This is my first attempt at an Eva fic, and my first story on this site. I was inspired to write this by seamok's story Red Tears; if you haven't read it yet, it is a great read. I highly recommend it, for whatever that's worth. I plain on writing stories and posting them with some regularity, so if you have any helpful suggestions to improve my writing, I welcome them. Flames are fine, I don't care, I just want to know people are reading my stories. I'll still write, though; this is very theraputic for me. BTW, I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. Also, this first part is pretty graphic, though I hope it doesn't come off as cheesy. Hope you enjoy.
Shinji looked around. Everywhere was destruction. The pieces of unit 02 were strewn about, liquid oozing from the parts that had not been devoured. And then he saw it, the white of the entry plug, her plug. It was only half present; the plug itself was missing a vast portion, the tattered metal showing signs of the teeth marks of the beasts that had bitten it. His tears flowed freely, blending with the LCL in his own plug. The liquid in the broken plug was not the clean yellow that it normally was. The red tint of human blood had discolored the liquid into an orange color. I failed her. I failed them both. He could still taste the blood in his mouth from Misato's kiss. Sorrow threatened to overwhelm him, but it didn't. It was present, but it was overpowered, overpowered by sheer hatred. Hatred at the nine Evas before him. All weakness left him as pure hatred overwhelmed him. Unit 01's arms raised towards the sky as the pilot screamed. It was a righteous fury that emanated from his voice, though the shout was multiplied by the unholy sound as the whole of his Eva took up his enraged cry. The metallic teeth gleamed as the howl permeated through to the core of every being that heard it. Any normal, sane being, Angel or human, would have stayed away from the maddened creature as it made fists and beat the ground in anger and pain. But these foes were neither, abominations as they were, soulless puppets of an institution with a higher purpose. They turned as one to the purple monstrosity. Wielding their replicated Lances, they moved to this new foe, not heeding it's feral posture. Not noticing as it raised its back in anguish. Ignoring the flash of light in its eyes, light that was instantly mirrored in the wings that emerged from its back. No, these freakish beasts payed no heed to these details as they moved to engage the accursed terror. In their single-mindedness, they failed to realize one unflinching fact: they were already dead.
Shinji launched himself at the closest of the white humanoids. It moved to block the attack with its spear, but failed to understand that it could not block the whole of the raging figure that had flung itself upon it. One of the other unit 05s flung its spear at the beast as it tackled its fellow drone, rewarded as the weapon buried itself to the twisted handle in unit 01's left arm. Shinji's mind barely registered the pain and, upon seeing the dual points emerging from just above his wrist, decided to use this to his advantage. Grabbing the head of the Eva he was astride with his right hand, he slammed his arm into the faceplate. The points buried into the right eye and jaw of the tackled foe. Unit 01 grabbed the end of the lance that pinned it to its foe and snapped the points free of the pole. Easily the Eva drew its arm from the prongs still buried in the white, unmoving head and stood. Blood flowed down the left hand, dripping to the earth even as the arm healed its wounds. Shinji turned to the remaining foes, throwing down the now broken lance in disgust. He took to flight, his massive new wings bringing him to the surface and past, up into the sky that waited. The other Evas soon followed, as mindless dolls they followed to await their own destruction.
Shinji reached out to the sky above him, his mind searching for the weapon he required. There it is. Willing it to return to earth, to his hand, to his need, the Lance of Longinus obeyed. It emerged from the cold of space, glowing red from the heat as it plummeted to the planet. And suddenly its progress was impeded; it was in the hands of the prototype. It howled again, anguish and vengeance in its scream. The Eva's wings of light folded into themselves and it became a purple blur, falling faster and faster, the lance held before it in its insane charge. All but one of the mass produced Evas moved as the streak plummeted past them. The unfortunate unit was impaled on the true Lance, unable to move as the uncontrolled decent ended sharply when the white Eva took the full brunt of the fall to its back. Shinji looked down at his fractured and broken enemy, noticing that it still seemed to be moving, trying to free itself. He wrenched the lance inside it, twisting and rocking the points inside it until stopped moving. Then he noticed it, the vague red of the dummy plug inside the felled foe. He removed the Lance from it, then plunged the Eva's hand into the flesh and metal wreckage of its chest. Shinji removed the plug and held it to his face. Suddenly his mind recalled the remains of Asuka's plug. A sick glee shown in his eyes; the Evangelion's face was splashed with blood and LCL as the massive fist crushed the metal into utter fragments. Then Shinji's chest was racked with pain as he himself was impaled, the twin points emerging from his chest plate. It only lasted a moment, though, as he was forced to the ground by an attacker. It pulled the weapon from his back as it stood, poised to run him through again as he turned to face it. He noticed two prongs stuck out from its head as it brought the weapon back down with both hands. Shinji easily deflected the blow with his left hand, simultaneously counterattacking with his own. He drove his spear into the head, twisting it as he pushed harder and further. The head snapped off with a sickening pop; the Eva's blood flowing from the head and the stump of its neck as the body still stood. Shinji raised himself up, paying no heed to the disembodied head still impaled on his weapon. He reached into the bloody hole, the Eva's neural transmitters faithfully relaying every move as he finally found what he sought. With another satisfying squeeze, he removed his left hand from the body and pushed the unresponsive form over, the red liquid from its interior flowing down from his elbow. He looked around him now, seeing the remaining seven mass produced models, arrayed in a variety of protective stances. The maniacal gleam returned to his eyes as he wielded his weapon, the head remaining between the two points, as if on display for its brothers to serve as a warning.
