"You are a strange person, Bruce," Diana shakes her head, causing said Wayne to look over with his eyebrows raised.
"How? All I said was that they aren't my kids."
Diana gives him a look…that Bruce should probably classify as a Look, because she rolls her eyes immediately after at his confusion.
"Your problem is, Bruce, is that you do not see past blood. Damian is your son by blood, yes?"
"Yeah, but that's not really something we talk about."
"Yet he lives here, nonetheless," Diana motions over to where Tim and Jason are racing on the grass with Damian and Dick piggy-backing. Cass and Steph are trying to figure out how to keep Barbara up when she can't use her legs to hold on. "They act like siblings and you treat them you're your own children."
"What do you know of parenting?" Bruce mutters, sitting further back in his deck-chair. He looks over after a long few seconds of silence, sitting up again as he sees Diana's face – distraught and thoroughly pained. "Diana?"
"My daughter is lost to me. You are lucky to have so many that would gladly call you father."
"What was her name?" Bruce asks gently, watching his friend with softer eyes. Diana glances over, lip twitching upwards in the facsimile of a smile.
"While you are my friend, I have only trusted her true name to my Artemis and I will keep it that way, unless she seeks me out."
"Oh, alright then." Bruce watches Diana for a long moment, frowning briefly. "How old is she?"
Diana glances at him, shaking her head with a small smile. "Nothing between us ever came to fruition, Bruce. My daughter was born some ten years after we last were together in such a manner."
"Right, nice to know – I thought you were going to not say anything and leave me panicking."
Diana gives a little laugh, shaking her head again. "I would not be so torturous, friend."
"Yes, you would," Bruce leans back on his deck-chair again, watching Steph and Cass just start swinging Barbara in a banana swing. "Hey! Be careful with mini commissioner!"
Later that week, Bruce is patrolling as Batman, cursing himself as he listens on to Jason and Tim's bickering. With Alfred on a trip away, there had been no-one to make sure, for certain, that the boys had their packed midnight snack-boxes.
"Would you guys give it a rest?" He growls into the receiver, getting a rude reply from Jason and an equally as snarky one from Tim. "I mean it. If you guys don't shut it, I'm banning you from the Batcave."
"Aw, come on, we're not that bad-"
"It's all Tim's fault!"
"Shut it!" Bruce switches to the police-radio, tuning out his protégé's complaining as a call comes in for a Killer Croc sighting. Grumbling again, Bruce calls out to Tim and Jason – to Red Robin and Nightwing – ordering them to see to it that the police re-arrested Croc and to help if needed. As they leave, another call comes out for an explosion in the east warehouses plus a Joker sighting and Bruce immediately puts out an alert to Barbara back at the Batcave, who replies steadily.
"Oracle speaking. Spoiler and Batgirl are on their way. Rendezvous at the exploded warehouse. Batman, copy."
"Copied. Spoiler and Batgirl to rendezvous at the warehouse. Red Robin and Nightwing going north to apprehend Killer Croc. Batman, over and out."
"Copied. Oracle, over and out."
The Joker turns out to have hired Killer Croc as a distraction, but Nightwing and Red Robin find their way to the warehouses in short notice. They get the Joker, for a minute, before the Riddler catches their attention from above, giving Harley Quinn the needed distraction to knock her infamous baseball bat on Tim's knuckles, forcing him to release the Joker and letting them escape as the Riddler calls forth some of the Joker's goons, disappearing himself.
"That was a waste," Tim says later, grumpy and rubbing at his abused hands.
"I keep telling you to get some proper armour," Bruce sighs, getting some ice out of the fridge for them all, chucking Tim one first. Appeased, the boy sits, quickly becoming joined by the rest of the Bat team, Barbara wheeling up from the cave to see to Cassandra, who would have snuck back out to continue patrol otherwise. Counting heads, Bruce finds himself having to count again as he sees Alfred attending to a stranger in earmuffs.
"Hello?"
"Good morning, Master Bruce," Alfred greets calmly. "This young lady will be staying with us until she gains the appropriate sense of self to tell me who she is and take herself home."
"And…who is this?" Bruce questions, slightly nonplussed – and concussed.
"She has not told me and has not been able to be ID'd. Using my considerable credentials as your butler, I took her into my temporary custody."
"What happened to her?" Steph asks, frowning as the woman flinches. "Hello?"
