Can You Spare a Heart?
(READ THIS FIRST!)
Hello guys! Here's another parody of Spongebob Squarepants: Can You Spare a Dime? Anyway, this is a request from sonicdisney! Another thing, Roxas has a Nobody pet, Samurai and Xemnas has a company that let's Roxas to do his work (Collecting Hearts) and sells hearts to the other Nobodies. Oh, and every member has pins, meaning they work for Xemnas. By the way, Nobodies can't cry, right? Well, in this fic, I'll let them cry… and scream… and get mad. If you guys have any questions and/or requests of parodies of Spongebob and Kingdom Hearts, feel free to tell me. Disclaimer please!
Roxas: Kingdomkey0703 doesn't own anything.
-KH-SS-
"Night time at The World That Never Was," A French narrator said as the camera shows the Castle that Never Was. The camera then shows the inside of the castle. Every member, except Roxas, Zexion and Xemnas, seems to be sleeping. The camera then shows the three, doing their own business. Xemnas was counting his collected Hearts, provided by Roxas. Zexion was counting the pages of his Lexicon while Roxas is moping while counting.
"51, 52, 53…" Xemnas counted his collected hearts as the camera shows Zexion.
Number VI flips another page. "29, 30, 31…"
"1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3," Roxas counted every time he mops the floor.
Zexion closes his book and glances at Xemnas. "Superior, can we please go now?" He said, making Xemnas glance at him while holding two Hearts on his hand.
"Perhaps, one of our more loyal members can enlighten you on company policy," The Superior said as Roxas walks beside them.
Roxas raises his finger while closing his eyes, like he memorized every page of Zexion's book. "The Castle that Never Was Organization Manual; 2nd revised edition; page 35; section 19; clause 3a states: All members must remain on the premises until the day's receipts are fully accounted for," He said, going back to moping.
Zexion crosses his arms. "But that's not fair," He said, making Roxas walk beside them again.
"Clause 3b: The provider reserves the right to be unfair," He said and goes back to moping.
Zexion rolls his eyes. "Teacher's pet…" He muttered.
Xemnas nods and he goes back to counting his collected Hearts. "Let's see…" He muttered as he counts the Hearts. "… 5, 10, 25, blue, applesauce. Everything looks to be in order… Except," He gasps. "Where is it?" He said as he searches for something. "Where is it?"
"What?" Zexion said, approaching Xemnas with his arms crossed.
Xemnas glances at him. "My heart! My special heart! The first heart I ever made! I always keep it in the back of the storage for luck!" He said.
"Well, I haven't seen it," Zexion said as he looks away from Xemnas.
Xemnas narrows his eyes, sensing something. "Hmmm, are you prepared to say that with your hand on top of a stack of book quarterlies?" He said, showing the books Zexion read before.
"Oh course I'm…" Zexion stops and glares at Xemnas. "What are you saying?"
"Me? I'm not saying anything that would matter to anyone who would be able to take a lie detector test!" Xemnas said as he brings out a lie detector out of nowhere.
Zexion's glare turned into a scowl at the time he heard Xemnas said. "You're saying something!"
"Heavens to Ansem, no. It's just that my lucky heart's gone missing, and you've been working here all day!" Xemnas shouted.
"Are you accusing me of something?"
"Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities: 1.) You stole it, 2.) You stole it, or 3.) YOU STOLE IT!"
"I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS HEART!"
"Show me your hands."
"WHAT? !"
"I wanna see every finger."
That's when Zexion loss it. He then rubs Xemnas's face with his hands while saying: "HERE! HERE! HERE! See them? !"
"You, you can't do that to me!" Xemnas said, angrily. "I'm your Superior!"
Zexion goes to the door and glances back at Xemnas. "Not anymore, Xemnas. I quit!" He said as he throws the pin down in slow motion.
Roxas gasps while his hands are at his head. "No!" He said as he grabs a pillow and saves the pin on a pillow he grabbed out of nowhere. Zexion then left the place. And when I meant that, I meant he left out of the castle.
"I'm out of here!" Zexion said as he opens a portal. He was about to get in not until Roxas comes out, running towards him.
"Zexion, you're making a big mistake," Roxas said, waving his arms as he arrives beside Zexion.
Zexion turns around and glares at No. XIII. "Mistake? Ha! The only mistake I ever made was wasting my life at the castle!"
"But a visit to the castle makes everyone happy. And what could be better than serving up smiles?" Roxas said as he smiles, showing his shiny teeth.
Zexion stares at him with bored eyes. "Being dead, or anything else."
