1

Michael entered the kitchen after watching movies all morning on his day off. He hadn't seen anyone in his family venture out of bed yet and it was already eleven. He expected this from Jimmy and he wasn't even sure Tracey came home the night before, but this was unlike Amanda who always woke up at six in the morning because she had gotten into the habit years ago when she sent the kids off to school while he usually slept. He opened the refrigerator to make some bacon and eggs. To his disappointment, there was nothing. He grumbled in annoyance and couldn't remember a time since North Yankton that the fridge and cabinets had ever been bare. He scratched the back of his head and pondered where the food was; hadn't the maid done her job? Apparently not.

Michael climbed the stairs to his bedroom to ask Amanda if she had given the maid a day off or something. Needless to say, he wasn't happy. "All I want is eggs and bacon!" He said loud enough for the entire floor to hear.

He was surprised when Tracey opened the bathroom door with a towel on her head and another towel wrapped around her body. He wondered why she wasn't using her robe. Even though he had been married for over two decades and had a daughter, women were still a mystery to him. "Daddy, be quiet," Tracey scolded him as if he was a child. "Stop stomping around. Mom's not feeling good."

"Your mother's sick?" he queried and momentarily forgot why he came storming up the stairs.

"Duh. I came home and she looked like a complete mess. I sent her back up to bed."

"What's wrong with her? It isn't serious, is it?"

"No, I don't think so. Pretty sure she had a fever when I checked," Tracey explained.

"Oh geez…"

"See? And you were gonna just go storm in there ready to pick a fight weren't you?" Tracey asked him with a smirk on her face that was very similar to his own. Michael just shook his head feeling a bit bad for Amanda. Imagine if Tracey didn't stop him and he just stormed right in there? It wouldn't have been his best moment; he really didn't have a bunch of best moments now that he thought about it. Nevertheless, he was a family man now, or so he told himself, and he had to try and control his temper without his daughter's help.

"What were you doing getting home at like six in the morning then, huh?" Michael questioned as he tried to turn the tables.

"For your information," she said as she crossed her arms over her chest, "I got home at five. And that's none of your business."

"Tracey…" he said in a warning tone. "You live under my roof. I don't care if you're two or twenty two, I want to know where you are."

"Oh my God, pop, I was only at my friend's house. A female friend. We were studying and we fell asleep. I swear that's it."

"No porn, sex, or drugs?" he asked her.

"Nope. I'm actually telling the truth this time," she said, but not in a condescending tone that he expected. Instead, she gave him a small smile before walking past him into her bedroom. Michael smiled to himself. His daughter was definitely growing up and he was just so proud of her. He was proud of his son as well since he actually went out and got a part time job and began saving up for his own car. Jimmy had worked the night shift until one in the morning so Michael decided to let him sleep late into the day. At least the red head finally had a good reason to sleep half the day away. Speaking of his son, he watched Jimmy as he stumbled out of his room and mumbled something incoherently before heading into the bathroom.

Michael decided to check on Amanda and maybe get an answer as to why there wasn't any food in the house. Well, there was food, but it wasn't anything that anyone would ever eat such as canned beans. There was a bit of cereal left, but he wasn't a huge fan of that bran with the raisins in it that Tracey seemed to devour occasionally. What was that cereal even called again? He shook his head to clear his thoughts before entering the bedroom. He entered slowly and called out Amanda's name quietly. "What is it?" she mumbled, her face buried in her pillows. She turned towards him and he could most definitely tell that she was indeed sick. But even when she was sick, it usually didn't stop her. He figured this must be a really bad cold and he hoped that he didn't catch it. With his luck, though, he figured in two days he'd be in bed all day.

"Trace said you're sick so I wanted to see how you're doing," he said and sat down on the bed and put his hand on her back. He started to rub it soothingly because he figured that's what a good husband would do and went with it.

"Nice try. What do you want?" she asked him. Was he really this transparent? Could she really see right through him just like that?

"There's no food in the house," he decided to state bluntly. "The maid forgot to go get groceries. Or did you give her some time off?" She looked at him and an amused smile formed on her lips.