"I would advise lowering your voice, Miss Stephanie. Her hearing is quite sensitive at the moment."
"Oh, sorry," Steph lowers her voice considerably, the woman shrugging slightly, looking to her hands, shuddering. Alfred rubs her back slowly.
"Breathe…in and out now. In…out…in…out…"
The woman copies Alfred's breathing, doing as he says. Bruce shuts the freezer, finally, holding an icebag to his head.
"No ID? None at all?"
"No, I'm afraid," Alfred murmurs. "Master Jason, if you could retrieve a breakfast cereal from the cupboard behind you, it would be much appreciated." Jason does as Alfred says – everybody does as Alfred says – and hands it over, Alfred immediately offering the dry frosted flakes to the woman, who accepts them with a nod, quickly beginning to snack on them.
"She's welcome to stay in a guest bedroom," Bruce says plainly.
"I was more thinking one of the soundproof rooms, actually, Master Bruce," Alfred replies candidly. "Sensory issues aside, this family's antics could make an average person an insomniac."
"You're in charge," Bruce raises an eyebrow at them both, but if Alfred feels as if they can trust this absolute stranger above the second floor, well, Alfred isn't Alfred for nothing. Bruce is aware that his butler has always been more than he seems. "Is there any chance we can get a name before you retreat to a silent room, then?" He looks directly at the stranger, who swallows her cereal and breathes in. He watches as she visibly tries to speak, the frustration on her face at the lack of sound intimately familiar. "Do you sign?" he questions, repeating it in ASL.
Almost immediately, she begins to sign. 'Yes. I can use sign language. My name is A-L-U-R-A.'
"Al-uh-rah or A-lu-rah?" Bruce asks.
'The second' she signs.
"A-lu-rah?"
'Yes. A-L-U-R-A, I-N-Z-E.'
"A-lu-rah Inzz?"
'No. Like a' she pauses, 'like the insect'.
"A-lu-rah In-ze?"
'Yes'.
"Awesome. Kids, meet Alura In-Ze. She'll be staying with us until she wants to leave."
The teens all greet her with quiet voices, some waving. Alura gives them a short smile before pointing clearly, that didn't need sign language to be translated.
"Stephanie. Or Steph. Or Spoiler."
"Jason Todd. Nightwing."
"Tim. Red Robin when I'm in superhero getup."
"Cassandra Cain, but I like to be called Cass, otherwise known as Batgirl."
"Barbara Gordon – Oracle and these guys' communications wizard."
"And I'm Bruce," Bruce holds out his hand, Alura shaking it firmly, "Bruce Wayne. Batman." A crash upstairs alerts him to Diana once again breaking the alarm-clock and the side-table. "That is Diana, Princess of Themyscira. She's not from around here, in the sense that she's an alien whose home planet is actually Earth, in reality, but she's an Amazon, not a human. Super-strength leads to a lot of bills."
To his surprise, Alura smiles, shaking her head at that, signing. 'I know about that very well.'
"We've also got two other kids that are at their friends' houses on sleepovers, Damian and Dick, who are Batboy and Robin respectively-"
"Ms In-Ze," Alfred interrupts, "I am aware you did not sleep much during our drive overnight. Would you like me to lead you to the room that you will be staying in?" Alura nods, taking Alfred's hand before standing slowly, obviously quite shaky as she makes her way out of the kitchen. Steph leans back in her chair to watch her go, before looking to Bruce.
"She had no trouble hearing anyone through those ear-muffs."
Bruce nods once.
He sees Alura again the next afternoon, once everyone but Diana has slept the morning away. She's curled up on a sofa in the school lounge like a cat, staring at a fire blazing in the hearth. She still wears ear-muffs, but she lacks a jumper, left in a tank-top with her arms rubbing against the tough decorations on the cushions.
"Are you autistic?" Cassandra asks bluntly, to Bruce's slight horror as she stops beside him, eating ice-cream straight from the pot. Alura glances at her though, eyeing her with interest before making a negligible motion with her hand and looking back to the fireplace. Cassandra eats more ice-cream. "Are you enhanced?"
To Bruce's surprise, she lifts a book from where it's hidden under a cushion, holding it up so they can see the title. Bruce peers. The Martian Child, David Gerrold.