"I never knew you felt so strongly about it," Roxas pointed out while shrugging his shoulders.
Zexion crosses his arms. "Where have you been?"
"Well, I guess I can't stop you, but Zexion, it's a cold, cold world out there. No one's going to serve you happiness on a silver platter," Roxas said as a Dusk comes in with a silver platter with chocolate chip cookies on it.
"Free sample?" The Dusk asked as Roxas picks up one.
"Cookies!" Roxas exclaimed as he eats one cookie in one bite while the Dusk left.
"Can I have one?" Zexion muttered but the Dusk had already left, making him sigh while Roxas swallow his cookie.
Roxas wipes his mouth. "Anyways, I just want you to know, if you ever get in trouble, come find me. I'll take care of you. 'Cause you and me…" Roxas grabs Zexion and pulls him towards himself. "… We're like brothers, only closer."
Zexion just stares at him. He then releases himself from the grip of Roxas. "Roxas, I don't need your help. I am ready to unlock my potential. I could be anything I set my mind to," Zexion said as he imagines himself as an author. "I could be an author or a king or an adventurer."
"Or an author writing king in the jungle… With a moustache," Roxas said with an innocent smile on his face.
Zexion stares at him again with bored eyes. "Yeah… Uh-huh. Ya know, that reminds me, there's been something I've been wanting to say to you since the day we met," There was a short silence. "Goodbye. Next time you see, this world will be eating out of the palm of my hands!"
Narrator: Few days later
The scene changes into a place, where a homeless Zexion is in a box, trying to get spare change in a cup. Few Nobodies are walking pass by him while he shakes his mug, attempting them to give him some munny. "Spare change? Spare change, ma'am?"
"Zexion?" Someone called. That somebody or should I say Nobody turned out to be Roxas, who looked shock when he saw Zexion, homeless. "Zexion, is that you?"
"Uh, I, uh…" Zexion stammered not until he closes his box.
Roxas walks closer to the box and opens it. "It's me, Roxas. We used to work together."
"Roxas?"
"There ya go! So, where're you living these days?" Roxas said as a Dusk comes in with a clipboard in hand.
"Zexion, The Cloaked Schemer?" The Dusk said while Zexion glances at him.
"Yes?" Zexion said as the Dusk gives him the clipboard and a pen.
"Sign here please," The Dusk said as Zexion signs the clipboard. Then, the Dusk takes the box away.
Zexion frowned. "Uh… nowhere."
"Great. And have you been doing with yourself? No wait, let me guess! Hmmm, I see you've been working on that moustache, the catered clothes, the awful smell… You're an adventurer!" Roxas said while pointing at Zexion.
Zexion shook his head. "No."
"An author!"
"No."
"An author writing king in the ju…" Roxas was cut off by Zexion, who started to cry.
"DON'T YOU GET IT? I'M A LOSER!" Zexion cried. "I lost my job, my home, everything!"
Roxas gasps. "Even your books?"
Zexion shook his head once more. "Nobody would take them. So I had to eat them!" The camera then shows his stomach, which has now a rectangular shape from the book. Zexion starts to cry out a fountain of tears into Roxas. No. XIII's clothes become soaking wet and he brings out an umbrella to cover himself from the tears.
"There, there. You can come live with me," Roxas said while patting Zexion's head.
Narrator: Later
"Here you go Zexion. You can sleep in my bed," Roxas said while Zexion is now laying on Roxas' bed.
Zexion frowns again. "Ok, but just until I get a job. 1 day… 2 days tops."
"Nonsense. You stay as long as you need to," Roxas said, baby talking Zexion. He then pats Zexion on the head again and turns off the light. "Goodnight, my little Nobody," Roxas whispered. The next morning, Roxas rings a bell to wake Zexion up. "Breakfast is ready!" Roxas shouted while the breakfast is now on Zexion's bed. "You're gonna need to build up your strength again so I laid out a big buffet for you."
"And in bed, too?" Zexion said in disbelief. "Aw, thanks, Roxas. Roxas I…"
Roxas picks up the oatmeal and cuts Zexion off by saying: "Ahh! Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Here comes the plane," Roxas then makes plane noises while attempting to put some food in Zexion's mouth with a spoon.
"It's really nice of you to help me in my time of need," Zexion said as he swallows the oatmeal in his mouth. "I'll try not to be a burden."
Roxas smiled. "It's no trouble. Is there anything else I can do for you, winner?"