"I'd laugh, but I don't really feel like coughing. Michael, the maid cleans our house. That's it. She doesn't go grocery shopping," Amanda, despite her words, let out an amused laugh followed by a few coughs.

"Really?" Michael said, shocked. "So then who gets the food?"

"Who do you think?" she asked him.

"Is there a grocery shopper?"

"Me, Michael," she said. "I get the food usually every Wednesday morning. Do you even look at the credit card bills?" she asked him.

"Truthfully, no," he said. "I just sign the check. But really, you're the one who goes grocery shopping? I've never seen you come home with groceries."

"That's because I do it before you're even up," she pointed out.

"Will you be better by tomorrow?"

"Probably not," she replied. "Looks like you'll have to go shopping if you want food. If you can handle it, that is."

"I'll be fine," Michael said. "I can handle it."

"You actually have to wait in line and pay for it. Key word is pay."

"Don't worry, I got this!" he said to her. "You have a list?"

"I go by memory, so no," she said and sat up. Amanda grabbed her phone and began texting Michael a short list of things that they need. "I figure you can handle getting food, right? I'm only putting the basics."

"Yeah, yeah. I got this, Amanda," he assured her.

"I have my doubts, but I'll give you a chance," she said before laying back down. "Oh, and stay around the perimeter of the store as much as possible. The middle aisles have a ton of crap we don't need to eat."

"You sleep and don't worry about a thing!" Michael said. "I'll take Jim with me."

"You'll take me where with you?" Jimmy asked from the hallway.

"Grocery shopping," Michael said.

"But doesn't mom do that?" he questioned. Did everyone know that Amanda did the shopping except him? Was he that out of it for so long? Michael confirmed that he was going to do the shopping this week and told Jimmy to go get dressed. He left his room and shut the door before going down the stairs to get ready to go. Michael felt that he was indeed a real family man now!

2

When Franklin called Michael to ask him what he was doing that day, he didn't expect the answer that he was going to be grocery shopping with Jimmy as it was completely out of character. He explained that Amanda was sick and they didn't really have any food, so he decided to go instead. As he did, he invited Franklin to come along and he could hear Jimmy in the background practically begging him to come to make this trip bearable for him. Reluctantly, he did agree but thought it would be kind of funny to see Michael go shopping. In actuality, Franklin was pretty clueless since he usually just picked up things as he needed them and being a young man in his twenties, that usually just included beer, wine, and pizza. He himself usually ate out for every meal now that he could afford it.

Franklin decided to take a cab to the store since Michael said they'd go out once they bring the food back to his place.

Upon arriving at the store, he saw Michael and Jimmy waiting for him outside the store awkwardly. It was obvious they felt extremely out of place there. "Hey, Frank!" Jimmy said.

"Hey there, Jim. Hey, Mike."

"Ready to go in, F?" Michael asked.

"Yeah, cool. I've actually never been here before."

"I went here a few times when I was twelve. I used to go a lot back in North Yankton," Jimmy explained, shuddering at the memories of Amanda's power shopping. He had memories of her being incredibly stressed out and deciding which things were more important to buy and what they could do without. He remembered clearly that she always had to make room in the budget to make sure Michael had his beer and whiskey. Now though, he knew his mother didn't have these struggles and was happy for her in that aspect.

"Well, Jim, you have more experience than both of us," Michael pointed out. "What do we do first?"

"Ummm…shopping cart!" Jimmy said and pointed to all of them. Michael cracked his neck before walking over to them and grabbing one. Leave it to him to pick out one that had a wheel that shook and spun around as he pushed it.

"Okay, got a list?" Franklin asked.

"Yeah. Amanda sent me a text. First are fruits and vegetables. But what kind of fruits and what kind of vegetables?" Michael queried.

"Hey dad, is that Uncle T?"

"Shit," Michael cursed under his breath. With his luck, Jimmy shouted out to Trevor and approached him. It looked like he was with two of the strippers from The Vanilla Unicorn but they were dressed in what looked to be normal clothing. Of course, Trevor decided to come over with Jimmy and was completely beaming at seeing his friends there.

"Hey Mikey! Hey Frank!" Trevor exclaimed.

"Hey, T," Franklin greeted.