"You're an alien?" Cassandra questions, sounding honestly surprised. "Are you from Mars?" Alura gets up from the sofa, shaking her head and heading over to where Damian's chemistry table of elements is pinned to a wall. She taps Kr, 36. "Krypton. Is that the name of your planet?"
A nod and then- then she disappears, speeding out of the room so fast she's a blur. Bruce stiffens, before Cassandra squawks and he looks to see her ice-cream gone, spoon and all.
"That- that's mean! That's my ice-cream! ALURA!" Cassandra yells, twisting around and stomping into the hallway. "GIVE ME BACK MY ICE-CREAM! NOW!"
It's slightly absurd to Bruce. So his new house-guest is an alien – not new, considering Diana – but an alien who steals ice-cream? Diana never did that – she just destroyed all his side-tables and alarm-clocks.
Alura continues to introduce far more weirdness into his life by making a series of pot-noodles in the kitchen, lining them up half a foot from the edge of the bench, in perfect symmetry. She then proceeds to hand them out, curling up around her own in a corner.
"Uh…why the pot-noodles?" Bruce asks, holding his own delicately. Jason and Dick – who returned while they were asleep – are eating theirs without complaint at the island table, but Steph is eyeing hers with distaste.
'Comfort food' she signs, before getting up and leaving. Bruce looks to Alfred helplessly, who is eating his own pot-noodle graciously.
"Have we tracked down any relatives? Anyone who knows her?"
Alfred finishes his mouthful. "It seems that Miss In-Ze is indeed a Judge – from France. In an auspicious turn of events, it seems that her home was burned down in what seems to be a kitchen fire, however certain communicative items destroyed prior to the blaze would suggest an altercation or potential hostage situation. The fact that the fire was still blazing when I found Miss In-Ze in Gotham City also suggests fast travel unlike that which the average human is capable. I would advise, perhaps, consulting Lady Diana, if it turns out her appearance here in the United States is not through human means and measures."
"Wow," Jason states, finishing his pot-noodle. "This Alura lady's got some baggage, not including the pot-noodle stuff."
"Indeed, Master Jason."
Bruce thinks the situation over, remembering how she claimed to be an alien, frowning deeply. "She implied she has strength problems. Maybe she's enhanced-"
"Maybe she's a bad guy," Tim interrupts sagely, getting a swift whack over the head from Steph. "Hey!"
"Don't assume things you don't know. She could be running away from whoever made her enhanced."
"Or maybe, Lady Alura is not of this world," Diana's familiar voice washes over them. Bruce turns to see her, elbow-to-elbow with Alura, who is using some form of sign language that Bruce is in no way familiar with. "She is using Universal Palmer-Dorsal Limb Language to speak to me, as it would be translated into Earth-English, Bruce."
"You're too observant," he says shortly, before looking to Alura. "So you're…actually an alien?"
"Yes, she is – of Krypton, even. It is a world long lost and using an escape pod, Alura found herself on Earth, several decades after her planet's destruction. She has family in…" Diana briefly looks to Alura, who goes through a quick-paced series of motions with her fingers. "National City. Her daughter, Kara, lives there with her-" Diana's face twists in confusion. "I beg your pardon, but I do not understand."
Alura purses her lips before looking to Bruce, signing, 'Soulmate'.
"Ah, I see – she means soulmate, Diana," Bruce translates, shaking his head at the absurdity of their conversation before placing his pot-noodle down, picking up the kitchen's landline. "Do you have a phone number?"
Holding it out, Bruce watches Alura take the phone gently, dialling a long number, turning away from the kitchen, taking Diana's hand tightly. Bruce follows them, plainly curious.
She calls the number on speaker. It rings for a while, before picking up. "This is Major Lane. Hello? Who is this?" Bruce raises an eyebrow, finding it hard to believe Alura's – most likely alien – daughter would be able to get into the military without alerting health officials.
"Major Lane, this is Diana Prince," Diana begins, "I'm calling because an Alura-"
"Alura? Oh my god, Alura, are you okay? You weren't picking up and then the French police called me asking who lived in your house which has burned down-"
"Major Lane, Alura cannot speak right now," Diana interrupts, pausing before taking the phone so Alura can sign to her properly. "She is using sign language to communicate and is asking me to tell you that she apologises for lying."
"No, it's fine and we'll sort that out later. Alura – that shit doesn't matter right now. I just needed to know you're okay. You need to alert authorities that you're alive and not dead in a gutter somewhere. All your phones were smashed before the fire got to them. They think- they think you were kidnapped or something, so you could be used as hostage. You're a judge and you get paid a lot – it's not an unlikely situation."