"No, no, no. You've already… well…" Zexion said. The scene changes and shows Roxas putting lotion on his hand and then massaging Zexion's scalp, feeding him grapes, cleaning his books, giving him a bottle, massaging his back, giving him an acupuncture, and cleaning his books again and seeing his own reflection. Roxas then smiles. Later on, Roxas and Samurai are now at the Grey Area. Roxas looked like he got sick from all the work he did.
"Oh, wow. Nurturing a broken spirit sure is a lot of work," Roxas said as he throws the blanket up in the air and lies down on the couch. On cue, the blanket fell on top of him. "I'm bushed. Still, it feels nice to do good," Roxas yawns and turns off the light. "Goodnight, Samurai."
"Roxas, can I get a glass of water?" Zexion called, making Roxas groan and turn on the light. From the outside of the castle, we can see the lights have been turned on in the Grey Area. Then, we hear Roxas marches his way to his room, turns on the lights and give Zexion the water. "Thank you," Zexion thanked.
"Goodnight," Roxas said as turns off the lights and marches back to the Grey Area.
"Roxas, could I get some more blankets," Zexion called again. Roxas turns on the lights again and marches to his room.
Roxas gives the blankets. "Here you go."
"Thank you," Zexion thanked again and Roxas marches to the Grey Area again but forgets to turn off Zexion's light. Roxas turns off his own light not until: "Roxas, you forget to turn o]ut the light!" Zexion called as Roxas marches to his room again without turning his light on.
"Goodnight," Roxas said as he turns off the lights and marches to the Grey Area not until he trips, making lots of noises. He falls right in front of Samurai in the Grey Area. Samurai then says something that only Roxas could understand. Roxas gasps after he hears on what Samurai said. "Samurai! Zexion is not a freeloader and he would never take advantage of me."
Narrator: Three weeks later
Roxas crawls his way to the Grey Area with large eye bags. "He's just having a hard time getting his confidence back," He breathed as he collapses in front of Samurai.
Narrator: Many months later
Roxas crawls again and arrives at the Grey Area. "I'm sure he's close to a breakthrough," Roxas collapses again.
Narrator: (Another voice) So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one.
Roxas drags himself, using his two hands through the Grey Area. When he arrives, Samurai says something as Roxas glares at him. "I know he still isn't looking for work! DON'T RUB IT IN!"
"Roxas, where's my lemonade?"
Roxas sighs. "Coming Zexion," He groaned as he stands up. Later, Roxas is now running down through the hallway while Zexion shouts his name countless times.
"Roxas? ! Roxas? !" Zexion shouted as Roxas enters his bedroom. "And why aren't you in uniform?" Zexion said while Roxas extis the room and re-enters but this time, he was wearing a maid's outfit. "It's about time you got here!" Zexion shouted while Roxas approaches him with the glass of lemonade in hand.
"Here you go, Your Majesty," Roxas said, meekly while giving the lemonade to Zexion.
"I can't drink that," Zexion simply said as Roxas glares at him.
"Why not?" Roxas asked, ready to snap.
"Are you blind? Just look at it!" Zexion shouted.
Roxas glances at the drink and there was nothing wrong. "What about it?"
"That lemon has three seeds in it. That's an odd number! I can't eat anything odd numbered," Zexion said while Roxas gritted his teeth.
"Fine, I'll just take it out," Roxas said as he tries to take it out not until Zexion shouts:
"No! No! It's already been contaminated by a bad lemon. It won't work."
Roxas continued to grit his teeth while trying to control his temper. "Hmmm, that's two things in this castle that won't work."
"Then, go fix them," Zexion said, glaring at Roxas.
Roxas then breaks the glass of lemonade with his bare hand. "Two things that WON'T WORK!"
"I've changed my mind. I want soup instead," Zexion said as Roxas walks backwards.
"Ok, don't move," Roxas said as he leaves his room. He then comes back in, wearing his Organization Cloak with a bowl of steaming soup on his hand. "Here you go! It's alphabet soup. I made it special," Roxas said while giving the soup, which has the phrase 'GET A JOB' in alphabet letters but Zexion slaps it out of Roxas' hands.
"Condensed soup from a can? Disgusting! Now you've ruined my appetite. Go fetch me something to read," Zexion said, waving his hand while Roxas glares at him.
Roxas grins evilly as he grabs something at his back. "Oh, ok. How about this?" He said as he pulls out a newspaper with the 'job listings' page on the front.
Zexion gasps and swats the newspaper away. "Get that away from me! You know I'm allergic to newsprint!"
Roxas then chuckles. "Ya know, when you swatted that newspaper out of my hands, it reminded me of something a friend of mine did… at his JOB!" Roxas shouted not until his large alarm clock blows him away.
