Unwanted Job
Thank you to Gina for the inspiration.
"Tank," Ranger said, "I need you tonight for a job. Be ready to suit up at 9:00."
"Dammit!" Tank thought. "Why the fuck does Ranger do this to me all the time? I get one night off a week to be with Lula and he has to pull this shit. I sure as hell hope it's not helping that idiot, Stephanie. You'da thought she'd've learned something by now!"
Tank took out his cell phone and punched the #1 button. Lula answered with a sexy "Hey there, stud. You all ready for tonight?" Tank closed his eyes, said a little prayer to himself, and answered Lula. "About tonight, sweetie, Ranger needs me for a job. I can't make it." He held his phone away from his ear to lessen the volume of Lula's verbal barrage. "Sweetie, I'll make it up to you like you know I can. I'll even bring the hot fudge, the good kind." More yelling could be heard from Tank's phone. "I know, I know, sweetie, I hear ya, but there's nothing I can do about it. It's my job. I'll ask him if I can take all of tomorrow off instead. I know and I will but right now I have to do this or face losing my job. Please understand. You know I'd rather be with you. Okay, thanks sweetie. If we get out early I'll be over."
After pocketing his phone Tank looked at the clock. 7:30. Shaking his head, he headed down to the gym to try and work off some of his frustration at Ranger. "Just 'cuz he can't get laid to save his life he don't want any of us getting any either!" Tank mumbled to himself as he changed into shorts and a tee shirt. As he put his gear into a locker he looked at the other Rangemen employees in the locker room and gave a little smile.
Whenever life gets you down,
keeps you wearing a frown,
and the gravy train has left you behind...
and when you're all out of hope,
down at the end of your rope,
and nobody's there to throw you a line...
Grunting with the effort of lifting weights Tank half listened to Lester go on and on about this new smoothie recipe he found. He way lying on the bench with Lester spotting him when he looked up at Lester. Tank gave a little smile.
If you ever get so low that you don't know which way to go
come on and take a walk in my shoes...
Never worry 'bout a thing got the world on a string
Cause I've got the cure for all of my blues.
After his workout Tank showered and headed up to the equipment room. Ranger, Cal, Hal and Lester were there ahead of him, all in various states of undress. As he joined them he gave a little smile.
I take a look at my enormous penis
and my troubles start melting away.
I take a look at my enormous penis
and the happy times are coming to stay.
As Tank finished gearing up Binkie came jogging in, apologizing for being late and making all kinds of excuses as he undressed. Ranger started in on him, and Tank gave a chuckle.
I gotta sing and I dance when I glance in my pants
and the feeling's like a sunshiney day...
I take a look at my enormous penis
and everything is going my way.
Ranger stopped ragging on Binkie and looked at Tank. "What's your problem?" Tank just shook his head and went back to lacing his boots. "Just thinking, Ranger. I sure hope we get to knock some heads tonight. I'm in the mood to smash something."
I take a look at my enormous penis
and my troubles start melting away.
I take a look at my enormous penis
and the happy times are coming to stay.
Ranger just grunted, smacked Binkie upside the head and left the room, the others following. Tank was last out, closing the door, whistling as he went. Ranger turned again to Tank. "Cut it. Now."
"Sure, sorry. Hey, I was wondering. This is supposed to be my night off…" Ranger gave him a look. "Yeah, well, anyway, would it be okay if I take all of tomorrow off instead?"
Ranger narrowed his eyes, staring hard at Tank, trying to find something in Tank's blank expression. "If the job is successful then yes. If not you'll be working overtime until it's done." Tank gave a noncommittal grunt, thinking to himself, "Sure thing, Pencil dick." It was all he could do to keep from laughing out loud.
Yeah I got great big amounts
in the place where it counts
and the feeling's like a sunshiney day...
I take a look at my enormous penis
and everything is going my way.
At 2:00 a.m. the job was over, paperwork completed, gear turned in, Tank headed over to Lula's. His cell phone was on vibrate and forgotten in his jacket pocket. A jar of New Jersey's best hot fudge was in his hand. He took his key, opened Lula's door, quietly made his way to her bedroom and stopped at the open door. There she was, in all her glorious Lula'ness. A real smile broke out as he flipped on the light and boomed out, "Honey, I'm home!"
Everything is going my way...
Everything is going my way...
Everything is going my way...
Based on the song "Enormous Penis" by DaVinci's Notebook. I'm making no money by borrowing it for some light fun..