It was neglected. Two of the white opponents, one from either side of him, attacked, swinging their lances at him from different angles so both could not be successfully blocked. A sick grin played across his face. He had no intention of blocking. Instead he leaned backwards, his wings splaying out onto the ground to provide him balance. Both unit 05s, however, already committed to their attacks, only managed to cleave their blades into the others' chest, destroying an arm on each in the process. Seizing an opportunity, Shinji momentarily dropped his weapon to grab both Evas' weapons. He pushed with all his might, throwing both into the three mass produced Evas that had stood in front of him. As he stood and turned to the two that were still behind him, he was struck in the side. Pain registered immediately as he felt the dual points penetrate the flesh of the Evangelion. He noticed the second Eva preparing to charge and, with all the willpower he could muster, Shinji grabbed the lance and thrust it further through his abdomen. With his first attacker now within easy reach, Shinji grabbed it by the neck and held it before him as the other white monster rushed him. Shinji took immense pleasure when two bloody prongs burst from the chest of the Eva he held suspended before him, the dripping tips nearly reaching him. Shinji released his hold on the Eva, though its fellow continued to hold it suspended for him. He drew his left hand back, making the smallest, tightest fist he could manage. Then he released it, sending it between the prongs of the spear to the point where they emerged. It didn't matter to him the pain that seared up his arm as the spear tips dug into the Eva's flesh. All that registered to him, all he cared about, was the satisfying crunch, the screech of metal scraping upon metal, as his hand penetrated the suspended enemy's chest cavity. He didn't stop until his arm emerged in the entry plug insertion point in the Eva's back. The white humanoid tensed briefly, then went fully limp. Shinji pulled the spear that protruded from his side with his right hand as his left grasped his attacker's weapon. Wrenching the opposing weapon down with a combination of the now dead mass and brute force, he swung the lance in a cross cleaving arc. Shinji was only slightly amused as he witnessed blade barbarically tear the creature in two from shoulder to hip. He cast off the corpse he had used as a shield and watched in sick glee as the Eva tried desperately to crawl away. Unit 01's massive foot raised, then struck down, the full weight of the bio-mechanical creature behind the blow. The foot sank through the armored back, crushing the plug there, along with numerous interfaces and organs. Still, this was not enough for Shinji; he rocked his heel back and forth, grinding all the elements of his foe into a paste of blood and metallic splinters. He turned yet again, his task not yet over, and retrieved his weapon, still sporting its tell-tale decoration. A single Eva rushed him, becoming a white blur as it charged. Shinji laughed, the sick squeal of pleasure echoing in his own ears. He twisted the Lance in his hand, then met the weapon point to point. The replicated lance could not compare to the original; its frame shattering as the spear was driven through it. He was more than happy to relieve the Eva of its hands as it held the imitation, even though its own momentum brought it ever onward. He repositioned his hold on the Lance with his right hand, allowing the unit 05 to impact on the arm rail that protruded from his elbow. Never intended to be used as a weapon, it was still quite efficient as Shinji grabbed the Eva about the neck and pulled his arm upwards, the rail tearing through vital systems until it burst from the neck in a fantastic liquid spray. Suddenly his hands were no longer under his control. Either arm was held out by an impaled white figure, familiar with their lack of arm. Arms snaked from behind his back, locking his head forward so he see clearly the form bearing down on him, bent on his destruction. He thrust his head backwards, bending his mouth to the right, and bit cleanly through the arm that was trapping his head in place. Shrugging off his tormenter, he took off, wings beating down heavily as he became airborne. Both arms still sported his molesters as he flew. He wasn't intent on running, though, he merely hovered, suspended, enraged that anything would dare grab him. He swung the two into each other, over and over, until their bedraggled forms were hardly recognizable. Then he fell again, his hands planted firmly in the center of their chests, until the force of their combined impact drove them through to the earth beneath. He crouched there, in his feral position, as the remaining two white blasphemes took up arms against him once again.
