Born to Be Feared

Gamora was still sharpening her knives, her back facing her door which was slightly open. Despite the fact that it was 5 a.m. she still hadn't managed to sleep for the night. She couldn't close her eyes, thinking that her "sister" was somewhere out there. Preparing her next move in order to destroy the recent form of serenity that she had finally found.

The Guardians may not have been her family by blood, but she certainly felt that they were here for her. Even Drax. She couldn't blame him though. He was blinded by his thirst for revenge. And he was right. After all, she had worked for Ronan and Thanos before him. She believed that she deserved the treatment she had received from him in prison. She knew that she would certainly be dead now if it weren't for Quill. She hadn't even put up a real resistance when Drax had attacked her with that knife. She had decided that she deserved everything that she got. All of the things that these people had charged her with, were true. She deserved it. But then Peter had come to support her, saying how she had betrayed Ronan. How she was on the good side now. But was she? If anything he seemed to believe that more than her.

The light in her bunker was lit, creating a thin line crossing the narrow hallway just outside the room. Her eyes were wide open, her body was in its best shape and she didn't feel tired at all. Physically. Mentally… that was another issue. Her temples hurt so bad. She had tried to calm down by gently rubbing them with her fingers but it was no use. Her mind just seemed to be crumbled with thoughts. The knives were creating this so familiar noise that she had grown to not only get used to, but also loved to hear.

Peter Quill had one of those nights. He had a dream again. Those nights were the worst. They were the ones when he felt the most helpless, his soul unrest. But it wasn't just a dream. He always thought that it was just a mixture of pictures and scenes running so fast before his eyes. In the morning he usually didn't remember anything clearly. There was only one thing he could remember but he always chose to leave that image aside and just focus on whatever challenges he had to face for that day. Then he would become himself again. At first, this wasn't his real self. Not the real Peter.

At first it was just a game he played. He created a persona and he named him Star-Lord. Star-Lord was all Peter wished to become when he was little. Star-Lord was not someone to look up to. But at least he was brave and fearless. Someone that 9-year-old Peter needed in his life. When Yondu had taken him, he pushed him to his limits. He almost broke that time. Until he found Star-Lord. A person who would do whatever he liked, a person who would not take orders from anyone. A person who would be tough and dangerous enough to handle any threat that could possibly come his way. Someone that Yondu and the other Ravagers would fear.

When he was awake he was Star-Lord. He was the person that he wanted to become when he was little. The person that had helped him survive. The only thing that had bothered him his entire life was that while he always seemed to be accessible and sociable, he never really let people come too close to him. The real him. But that was only when he was awake.

When he was asleep the rules were bent. He wasn't Star-Lord anymore. He was just Peter. And he wasn't always brave and fearless. Sometimes he was scared and insecure. But he thought that things would have changed now that he finally had friends. Friends who had accepted Peter. The real Peter. And they had welcomed him in their lives. Because they could understand. They were like him.

Peter suddenly opened his eyes and sat up on his bed. It wasn't very dark in his room because he would always leave a light on. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at the clock. 5:03 am. He could feel the sweat on the back of his shirt so he decided to change. In the quiet of the night he could hear the sound of knives being sharpened. He guessed that someone in his crew was not asleep. Probably Drax. He had caught him sharpening his knives before at night. But that was before Ronan. Peter believed that after the Accuser's death, he would have finally found some peace. Peter walked slowly towards his bunker's door, turned the handle and popped his head out. He was surprised to find out a straight beam of light coming from Gamora's room instead of Drax's.

He narrowed his eyebrows in curiosity and stepped out towards the room. He would have knocked on her door but he hesitated for a moment. He could see her from the opening. Her back was facing the door. Sitting on a chair right in front of her desk. Her hair were falling a few inches below her shoulders in soft curls. She was wearing a simple black T-Shirt and black shorts. Peter couldn't see the look on her face from where he stood but he could imagine it. She had seen her so many times with that confident, focused look of hers. Sometimes when they were sitting all together he just wanted them all gone but her. He didn't mind the fact that she wasn't looking at him. He kind of preferred it. All he wanted to do was to just sit there and look at her face forever. Only, he couldn't do that. She would always notice his gaze and he would always look away as fast as possible.

"You know you can come in if you want to. It's your ship anyway.", Gamora's voice was soft but steady. Her back still facing his direction. Peter chose to remain completely silent. He even held his breath. He knew that this was a stupid thing to do but it was the only thing he could think of at the moment.

"Seriously Peter?", she asked as she was turning to face him still holding her knives. Peter immediately changed his method. He just exhaled and opened the door. Once he got inside, he closed it behind him silently trying not to wake the others.

He scratched the back of his neck asking her how she had known that it was him.

"Easy. Your feet make so much noise when you try to be quiet. Plus, I heard your door opening.", she explained.

"My feet? Wha-", he said a little louder than he expected so Gamora cut him off.

"Shh!", she had already stood up and pressed her index finger on Peter's lips to keep him quiet. Peter could already feel his heart racing so he pulled away and sat on her bed.

"Okay, okay. I'll shut up!", he whispered nervously. Now he had stretched the rest of his body, his head touching the wall. Gamora had began to get back to work when he interrupted her.

"So why aren't you sleeping anyway?", he asked. His voice was now a bit louder than a whisper.

"I could be asking you the same thing.", she simply retorted.

"What can I say? I must have felt that my presence was needed.", he replied giving her a cocky smile.