"Alura would like me to tell you that she is fine-"
Bruce has to intervene at this point as Alfred clears his throat, "Sorry to interrupt, Diana, Alura. Major Lane, we can't tell the authorities that she's alive yet."
"Why the hell not?"
"Because if you had been paying attention to the number calling you, you'd realise it's American, not French," Bruce replies. "Ms In-Ze was found in Gotham City several hours before her house-fire was put out. That means she somehow traversed two nations borders within a period of three hours and got half-way across America to have a meltdown in an alleyway, where my butler found her." At that, Bruce reaches over, pausing the conversation to keep Major Lane from hearing. "Miss In-Ze, does this Major Lane know you're…an alien? Are we allowed to speak to her regarding that?"
Alura flinches, before signing in ASL. 'No, she doesn't know. You may tell her.'
"Okay, good." Bruce unpauses the phone. "Apologies for the silence, Major."
"Right, yeah, that wasn't nice. I'm freaked out over my soulmate enough." Bruce blinks, thoroughly eyebrowed out.
"Soulmate. Great. Wasn't expecting that. So, Miss In-Ze tells us you don't know her deepest, darkest secret."
"What?"
Diana intervenes. "Major Lane, Lady In-Ze is from off-planet. She is what you humans call 'an alien'."
There is a long silence, before Major Lane curses loudly over the phone in Arabic. Steph coughs violently while Bruce snorts, everyone else – minus Alura, Diana and Alfred – looking either confused or vaguely uncomfortable at not knowing what was said.
"Alura, this is the kind of thing you mention before lying and saying you're colour-blind."
Diana looks to Alura, who signs frantically. "Alura apologises again and says that she had no way to explain to a human she had just met that she had always seen colour, because she is an off-worlder. She apologises again…thrice, with emphasis."
"Dammit Alura. Just…we'll talk later, okay? We need to figure out what to do. But first, please tell me how you got to- Gotham?"
"Flying," comes the first word out of Alura's mouth Bruce has ever heard. Alura immediately loses all tension in her shoulders, laughing. "Finally."
"She speaks," Major Lane says, sounding relieved. "And flying…were you trying to fly to me? Did you get lost, soulmate?"
Alura half-cries, half-laughs, hands holding her ear-muffs on tightly. "Yes, my Lucy, yes, I was flying to you and I did get lost. I was very upset indeed."
"But you're okay now."
"Somewhat. Everything is still too loud, including my own voice." Alura winces at her own words, squeezing her eyes shut. "Lucy?"
"Yes, Alura?"
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Everything about you, when we first met, it- it reminded me of Astra. Both of you are military, both of you had the same posture and mannerisms – or lack of mannerisms. You yourself were – are, beautiful. So beautiful. I wasn't thinking straight."
"Not to interrupt," Bruce interrupts, "but maybe we could figure out a plan. Personally, I don't think Alura is up to much more than this conversation, let alone flying across half a continent and then the Atlantic. I can get her to France again without alerting authorities, but once she's there, I can't stay. Only the Queen of England can get away with that kind of behaviour. Fun fact: she doesn't need a passport."
"Cool fun fact, but you just stopped my soulmate from giving a heartfelt apology. Who are you, again?"
Bruce's lip twitches, "Don't tell anyone, but I'm Bruce Wayne."
A slight pause, "Alright. Know I'll be holding this against you, though. My sister's done a couple of articles on you before."
"Your sister-" and of course, this is when Bruce stupidly realises that he's just told Lois Lane's sister he can sneak someone across the border. "Ah."
"Yes. Ah. I'm catching a flight to Paris immediately. Get Alura to France again. Alura?"
"Yes, my love?" Alura answers.
"I'll meet you in Paris, okay? Phone my cell tomorrow and tell me where you are."
"Yes, Lucy."
"Okay. I love you."
Alura sucks in a breath, putting a hand to her mouth. "I- I love you as well, my Lucy."
"I love you more. Ciao, babe." Major Lane hangs up, Alura immediately leaning into Diana, who smiles softly.
"Your soulmate is amusing, Lady Alura."
"I know. She's always telling me shocking things when I least expect them."
Bruce just wonders if his own soulmate will be as surprising.