They both attacked at once, their blades brandished as they moved to strike. The prototype held its hands out before it; suddenly those hands were filled by the might of the true Lance. Before either opponent could tell what had happened, Shinji had sidestepped around the weaker one, twisting its only good arm behind its back with a free hand. He kicked it at the base of the shoulder, rewarded with a gush of blood as the arm tore free of its connections. Now with two weapons, Shinji rushed his still armed opponent, both weapons driving into the center of its chest. The tremendous force of the blow pinned the Eva to the ground, the points of the weapons embedded in the earth. Shinji pulled them apart, the great might of the Eva fully evident as the chest cavity exploded in a brilliant shower of blood and LCL. Shinji turned to his last foe, helpless in its stand against his awesome fury. He grabbed it by the throat, its limbs flailing in desperation. His other hand found its waist and he raised it above his head. With a tremendous roar, the Eva was bent into a shape no creature could with stand, its lifeblood pouring out in a shower to the victor below. Awash in the blood of his last foe, Shinji cast it aside.
Shinji Ikari was not happy. Even as he surveyed the destruction he had caused, something didn't feel right. None of the white figures moved; nothing stirred. But still he was unsatisfied.
"Uhh, Shinji?" The apprehensive and sickened voice of Maya came from his comm unit. Not ready to relinquish his unrestrained dark side yet, he waited in silence for her to continue. "There are two AT fields, located in Central Dogma." Without a word, he moved. He held his hand out in the direction of his weapon; once again, the Lance of Longinus heeded his call, returning to his iron grip. Then Shinji fell again, down a shaft that was all to familiar.
As he dropped, Shinji mused on what he might find at his destination. Truthfully, in his current state, he didn't care. Still, even an insane mind will wander, if not properly engaged. Maybe the one suspended on the cross has come alive. It was possible, his rational mind reasoned. But why two? This question was not so easily answered. Shinji shrugged to himself as the cold darkness of his previous madness settled over him once again. It doesn't matter; they will both be dead soon enough. Content with this fact, Shinji awaited the jolt of his impact. The familiar room came into view again, the sea of LCL. He wanted to feel the impact, the force of his sudden stop, but something struck him as wrong. His wings unfurled, slowing and stopping him until there was not a sound of his passing. Softly his legs entered the liquid, sliding through the LCL as it flowed around him. He wanted to continue his insane fury, but something drew it from him. In the space of a heartbeat he went from anguished and tormented to soothed and comfortable as he felt joined by another presence. The LCL he breathed seemed to carry the touch, her touch, as she caressed his cheek. Mother? Though the question went unanswered, he knew it was her. His heart knew it to be her, the soul of the woman who had loved him, protected him in her every action. He let her guide him, obeying her every notion as she gently instructed him. The movements of the prototype were smooth and graceful. It no longer seemed the same weapon of devastation that it had just been. He emerged into the room and could not believe the scene that met his eyes.
There he stood, Gendou Ikari, commander of NERV and the creator of his hellish misery. With him stood Rei Ayanami, his fellow pilot, who had sacrificed her own life to keep him safe. But what drew his eyes were the arms of his father, outstretched, though not towards him. Instead they were outstretched towards Ayanami. No, not towards. He realized the freakish horror he was witness to as Gendou's arms disappeared into the young girl's chest. Confusion assailed his mind as he struggled to grasp what he saw. The pain was evident in the child's face as she resisted, though not by any movement she made outwardly. Neither took note of his presence as Gendou's hands moved from her chest down into her abdomen.
"I am one with Adam. Now, First Child, fulfill your destiny, bring me to Lilith," he commanded. Shinji watched as Rei raised her head, looking the man in the eye.
"No." The quiet words echoed in the expansive chamber. Surprise was evident in his eyes as Gendou's hands were suddenly rejected from the pilot's body. He tried to force them back inside, only to encounter a wall of light. "I am not your doll."
"No! You must bring me to Lilith! I must be reunited!" Anger and desperation were evident in his voice. A shimmering field enveloped him, counteracting the AT field of the First Child. Both fields shuddered and collapsed and Shinji could see clearly that the man's eyes were no longer covered by glasses, displaying red irises clearly. He grabbed Rei, who had fallen to her knees in fear and hopelessness.
No. It was not Shinji's thought, but it emerged just as clearly as if he had been. The presence inside the plug, deeply saddened, stirred Shinji's resolve. Her sorrow was enough to move him. He didn't know what was required of him, but he wanted his mother's pain to stop. He moved the Evangelion forward to emerge in the room. Both of the figures, dwarfed by this new presence, turned as one.
"Third Child," his father spoke the words of his title, not even his name. "You are not required here. Leave us." Leave. The words echoed in Shinji's mind. The memory of his father, uttering the same word when he had said that he wouldn't pilot unit 01 when he had first arrived, came unbidden. A cold fear took hold of his heart. He almost turned the Eva away just then, had his gaze not fallen to Ayanami. There, lying on the ground, he was reminded of the first time he had seen her, how he had piloted the prototype to spare her from further pain.
"No." His resolve strengthened. "I won't let you hurt her." Shinji knew of Rei's origins; Ritsuko had taken great delight in the painful revelation. But even in that, Shinji had seen Rei sacrifice herself for him time and time again. I will not abandon you, Ayanami. "Stop it, father." He felt none of the menace the words implied; they felt hollow, despite being in the massive weapon.
His father laughed. Then his field rematerialized. "Very well, Third Child. I will resume my plan once I have finished with you." He slowly began to float, his hands held out to either side of him. When he was eye level with the Evangelion, he folded his arms in front of him. Then his eyes began to glow a brilliant white, shining their light at the head of the Eva. Shinji screamed inside the cockpit. The prototype hit its knees, dropping its weapon as it mimicked its pilot's actions, grabbing its own head in writhing agony. Painful memories resurfaced, drawn out to torment his fragile mind. Leave. He felt the impact from Touji's fist as it hit his jaw. The spike of the third Angel as it rammed through his head. Idiot. The slap Rei had given him on the escalator. The painful burning as the beam from the fifth angel shot into his chest. I'm a coward. The pain of helplessly watching as the dummy plug caused 01 to tear unit 03 to pieces. Of having to kill Kaoru with his own hands. Suddenly he was a child again, his shirt collar torn, watching his father walk away. No, not again. He watched in helpless misery as his father continued to walk away, until he felt warm arms encompass him. He stood in his plug suit, watching as Gendou moved farther and farther away, but he wasn't sad anymore. The warm presence combined with him; its arms became his, as did its legs. Shinji brought his hands together, looking at them as they began to glow eerily. Then they transformed, purple armor growing from the tips of his fingers, now his arms, the familiar locking rails emerging from his arms without pain or discomfort. Soon his body was replaced with the shell of the Evangelion and the dream shattered. Shinji looked up, seeing his father still floating there. He felt his mother's attitude shift from sadness to cold anger at the sight of him. Shinji launched the Eva at him, impacting on the AT field. Surprise was evident on his father's face, but was quickly masked when the Eva failed to penetrate the shield. Suddenly the shoulder compartment opened up. Shinji understood, grabbing the prog knife from its sheath. As the blade ignited, he thrust it into the field, pulling with all his strength until the tear was large enough for him to put his other hand through. He grasped the man before him about the waist. Gendou struggled to free himself from the hand that imprisoned him. Shinji looked into his eyes, seeing the fear there. Pain held him in the gaze, until the Eva's other great hand interrupted his view. Grasping the upper torso, Shinji sobbed uncontrollably as he wrung the Eva's hands, as a mother would.
Shinji didn't even look at his hands. They dropped to his sides. Even the warmth of his mother could not console him as sorrow threatened to overwhelm him again. He concentrated his mind on something, anything, to prevent from being drowned in pity. Ayanami. The name sprung to his mind and he looked about, searching for the girl he had saved. He found her, still huddled. She was crying now.
"It's alright, Ayanami. He's gone. It's over." He slumped in the pilot's chair. "It's finally over," he whispered to himself. To his surprise, she only cried harder.
"No." She sobbed, although she managed to stand. "Lilith still remains. I still remain."
"No. Ayanami, I know about that. But we can destroy Lilith," he pointed at the Angel, but she stopped his rant.
"Ikari, I must return to Lilith. And then you must end it." Tears streamed down her face, but her voice had a resolved tone.
"I won't do it, Ayanami. I can't." Once again he was encompassed by his mother's presence. He could feel her regret, but also agreeing it had to be done. Tears came unbidden; he could no longer see clearly. Rei began to float, her arms out to her sides as she floated towards the figure on the cross. As she did this, he picked up the Lance of Longinus. He couldn't watch; he turned away.
"Ikari." He looked up, instantly regretting it. "I love you." Sincerity shone in her eyes as he watched her slowly be absorbed into the Angel. I've lost everything now, there's nothing left for me here. It stirred, moving its arms though they were still nailed in place. I won't kill another person who loves me. I can't live with that. Then an idea came to his head. Faces came to his mind as he drew the lance above his head. Misato. Asuka. Rei. Mother. I will be joining you soon enough. Then he thrust it downward. At the same time, he inverted his own AT field. And he knew only blackness.
Is this death? I thought there was supposed to be a light. He could feel himself floating, flying possibly, in the darkness. It was like water, though he could still breathe. Then suddenly it hit, a jarring shock, flinging him against something hard. Then he was falling. Another hard, bone crushing impact. He checked himself, but found no grievous injuries or broken bones. Wait, this feels familiar. He reached behind him, feeling a familiar cushion. He began to weep. He knew there was no presence to be felt anymore; his mother was gone. She had understood what he was to do, protected him from it, and even destroyed the Eva that had been his great bane. He wept for some time. Finally he began to feel around for the doorway. Wrenching it open, he washed out in a wave of LCL. He waited there, on his hands and knees, willing his life to leave him. Tears streamed down his cheeks, dropping into the pool he was hunched in, the ripples traveling past his limbs and out of his sight. Then he got up. I have to see. He had to make peace with his mother. To thank her one last time for protecting him, even if it was from himself. He still didn't want this chance at life, but she had given it to him. She had always protected him. She deserved his goodbye. He trudged back towards the room, wading through the fluid. By the time he made it there, he was exhausted. Fresh sorrow enveloped him as he saw the remains of the purple guardian, the creature that had protected him and all of mankind. He stared into the void, lifeless eye. He walked to it, the head piece laying before him. Tentatively he put a hand out to it, resting it on the horn. Goodbye, Mother. I love you. And thank you. Then he hugged it, fresh tears trailing down his face. As his sobbing ebbed, he was aware he was not the only one crying. He turned, drying his eyes, and looked around for the source. He wondered who it could be. He was shocked to see Rei Ayanami huddled naked at the base of the cross. His weary legs found new strength as he waded hurriedly towards her. The blue haired girl looked up at the sound of the splashing and saw him. Shock was evident on her face as he slumped next to her.
"Ayanami? But, how, what?" Confusion assailed his mind as he struggled to comprehend what he was seeing. And then it ceased to matter as she enveloped him in a hug, tears of joy streaming down her pale cheeks. They stayed that way for some time, embracing on their knees, the heaving of their crying stirring the surface of the LCL. Finally they pulled apart and Shinji looked, really looked at the girl before him. Her azure hair accented the pale white of her skin. Then he noticed that she was blushing and covering herself, as though embarrassed at her state of undress. Ayanami, embarrassed? That thought struck him a strange in and of itself, until he saw her eyes. Her deep, hopeful blue eyes. It was like looking at the calm see, so vast and blue. Bewilderment etched itself on his face as he struggled to find something to say. Instead, he got up and struggled to help her up. To her cringe, they failed to support her when she tried to walk. Shinji deftly swept her into his arms with more strength than he knew he had. Then he began to walk out of the room. Her embarrassment turned to gratitude as she pulled herself to him, and a smile unfurled across his face.
Days later they sat on the same hilltop they had sat on after the ninth Angel had been defeated. There wasn't much to see from the view, unless one knew where to look. And right now all of Shinji's attention was focused on the girl next to him. He had waited patiently by her bedside those three days she had been in the hospital until she was release asshe had done so many times for him. When they had finally let her leave, she had asked to be brought here. He wasn't sure why, but he had complied. So here was where he sat, waiting again as she sat next to him. She sighed deeply before speaking.
"Ikari, thank you for taking care of me."
"You're welcome." He paused, not able to restrain himself any longer. "Ayanami, what happened? Do you remember?" She nodded, tears coming to her eyes. She looked away, out over the remains of the city. He instantly regretted asking. "You don't have to . . ." She hushed him with a gesture.
"She asked me what it was I wanted. And there was only one thing I could think of." She looked back at him, staring deep into his eyes, into his very soul. "It was you. To be with you, to protect you. To love you." She turned back away, and he heard the tears fall. He moved closer to her, sliding an arm around her. He placed his hand on her chin and gently turned her face towards him.
"Really?" She nodded, never breaking the intense gaze that locked her eyes.
"Yes, Ikari."
"Please, Rei" his gaze softened, "call me Shinji." And they both smiled.