She stopped and turned to face him once again. "Why do you always have to say things like that?", she said laughing. "Cheapen the moment?"

"Well, I didn't know we were having a moment", he smiled once again showing his teeth.

"Ugh, you know what I mean." She paused then said. "I just could not possibly sleep tonight."

"Why? Did anything happen?" The look on his face showed real concern.

"Nebula."

"What about her?"

"I am worried that she might pose a more serious threat this time."

"I'm sure she can't be anything that the Guardians of the Galaxy can't handle", he said smiling. That last comment made the corners of her mouth lift up. She sat on her bed beside him. Both their heads were now touching the wall and she looked at him in the eye. Peter felt like she was looking right through his soul. They were both silent for a moment.

"I find it peculiar", she finally exclaimed.

"What?"

"It's like you are two people at the same time. I don't understand how you can be so funny and goofy at once and then suddenly become so serious. I just don't understand that."

"I am serious when the situation demands me to be.", he said. He lifted his hand and stroked Gamora's hair. It was a moment of impulse and once he realized what he had done it was too late. His end was near. Gamora would kill him. Except she didn't.

She was just lying there and closed her eyes at his touch. He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and he couldn't help but admire how beautiful she was. Should I tell her?, he thought. His breathing was heavier now and his entire chest was lifting. His heart felt like it was going to explode. He just hoped that she wouldn't be able to tell.

"You're so beautiful.", he whispered.

Gamora's eyes were suddenly open. "What did you say?", she asked as she grabbed his hand to stop him from stroking her hair some more.

This is it. This is the moment, Peter thought. Either I tell her and maybe die, or I don't and maybe I'll regret it my whole life. "You're beautiful.", Peter said. Gamora's lips twitched. "And", he took a deep breath, "I think that I might be in love with you". Now he exhaled and looked at her. Her expression was neutral and she was just staring at him.

"Uhm.. Gamora?", he said but her expression remained the same. Now he was waving his hand in front of her face. "Gamora?", he asked again and she suddenly seemed to be snapping back to reality.

"Ah… yes, yes.", she just said trying to avoid his look.

"What's that supposed to mean?", he asked her confused.

"Yes, yes.", she said again as she sat up on the bed. Her mind seemed to be drifting somewhere else.

"Gamora?", he asked while he sat up as well and touched her shoulder gently. "Did you hear what I just said?". He didn't sound irritated. Just very worried.

"Yes.", she replied now looking at him straight in the eyes. "I heard you", she hesitated, "but I'm not sure as to how I am supposed to process this information."

"Listen to me, you don't have to do anything you wouldn't want to. I'm not forcing you into anything. I just wanted you to know how I feel. I couldn't live with that burden anymore. And honestly I feel so much better now that I've admitted that I love you."

"You love me?", she asked confused. "How can you love me? I've done so many horrible things.", she stopped talking now and simply looked at her hands. "I am a murderer Peter. I was not born to be loved. I was born to be feared."

"Well, then you'll be glad to know that I was scared shitless to tell you."

Gamora laughed and Peter's heart tumbled in his chest. She reached for his hand then asked "Is it normal for a Terran, to have such a strong and fast pulse?"

"Uhm..", Peter's cheeks were red now, "actually no."

"Then we must get you to a doctor immediately, I'll wake the others up, we have to go to Xandar-", she was standing up but Peter pulled her arm so she sat back to bed.

"Don't worry, you don't have to do anything. It's happened to me before. In fact it happens every time I see you, every time we touch, every time we're in the same room and I know that you breathe the same air as me."

"What do you mean?", she asked.

"Let's just say that it's a symptom. On Earth this is what happens when a person sees someone they care about."

"Does this happen when you see Groot too?"

"What? No-"

"I thought you cared about him.", Gamora cut him off and crossed her arms in front of her.

"I do care about Groot bu-"

"And Rocket?"

"Yes! Bu-", Gamora was ready to interrupt once again but Peter noticed and said "And Drax!"

Gamora's mouth closed. But Peter continued. "I care about them. Ofcourse. But I'm not in love with them, Gamora. I'm in love with you." He stroked her cheek with his thumb.

"Please say something. At least tell me what you think because my hands are all sweaty and I'm so nervous now that I've opened up all my cards to you."

"Your cards?"

"Now that you basically know all my secrets!", Peter said sounding frustrated. His back was crouched and he was just staring at his hands which were hanging at the space between his legs.

Gamora placed her hand gently on his cheek and she turned him to face her. He only gave her a sad look, thinking that this whole thing was pointless. He had just ruined his entire friendship with Gamora for nothing. She could have never seen him the way that he would like her to. How could he even have thought of that? He was about to look away when he felt her lips on his. It was a simple kiss and it lasted so little that he barely had time to react. And then it was over. Just like that. Peter was speechless. Gamora ended the silence.

"I have feelings for you too, Peter Quill." At that point, he just felt his breath stuck in his throat but he recovered quickly and hugged her from the waist bringing her closer to his body. He gently pressed his lips on hers trying to satisfy his whole being. He had never felt that thirst before in his life. And he was certain that no other lips would ever taste as sweet. He could feel her hands on the back of his neck stroking his blond hair while his own hands were wrapped tightly around her waist. Once he pulled away he could see her smile brightly and he thought of an old Terran poem:

And oh! Of all tortures

That torture the worst

Has abated- the terrible

Torture of thirst

For the naphthaline river

Of Passion accurst:-

I have drunk of a water

That quenches all thirst.