"4 o'clock. Time for my stories. Hurry up, they won't hold the show while you laze around!" Zexion said while shaking his fist. Roxas then rolls in a TV and turns it on. Then, a drawing was shown in the TV. Then, one puppet appears, whistling.
"Hey, where are you going?" Another puppet said as it catches up with Puppet #1.
"To my job," Puppet #1 answered while facing at Puppet #2.
"You have a job?" Puppet #2 said in disbelief.
"Why wouldn't I? I'm not some lazy inconsiderate jerk who lays in bed all day," Puppet #1 said while Zexion glares at the TV. Meanwhile, Roxas was the one who was controlling the two puppets.
"Say, where can I get one of these… jobs?" Puppet #2 asked.
"Oh, they're everywhere. Especially if you have violet hair and uses a book for a weapon," Puppet #1 answered while Zexion continues to glare at the TV.
"Thanks. I'm gonna look for one so I can stop (Roxas voice - ) mooching off my friends and they can get back to their lives," Puppet #2 said as Zexion starts to press the button on the remote control, getting tired of this nonsense show.
"This isn't my show! Roxas, the remote control is broken! Get over here and fix it!" Zexion shouted not until Roxas throws the TV and the puppets away.
"I've got a better idea! Why don't I call someone whose JOB! Is to fix it. You know why? Because when I want a JOB! Done. I get someone with a JOB! To do that JOB!" Roxas shouted.
Zexion narrows his eyes. "What are you saying?" He said and that's where Roxas lost it.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Roxas screamed while he pushes his bed out of his room, crushing the door and to Xemnas' room. The other members woke up and see the commotion. Then, they all saw Roxas screaming while pushing his bed with Zexion on it.
"What the heck?" Axel said while watching in disbelief.
Narrator: Meanwhile
"Donate to the children's fund? Why? What have children ever done for me?" Xemnas said through the phone not until Roxas grabs the phone and throws it away.
"You want your heart back? !" Roxas shouted as he takes one out. "Take it! Now Zexion can come back, right?" Roxas said while Xemnas checks the heart through a telescope.
Xemnas then throws the heart away. "Wrong. That's not my first heart."
Roxas then throws out more hearts. "Then have some more hearts! I've got plenty of them!"
"You can't put a price on my first heart. And I can't forgive that bildrad Zexion for stealing it," Xemnas said not until Roxas grabs him and chokes him because he finally snaps.
"LISTEN YOU NOBODY CHEAP-SKATE, ZEXION'S BEEN LIVING AT MY ROOM DRIVING ME CRAZY AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HIRE HIM BACK ALL BECAUSE OF A STUPID HEART? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ?"Roxas shouted while shaking Xemnas not until a prehistoric heart falls out of Xemnas' back pocket. Roxas drops Xemnas and points at the heart. "What's that?"
Xemnas gasps and hugs the heart. "My first heart. Oh, hearty, I'll never lose you again."
"This is a heart?" Roxas said in disbelief.
"I've been in business a long time, boy," Xemnas said as he continues to hug the heart
Then, a smile forms on Roxas' face. "So, if Zexion never stole the heart, he can come back to work, right?"
"Yes, No. XIII, just let the heart and me have our privacy," Xemnas said while Roxas starts to cheer.
"Yee-hoo-hoo!" Roxas cheered.
Narrator: The next day
Xemnas, Zexion and Roxas are now back again with smiles. "Well, Number VI, it's good to have you back," Xemnas said as he shook Zexion's hand.
"Well, it's kind of good to be back, Superior," Zexion replied with a small smile on his face.
"It's all water under the bridge, now."
"I agree, Superior."
"After all I'm sure you didn't mean to misplace my heart."
Zexion did a double-take and glared at Xemnas. "What the…? What are you saying?"
Xemnas shrugs. "Well, it's obvious that you put the heart in my pants. Hearts just don't fly into people's pants."
Zexion puts his hands on his hips. "Are you accusing me of something," He said while Roxas puts the maid costume over his clothes with a blank expression on his face.
"Well, the way I see it there are three possibilities: 1.) You put the heart in my pants. 2.) You put the heart in my pants. OR 3.) You put the hearts in my pants!" Xemnas shouted as the screen fades to black.
-KH-SS-
Well, that's all guys! Y'know, to tell you the truth, when I was making the story, I started laughing because of the randomness in the castle. Anyway, if you have any Spongebob Squarepants and Kingdom Hearts parodies requests, feel free to ask me! Just PM or review!
See ya!