I think I've finally pinned it down. The reason you're never happy. Not truly. It's called "growing up," pet, and I know you think you've done your share of it, but killing—sorry, slaying—every demon stupid enough to cross you isn't quite the same thing. What you're in sore need of is emotional maturity.
Yeah, sounds strange coming from me, I'll admit....
All right, then, that's about enough....
I'll stand here 'til you laugh yourself unconscious, you know, so any time you're ready....
That's better. The thing is, you're all hung up on thinking everyone's going to leave you. Oh, don't try to play games with me. I've heard this song before. "Everbody leaves. You don't know how I feel. It's such a burden to be the Slayer. I wish they'd chosen someone else." Working backwards, then? They didn't; deal; because I'm a vampire, not a bloody mind reader; and of course they do.
Didn't expect that one, did you, Slayer? Thought I'd try to reassure you with some nonsense about how I'll never leave you, or how even if I did "I'll be riiiiight here." But that's not the truth, and all this pussyfooting around about it has got to stop. You're right. Everybody leaves. That's the way it is. That's life, pet. Well, and "unlife"…or whatever you'd call whatever it is I'm in. The phrase "hell on earth" comes to mind....
Fine. Walk away. You're good at that. You can drive a horde of demons to the ground, but you always leave the room when things get really interesting. No, you don't have to listen to me. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You're the Slayer! Well, big whoop. Shall we all practice our curtseys? All I'm saying is that for someone who complains every time anyone else leaves, you're awfully good at it yourself.
Of course someone might get hurt because of you. That's life, too, you know. It's not something people come through unscathed, life. And you haven't exactly cornered the market on pain, either. No, I'm not just talking about me. Look around, Slayer! Past your family, past your friends, past your little trainees…yeah, even past me, wherever I bloody well fit in. Turn on the telly every once in a while and try to tell me pain is something exclusive to you. You've just raised it to a sodding art form, is all.
Everybody leaves. One way or another, they all leave, even if all they're trying to do is stay. Life doesn't ask you for your opinion.
"Life is a river, its twists and turns
Leading on to some other place,
Leading me far from you, my love,
Though we may cling in close embrace."
Yeah. A really bad poet once wrote that. A long time ago.
You can leave without taking a step, luv. It takes all our running just to stay in one place.
What? Just because I'm a big bad vampire, I can't toss any literary references into my conversation? Or just not from Alice in Wonderland?
Yeah, now that I think about it, it does kinda take the edge off, doesn't it?
Go ahead, Slayer. Keep on laughing.