Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Wolf or its characters.
Warnings: Slash fic!
Anything in italics are happening inside Stiles' head.
Set during (and sort of after) season 3B. I changed some of the details, but for the most part everything should be the same as what happened in the show. This does not take into account anything that happened in season 4. Enjoy!
xxxxx
Stiles was screaming. He was screaming and no one could hear. Because he's not himself. He hasn't been himself for days. He sees through the eyes that the Nogitsune wears and watches as everyone he loves is hurt by his own hands. He watches as he is powerless to stop it.
But most importantly, he watches as he hurts Derek.
Stiles wasn't sure when he had begun to have feelings for the older man, but over the course of the near year and a half since they had met that fateful day in the woods, he was pretty sure that there had been feelings buried in him somewhere for most of it. Hell, he had always known he was bisexual. It didn't take a brooding, emotionally constipated werewolf, albeit an extremely attractive one, to figure that out. Maybe the stupid emotions that were paining him so much now had been there from the start.
Now, as he watches from the back of his mind, while the Nogitsune masquerades around wearing his face, he stares down the barrel of the gun that Mr. Argent has pointed at him. But it's not the gun he's concerned about, nor the other worried faces surrounding him in Derek's loft. No, all he can think is that he was such an idiot for never confessing to said werewolf. Because he knows that there is only one way that this can end.
He has to die.
"Shoot me!" the Nogitsune yells, in his voice. And part of Stiles wants him to do it. At least if he dies, he can try to take the monster with him. That is his one salvation. He would rather sacrifice his own life than see the only people he cares about continue to get hurt by his own hand.
"Kill me!" Stiles yells from the recesses of his mind. "Shoot me! I don't care as long as it kills him too!" Stiles sobs. But of course the words don't actually leave his mouth. The Nogitsune chuckles at him, taunting him. The monster knows it's a hopeless cause.
"Hear me, please. Just hear me." Stiles is whispering now, tears streaming down his face. But his dad is pointing his gun at Mr. Argent, yelling at him to drop his weapon. Allison is shouting at both of them to calm down. And the Nogitsune watches content at the chaos and strife around him, loving every second.
Stiles goes unheard.
That's when the oni show up, and the Nogitsune takes his place hiding behind the group that had been pointing guns just a few seconds earlier. Stiles breaths a sigh. Perhaps now someone, or in this case something, can finally finish this.
Stiles stops paying attention to the scene playing out before him. He didn't care at this point. He would much rather think about happy things, especially if his days are marked. He thinks, if he had to pick a favorite moment since all of this supernatural crap had started to rain down on him and Scott, it would be last year, when the kanima had trapped Derek and himself in the pool. He was pretty sure that that had been the first time he had actually acknowledged his feelings for the werewolf. In fact, they had been almost impossible to ignore, being pressed up against the man for over two hours and all. Stiles just thanked his lucky stars that Derek had been too preoccupied with being paralyzed and facing death by giant snake to notice the way his heartbeat had sped up and his breathing got heavier. And if he had, well it was probably blamed on the fact that he was holding two hundred pounds of werewolf above water.
And of course there was the time, not long after that, that Stiles himself had been paralyzed. Naturally, he had to fall right on top of the stupid werewolf, who had managed to get into a similar situation. Both unable to move, Stiles had to focus really hard on all of his reactions until someone had been kind enough to kick him off of Derek.
Stiles kept a steady stream of these memories running, filtering out the more painful ones, so that he could avoid the pain of what was happening around him. He wouldn't be able to bear it if he continued to watch his friends get hurt.
xxxxx
The next time Stiles tunes in to the events around him, it's because he's forced to. He wakes with the Nogitsune, paralyzed on a couch in the McCall house. Stiles watches resigned as his friends stare at him. He knows what they are doing. They're trying to save him.
Soon he's alone, with only Melissa watching over him, which of course meant it was time for the Nogitsune to begin his tricks. Stiles could feel as the tears began to slip down his face and prayed that Melissa wouldn't fall for the obvious deception. But she did and was soon pulling the tape from his mouth. The Nogitsune smirked and began taunting the mother of his best friend. He said words that were meant to destroy the woman in front of him. The Nogitsune wanted pain, and he knew he was getting it. And worst of all, he was getting it because of something that Stiles had heard when he was little.
"No, please. Stop this!" he yelled at the monster. "Ms. McCall, please don't listen to him. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He begged.
The Nogitsune laughed. "There is nothing you can do Stiles. They can't hear you." he drawled.
"That doesn't mean I'm just going to sit here quietly." Stiles replied angrily.
"You will." Assured the Nogitsune. "Perhaps we should play a game to occupy your thoughts."
Before Stiles could reply, his surroundings changed. He sat on the Nematon in an all-white room that seemed endless, a game of Goh in front of him. The Nogitsune, wrapped up in bandages sat across from him. For the moment Stiles was relieved that at least it wasn't wearing his face. He was about to protest the game when the Nogitsune made the first move. Soon, Stiles found it nearly impossible to pull his attention away from the board.
That was, until a loud howl echoed through the air.
His brow creased with the effort it takes to pull his gaze away, but he does, because that sure sounded an awful lot like Scott. But how could Scott be in his head? Stiles forces himself to look anyway.
And there he is. Scott and Lydia, standing so far away in the endless room. But they're there, and that's all that matters. Stiles turned back to the board and scatters the pieces.
And the next thing he knows, he's forcing his way through a pile of the Nogitsune's bandages and being forced onto the couch in the McCall house, covered in the disgusting wrappings that Scott is soon pulling off of him.
