I do not own Ergo Proxy.
Ref. "Amazing Grace" and "Krapp's Last Tape"
bold: quotes
italics – thoughts
divider – changing POVs.
Hope this riddle is understandable!
This Is Goodbye
I was blind but now I see.
Misconceptions blind us all. The cutting edge of our shattered memories which we hold tightly in our bloody sliced hands. It's a broken mirror of identity.
What do we all think? I wonder.
-real-
Let me in.
"Vince!" I cry, reaching out to grab his hand – in vain.
I guess I am no savior – and he passes by me, unstoppable – like an inevitable story. A movie. Record player.
I see this scene over and over and over in my head.
He passes me, I grab – I attempt.
"Vincent!"
I fail. Suddenly, my vision – already blurry from the high winds and bumpiness as I slip down the small walkway – is blocked. I cannot see.
It's Iggy.
"Iggy, what about Vincent?" I ask.
His eyes are blank discs, I wonder, if he had a face, would it show disapproval?
Is there something human in him - as he says, "What a stupid thing to do!"
But all I say is:
"Vincent!"
-vincent-
Perhaps my best years are gone. When there was a chance of happiness. But I wouldn't want them back.
I grip the bar tightly in my hand – unsure of everything but one thing. I cannot go back. No. I cannot – even though I don't know how far I will fall – I'm already dead. I am fallen.
But can she understand, that black-haired beauty with the violet eyes?
Can she see? What will she see? What does she see in me?
"Every day," I voice aloud to the wind – the earth – Romdeau – to the robots and humans who may be listening – to Pino – to HER – Real Mayer.
Please. Understand.
"... I tried to become an ideal citizen... I killed my own personality, and tried so hard to become one... anytime, anywhere."
But all she cries is my name.
My name? Who am I? I can't say. And this is that sad effect of trying everyday to be good, to be balanced, to stay pure – to – how did it end up like this?
"And that result, is this, huh? I'm a failure."
Even then, she doesn't understand. Her reasoning – her pleading: "Why? Listen! I'll talk to my grandfather! I promise the police won't touch you!"
Those misconceptions – those broken, misleading mirrors.
My mouth turns up in a bitter grin as I continue my solitary monologue – unheard. Our conversations stretching parallel and never meeting.
"Never doubting the system, and always following the rules. Those are the requirements for an ideal citizen."
She's crying, desperate to know a truth she can't see in the face. "Don't go!"
Am I any better though?
All I can say is, with a secretive grin: "Looks like I won't be able to become an ideal citizen in the end. Farewell..."
I'm pulling backwards, the wind's hands – arms – dragging me down – pulling me down further from heaven.
-raul-
Never knew such silence. The earth might be uninhabited.
What am I seeing?
I can't believe my own eyes. I don't know what to think. Well... there are the details. A closing door, a small child in a rabbit suit pulling a brown rucksack across the floor to the Outside.
Unthinkable.
Even more – the man – Vincent – standing there – reeling back with the weight of the wind.
His hair waving like a demon's mane – like those monsters that struck you down, beloved. Beloved and the child. The madonna and her baby.
Proxy... that mystery that took away the heaven in Romdeau – that balance.
The eternally stable clock which turns around and around and around...
But what is real? The invisible time turning in time with puppet dancers? We who are the puppets stuck in our never-ending cycles?
Except when something breaks...
Ergo Proxy. The demon who came and destroyed that peace. And Vincent the man who leads me to their heart.
Vincent – now disappearing behind closed doors – I grunt with exasperation.
"Why are you closing down?!" I turn to my silent robotic escort. "You must apprehend him!"
And that mechanical clock, inevitable time, speaks in the still inflections of voice: Kristeva.
The blank face – what does she see, I wonder? What does she think?
Can she see the desperation of a man on the edge of knowledge – avenging the past but afraid to move forward?
"Anymore exposure will endanger this whole area."
A voice of reason can see nothing, then. It is merely sound – a clashing symbol or a clanging gong. It isn't love or emotion. It is the balance and the twirl and the precise tune of the unchangeable existence.
I sigh – then – the young girl turns. It is no girl. Rather, this girl is no human. She is mine – was mine – and why – why -
I don't know what to say -
Pino.
"Vincent!"
Real Mayer still calls his name – when I cannot even reason with the last thing I loved. And there he goes – disappearing behind the doors. Those inevitable doors.
Inevitable doors – time – clock - unstoppable.
I can only stand there and watch.
-vincent-
But under us all moved, and moved us, gently, up and down, and from side to side.
Watching is what we do best. And I wonder – do we even see? - or do we walk through life with closed eyes? Unaware of the dark around us? And then, when the days are renewed – the light?
Open my eyes – to see the wonders of your word...
No.
I open my eyes, to let you in – what do you see, Real?
-real-
I asked... look at me and after a few moments – Pause – after a few moments, she did, but the eyes were just slits, because of the glare.
I see abnormal green. They are life. No. They are a mystery. Life is a mystery, after all.
All I can do is whisper, "That guy..."
-raul-
Never knew such silence.
Pino. Why? What do you find missing in me?
-vincent-
Steel shutters close.
Our visions cease.
Our revelation dies.
All I think is:
"Over. It's all... over."
I fall.
I am lost – will I be found?