, the reality that he could be dead hit her again, and all that careful acceptance would be ruined because she could never tell him that she loved him, never find out if he loved her back. She stepped out of the car, almost falling over because she was so full of grief already, as if she already knew the outcome. She felt a hand on her shoulder and slowly turned around to see his face looking down at her, his eyes so full of love and compassion. It had been something she didn't expect, but the one thing that made her believe she had been blessed with a second chance in life, and it was something she wouldn't blow.
"What are you doing here?" He asked her attentively, pulling her gently over to one side, away from all the commotion of the crash.
"Are you okay?" It's the only thing she could have brought herself to say, to find out if he was okay or not, really and truly it was the only thing that mattered to her.
"I'm okay, but what are you doing here Diane? Its half past twelve, shouldn't you be in bed?" He had no idea why she was there, or what she had come to say that couldn't wait until the morning but he was glad he could see her, he loved her. He guessed she didn't know, and he didn't really ever want her to know as he didn't want to ever risk being rejected again by her, ever.
It had hurt him to see her with all the other men, but each time he had stood in the sidelines clearing up after they left her- sorting it all out again- just waiting for his turn. He knew that his turn would never come, and if it did it wouldn't go wrong, he would make sure of that, but what if it did? If it went wrong no one would be there to help her through and he couldn't leave her like that- cold and lonely- not after seeing what it does to her.
"I just came to see how you were, I just, just came to tell you something" She straightened herself up, trying desperately to look him in the eye and say those words, just tell him how she felt.
"Tell me what?" He asked, that familiar note of compassion in his voice, that one that tells you he's there for you, and that he's there to listen, no matter what. She lost all her confidence just then, at that moment that she could have told him, let it all go, she tried to head back to the car but she felt that hand pulling her back again and turning her to face him.
"Diane, you can't keep on running away from everything in life, some day you have to face the world." He told her, looking deep into her eyes, where he could see so much hurt, and the tear tracks still running down her cheeks.
"I love you." She had said it so quickly, so quietly and yet she knew he heard it, the expression on his face changed, softened slightly, and his heart leapt, just knowing that she felt the same about him as he did her. She wasn't even sure if it would make a difference in her life if she told him or not, but it seemed the thing to do.
"Diane, I'm sorry, we can't go through it all again, one of us always ends up getting hurt." He knew deep inside he wanted nothing more than to hold her, nothing more than to have her loving him again but he knew that there was a huge chance that it would all go wrong again. It was as if someone never wanted them to be together, no matter how many times they tried it, one of them would always be afraid. She sat down onto the bonnet of her car, the tears brimming in her eyes again, she had thought for that one moment that he loved her, that they would be together again, happy.
"How foolish had I been to think we would ever be together again? I was willing to get hurt for you, Ric, because being with you is worth it." She didn't think she had ever opened up to him before, and it was about time she truly did, it was about time she faced the facts of life. She felt his arm go around her as she shivered in the early morning wind; she saw that silent, single tear escape his eyes and caught it in its decent.
"All I ask for is a second chance." She whispered, she couldn't believe she was asking this of him, it had been something she had dreamt of asking him for so long, but something she believed she would never have the courage to ask. A second chance would have meant the world to her, to be given the chance to make it right again.
"We made a mistake the first time, and I admit that Diane. I've thought about you every day since, just hoping for this day to come, but now it has I'm not sure if its what we really want, and if it will even work." He stroked the hair away from her eyes, brushing away the reminisce of tears that lay about her face. She knew then that he felt the same, truly did and that no matter what, some way they would make it work because he loved her, and that was all that mattered to her.
"It will work." She smiled at him gently through the tears and he pulled her close, kissing her, they were both captured in the moment, a moment they would never forget for as long as they both lived. They had rekindled the flames and they knew anyone could if they loved each other enough. One thing they learned was not to deny it to yourself that you love someone.