"What are you doing here?" Michael asked him. "Not that I'm not happy to see you. Just didn't think I'd bump into you here of all places."

"Ah, no hard feelings, M, I know what you mean. I'm here getting some stuff for the strip club. Ya know, I provide them with two full meals a day!"

"You're a fuckin' saint," Franklin laughed.

"You're fuckin' right I am!" Trevor replied. "I told those two to do the shopping this week so I can come hang with my pals. I heard Amanda's sick. Sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, well, let's just get this shopping trip over with," Michael replied and pushed the shopping cart towards the produce. Jimmy walked behind the three men and laughed to himself, quickly taking out his phone and taking a picture of them and sending it to Tracey. She sent back a message wishing him good luck with the three stooges. That had actually made him laugh out loud and he was glad the three men didn't hear him.

3

Jimmy watched his dad pick out some vegetables. He grabbed a bag of carrots, but avoided the broccoli which he knew his mother wouldn't be happy about. Jimmy got some lettuce and spinach leaves and threw it into the shopping cart knowing that his mother and sister liked that stuff. Michael grabbed some mushrooms and made a face at them. He would much rather look at them cooked rather than raw. They made their way to the fruit area where Trevor proceeded to pick up plantains and bananas and asking Franklin which one would be most suitable for Michael. Jimmy wasn't sure whether to be amused or disgusted at his father's friends trying to be funny.

Jimmy watched as his dad angrily snatched both of them and put them back. Without anybody looking, Jimmy grabbed the bananas and put them in the shopping cart because he knew Tracey liked banana smoothies. He and his sister had been getting along better now that he had a job and she was going back to school. It wasn't by all means a close sibling relationship, but it was something and they were able to tolerate one another again.

The twenty year old's face went red with embarrassment when he saw Trevor pick up two melons and tried to stick them up his shirt to simulate breasts. Perhaps he shouldn't have waved over to his favorite uncle and maybe he should have got up earlier and left the house before he could have been dragged into this. And why was Franklin laughing and Trevor? This was incredibly humiliating! And his dad, despite himself, was also roaring with laughter. Were they completely unaware of the women staring at them with disgust and disbelief?

Jimmy followed them out of the produce section and over towards the bakery where the bread was kept. "So, what kind of bread you want, Jim?" Michael asked. He seemed oblivious to the fruit Jimmy put in the cart such as apples, oranges, grapes, and strawberries. It wasn't like he was going to eat most of this, but he figured it would make his mom happy. And when his mom was happy, the household was generally happy.

"Doesn't matter," Jimmy replied. "How about these rolls though? That's what mom usually gets."

"Oh come on, live a little," Trevor rolled his eyes and grabbed a long piece of Italian bread.

"Okay…" Michael said. "That's done! Now meat…she says cold cuts but the deli line is long. I think I'll skip it."

"But then how are we gonna have sandwiches?" queried Jimmy.

"We'll get take out," Michael shrugged, failing to see the logic and led them over to the meat section.

"Holy shit, Mikey, get this!" Trevor laughed when he picked up a pork tenderloin.

"Dude, that looks like a fuckin' dick!" Franklin laughed.

"You can be like hey Amanda can you cook me up some whale dick?" Trevor laughed as if it was the funniest thing in the entire world. Jimmy had to admit it was pretty funny despite the lame joke and laughed himself. He could see his father was amused, especially when Trevor held it in front of his pants and flung it around. The four men were laughing hysterically at this point and Michael told Trevor to put the dick in the shopping cart. Michael then looked at the list and paled at the next item.

"What's wrong?" Franklin asked and grabbed his phone. "Shit, man, that's rough."

"What is it?" Jimmy asked.

"I have to buy…tampons and pads," Michael said, his face now red with embarrassment. Wordlessly, the four men made their way over to the aisle that listed feminine products as one of the items. They stood there unable to move as if the aisle contained some kind of poison that would kill them instantly. "So, who's it gonna be?"

"You. It's for your family," Franklin said quickly.

"Fuck you," Michael replied. "Okay, Jim, go grab some of that stuff and we'll meet you here."

"What? Screw that! I am so not going down that aisle."