"Scott?" Stiles whispers. But he gets no response, because Scott isn't listening. He's focused on something else.
The Nogitsune is gone.
xxxxx
There is still fear in the eyes of his friends when they look at him. The Nogitsune and him may be separated, but there is no way for them to tell that he is truly who he says he is. He can see it etched into their faces, in the way Ms. McCall is tentative to touch him, in the hatred in Mrs. Yukimura's eyes as she sends the oni to confirm that he is himself.
And he hasn't even seen Derek yet. But Stiles is alright with that. He doesn't think that he would be able to handle seeing the fear and hate in Derek's eyes. That would be his breaking point. But Stiles wouldn't allow himself to break, not yet.
Now, the only goal is to find the Nogitsune and finish the job they started when they freed Stiles. And when he tells Scott that he doesn't care if he dies in the process, it's the truth. Not only because then the monster would be gone, but because he wouldn't have to see the effects of all the pain he had caused. He would remember every second of it for the rest of his life.
Scott nods along, agrees that he won't let Stiles hurt anyone else, but he knows it's a false promise. That Scott may be listening, but he isn't truly hearing him. Isn't hearing the desperation in his voice.
And that's all he's wanted since this nightmare started. To be heard.
Well, and to relieve the regret of never confessing to one particularly moody wolf before he dies. But that has little chance of happening before this is all over.
But he didn't die that night, Allison had. And it was just one more weight to place on top of his already crumbling shoulders.
xxxxx
They had once chance left. One more opportunity to kill the Nogitsune and save Stiles, or he really was going to die this time.
This time it's all up to Scott. If he can pull off the divine move that Kira's parents had told them about, then this would finally end. One way or another tonight would be the last. Either they would succeed, or they wouldn't. Stiles wasn't sure which option he was rooting for at this point.
As they walked towards the school, Stiles once again thought to himself about everything that had happened. Maybe if they succeeded tonight that Scott's promises wouldn't be empty anymore. Maybe the fear in everyone's eyes would be replaced with relief. Maybe he would get the chance to see the man he loved again. And maybe, just maybe, his friends would stop feigning attention and actually "hear me".
Stiles didn't realize he had spoken his silent plea aloud until Scott turned around and gave him a strange look. Stiles shrugged it off as best he could and Scott went back to focusing on the task at hand.
But Stiles was even less aware of the older werewolf on the other side of the school, who had been listening for sounds of the teen he cared so much about, though he would never admit it aloud, whose ears had perked up at the sound of his voice. Derek heard the sadness and the need in Stiles' voice and wanted nothing more than to go find him, but the fight at hand was a bit more pressing, requiring his full attention. If he had known what they were walking into, he would have run to the boy.
Stile was freezing. The Nogitsune was telling him that the only way to end it was for him to run himself through. And Stiles believed him. Even as his friends screamed at him, all he could think about was the what ifs. What if this was the only option? What if it would save everyone? What if he was wrong?
But then something caught his attention. Books? Suddenly everything made sense. They weren't actually freezing. They were not in some frozen hell. And most importantly, he didn't have to die. He dropped the sword. The rest was up to Scott.
The scene changed immediately when they realized the illusion. They were back in the school. And the Nogitsune was furious. But the monster made one huge mistake. He turned his back on Scott, who was supposedly unconscious, and chased Stiles and Lydia down the hall, paying him no more attention. The next part happened so quickly that it was a bit of a blur. Scott bit the Nogitsune, who collapsed into dust, and Stiles suddenly found that he couldn't maintain the consciousness that he had been grasping onto for the majority of the battle. He collapsed.
When he finally came to, his friends stared down at him, but Derek was still nowhere to be seen. Stiles tried to joke the whole thing of with humor, but in all honesty, he wasn't entirely sure how he felt about the fact that he was unscathed. Physically, at least.
They had suffered losses. Allison was dead, so was Aiden after this battle. They all had wounds that would take a long time to heal. Stiles wasn't sure if his ever would.
xxxxx
Stiles sits on his bed, everything on his walls torn down. He was "whole" again, but he certainly didn't feel like it. He felt shattered, utterly destroyed by the events that he occurred since being shoved under that ice cold water in the animal shelter. And he is alone now.
He lets himself break.
His body is wracked with heaving sobs as he holds his head in hands. He is so oblivious to everything else that he doesn't hear his window slide open. He does notice however, when the bed dips under the weight of another person and a strong arm wraps around his shoulders, pulling him into a muscled chest and a welcoming embrace. Stiles doesn't have to look up to know that it's Derek.
Derek holds the teen, allowing him to ruin his shirt with his tears.
When Stiles finally manages to pull himself back together, he pulls away slightly, but not enough to force Derek to let go, and looks the older man in the eyes. The smile Derek gives him is soft and warm and it almost makes Stiles break again but he doesn't. He won't let himself. Not until he has said what had been on his mind since the moment he thought he was going to die.
"I love you." he whispers, so quietly it's almost inaudible, but he knows Derek heard it.
Derek doesn't speak, but his response is enough for Stiles when he leans forward and presses a soft kiss to the teen's lips. It is chaste, no more than a pressing of lips, but it is everything Stiles needed. And for a second it feels as though all his broken pieces are being squeezed back together again. He knows, it will take time, but maybe, Derek can help him heal.
And when they break apart, there is kindness in Derek's eyes and he whispers the words that Stiles so desperately needs to be said.
"I hear you."
xxxxx
Well this turned into a lot more angst and less Sterek than I meant for it too, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway!