Disclaimer: I own none of the Twilight characters used in this fic story
Why is it always so difficult? Edward found himself thinking every time he sat in the peace and quiet, alone. But yet it isn't…yet, it's the easiest, most real thing in the entire world to do. Just being AROUND her makes me crazy with the idea of just BEING there. It's like a tug-o-war game replaying itself each and every time I get near her, walk away from her now or reach out and wrap your arms around her waist. He couldn't help but laugh to himself over that one; comparing the most intensely lovable and confusing thing in the world to a simple game of tug-o-war. I really should be comparing her with two dogs, ravenous with hunger, fighting over the same piece of raw meat, never wanting to quit, even if exhaustion was overtaking them. Yes, that's more like it. Edward got up off of the couch in his room and began to pace, as he usually did when he was trying to make up his mind about going to Bella's and watching her sleep, or just ignore the strain of being away and turn up the nice, light jazz number that was playing from the stereo in his room. Just between go from the stereo to his car keys on the desk he could hear Alice's thoughts just outside of his room…Can I come in? Of course she would already know what his choice would be just before he made it. Edward quietly walked over to the door without a sound and opened it to see Alice standing there looking at him with a puzzled frown on her face.
"Why can't you decide Edward?" was all she had to say for a sigh to escape his lips.
"Because it is probably the most difficult thing in the world for me to pick between; endangering her for the sake of my own…enjoyment? Yes, enjoyment. Or leaving her be and wallow around my room with the…substance…of my addiction just out of my arm's reach." I know, that no matter how much I stumble over what I want to say, it's always there…ready to be said. Edward flipped the words through his head gladly knowing that he was the only one in the family able to hear a person's thoughts.
So why do you debate? This is the happiest we've seen you in years Edward…I know and you know that you can handle yourself around the temptation of human blood. Alice always seemed to prefer to talk to Edward in the form of her thinking what she wanted to say, and him replying in words. Alice always seemed to like talking with him better that way and she did so whenever it wasn't necessary to speak out loud with him.
" I know this Alice, but you have NO idea how easily I could just, snap, and lose my control and kill her. I just…couldn't. I don't think that my happiness is worth the risk of her DYING Alice…Don't you see what could happen?" Edward found himself getting frustrated very quickly and wanted to just sit for a minute and think it out before Alice spoke again.
Well you know, you could always just go...just once, and I could wait for you in the forest just outside of her yard, and just…think to you so that you can test if you can keep your…thirst, you know, test yourself a little bit. And I promise I won't let you hurt her, no matter what. If I see anything bad happening I will be up there easily, and in no time. What do you think? Alice thought to him in almost a quiet whisper.
Edward silently knew that he couldn't avoid it; he knew that he'd have to test himself to a higher level at some point.
"But I haven't had anything to drink since our last hunt, and that was almost a week ago Alice. And besides, what if you can't stop me? What if you're too late?" It finally felt better to voice everything, all at once to Alice. They usually knew just about everything that everyone was feeling and thinking…it was impossible not to under the circumstances in their house; they all knew it. Yet, to actually be able to say every part of his thoughts…even the scariest and worst ones was more relaxing than his music.
Well, we can at least try can't we? And don't over estimate yourself Edward, I am quite a bit stronger than I look; you of all people should know this. Alice thought to him with a little bit of humor flicking through her thoughts.
So it's decided…you're going Edward, and you know Alice will be there if you can't handle it. He finally decided.
" Alright Alice, I'm going. WE'RE going." Edward reiterated his thoughts for Alice.
And just like that, they walked out of Edward's room and headed to his Volvo with Edward thinking to himself, wondering what he might do. He couldn't bear the thought.
END OF CHAPTER ONE
please R&R.