"Oh, fuck, I'll just do it," Trevor stated and began walking. Of course since this was Trevor Philips, he yelled from half way down the aisle asking, "You think we could just get them some diapers and call it a day?"

"What? No, T! Amanda would kill me!"

"Okay. There's a lot of fucking choices," Trevor said. "Now, do we get light, regular, super, or super plus?"

"Umm…she didn't say," Michael said.

"I bet she expect you to know this," Franklin laughed.

"Jim, what does your sister use?"

"Fuck, I don't know!" Jimmy paled. He really didn't want to think about his sister and that time of the month.

"Uhhh…those things are messy, right? Just get a box of supers," Michael shouted.

"Okay. And how about applicators? They got plastic, cardboard, and none," Trevor said.

"What the fuck is an applicator?" Michael queried. The men shrugged and Trevor just got one without it and grabbed random pads. They quickly made their way out of that aisle and went down a snack aisle, one of which Amanda probably would want them to avoid as Michael and Jimmy proceeded to fill the cart with various amounts of chips, pretzels, popcorn, and cookies. At this point, Michael was avoiding the list and was throwing random junk into the shopping cart.

"Are we done?" Jimmy asked.

"I think so," Michael said as he viewed the mountain of food.

"Okay, good. Let's get in line," Franklin said and started leading them to check out. After waiting in line which seemed like forever which was really only five minutes, Jimmy began unloading the cart and put the contents on the counter. When it was all set and done, Michael swiped the credit card and didn't even question the amount as it really didn't matter anyway. He paid, got his receipt which he stuffed into a bag, and left with his crew.

"It's been great, but I think I'll be going," Trevor said. "I don't want to be there when Amanda finds out you bought the wrong crap."

"Yeah, thanks, T," Michael said. Jimmy climbed into the back seat and let Michael and Franklin put the food in the trunk. He almost wished he left with Trevor.

4

Tracey didn't even know what to think when she started unloading the groceries to put them away. There were only a small number of things that she would actually eat and she began to think that maybe she should have volunteered to go do her mom's usual job since it seemed that Michael and Jimmy couldn't really do this on their own. She had to admit, she had a feeling Jimmy was the one who put in the fruit and some vegetables at least and she was thankful for that. But all of that junk food that was currently sitting on the counter was disgusting and she felt her arteries clogging just looking at it. She was going to keep her comment to herself when she noticed that Michael picked out the biggest pack of toilet paper possible. Who needed to buy thirty rolls at a time? "You look scared," Amanda commented when she entered the kitchen in her bathrobe.

"Can you blame me? Look at this!" Tracey exclaimed. Amanda's eyes went wide when she saw how horrible of a job her husband managed to do.

"He got one thing of meat? What does he think we're going to eat? And where are the cold cuts? In fact, where are like eighty percent of the things I put on the list?" Amanda questioned as she stared at five bags of chips, three things of flavored pretzels, and a bunch of those little cakes, coffee cakes, and ice cream.

"Oh my God mom. Please tell me you didn't tell him to get these," Tracey said and held up the pads and tampons.

"I did," Amanda replied sheepishly. "But I was delirious. I thought he could handle it. And how could he not know what I've been buying for practically my entire life?"

"True. I'll give you that," Tracey replied. "But I'm not wearing these. I mean, ew, these don't even have applicators and these pads look like diapers."

"Yeah, we're just going to throw those out," Amanda said and placed them in the garbage. "And why would he get pork tenderloin? I've never cooked that in my entire life."

"It kind of looks like a…" Tracey trailed.

"A what?"

"Oh come on, mom. You were the biggest slut this summer. You know."

"Watch your mouth!"

"Oh my God, mom, it looks like a dick!"

"It would have to belong to a whale," Amanda replied.

"No," Tracey said and shook her head. "Whale dicks are like as big as us."

"I'm glad you're learning the important things in college," Amanda said.

"So next time you're sick, I do the shopping?"

"Yes please. I swear I can never get sick or else everything goes to shit."

"Well, I mean, you could be dad right now," Tracey smirked. "He never did get his eggs and bacon."

Just a quick one-shot I've been working on for a while now since school is consuming my life. Thanks for reading and possibly reviewing!